27. Colton
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths
What with selling a third of our herd and distributing the rest onto Bar 9 land, speaking with engineers to have the Seven Cs tap into the Bar 9 water sources, and getting a team of men to break ground on a new bunkhouse for Dove Bay, you’d reckon I wouldn’t have time to think about my new wife…
You’d be wrong.
It’s been four weeks since we married and if we’re still in the ‘gentling’ phase of our relationship, I’m nowhere close to getting near Zee. Not even after that kiss.
One kiss—is that enough to sustain a man for a lifetime?
She didn’t rush off after it, but ever since, she’s been jumpy around me.
As far as I know, she leaves her room for food and to play games with Callan.
And it’s driving me crazy.
More than that, Calder’s belief that she’ll pick up and run is messing with my head.
Fear of loss is what I’m writing it off as. But it’s insane because I have nothing to fear when I never had her in the first place.
Leaning on the gate that looks onto one of our larger pastures, I watch a ranch hand we’re interviewing prove his mettle on horseback.
Theo’s putting the guy through his paces so I’m only monitoring the process while also keeping the interviewees” skill sets in mind for other projects—the Bar 9 and the chicken farm I haven’t gotten started on yet.
“Shoveling out chicken shit’s all these morons look capable of,” I grumble to myself as I preside over job interview number twenty.
“First sign of madness is talking to yourself.”
I squint at Callan. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just finished walking Harriet around the paddock. How did her vet appointment go?”
Harriet’s one of his favorite stock horses—and she’s on the brink of ‘too old’ to be carrying her foal. It’s only because of Callan’s security system that we realized how Fen, my stallion, even got to her—I love him but he’s no gentleman like his sire.
“She’s doing fine. Took her booster vaccinations like a pro.”
“She shouldn’t have had to.”
There’s no arguing with that. “We fixed the issue in the pens.” His harrumph tells me it’s not good enough. “What do you want me to do, Callan? Put a chastity belt on her? She went into heat early and we weren’t prepared for it. We will be from now on.”
His sniff is loaded with disdain. “I should have been here for the vet’s visit.”
“School’s important and I made sure I was with her.”
He grunts. “You got a clue who to hire?”
“So far, they’re useless.”
I’m out here monitoring because we take our hiring process seriously.
They only get through the ‘door’ after a criminal record check. It’s why it’s taken weeks to get to this point after Gillon quit.
With eight domestic violence survivors on my land, I’m not about to invite the wolves that are their ex-husbands into the fold. There’s little those psychos won’t do to get their exes back.
“Do you think there’s a reason Father hasn’t come around?” he asks abruptly.
“He’s been in Vancouver since he left here,” I half-lie, grateful he doesn’t know Pops broke into the house.
His jaw clenches. “Oh.”
Understanding the source of his fear, I sling an arm around his shoulders. “When have I ever let him hurt you?”
Goddamn never, that’s when.
“I hope he doesn’t come back here.”
“I think that’s unlikely. I’ll head him off though. Get him a room at the Pigeon Inn.”
As intended, that has a gust of laughter escaping my baby bro. “Can you imagine him there? ‘Where’s the butler?’” he derides. “And where are the silk sheets? NO ROOM SERVICE? What is this place? A hovel?!”
Snickering, I cuff him upside the head. “Sounds like fun to me.”
“Oh, to be a fly on the wall.” His eyes light up. “I bet I could convince Eloise to plant a camera in the room they’d assign him?—”
“Eloise?”
“Eloise Grant. You know her—the cheerleader I tutor in biology. Her parents own the inn. She owes me.”
“I created a monster,” I tease, but he’s smiling and that’s all I could ask for. With a final squeeze, I let go of him. “You okay?”
It’s not like him to come out here so I figure the situation with Pops has been worrying him more than I reckoned.
“Yeah.”
“What’s with the ‘Father’ shit, anyway?”
“Pops is something you call a nice man. He’s not nice. He doesn’t deserve to have an affectionate name.”
“Traditions are hard to break. I figure that’s why we carry them on,” I concede.
“Yeah, well, I’m breaking this one.”
Because that’s a healthy boundary he wants to implement, I don’t question it, just ask, “How you coping with Mum being around?”
“I’m sick of tea.”
“She does drink a lot of it.”
“I saw something in the kitchen the other night.” At my questioning glance, he murmurs, “Mrs. Abelman was holding her hand.”
“Mum’s hand?”
He nods.
“Huh. They’ve always been friends. I think that’s the only reason she didn’t have a breakdown when she had to leave us. She knew Mrs. Abelman would protect us like we were her own.” My glance turns knowing. “How’s that feel?”
“How’s what feel?”
“Getting a decade’s worth of love showered on you?”
His cheeks blaze with color and it has nothing to do with the wind. “It’s kinda nice.”
“You have so much female attention, Callan, it’s a wonder you’re not hanging out with Theo and me on the range more to breathe in the testosterone,” I tease.
“Jerk.”
I wink.
“I like her.”
“Who? Mum?”
“I didn’t mean her.”
“Who did you mean?”
“Zee.”
I nod. “You’d know better than me.” If I sound bitter, so be it. It’s my own damn fault.
“We’re going to play a game tonight. You could hang with us. I have three controllers.”
“Why do you have three controllers? Until Zee came along, you only ever played by yourself.”
“What if I need to charge both of them?”
“First world problems. I don’t think Zee would like it if I hung out with you guys. Not yet, anyway. I know she’s still getting used to living here. I don’t want to push her.”
“Push her? Colton, you could be in Nunavut for how much distance you keep putting between you.
“Yesterday, she was staring at you throughout breakfast and you didn’t notice. You were too busy with your damn logic puzzles.”
“They were particularly challenging yesterday. Wait. She was?”
“Uh-huh. It was the first time she came to eat with us too.” He shuffles from one foot to the other. “She’s pretty.”
Great—he has a crush on her.
“Callan,” I warn.
“What?! I’m just saying. I have eyes. I use them, unlike some brothers I know.”
I clear my throat. “Are you still going on those camgirl sites?”
“Maybe. Don’t tell Zee though!”
“Oh, yeah, Callan, I’m going to tell the wife I barely speak to that my kid brother has a crush on her and is obsessed with camgirl sites!”
He gapes at me. “I do not have a crush on her.”
“Sounds like it to me.”
“I do not! She’s my…” He shifts from one foot to the other. “…friend.”
The coil of tension that had been tightening inside me releases with that information.
“Your… friend?”
“I’m quite likable. Just not with people my age.”
“That’s because you tell them they’re idiots.”
“People don’t seem to mind it when they’re older.”
“They think you’re being facetious,” I drawl, amused. Though I swiftly narrow my eyes at him. “You haven’t called her an idiot, have you?”
“No.” He huffs as if I insulted him. “She’s not dumb. Not like her asshole brothers. I can’t wait until I don’t have to see them at school anymore.”
“Forgot you hated them.”
The hilarious part, of course, is that Calder’s as much of a little shit as Callan is.
The more time I spend with the triplets, the more I realize that these two are too alike for their own good.
“Zee has great taste. She doesn’t particularly like them either. Just puts up with them. Though she does love them. It’s kinda how we feel about Cole.”
I yank on his tuque again. “I should invite them over here.”
“What?! God, no. You can’t invite them to my home. They’re horrendous. They burp and fart and talk about pussies all day. They’re so boring?—”
“They sound like teenage boys to me.” Youincluded, but you just watch pussies all day. “They’re not bullying you, are they?”
“No.”
“You lying to me?”
“I’d tell you.”
I’m not so sure if he would but, in this instance, I believe him.
“If I invite them in the name of family unity, I won’t expect you to leave your room,” I attempt to appease.
“Aren’t I family?” he blusters.
“You’re the one who doesn’t want me to invite them! They’re her kid brothers, Callan.”
“You paid their debts. I saw the bank transfer. Isn’t that enough?”
“Sparing them from penury isn’t an olive branch.”
He snorts. “You clearly haven’t been poor before.”
“And you have?”
“No. Anyway, Grand-mère?—”
“Grand-who now?” I sputter.
“—doesn’t seem like the kind of person who’d appreciate you butting in. You’re probably expected to foot the bills and to cover her taxes and that’s the extent of your duty until she either dies or you get Zee pregnant. Which will never happen if you don’t woo her.”
“Woo her?” I repeat.
“Yeah.” He burrows his nose so far beneath his scarf that he’s mostly eyes. “You know, like, to make her fall in love with you.”
“Who said I want her to fall in love with me?”
That has him popping out of his scarf like a mole waiting to be whacked.
If we continue this conversation, I’ll be doing the whacking.
“Why wouldn’t you want that? She’s awesome.”
I groan. “Callan, I don’t want to have this conversation with you!”
“Which brother would you prefer to hear this from? I mean, you have three to choose between and one of them is going to pull your head out of your ass whether you like it or not. I’m a good listener?—”
“Since when?”
“You can tell me what the problem is between you two.”
“There’s no problem.”
“Liar. I’ve seen you in town, Colt. You can charm both sexes from twenty feet away. Yet you barely speak to your wife. The woman you’re supposed to have a child with.”
“If I needed a therapist, I’d hire one.”
“You’re too stoic for a therapist. You have undiagnosed CPTSD?—”
“Since when?”
“Since I read up on it to see if you had it.”
“I don’t have it.”
“You do. But see? This proves my point.” He squints at me. “Father messed you up, and don’t pretend that you didn’t see him hit Mum because you’d be the liar.
“So, what’s the problem? It can’t be that you don’t find Zee attractive. She’s beautiful.”
She is.
I’ve no idea why I admit this to him, but I do. “I can’t ever expect her to love me. I don’t deserve it.”
“Shut up. Why would you think that?”
“I have too much to make up to her.”
“Like what?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Sure it does.”
“I let her down,” is my simple retort.
“You have to try. You’re a great man, Colt. If anyone can figure out how to right a wrong, it’s you.”
Laughing, I draw him in for a noogie. “Your opinion matters more to me, kiddo.”
Though he yelps and fights to get out of my hold, he argues, “That’s not how it’s supposed to be.”
“What do you mean?” I watch as he straightens his tuque, folding it over his forehead.
“She’s your wife, Colt. Her opinion of you is supposed to matter.”
“We’re not like a regular husband and wife though.”
His disgusted glower tells me how little I’m impressing him.
I swear he should patent that expression.
“No reason you can’t be. I think she’d be good for you.”
“Since when are you a romantic?”
He scowls. “I’m not.”
“Sounds like it to me,” I mutter as he hunches his shoulders and slouches over to the house.
It’s a habit to watch him until he’s inside. I’ll never forget that time he was twelve and almost got run over by a pickup truck because he was watching his feet more than his surroundings.
Scratching my chin, I turn my attention to the pasture.
I already know Theo won’t hire this guy seeing as he can barely stay in his saddle. Imbecile’s trying for a job on a ranch and he looks like he has motion sickness.
“Next,” I holler at Theo, impatient with how he’s coddling the idiot.
Then, because Callan’s contagious, I glower at nothing.
I don’t need my little brother to set me up with my wife.
I know she’s awesome and beautiful?—
Jesus, I hate it when he’s right.