Chapter 14
Riot
Maybe if I didn’t open my eyes, I wouldn’t have to face the reality of the day. I could pretend yesterday had been a fucking nightmare and that Cara was healthy and strong and currently painting in the studio, not in the hospital, stuck to all those tubes and wires.
My last visit to St. John’s General had been over seven years ago, when Mom had gotten in that accident. She’d been in a coma for a few days, but I’d never even gone to her room. Rumor had also been admitted to the NICU, and I’d refused to leave his side the whole time.
It was an experience I never wanted to have again.
Though it was different seeing Cara rather than Rue, it still brought back all those horrible memories, and somehow they tangled in my mind until it was hard to tell the past from the present.
I hadn’t told Koa because I didn’t know how to explain it, but when we’d been in that waiting room, every time I’d closed my eyes, I would see Rumor lying there next to Cara, both of them lifeless and so, so weak.
I’d had to remind myself several times that Rumor was safe. That he’d survived that night and was alive and healthy and so full of life.
Then, just as the relief would hit, my brain would remind me that Cara wasn’t. I couldn’t even fathom it. She ate so well and exercised regularly. She was still relatively young. That should have never happened.
My chest tightened painfully as I imagined every possibility. Would Cara ever wake up? If she did, would she get to create art again? What would she do if she couldn’t? That was her whole life.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Some of that pressure in my chest eased at the sound of Koa’s voice.
He was lying next to me, his arm wrapped around my middle.
I could feel the comforting weight of his front pressed up against my side.
He traced random patterns over my bare stomach, his way of trying to settle me.
His lips pressed against my neck. I wiggled around, turning in his arms because I was suddenly overcome by the need to see his face.
Sleepy Koa was one of my favorite versions of him, and he looked extra bedhead adorable today. There were even lines in his cheek from the pillow.
“Did you get any sleep?” he asked gently.
I shrugged. “Some. I kept having bad dreams and waking up.”
Koa’s face softened. “She’ll be alright.”
Fuck, I hoped so.
I closed my eyes. There was so much I had to do, and I didn’t even know where to begin. With Cara gone, I was in charge of things at the shop, and I wouldn’t let her down by dropping the ball.
I should probably make a social media post letting everyone know there might be a break in content.
I didn’t know if I should tell them about Cara.
Most of my followers were familiar with her, as she was often in my videos.
They might want to know, but also, it was private and I wasn’t sure if Cara wanted the public aware.
I also needed to see if I had any urgent commissions and tell them I had a family emergency.
There was no way I was in the headspace to work right now.
Though, fuck, I’d need to go to the shop at some point. My heart pounded at the thought. What would it look like? Had she crashed into anything when she’d fallen? Hell, had anyone even locked up? I’d have to make sure nothing had been taken . . .
“Riot.” Koa sounded concerned, like maybe he’d said my name several times and I hadn’t heard him.
I opened my eyes, hoping my terror wasn’t obvious.
Clearly it was because Koa frowned and brushed his fingers through my hair, trying to comfort me. “Hey, we’ll get through this.”
“I-I don’t know how to do this. There’s so much I need to do, and the thought of doing anything but lying here is so damn daunting.
What if Cara never wakes up? The doctor said I’m listed as her medical proxy.
That means I have to make any major decisions.
What if I have to decide what to do if she—” I choked on the words.
“If she doesn’t wake up? I can’t do that, Koa.
Why would she trust me to make that kind of decision? ”
Koa kissed my forehead. “Baby, it’s okay.
She trusted you because she knew you knew her best and loved her.
She trusted you to make the decision with her wishes and best interests in mind.
And she was right to. I wouldn’t want anyone besides you to make those choices for me.
” I flinched. No. I was not going there.
Not even thinking about it. “Besides, you’re not alone.
Anything you have to do, I’ll be there every step of the way.
You know that. I already told the principal last night I had to take a few days off. You are not alone, Riot, not ever.”
Fuck, I was crying again. How much had I cried in the last twenty-four hours? Angrily wiping my eyes, I rested on Koa’s chest. He was right. I wasn’t alone. I hadn’t been since thirteen.
I traced Koa’s tattoo with my finger, needing the contact.
“What time is it? I’m surprised the kids aren’t up.” I hadn’t realized it immediately, because I was so up in my own head, but now the silence in the house was deafening.
“It’s 5:30. You only got a few hours.”
No wonder my eyes felt so gritty. Even Storm shouldn’t be up for another hour or two.
With a groan, I rolled in the other direction, a feat since Koa still wasn’t letting go, and checked my phone.
I knew any update from the hospital would be bad news this early in the morning, but I still had to see.
I breathed a sigh of relief at no new notifications.
Koa’s thumb traced over my ribs. “Do you think you could get a few more hours of sleep?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. I didn’t fucking know anything right now. I hadn’t felt this helpless, this lost in years.
“How about you try? You need the rest, baby.”
“You’ll keep holding me?” I asked, feeling strangely vulnerable. But he was anchoring me to reality, and with his arms keeping me afloat, I wasn’t sure what I would do.
“Always, Riot. You never have to ask.”
“So anyway, Mr. Johnson, after he found you, must’ve told everyone in town.
By the time I got to the shop, there was a line of regulars waiting by the door.
I’ve answered more phone calls and emails asking about you than I’ve ever gotten in my life.
Oh, and your preschoolers made you cards.
I brought them, so when you’re feeling better, you can look at them. ”
I squeezed Cara’s hand, but as usual, she was unresponsive. It had only been seventy-two hours, the doctors kept reminding me. She was breathing on her own and her vitals were good, so at this point we just had to wait till she woke up. But it was fucking torture.
I’d come every day. Her doctor had told me she could hear me, so I’d been talking. Pretty much about everything. I kept rambling and rambling, hoping that maybe she’d wake up just to make me shut up. Why hadn’t she woken up yet?
“Oh, and I was trying to wait to tell you, because I know you’re gonna want all the tea, but maybe this will be what stirs you.”
Tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them back.
I looked behind me, like I expected someone to pop up, but there was no one there.
The first two days, the whole crew had been with us.
Not that they would let any of the kids besides Wynter and Knox in, but the rest had stayed in the waiting room while we’d taken turns seeing Cara.
Koa had been my fucking rock, as I felt like I was fraying at the seams. He had to go back to work today, though, and the kids had all gone back to school.
I was by myself for the first time in days, and I was barely handling it.
I leaned forward, like I was getting ready to tell Cara the juiciest gossip.
Her eyes didn’t open. “I kissed Koa.” I blurted it so fast, the words slurring over each other.
“It was before Halloween. I know I should’ve told you right away, but I was still trying to figure it out.
Then everything happened. It was really good.
It was my first kiss, you know? We’ve kissed a bunch since then.
I like it. I still don’t know exactly what it means, but I think Ko and I are good again. ”
Cara didn’t answer, of course, but somehow I felt better saying it all out loud.
“I have no idea how I never even thought about it before,” I continued babbling.
“But of course kissing Koa was everything. He’s everything.
I’ve always thought of Koa as more than a friend.
He’s my soulmate. And I like kissing him.
I want to kiss more. But I don’t know if I want more than that.
I mean, I should, right?” I trailed off. I was going in fucking circles.
“So anyway. I’m going to start some of my classes tomorrow.
And I’m going to do your pre-K class because I know you planned out that Thanksgiving project and I don’t want them to miss out.
I put most of my commissions on hold. Oh, and I contacted all your clients too.
So don’t worry about that. They’ll wait for you.
” I swallowed. “We’re all waiting for you to get better. ”
When I ran out of things to talk about, I pulled out my kindle. Cara loved her romance novels, so I downloaded one and started reading aloud. I wasn’t sure if she’d read it yet, but hopefully she wouldn’t mind if she had.
I checked the time after two chapters. I would have to leave soon.
Koa had practice after school, so I had pick-up duty across the board.
I had to grab the little ones from daycare and then be there on time for the bus from the elementary school.
Then it would be time for snacks and homework before I had to pick up Wynter.
She had track practice till 4:30. Knox had both band practice and Honor Society today, but thankfully he’d driven himself.
“Bye, Cara. I’ll be back tomorrow. Get some rest and wake up soon.”