Chapter 44
44
C ass is huddled on the floor in the memory of an ice cream shop, holding JJ’s still form in his arms. Right now, he’s barely managing to maintain the shaky outline of DJ Ice Cream, frantically trying to keep the memory alive??—
Trying to keep JJ alive.
Cass doesn’t know how much energy is left in JJ’s soul, but he can feel it coursing through the bond, strengthening and healing Cass even as JJ weakens and diminishes. He doesn’t know how to stop it, doesn’t know how to break the connection??—
Only someone on the outside can do that. Right now, only Ez can do that. And even though it feels like Cass has been here for hours, struggling to cradle the last spark of JJ’s soul in his arms, he knows that it’s probably only been a split second in the real world.
Ez won’t have time to break the connection. Not before JJ is gone completely.
So this is Cass’s only hope, isn’t it? To just stay curled up on the floor in a rapidly fading memory, curled up around the last piece of JJ’s soul?
Maybe if he stalls for long enough, Ez will have enough time to sever the bond. Maybe if he focuses hard enough, JJ will be able to pull himself back from nothing. Maybe??—
“Cass?”
Cass’s concentration shatters. The last vestiges of DJ Ice Cream dissolve around him, leaving JJ’s motionless body in his arms and a familiar figure frowning at him from a few feet away. “Desi?” he says incredulously.
Desi waves back. “Hi!”
The gears in Cass’s head are grinding against each other. What is Desi doing here? He can feel Ez’s influence in the shape of the soul bond and Obie’s touch in the foundation of the memory, but??—
But how did Desi get into Cass’s head? “What are you doing here, sweetheart?” he asks hoarsely.
“I was helping Auntie Ez and Uncle Obie with the spell,” she says, wrinkling her nose as she looks around the formless void. “And I wanted to help more, so I came inside. What is this place?”
“It’s supposed to be an ice cream parlor.” Gently, Cass brushes his thumb over JJ’s cheek. His skin feels cold. “This was the first time JJ and I talked.”
Desi looks lost. “But why here? This is supposed to be an important memory, right? The most important memory. That’s what Auntie Ez said.”
Tears burn behind Cass’s eyes. “It was important because we talked about you, Desi. About JJ coming to visit you and take you on your field trips. It was important because?—because we love you, and that’s how we realized we loved each other, too.”
Because that was exactly it, wasn’t it? Cass first started falling for JJ when he saw how amazing the hunter was with their semi-adopted daughter, saw how fiercely he protected her and how deeply he cared about her.
Cass only loved JJ because JJ loved Desi first. He thinks JJ felt the same way about Cass, too.
“But there are more important memories than that,” Desi says, and when Cass glances up at her, she looks confused. “More important places. Like?—?” Suddenly, her eyes light up. “Like this!”
In a flash, Cass is back in the living room of his second-favorite safe house, Desi standing next to him and JJ vanished from his arms. Stomach plummeting, he scrambles to his feet. “What??—??”
Before he can finish, an incredulous voice?—his own voice, he realizes with a start?—interrupts from behind him. “You bought how many boxes of strawberries?”
“They were on sale!” JJ protests. Heart leaping, Cass whirls around to face the kitchen. JJ is standing there, healthy and alive and smiling, with two bulging reusable bags slung over his arms. “It was a good price overall, and then it was ‘buy two, get one free’ on top of that, and then I had a coupon for a free box, and??—?”
“But did you really need to get thirteen boxes?”
“Strawberries!” Desi cheers, clawing around in one of the bags for her plunder.
“I remember this,” Cass says, walking cautiously forward. The memory doesn’t seem to notice he’s there, Memory-Cass and Memory-JJ still lightheartedly bickering over the obscene number of strawberries while Memory-Desi sits on the counter and wrestles open one of the boxes.
The real Desi is trotting along next to him. “Uh-huh! It was a few months ago, back at the end of January,” she says, and she hoists herself onto the counter. Memory-Desi fades away, and the real Desi takes her place, munching contentedly on a strawberry. “Yay for strawberries!”
“We need to wash those first, sweetheart,” Cass and Memory-Cass say at the same time, and Cass narrows his eyes as Memory-Cass turns back to Memory-JJ. “What are we even supposed to do with all these strawberries?”
“Lots of things!” Memory-JJ says, busily unpacking the bags. “We can make dried strawberries and shortcake and jam and smoothies and??—?”
“With thirteen boxes?”
Memory-JJ gestures meaningfully at where Desi is rinsing a strawberry under the faucet. “We’ll probably eat at least one box today alone!”
Taking a deep breath, Cass steps into Memory-Cass’s space, thinking back to his next line. “We need to have a serious conversation about your buying habits, Jackson. You understand that I do feed Desi regularly, right?”
“But do you feed her strawberries regularly?” Memory-JJ counters, and with a flourish, he pulls a tub of whipped topping out of a bag. “And look! We can dip them in here, too!”
Desi gasps. “Hooray!” she cheers, and Memory-JJ obediently pries off the top for her. She dunks a freshly rinsed strawberry into the tub and takes a huge bite. “Thanks, JJ!”
Memory-JJ beams. Cass’s heart melts a little at the expression, just like it did the first time he lived through this.
And this was a good memory. It really was. But there have been so many others like it over the past few months, so many other moments when he and JJ and Desi spent time together, cooked together, played together, laughed together??—
“Desi,” Cass says slowly, breaking character as Memory-JJ washes a few strawberries for himself, “why did you choose this memory?”
Desi looks surprised that he even has to ask. “Because we were a family. And that’s the most important thing, right? That we were a family?”
Before Cass can respond, Memory-JJ turns back to him. “Here,” he says, and he hands a strawberry to Cass. “For you.”
Cass’s eyes sting. “Thanks, lackey,” he says haltingly, and he nibbles on the strawberry, watching as JJ pats his own dry with a paper towel.
Memory- JJ. Not real JJ. Honestly, Cass doesn’t even know if there’s enough of the real JJ’s soul left to come back, not anymore.
But maybe Cass can pretend. Maybe he can just stay here, cycling through all his best memories with JJ, loving him and grieving him??—
Until Ez breaks the connection, and he’s gone forever.
Memory-JJ pops the entire strawberry into his mouth, leaves and all. Cass remembers his next line and wrinkles his nose. “I’m sorry. Did you just eat the green bit?”
“What?” Memory-JJ says defensively, holding a hand over his mouth as he chews. “The green bit is edible!”
“That doesn’t mean you have to eat it like a barbarian!”
“But it’s fine,” Memory-JJ protests, and he holds out another strawberry for Cass. “Here, try it.”
“I will not,” Cass says, downing half the strawberry in one bite and then eating around the green bit, like a normal person.
“Spoilsport.”
“Heathen.”
For a moment, Memory-JJ grins at him.
And then he frames Cass’s face between his hands, leans forward, and kisses him.
Cass’s brain short-circuits the instant their lips touch. Immediately, instinctively, he wraps his arms around JJ, feeling the sure slide of JJ’s mouth under his own, hearing the heart beating firmly in his chest??—
When JJ pulls away, he stays close in Cass’s space. Foreheads still touching, eyes still closed. Breath still warm against Cass’s lips.
Cass’s pulse is pounding and his throat feels dry. “You didn’t do that the first time,” he whispers.
“I wish I did, though.” There’s a strange, distant quality to JJ’s voice. Like he’s not entirely here with Cass, not entirely back, but like he’s trying. Trying to hang on. “I wish I’d kissed you every day, Cass.”
Cass’s chest feels raw. “I wish that, too,” he says, and he squeezes his eyes shut, pulling JJ closer. “JJ. Julian. Please come back to me. Please come back.”
JJ is silent. Cass doesn’t know what kind of internal battle JJ is fighting to stay alive right now, doesn’t even know how much strength JJ has left to fight that battle. The soul bond is still open and gaping between them, JJ’s energy flowing unchecked into Cass’s soul, and Cass can’t close that connection, but maybe??—
Maybe he can reverse it?
All at once, the pieces click into place. “Oh, of course,” he says, and he takes a deep breath, pushes into the bond between their souls, and kisses JJ again.
JJ jerks awake with a gasp, his head spinning as he rockets up to sitting. “What?—??” he croaks, and then he collapses back onto the mattress with a groan, the world blurring around him. “What just??—??”
“JJ? JJ!” Little hands wrap around JJ’s arm, shaking him insistently. “JJ, are you okay?”
Just as quickly, a familiar hand drapes itself over JJ’s, slotting their fingers together. “JJ?”
Heart leaping, JJ cracks his eyes open. Cass is still lying on the bed next to him, and even though his face is pale and tired and injured, his eyes are a hundred times more alive than when JJ last saw them. “Cass,” he whispers, relief flooding through him. “You’re all right.”
Cass smiles weakly back. “Thanks to you.”
“Um,” Ez says, and JJ turns his head to squint at her. She and Obie are staring down at JJ and Cass, looking torn between bewildered and horrified. “What the hell just happened?”
“Desi came into the bond to help us,” Cass says, slowly pushing himself upright. JJ isn’t quite sure he can sit up without vomiting yet, but he just resolves to keep his hand in Cass’s and hope for the best. “And she did a great job, too. Changed us to a better memory and everything.”
For a fleeting moment, JJ tastes strawberries on his lips. “Good job, Desi,” he whispers, reaching up to pat Desi’s shoulder.
Desi gives him a toothy grin. “You’re welcome!” she says, and she throws herself down on the bed between JJ and Cass, hugging JJ’s arm. “I love you.”
JJ tilts his head to one side, pressing a kiss to her hair. “I love you, too, honey.”
“While this is all very sweet,” Obie says, an edge creeping into his voice, “something else happened in there. Your souls just look… wrong now.”
JJ’s stomach lurches. “Wrong? Wrong how?”
“The connection reversed,” Ez says. Her eyes are flickering between JJ and Cass like she’s trying to puzzle them out. “The soul bond was working normally, but then the flow of energy reversed, so I broke the connection, but??—?”
“You cast the spell perfectly,” Cass says, and he squeezes JJ’s hand. “But JJ was fading, so I reversed it. I think I gave him just enough of my own energy to keep both of us alive.”
Ez looks thunderstruck. “You did what?”
“You can’t just do that, Cass!” Obie’s face is as livid as JJ has ever seen it. “You can’t just tamper with varsity-level spells. There are consequences for things like that!”
“Well, maybe you should’ve thought of that before involving your historically reckless friend in a varsity-level spell,” Cass fires back, and he rounds on Ez. “And you should’ve thought of that before casting the spell, and you?—?” He narrows his eyes at JJ. “You should’ve thought of that before agreeing to it. We’re going to have a lot of words about your self-sacrificing streak later, Jackson.”
Desi raises her hand. “What about me?”
“Oh, you’re perfect, sweetie,” Cass assures her. “No notes.”
Desi beams. “Thanks!”
A tendril of relief curls through JJ’s chest, and for what feels like the first time in years, he lets his shoulders start to relax. Regardless of whatever words he and Cass are going to have later?—and regardless of whatever is going on with their souls?—everyone survived the past few hours. They’re all here, and they’re all safe, and??—
“Wait,” Ez says, frowning at JJ. “Why does your heartbeat sound so much slower now? And why haven’t you breathed for the past sixty seconds?”
JJ’s heart stutters. Cass whirls around to face him, eyes wide. “JJ?”
“I?—?” JJ obediently takes a deep breath, but he shakes his head at the same time. “No, I was breathing. I feel fine. Tired, but fine.”
Cass’s eyebrows furrow. “Maybe you’re just breathing shallowly, then,” he says, and he slips an arm under JJ’s shoulders. “Come on. Let’s see if sitting up helps.”
JJ squeezes his eyes shut as Cass carefully guides him upright, Desi hugging JJ’s arm all the while. “I’m okay,” he says, opening his eyes and squinting against the light. “I think. Everything feels brighter and louder than usual, but?—but my body probably just speedran into sleep deprivation. I should be fine after a nap. I should be??—?”
Unexpectedly, Obie snaps his fingers. Winter gloves?—the same gloves he was wearing earlier?—appear on his hands, and with another flick of his wrist, he opens up a purple-gold rift to a pocket dimension. For a few seconds, he rifles around inside of it.
And then he pulls out Roma’s ax?—the one she left behind when she ran?—and extends it in JJ’s direction. “Here. Do me a favor and touch this.”
JJ’s brain short-circuits. “What?”
Ez goes still. “Obie. You don’t think??—??”
“One way to find out.” Obie sets his jaw. “Jackson?”
Unease creeps down JJ’s spine. He glances over at Cass, but Cass looks just as confused as JJ feels. “All right,” he says, and he reaches forward, wrapping his hand around the ax’s handle.
Pain instantly sears through his fingers. He lets go with a gasp, yanking his hand protectively against his chest. “What?—what just??—??”
Cass grabs JJ’s wrist, pulling his hand out to show it in the light. Angry red blisters are dotting his palm and fingers, raw and oozing and nerve-numbingly painful.
JJ has seen those injuries before. His eyes widen. “Those?—those are corrosion burns.”
“Looks like it,” Obie says grimly, and he drops the ax back into its pocket dimension. “So, ah. Speaking of consequences? I think you accidentally made your boyfriend half-demon, Cass.”
JJ chokes on nothing. “What?”
“Half -demon?” Cass repeats incredulously. “Is that even a thing?”
“Well, I’ve never seen or heard of it before,” Ez says, looking thoroughly nonplussed, “but the shoe fits.”
“I’ve never seen it before, either,” Obie admits, and the fact that the demon who’s been alive for millennia looks genuinely taken aback makes this more real to JJ than anything else. “In that case, Cass, I?—I think you might be half- human now, too. It’s like you both ended up with half of each other’s soul.”
“Half-human,” Cass says slowly, his gaze darting to JJ. “Well, I can honestly say I didn’t see that one coming.”
JJ forces down a hysterical laugh. “Me, neither,” he says, and he squares his shoulders, threading his fingers more firmly through Cass’s. “But we’ll figure it out, though. Together. Right?”
Cass’s eyes soften. “Together,” he agrees.
“Don’t forget about me,” Ez protests, eyes narrowed. “I’m going to be studying you two like specimens under a microscope until further notice.”
“And me,” Obie adds, crossing his arms over his chest. “You idiots clearly can’t be left unattended for more than a few hours without altering the laws of nature.”
“I want to help, too!” Desi says brightly, snuggling between JJ and Cass.
“Of course you can help, sweetie,” Cass says, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of her head.
And with Cass by his side, Desi curled up between them, and his two newest friends close by, JJ knows that no matter what the future has in store, they’ll be just fine as long as they have each other.