Chapter 18 Nova
Nova
The past three days have been a blur. I’ve spent most of my time consoling Lainey, and I think I’ve run out of tears to cry. I feel kind of numb as Easton pushes the spikes of the four rockets containing the fireworks into the lawn.
To our right is a big white screen that Sylvia arranged so we can watch Rachel’s farewell video to us. We found a short letter with it that said we also need to play a specific song when we light the fireworks.
Once everything is ready, Easton comes to stand beside Lainey. He presses play, and the projector throws Rachel’s smiling face onto the screen.
My heart clenches painfully, and my throat already starts to strain.
“Hey, guys,” her voice echoes around us.
“You are the best family any girl could ask for. I leave knowing I was loved and cherished. I don’t want you to mourn me, but instead, celebrate the wonderful life I got to live.
I want to become your favorite memories.
I want you to share jokes about me at barbeques.
” Her smile is filled with love, and she looks so healthy.
“Now light those fireworks, and let me go out with a bang.” She blows us a kiss, and we watch as she stops the recording.
“I don’t know any jokes about Mommy,” Lainey sobs.
“Your mother once made me eat a mud cake, telling me it was chocolate,” Easton says, his voice tense with grief.
Remembering the day, I chuckle softly. “You brushed your teeth twice.”
“Eww.” Lainey also manages to chuckle, then we watch as Easton walks to the fireworks.
I connect my phone to the Bluetooth speaker and press play on the song Rachel selected. When the lyrics to “Forever & Always” by Written by Wolves begin to fill the air, Easton lights the first rocket.
It shoots high into the air and explodes into bright-pink sparkles. Another goes up, filling the sky with blues, then the third adds purple before the last rocket ends with a bright green that lights up the entire area.
I’ll remember you forever and always, Rach. You were the best part of my life.
My sight blurs, but I blink the tears away, and walking back to Lainey, I place my hand on her shoulder, and ask, “Are you doing okay?”
She tries to nod, but then her face crumbles. “It was so pretty. Just like Mommy.”
“Yeah,” I agree as I pull her into a hug.
When the song’s last notes fade away, I let go of Lainey so I can disconnect my phone from the speaker.
A heavy wave of grief rolls over me, and it feels like it’s trying to crush my chest.
“Can we watch the video again?” Lainey asks, her voice fragile.
“Of course,” Easton answers. He fiddles with the projector, and we watch it two more times with Lainey, then he rubs her back gently and says, “It’s time for you to get ready for bed.”
“I’ll get the bath ready.” I smile at my goddaughter. “Do you want bubbles?”
She nods, and we all head upstairs. When I open the faucets in the tub, Easton presses a kiss to the top of her head before leaving the bathroom.
I check the temperature constantly, making sure it’s not too hot before I shut off the faucets.
“Will you stay with me?” Lainey asks as she pulls her shirt over her head.
“Of course.” I take a seat on the closed toilet lid, and when she climbs into the tub, I ask, “Is the temperature right?”
She nods, scooping some bubbles into her hands. Her sad gaze darts to me, and I can see she wants to ask something.
“You can talk to me about anything,” I encourage her.
“You didn’t have a mom, right?”
“Yeah, mine left when I was four years old.”
“Did it hurt?”
I nod but then say, “Not for long, though. My mother wasn’t as amazing as yours.”
“Who took care of you after she left?” Lainey asks.
The years after my mother left were hard. I had to learn very quickly to take care of myself because my grandfather didn’t give two damns about me. I was always told to stay out of his way, and I think he only enrolled me in school so he’d be rid of me during the days.
A sad smile tugs at my lips. “When I met your mom, she took care of me.”
“You have me now, Nova.”
I move off the lid to sit on the floor right beside the tub and give her a grateful smile. “I love you, Lainey. Like you’re my own, but I’ll never try to replace your mom. Okay?”
She nods. “I love you too.” Her face starts to crumble under her grief as she adds, “I’m so glad you came to live with us.”
I brush my hand over the back of her head. “Me, too, my sweet girl.”
A tear rolls down her cheek. “I don’t want to sleep.”
“Okay.” I keep brushing my hand over her hair. “We can watch a movie until you’re tired.”
She nods, her chin quivering and her eyes sparkling with tears.
I gesture with a nod at the water. “Wash up so we can go snuggle on the couch.”
“Can we have popcorn and chocolate and watch The Golden Compass?”
“Sure.” I climb to my feet. “Let me grab your pajamas, and then I’ll make the popcorn.”
“I want my pink ones,” she calls after me as I leave the bathroom.
I open her chest of drawers and grab the set she wants, along with underwear. Heading back to the bathroom, I place the clothes on the counter. “See you downstairs.”
“Okay.”
I shut the door behind me, and as I walk to the kitchen, I try to breathe through my own sorrow.
I don’t know how any of us will get through this.
I see Easton sitting on the couch, his forearms resting on his thighs, while he stares down at the floor.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
His head snaps up, and he nods. “Yeah.” Climbing to his feet, he asks, “How’s Lainey doing?”
“As well as can be expected.” I grab the popcorn from the pantry and place it in the microwave. “She wants to watch The Golden Compass. Want to join us?”
“Sure.” He takes a seat at the island and stares at me.
I feel a little awkward and ask, “What?”
“I’m just thankful you’re here.”
His words soothe my broken heart, and I give him a warm smile. “I’m glad to be here.”
“I’ve arranged for a therapist to meet with Lainey,” he informs me.
“That’s good.”
I’ll have to find one as well.
It’s only then that I think about how much it will cost, and I begin to worry that I won’t be able to keep my promise to Rachel.
As if Easton can read my thoughts, he asks, “Would you like to meet with one too?”
Embarrassed to admit the words out loud, I say, “I’ll have to get a job first. Right now, I don’t have money for a therapist.”
He tilts his head. “I’ll pay.” When my lips part, he holds up a hand to stop me from declining. “I want to, Nova. It’s the least I can do to repay you for everything you’ve done for us.”
I’ll be able to keep my promise to Rachel.
Even though I feel uncomfortable, I nod. “Thank you, Easton.”
“I’ll ask Sylvia to find you a good therapist.”
A grateful smile wavers around my mouth while I glance at the fridge where I’ve stuck the piece of paper with all the important phone numbers written in Rachel’s handwriting.
I glance over all of them, and when I see she’s listed a number for a therapist right at the bottom, my heart clenches painfully.
“Rachel already found a therapist for me.” I gesture at the list. “Right at the bottom.”
Easton is quiet for a moment, then he whispers, “She thought of everything.”
My throat strains as a wave of tears threatens to overwhelm me, but I blink them away when the microwave beeps. I take the bag out, and finding a bowl in the cupboard, I pour the popped kernels into it before I look at Easton again.
“We should probably talk about how we’ll share responsibilities where Lainey is concerned,” I mention.
“How do you want to do it?” he asks.
I shrug as I carry the bowl to the island and reply, “I can handle everything school-related.” I think for a moment, then add, “I’ll also handle anything where she has to be out in public because you get swarmed, and honestly, it’s a little distressing.”
He lets out a chuckle. “You’ll get used to it.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. At the bake sale, it looked like those women were a second away from tackling you to the ground.”
“For the most part, they keep their distance.”
“For the most part?” My eyebrows pull together as I give him a worried look.
Letting out a sigh, he climbs to his feet. He comes around the island, and taking hold of my arm, he pulls me into a hug that feels both comforting and intimate.
I’ve noticed he’s touching me more and more. The other night, I fell asleep on his lap, and he didn’t move until I woke up much later.
I also don’t tense up around him anymore.
Easton’s body curves around mine, and it feels unbelievably good. Moments like this are what’s getting me through the heartache.
“Don’t worry about me,” he murmurs, his tone so deep it sends tingles rushing through me.
“I’ll always worry,” I whisper.
Because I love you.
Easton pulls back a little, and with our faces only inches apart, his eyes lock on mine.
“I appreciate that you worry about me,” he says, and the way he looks at me makes me feel special.
His arms are still wrapped around me, and we’re standing so close together it has my heart setting off at a crazy pace and my mouth instantly going bone dry. I can clearly see the light- and dark-gray areas in his irises and every inch of his attractive face.
Nerves and a fluttering of anticipation make my insides quiver.
He begins to lean down, and I hold my breath.
What’s happening?
“I love the smell of popcorn,” Lainey suddenly says as she comes down the stairs.
My face goes up in flames as I yank away from Easton. Grabbing the bowl of popcorn, I carry it to the coffee table in the living room. Feeling utterly confused and rattled, I rush back to the kitchen to get a chocolate.
“What do you want to drink, Lainey?” I ask, and when my voice sounds hoarse, I clear my throat. It only adds to my embarrassment.
He was probably just leaning in to kiss me on the cheek or forehead. He’s done that plenty of times before.
God, I’m seeing things that aren’t there.
And now I’m running around like a headless chicken.