Text Chat
Irreplaceable - Beyoncé
Tee: I left the apartment
Tee: But only because the orchestra threatened to fire me
Zee: I haven’t left the ranch yet lol so you’re doing better than me
Tee: o.O
Tee: Really?!
Zee: Yeah, I’ve been busy with work and settling in, you know?
Tee: Haven’t you gone to visit your grandmother yet?
Zee: No, and she hasn’t called me either.
Tee: Damn, I know she’s a bitch but that’s cold
Zee: Gratitude never was easy for her lol
Tee: What about the triplets?
Zee: No sign of them. BUT that might have something to do with Colt. I get the feeling he’s keeping them busy with work on the ranch.
Zee: We’ve been texting. They haven’t bitched about it to me though.
Tee: Not like them.
Zee: Think they’re scared of Colt
Zee: Which is interesting
Tee: Why?
Zee: Because he’s not scary
Tee: Some guys don’t have to be scary to keep people in line
Tee: He’s like a sheepdog
Zee: You did not compare my husband to a sheepdog, Christy MacFarlane!
Tee: OMG. Did you just ‘my husband’ him?!
Zee: What? No!
Tee: YOU DID
Tee: You said, ‘My husband!’
Tee: YOU DID
*Tee sends image*
Tee: Look, I’ve screenshot it for posterity
Zee: Fuck, I did!
Zee: But in my defense, you compared him to a German shepherd
Tee: I was thinking more of a Border collie
Zee: THAT’S WORSE!
Tee: How is that worse?! Border collies are one of the best breeds! They’re intelligent and capable. They’re fit and can get a hundred-strong herd of sheep in line by running around ‘em in circles. If I were a dog, I think that’d be sexy as all get out
Tee: Plus, they’re pretty
Zee: Colt’s not pretty
Tee: You looking at the same man as me?
Zee: Calling him pretty’s like calling him a Border collie!
Zee: Don’t try to walk it back
Tee: I. Walk. Back. Nothing
Tee: You know I’m right.
Zee: Pfft
Zee: So, I need to tell you something.
Tee: You’ve decided to come home?
Zee: No.
Tee: You think Tim Horton’s is better in the US than in Canada?
Zee: NO. I haven’t even had a Timmies yet. It has nothing to do with the States or Canada. Jesus H. Christ. You’d try the patience of a saint.
Tee: What is it then?
Zee: I kissed him.
Tee: Who?
Zee: What do you mean who? WHO do you think?
Tee: Colton?!
Tee: YOU KISSED COLTON?
Zee: Yes.
Tee: WHEN?
Tee: Wait, no. Was it good? Tell me that first.
Zee: It was about a week ago.
Tee: YOU KEPT IT FROM ME
Zee: I knew you’d overreact!
Zee: It was just a little kiss
Tee: Was there tongue?
Zee: Maybe
Tee: Then it wasn’t a little kiss. OMG. How good was it? On a scale of ‘stick a finger in me now’ and ‘go brush your teeth.’
Zee: That’s not a measure!
Tee: It’s my idea of a measure. TELL ME OR I’LL GET A FLIGHT RIGHT THIS SECOND AND DRAG THE ANSWER OUT OF YOU
Zee: Sheesh
Zee: It was, um, ‘stick a finger in me now’ good
Tee: :O
Tee: :O
Tee: :O
Tee: I. Am. Deceased.
Tee: Did you let him?
Zee: Stick a finger in? No.
Tee: Why not?
Zee: Because, I don’t know, it wasn’t the right time
Tee: When would be the right time?
Zee: When we weren’t in his office, for one.
Tee: Desk sex is hot.
Tee: Who am I kidding? The man’s hot all round if he’s that good at kissing.
Tee: Plus, he leaves you alone to work, doesn’t pester you, AND he herded your brothers out of the way.
Tee: Though, you could visit them yourself.
Zee: That’d involve leaving the ranch lol. I’m not brave enough for that yet.
Tee: Brave enough to kiss him though…
Zee: I’m going to regret telling you this, aren’t I?
Tee: Very likely.
Tee: You’re getting along well with Callan still?
Zee: He’s very empathetic. I think he’s the only reason I’m not freaking out about the transition, TBH
Tee: Great. I’m being replaced by an eighteen-year-old Korhonen. Traitor.
Zee: *sings You’re Irreplaceable*
Tee: You can’t work around me with Beyoncé
Tee: Anyway, she’s throwing her bae out of the house in that video. That’s not a compliment.
Zee: ;)
Zee: You feeling better?
Tee: I’m sorry I’ve been such a big baby about this, but I was obviously lacking a Callan and a Colt in my life
Zee: *snorts*
Zee: Everyone needs a Callan
Zee: He has a stash of junk food in his room. I told him that his future girlfriend would always come to him for sugar when she gets her period. His blush was so cute.
Tee: Wonder why he’s not dating someone. If he looks anything like his older brothers, that is.
Zee: There aren’t many pictures in the house, but I’ve seen one in Colton’s office. They all share the same genes for sure lol.
Tee: Who’s the best-looking one?
Zee: Don’t make me answer that
Tee: Is it so bad that you find the guy you’re married to attractive?
Zee: We’re having IVF. I don’t need to be attracted to him.
Tee: *double snorts*
Zee: We are!
Tee: Yeah, okay. I’ll believe that when it happens. What with him eyeing you up and down like you’re a donut that needs to be stuffed with Korhonen jam.
Zee: EW
Tee: The analogy works! He can stick his finger in and make the hole bigger and everything :P
Zee: I’m not a donut and I hope his cum isn’t red!
Tee: Okay, you’re a donut that he wants to frost?
Zee: TEE!
Tee: :P
Tee: How about you’re his Pigeon Creek Cream Donut he wants to fill?
Zee: I’m going to kill you.
Tee: Deny it!
Zee: Of course I do. We barely talk.
Tee: You just kiss
Zee: We kissed ONCE
Tee: If you say so
Zee: He’s busy. I’m busy. We lead separate lives. The only real change for me is that I’m living here and I hang out with Callan instead of frosting cookies with you griping at me about your lack of a sex life.
Tee: They were the best times, weren’t they?
Zee: :* They were 3
Tee: What were you doing in his office?
Zee: Whose office?
Tee: Colt’s office. You said that you were in his office. That’s where there’s a picture of Cody?
Zee: Oh, yeah. It was nothing. He needed me to sign a few things.
Tee: Like what? An NDA? Postnup… Is that a thing? He didn’t make you sign a prenup, did he?
Zee: No, he didn’t.
Zee: They were regarding the Bar 9. Transfer of ownership from Grand-mère to me.
Tee: WOW
Zee: Yeah. Heady stuff. Then things like power of attorney to give him the ability to pay off debts etc.
Zee: It’s odd now that you mention it
Tee: What is?
Zee: I DIDN’T sign a prenup.
Zee: I was too busy freaking out about everything else that I didn’t realize.
Tee: Oh, I realized. I didn’t say anything. I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.
Zee: Since when do I keep secrets from you?
Tee: You kept this quiet.
Tee: SEVEN whole days. Is this what our relationship has come to?
Zee: Who’s the drama? YOU’RE the drama, Tee. I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it
Tee: No, because clearly, it means nothing. If you ever have IVF, I’ll pay for it myself.
Zee: Shut up
Tee: You shut up
Tee: You know I’m right
Tee: Why get him to stick a finger in when he could stick his dick in AND make a baby for free?
Zee: And you think you’re romantic.
Tee: I’m a pragmatist.
Tee: Plus, IVF doesn’t come with orgasms. If he’s that good at kissing that you kept it on the down low for a week, imagine how good he is at the sex
Zee: ‘The’ sex?
Tee: Oh, yeah. When it’s good, it deserves a definite article
Zee: I’m already regretting telling you this
Tee: You shouldn’t. Me and Colt are working on seducing you.
Zee: FML
Tee: So, why do you think he did that?
Zee: Did what?
Tee: Keep up! Didn’t make you sign a prenup?
Zee: Oh. He has an odd way of viewing the world.
Tee: Meaning?
Zee: He’s very unlike his father
Tee: That’s a hop, skip, and a jump away from your initial reaction to him
Zee: Yes.
Zee: He’s very disarming in that sense
Tee: Explain. And no vague answers. Cold, hard facts are what I’ll accept.
Zee: Bitch
Tee: You know it :P
Zee: I don’t know this for certain, obviously, but I imagine that he thinks if I do take him for half of everything, then it won’t matter because it’ll all go to the child we have together in the end.
Tee: Huh
Tee: Evidence?
Zee: This isn’t a court of law!
Zee: But it’s like when he told me why I had to return here. So that our child wouldn’t deal with gossip and rumors in school about the circumstances of their parents’ marriage
Tee: It’s quite sweet he considered that. I mean, it’s hopeless because people will speculate anyway
Tee: You should give him a plant
Zee: A plant?! Why?
Tee: It’s his birthday in a few months, isn’t it?
Zee: How do you know that?
Tee: I know a lot of things that you’re not privy to.
Zee: Since when?
Tee: Since you abandoned me!
Tee: I activated full stalker mode
Zee: For lil ‘ole me? I’m honored
Tee: Hush.
Zee: What did you find?
Tee: What I didn’t find is fascinating. Not a whisper of your wedding has been in the press
Zee: Must be sweeping it under the radar
Tee: It’d need an industrial-sized brush
Zee: *shrugs*
Zee: What else?
Tee: He donates about three million a year to various horse charities in the province
Zee: :/ I guess we know why that is
Tee: Yeah. I cringed and sighed in delight at the same time. Honestly, it’s unnerving how perfect this guy is.
Zee: Back that statement up
Tee: Yes, your honor.
Tee: He donates a further three million to various charities, with the bulk split between a couple women’s shelters.
Zee: Also makes sense
Tee: Uh-huh
Tee: In university, he had a steady girlfriend. She visited the ranch once and they broke up shortly after
Zee: How on earth do you know that?
Tee: Stalked her profile too.
Zee: Jesus wept!
Tee: Oh, He cried about SOMEthing.
Tee: There’s this shot of them with his brothers and Clyde’s in the picture too. He’s oozing slime. Wanna bet that breakup had something to do with Daddy Dearest?
Zee: *pukes*
Tee: Agreed
Tee: That was his last ‘official’ girlfriend
Tee: I think he has/had a side piece in Saskatoon though
Zee: Proof?
Tee: Jealous, Mrs. Korhonen?
Zee: PROOF?!
Tee: She’d take pictures of them every couple months. Nothing overt. You wouldn’t think they were dating. But they stand too close together to be friends and whoever they’re with, it’s not the same crowd so it’s not like he’s hanging with a group of university buds
Zee: When was the last time she posted a picture of them?
Tee: Before Thanksgiving so I think that might be over too?
Zee: Good
Tee: My, my, is that you turning green, Zee?
Zee: What else did you learn?
Tee: Aside from his birthday, lol?
Zee: What else?
Tee: Whenever the Foo Fighters play in Canada, he attends at least one concert. Two years ago, he went to three
Tee: And he subscribes to this Japanese logic puzzle magazine.
Zee: I’m impressed
Tee: He’s a grunge-loving, logic puzzle-annihilating, horse-obsessed, potential model, Zee. I think without the billions, he’d be a catch, babe. So, I don’t know what to tell you aside from jump on that cowboy and ride him hard and wet
Zee: TEE!
Tee: Trust me. You haven’t dated that much recently. You don’t know what the dating pool looks like out there. You got this guy (who’s KIND) to marry you without having to sell a kidney!
Tee: I’m almost jealous lol
Tee: Okay, I AM jealous. He gets to live with you and I don’t. *pouts*
Zee: *snorts*
Tee: You need him to fuck you, Zee
Zee: Why would I need that, lol?
Tee: Because I need to know if he lives up to the promise of being good in the sack. There has to be a defect. He’s too perfect to be real. And for my self-esteem, I need to know this information
Zee: What if he IS great in bed?
Tee: Then I’ll die an old maid because I can’t deal with these lackluster lays anymore. Honestly, is it so hard to rub the clitoris and not pick at it like you’re scooping a jellybean from a jar?
Zee: That’s some imagery
Tee: Look, it’s only sisterly love that’s stopping me from asking if I can have a go when you’re done with him
Zee: This is you restraining yourself, huh?
Tee: Yes.
Tee: So, do me proud, cowgirl.