Chapter 22 Easton
Easton
After a shitty night’s sleep, I lie on my bed staring up at the ceiling.
I’ve gone over the kiss and conversation a million times, wishing things had played out differently.
Everything she said made sense. She just got out of an abusive relationship, and we have to think about Lainey.
The bastard in me was hoping Nova wanted me as much as I wanted her.
But damn, it sure felt like she wanted me when I kissed her.
She admitted to being attracted to me, and my gut tells me she loves me.
She just needs time.
My mind races to come up with a plan until I finally decide the only thing I can do is go on as usual.
I’ll show Nova that I’m in her life to stay and that we’re meant to be together.
Nova
Lying on my stomach, I hold the pillow tightly as the memories of last night keep playing on repeat in my mind.
Easton catching me in the living room while I was watching his movie.
Him kissing me, and how amazing it felt.
The horrible talk that followed.
Letting out a sigh, I check the time on my phone, and when I see it’s already past eight in the morning, I know I can’t keep lying here. I have to face whatever awaits me today.
Climbing off the bed, I walk to the closet and grab a dress before heading to the bathroom.
The heartbreak caused by last night’s disaster makes my grief feel a million times heavier and the pit in my stomach bottomless.
While I go through my morning routine, my anxiety grows until it feels like I’ve swallowed a swarm of bees.
God, I’m so nervous. How do I act this morning?
I should wait to see what he does and follow his lead. Right?
What if Easton is angry?
Suck it up and just power through it.
As I’m brushing my teeth, my thoughts keep jumping from one thing to the next until they settle on the kiss. In the stark reality of daylight, I have to wonder whether Easton didn’t act out of grief. It’s only been a week since Rachel passed away.
Maybe he just needed comfort, and things escalated. This morning, he might’ve realized I did the right thing when I said we could never get romantically involved.
I let out another sigh as I rinse my mouth. After patting my face dry, I hang the towel on the rail before reluctantly leaving my room.
Whatever happens, you’ll deal with it. Lainey comes first.
When I reach the top of the stairs, I hear Lainey say, “Can I have another piece of bacon, please?”
“Sure,” Easton replies.
I slowly head down, the aroma of bacon and eggs hanging in the air. When the kitchen comes into view, I see Lainey and Porsha sitting at the island, and Easton’s back is turned to me.
My hands grip the sides of my dress tightly, and my stomach feels like it’s stuck on spin cycle.
Lainey glances over her shoulder, and a sad smile tugs at her lips. “You’re up. We’re having breakfast.”
I take a few steps closer. “Morning.”
“Morning.” Easton glances at me before he places more bacon on Lainey’s plate. “Do you want more, Porsha?”
“No, thank you.”
God, I desperately need caffeine.
I make a beeline for the coffee machine, and as I grab a mug from the cupboard, Easton murmurs, “Sit with the girls. I’ll bring your coffee when it’s ready.”
I glance at him as he moves closer, but before he can reach me, I walk to the island and sit down across from the girls.
I clear my throat and place a hand on the anxious knot where my stomach is supposed to be. Forcing a smile to my face, I ask, “Did you both sleep well?”
Lainey nods. “Yes, but Porsha woke up at the crack of dawn.”
“Only because your hair was in my mouth,” Porsha complains.
Lainey giggles before taking a bite of her bacon.
Easton places a steaming mug of coffee down in front of me, and I dare a quick look at his face. “Thank you.”
“Want some breakfast?” he asks.
Unable to stomach food right now, I shake my head. “Just coffee.”
When he walks away from me, I take a couple of sips while trying not to analyze every single move he makes.
Looking at the girls, there’s a punch to my heart because it reminds me of when Rachel and I were younger.
After their parents died, I spent an entire week at their house. I heated the food the neighbors brought over and made sure they ate. I also kept the place clean and did everything I could to make things easier for them.
“Until what time can Porsha stay?” Lainey asks.
“Her mom’s coming to get her at twelve,” I answer.
Lainey’s face instantly falls. “I wish you could stay longer.”
The next instant, she bursts out in tears, and I quickly get up and rush around the island.
Wrapping my arm around Lainey’s shoulders, I hug her and coo, “I’m sorry you’re hurting, my sweet girl. Shh. I’m here.”
“C-can Porsha stay longer?” she asks through shuddering sobs.
“Of course,” I answer while slightly pulling back. “I’ll call her mom.”
Lainey’s tears lessen, and when I’m sure she’s calming down, I quickly head upstairs to grab my phone. Once I have the device, I press dial on Charlotte’s number while walking back to the kitchen.
“Morning,” Porsha’s mom answers cheerfully.
“Morning. I’m calling because the girls would like to hang out for a while longer.”
“Sure. What time should I pick up Porsha?”
Unsure, I ask, “Maybe before dinner?”
Lainey’s expression fills with hope.
“Great. I’ll be there around six tonight,” Charlotte says.
“Thank you.”
As I end the call, I inform the girls, “Porsha can stay until six p.m.”
Porsha takes hold of Lainey’s hand and asks, “Do you feel better?”
Lainey nods and leans her head on her best friend’s shoulder. “Yeah.”
When I sit down at the island again and pick up my cup of coffee, I ask, “Why don’t you change out of your pj’s? Then you can lie on the couch and watch your favorite movies?”
The girls nod, and slipping off the stools, they head up the stairs.
When Easton’s hand settles on my back, I’m startled, and my body jerks. He quickly pulls away, and his features grow tense with a worried expression as he sits down beside me.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
I nod, and noticing my hand is trembling, I set the mug down and grip my hands tightly together on my lap. I take a fortifying breath before forcing a smile to my face. At least, I hope it looks like a smile, as I ask, “Did you sleep okay?”
God, my nerves are killing me.
He tilts his head, and instead of answering me, he asks, “Are we okay after what happened last night?”
Nope. Not by a long shot.
I quickly nod. “You?”
Easton glances at the living room while saying, “I’m fine.”
It’s clear as daylight we’re both lying.
Lifting my hand, I brush the pad of my finger over the handle of the mug, then I whisper, “I just want what’s best for you and Lainey.”
It takes a long moment before Easton asks, “And what about what’s best for you?”
What I want doesn’t matter.
Turning my head, I meet his gray eyes that seem stormy this morning. “Getting to be here with you and Lainey makes me happy.”
The corner of his mouth lifts slightly. “As long as you’re really happy.”
I force another smile to my lips. “I am.”
Changing the subject, he says, “Remember, the therapists are coming tomorrow morning.”
I nod, and when he gets up and reaches for the girls’ empty plates, I say, “You made breakfast for them. I’ll clean up.”
“Just put everything in the sink. Frances will be in any minute.” He seems to hesitate for a moment before starting to walk away. “I’ll be in the study reading through the scripts.”
“Okay.”
With a heavy heart, I stare after Easton, and once he’s out of my sight, I let out a miserable sigh.
Maybe I can talk to the therapist about Easton and me. I sure could use some advice right now.
God, I miss you, Rach. You’d know exactly how to fix this mess I’ve created.
Sitting on the couch, my knee bounces nervously as I wait for the therapist to finish meeting with Lainey.
My first session went as okay as can be expected. Regina seems nice, and she assured me she’s helped many people deal with past trauma, the loss of a loved one, and the uncertainty of the future.
It took her mere minutes to pick up on my anxiety, and we touched lightly on everything I’m struggling with. She mostly asked questions, which I answered as honestly as possible.
We’ll meet on a weekly basis until I’ve learned to cope better with everything. Before our session ended, she recommended that I try meditating, practicing mindfulness, and breathing exercises to ease my anxiety.
Noticing I’m wound tight, I force my leg to stop jumping and suck in a deep breath before letting it out slowly.
One breath at a time.
One thing at a time.
One day at a time.
“Is Lainey still with Eden?” Easton suddenly asks from behind me.
“Yes.” I check the time on my phone. “They’re running a little late.”
Movement from outside draws our attention as Eden and Lainey get up from the chairs on the veranda. Easton darts forward to open the sliding doors, and as they step inside, he asks, “How did it go?”
“I’m going upstairs,” Lainey says, her eyes red and swollen from crying.
I quickly look at the therapist, and once Lainey is out of hearing distance, she says, “Lainey is an amazing little girl, but she’s struggling to cope with the sudden loss of her mother.
It’s going to take a few sessions to help her work through the complex emotions.
” Eden pulls her phone out and looks at it, then says, “I’d like to see her on a weekly basis.
Once she returns to school, we can move the session to the afternoons or have them on Saturdays. ”
“Afternoons will be better,” Easton replies. Worry creases his forehead as he asks, “Will she be okay, though?”
Eden gives us a reassuring smile. “Everyone deals with grief differently, and I can’t say how long it will take before she feels better, but she’ll get there eventually.”
Easton nods. “Thank you for coming.” His eyes only touch on me briefly. “I’ll check on Lainey.”
“I’ll walk you out,” I tell Eden and head in the direction of the front door with her. “Thank you again for coming over.”
“Enjoy the rest of your day.” She smiles politely as she walks to her car and climbs into the driver’s seat.
Letting out a sigh, I head back into the house, and when I look at all the bouquets that were sent to Easton after Rachel passed away, I notice the flowers in the vase are wilted and need to be replaced. It’s something Rachel insisted on doing on a weekly basis.
“I need to get fresh ones,” I whisper to myself before I go upstairs to check on Lainey as well.