Chapter 18
18
S o what do we think?” Cass asks, raising his eyebrows at his two best friends across the living room.
Ez and Obie grimace back. Cass winces. No matter how confident he acted for Desi’s and JJ’s sakes yesterday, he isn’t one hundred percent sure that “Mr. Micah” is really trustworthy?—or that he and Gregorio will actually cover for Cass.
“It’s a tricky situation,” Obie admits quietly. His eyes are fixed on the wall just behind Cass, like he’s remembering something from long ago. “Micah Devereux is a fairly young demon?—barely older than two centuries?—and I always consider that a risk factor for general stupidity.”
Ez’s eyes narrow. “Cass and I aren’t much older than him, Obie.”
“And I consider you two to be at risk for general stupidity,” Obie says bluntly, and he steamrolls on before she or Cass can protest. “But he specifically said he was going to tell Gregorio, right? That they don’t keep secrets from each other?”
Cass nods grimly. “Yep. So that’s two more people who officially know about Desi?—and that I’m in cahoots with a hunter to raise her. Micah swore he wouldn’t tell anyone besides Gregorio, but…” He trails off. “What are you thinking?”
“I think,” Obie says, “that Gregorio is almost three thousand years old?—he was there when Julius Caesar burned the ships at Alexandria. I’ve known him for most of those three thousand years, and he’s always been steady. Stable. Risk averse, even. I can’t see him letting Micah do anything too dangerous.”
“It’s still suspicious, though,” Ez says. “What’d he say to you, Cass? That he’ll need you to ‘trust him’ when the situation arises? I don’t like the sound of that at all. Hell, I almost wish he’d just tried to blackmail you. At least you’d know where you stand.”
Cass slumps back in his seat, sighing. “Yeah. Up until yesterday, I considered Micah and Gregorio to be friends?—we weren’t very close, obviously, but we could generally count on each other. Now, though?” He grimaces. “They were perfectly content to get me those new identity packages without documenting them, even though that could get them fired from the Chain. So I want to think they’re on our side, but…”
Obie picks up where Cass left off. “But how much are they on our side? Are they genuinely trying to help you, or are they just looking out for their own interests?”
Ez scowls down at her hands. “I hate psychoanalyzing our friends like this. I’d like to think that demons can trust each other, but…”
This time, the silence lingers. They all know that some demons are pure evil at heart?—the ones who committed the Jackson–Locke murders among them?—and some are self-serving enough to sell out their own brethren to the Sanctum.
Trust is hard to come by these days. In fact, the only people Cass truly trusts outside of this room would be Maggie Khan?—they’ve fought enough wars together for him to know her true colors?—and??—
Well. His other trustworthy person would actually be Julian Jackson. But he’s actively trying not to think about that. “And it’s the worst possible time to doubt our friends’ loyalties, too,” Cass adds, unease churning through him. “Summoners are coming to Redwater in droves, the Sanctum is getting bolder, the Chain is up to their usual machinations. And don’t even get me started on Jackson.”
The last sentence slips out without Cass meaning to say it, and he knows it was a mistake the moment Ez and Obie sit bolt upright in their chairs. “What?” Ez demands, leaning forward. “What’s going on with the hunter?”
“Nothing,” Cass says defensively, resisting the urge to fidget. “He’s just?—he’s just acting kind of weird. That’s all.”
Obie’s eyes narrow suspiciously. “Weird how, Cass?”
“Just?—?” Cass fights back a wince. “He’s just, um. Started to be more casual with me. You know. Remembering little things I say, and asking questions to keep conversations going, and even joking around sometimes. Like?—like he forgets that I’m a demon and he’s a hunter. He’s just…” He gestures hopelessly, struggling to describe his hunter co-parent.
“Polite?” Obie offers, squinting at him.
“Why is that an issue?” Ez asks, bewildered. “It’s not like you hate each other anymore, right?”
“Well, no,” Cass hedges. “But at least it was normal when we hated each other. Natural. Not??—?”
Not JJ quietly memorizing all of Cass’s usual orders at the food trucks they frequent. Not JJ bringing two bulging shopping bags full of strawberries to Cass’s safe house and bantering with Cass about how to eat them properly.
Not JJ taking Cass at his word when he said they could trust Micah and not questioning it again.
“It was easier when we hated each other,” Cass says eventually. “That’s how demons and hunters are supposed to interact. It made sense.”
Obie looks unimpressed. “Yeah, well, demons and hunters don’t tend to mutually kidnap a demon toddler and then proceed to negotiate joint custody over her, either. You two threw out the script a long time ago.”
“And it looks like you’re going to be co-parenting Desi together for the long haul, right?” Ez adds. “It’ll make life a lot easier if you’re friendly with each other.”
“But what if JJ is being more than friendly?” Cass blurts out. “What if??—??”
And then, with sickening clarity, he realizes what a grievous error those words were when Ez and Obie both snap to attention, eyes wide. “You think he likes you?” Ez demands, thunderstruck. “Like, romantically? That’s the sort of thing you lead with, Chin!”
“I don’t know if he likes me,” Cass argues, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. It’s not a lie?—after all, JJ certainly hasn’t said a word on the subject?—but after everything the two of them have been through together, it doesn’t quite feel like the truth, either. “And that’s not the point. Even if there are feelings involved, that doesn’t mean he should start acting on them!”
There’s a long moment of silence. A loud moment of silence.
A moment of silence that makes Cass sincerely fear for his mental and emotional stability going forward.
“Cass,” Obie says evenly.
Cass braces himself. “Yes?”
“Do you like JJ?”
“No,” Cass bites out, crossing his arms over his chest.
Ez raises her eyebrows. Obie looks unconvinced.
“I mean, I don’t think so,” Cass amends awkwardly. “I don’t??—?”
Ez’s eyebrows continue to approach her hairline. Obie looks even more skeptical.
Cass throws up his hands in defeat. “It’s complicated, all right? We’ve had some intense experiences recently, between the Micah situation and Desi’s nightmare and?—and everything. Prolonged eye contact and physical proximity. There might have been emotions involved.”
There might have been a bed involved at one point, too, but at least Cass has enough of a filter to leave that tidbit out. Ez would never let him live it down.
“Emotions,” Obie repeats dubiously.
Cass scowls. “Yes, Obadiah. Emotions. Those annoying things you feel when the chemicals in your brain start firing. I’m pretty sure you were alive when the word was created, so you should probably know it by now.”
“He’s getting defensive,” Ez stage-whispers, her eyes gleaming.
“I am not!” Cass protests, and he immediately winces at just how defensive he sounds. “Okay, listen??—?”
“Hold that thought,” Obie says, and he turns to Ez. “JJ would have to defect from the Sanctum. He’d be a fugitive.”
Ez scoffs. “He’d do it for love. Next?”
“Ex cuse me?” Cass sputters. “Who asked you?”
They both ignore him. “Cass would have to hide JJ from the Chain,” Obie challenges. “He’d have to lie to them.”
“He’s already lying to them about Desi,” Ez counters. “Just like JJ is lying to the Sanctum. And, realistically, name me one demon in this entire dimension who isn’t hiding something from their local Chain. Next?”
“Are you two making a pros and cons list for my dating life without me?”
Obie doesn’t even spare Cass a glance. “JJ has those Sanctum enchantments. They could track his soul even through anti-tracking spells.”
Ez waves a hand dismissively. “Give me a week and I could break them. Next?”
Obie arches an eyebrow. “Even the corrosion spell?”
“Even the corrosion spell,” Ez confirms. “Next?”
That catches Cass’s attention. “Wait,” he cuts in, his heart stuttering. “Even the corrosion spell? Can we circle back to that?”
Obie leans back in his chair, considering Ez. “The immortality conversation.”
“Oh, please,” Ez says, rolling her eyes. “Cass wouldn’t be the first demon to hook up with a human. They’d figure it out. Next?”
Obie casts his eyes toward the ceiling, thinking. Despite himself, Cass realizes he’s holding his breath.
“Those are all my arguments,” Obie says at last, and his eyes shift to Cass. “Desi would love it if you two were together.”
Cass’s heart hurts. “I know she would,” he admits softly, and for the barest of seconds, he lets himself think??—
Think about traveling around Redwater and beyond with JJ and Desi, taking them to his favorite landmarks and restaurants, letting Desi run around and play while he tells JJ about their history. About curling up on the couch with JJ, Desi dozing between them, drinking tea together and enjoying the silence.
About slowly turning his formerly one-person house into a home, a real home, for his adopted daughter and the hunter who’s inexplicably turned his life upside down.
Abruptly, he realizes that Ez and Obie are smirking at him. “And now to more pressing topics,” he says briskly, narrowing his eyes at Ez. “You really think you could break the corrosion spell?”
Ez’s leer widens. “Why, Cass? You want to touch him?”
“It would just be practical, is all,” Cass snaps, and he turns his hand towards them. Almost two weeks later, the corrosion burns aren’t as violently raw as they once were, but the peeling redness almost looks worse as it heals.
Ez and Obie are on their feet in a flash, eyes wide. Obie is fastest, crossing the distance between them and grabbing Cass’s wrist to pull his palm into view. “Cass.”
Ez curses under her breath, glaring down at Cass’s hand. He knows that not being able to heal corrosion burns has always been a sore spot with her. “What happened?”
“I touched JJ’s shoulder. Didn’t go well.” He raises his eyebrows. “So do you really think you could break the enchantment?”
Ez presses her lips together. “I’ve toyed around with a temporary deactivation once or twice. But it affects all the Sanctum enchantments, not just the corrosion spell.” Her eyes flicker up to meet his. “And I would need a commitment from that lackey, Cass. A commitment to leave the Sanctum for you and Desi.”
Disappointment seeps through Cass. “Probably won’t happen, then,” he says, tugging his hand out of Obie’s grip. “Forget about it. It was just a thought.”
Obie’s eyes narrow. “Cass. Do you like him?”
For a moment, Cass glares at him.
And then he lets out an explosive sigh, slumps forward in his chair, and buries his head in his hands. “All right. Fine. Yes, I like JJ. I’m tempted to say that I really like JJ, actually. I like how good he is with Desi. I like his protectiveness and his dedication and his loyalty. I like his fighting skills?—hand to hand, grappling, escrima, all of it. And I?—I do also like the way he looks shirtless.”
Obie gapes at him. “When did you see JJ shirtless?”
Cass gestures vaguely. “Stalked him to the Sanctum one time. Not important.”
Ez nods at Cass’s hand. “Cass.”
“Ez.”
“You mentioned ‘prolonged eye contact and physical proximity,’” she says, “so tell me honestly: where exactly did you touch JJ?”
Obie chokes. Heat flames into Cass’s face. “His shoulder, Ez! His shoulder!”
Ez smirks. “If you say so.”
Obie unsubtly elbows her in the ribs. “But all that is beside the point,” he says, meeting Cass’s eyes. “You can like someone and not want a relationship with them. Hell, you could love someone and still not want a relationship with them. So what do you want, Cass? Do you want to try?”
Cass hesitates. Looks down at his hands as he tries to gather his thoughts.
What does he want? Does he want to know JJ better? To memorize all the fleeting expressions that flash across his face and all the emotions that dance behind his dark eyes? To learn all of his favorite foods and movies and books and hobbies, and to show JJ all of his own?
Does he want to wake up every morning next to JJ, close enough to feel his body heat and hear his soft breathing? To make breakfast for him and Desi, to see his eyes light up when Cass prepares his favorite meals for lunch, to teach him how to cook dinner?
Does he want to stay up with JJ long after Desi’s gone to sleep, talking about their hopes and fears and dreams? To collapse into bed with him every night, all sleepy smiles and tangled limbs and JJ’s fingertips drifting over Cass’s side as they fall asleep?
“Yeah.” Saying the word out loud makes relief and terror swirl through Cass in approximately equal measures, but somehow??—
Somehow, he knows it’s the correct answer. “Yeah,” he repeats, nodding firmly. “I really think I do.”
Desi throws her arms into the air from her perch on JJ’s shoulders, grinning from ear to ear. “Fly market!”
“Flea market,” Cass corrects patiently, giving Desi one of those fondly amused smiles that make JJ’s heart shiver. “I’m glad they extended it an extra day this year. I love seeing all the priceless treasures that people try to sell for a dollar apiece.”
JJ shoots him a sideways glance, cinching his fingers more firmly around Desi’s ankles as she twists every which way to check out all the vendors. “Can you tell what’s valuable just by looking at it?”
Cass shrugs one shoulder, the corner of his lips twitching upward. It’s a new type of smile that JJ has recently started noticing, mostly directed at JJ himself. He’s trying not to get too worked up about it. “Sometimes.”
JJ lowers his voice. “Because you’ve been alive for a long time?”
Cass’s smirk widens. “No, I just watch a lot of antiquing shows,” he says, and he wraps his hand around JJ’s elbow, guiding him forward. “Come on. I noticed a table with some toys earlier. We might find something for Desi there.”
JJ falls into step next to him, trying not to fidget when Cass doesn’t release his arm. The fact that Cass seems to be getting more comfortable in JJ’s personal space is doing nothing for his self-control and emotional stability, but he valiantly swallows down the fluttery sensation in his belly.
It’s been just over a week since their movie day in Cass’s living room, and the three of them have settled into a strange new normal. Desi is obviously the same as always, bright and cheerful and always directing their attention towards the most colorful distractions she can find, but Cass??—
Cass is different. He’s started to lean into their “fake dating” con a little more thoroughly, started to wrap his fingers around JJ’s arm when they’re walking through a crowd or to put a hand on JJ’s lower back when they’re strolling down Lakeside.
Like he’s trying to keep JJ as close as possible.
Which makes sense, JJ tells himself firmly, because physical contact helps to maintain the glamours. Cass is just trying to make life easier for himself, and now that he and JJ have settled into a less antagonistic relationship, he’s taking advantage of the fact that he can slip into JJ’s space without JJ protesting.
Not that JJ wants to protest. In fact, part of him wishes Cass would do it more.
And that’s starting to become a huge problem. Honestly, JJ doesn’t even know what to call them anymore. They’re obviously co-parents, and they’re no longer enemies, and they’re more than allies or acquaintances, but??—
But “friends” doesn’t seem to fit, either. He’s seen the way Cass acts around Esmeralda Laguerre and Obadiah Smith, and JJ knows how he himself acts around Roma, Bryant, and Chester. He can’t match any of those interactions to him and Cass?—or, at the very least, he’s never had a thrill race through him when Roma grabs his arm, never felt his heart stutter when Bryant smirks at him??—
Never wanted Chester to settle a hand on JJ’s hip to tug him in closer.
JJ isn’t surprised that most of the food truck crowd thinks he and Cass are dating. He would, too. And speaking of the food truck crowd…
Frowning, JJ points ahead of them. “Hey, isn’t that Lucia? From Tacos Near Me?”
Cass’s eyebrows shoot up. “Looks like it,” he says, and he tugs JJ and Desi over to her table. “Lucia, I didn’t expect to see you here! Enjoying the bartering life?”
She gives him a dour look. “No. There’s a reason I let Esteban do all the talking for us at the truck, and it’s because me and people don’t really mix. But I desperately needed to purge some old junk from my apartment, so here we are.”
“Valid,” JJ agrees. Desi makes grabby hands towards the dangly bracelets on Lucia’s table; JJ obligingly sets her on her feet and passes her one to examine.
“That’s a pretty one, Desi,” Cass says, and he squints back at Lucia. “Speaking of the truck, though, who’s on cooking duty today? Don’t tell me you left your poor brother all alone.”
“He can handle it for the weekend. And I think Falafel Nick offered to help if they have a rush.”
“Oh, I’m sure Esteban is thrilled about that.”
“Ooh, ooh!” Desi says, promptly forgetting about the bracelets and pointing excitedly at another vendor. “JJ! JJ, look at the kites!”
Fighting back a smile, JJ grabs her hand and raises his eyebrows at Cass. “Meet you back here?”
Cass’s eyes flicker towards the other table. “Just stay close,” he says quietly, and he turns back to Lucia as Desi drags JJ away. “So tell me about this old junk from your apartment. I’ve been meaning to pick up a gift for Ez, so…”
JJ keeps track of the distance as Desi pulls him two vendors away, watching Cass’s reaction. The demon doesn’t so much as twitch with discomfort, so it looks like they’re still in range for the glamours.
Perfect. With a flourish, JJ grabs a fish-shaped kite off the table and holds it up for Desi’s inspection. “So you like kites?”
She looks delighted. “I’ve never had a kite before!”
“Well, I think we should fix that.” JJ peers at the woman running the stall, but she’s currently embroiled in an intense haggling session with another customer, so he turns back to Desi to wait. “Maybe we can fly this at Lakeside after we finish exploring here, and…”
A flash of metal catches JJ’s eye. Frowning, he picks it off the table and holds it up to the light.
It’s a gold pocket watch. JJ doesn’t watch any of Cass’s antiquing shows, but judging by the old-fashioned design and the thin layer of tarnish, he figures it’s at least a century old. The short gold chain has a clip on the end that looks like it’s designed to fit onto a belt or waistband, and??—
And it kind of reminds him of Cass, actually. Old enough to have seen generations come and go, but bold enough to still make a statement in the modern world. Impulsively, JJ kneels down, showing it to Desi. “Hey, do you think Cass would like this?”
Desi’s eyes light up. “Yes!” she says, clapping her hands. “Present for Cass!”
“It’s settled, then.” The vendor walks over with her hard-earned cash from the other customer, and JJ holds up both the kite and the pocket watch. “How much?”
JJ’s haggling skills are atrocious, but he only leaves the booth sixty dollars poorer, so he counts it as a cautious success. They meet Cass halfway back to Lucia’s table, and Cass’s face splits into a smile when he sees Desi’s kite. JJ’s heart melts a little at the sight.
“Are we going to fly that later?” Cass asks, crouching down to let Desi show him.
Desi beams. “Yeah! But I’ve never flown a kite before. Have you?”
“I have. It’s a lot of fun. JJ and I can teach you,” Cass says, and right then, he seems to notice the glint of gold in JJ’s hand. “Picked up something for yourself, Jackson?”
“I?—?” Suddenly, it occurs to JJ that this was a very bad idea. Why the hell would he buy something for Cass? They don’t give each other gifts! JJ only even buys him lunch to be polite! “I, um??—?”
Unfortunately, Desi is oblivious to his flailing. “It’s for you!” she says cheerfully, grabbing JJ’s clenched fist and shoving it in Cass’s direction. “JJ bought it for you!”
Cass’s expression shifts. “Really?” he asks slowly, pushing himself to his feet. “What, um. What is it?”
JJ wants the sidewalk to swallow him whole. “It’s, uh,” he says, and he clears his throat awkwardly, handing it to Cass. “It’s a pocket watch. I saw it and, um. Thought of you.”
The words sound even more mortifying out loud than they did in his head. He saw it and thought of Cass? How much more clichéd can he get?
Cass’s eyes widen a fraction. “Oh,” he says, and he delicately wraps the chain around his fingers, holding the watch face up to the light. “It’s?—it’s nice.”
“You don’t have to wear it,” JJ blurts out. “It was just a stupid impulse buy.”
“No, shut up. I’m wearing it,” Cass says, and without further ado, he fastens the slide over his belt. He briefly holds the watch in his hand, checking the best angle to read it, before slipping it into his pocket and meeting JJ’s eyes. “Thank you, JJ.”
JJ’s traitorous stomach flutters. “No problem,” he says weakly, and he grabs Desi’s hand again, swallowing down the butterflies. “Anyway, you mentioned a vendor with toys, right? We should check that out.”
“Of course,” Cass says immediately, and he settles his hand on the small of JJ’s back this time. “Right this way.”
And, as Cass guides JJ and Desi through the crowd, JJ focuses on his breathing and tries to remind himself that none of this is real.
Much as part of him really wants it to be.