Chapter 5
Home is where you can’t stand to be.
— Shayne’s secret thoughts
SHAYNE
2 years later
I stared at the casket where I was sitting between Quinn and Ande and wondered if I’d made the right decision.
I’d wanted to be here for both of them.
I’d left a high-paying contract to be here with Ande , and I’d pretty much screwed myself because I didn’t have the same excuse as Ande had.
Yet , I’d done it anyway.
And not just for Ande .
For Quinn .
It’d been years of barely controlling our anger with each other, yet today, we’d put that particular vendetta aside.
Addison was Quinn’s baby sister. Addison was Ande’s twin.
And I felt truly horrible about how this had all panned out.
She’d committed suicide while on duty in Germany and today they were finally able to hold her funeral.
Hence my being there.
I wouldn’t have been anywhere else.
I loved Quinn .
I’d always love Quinn .
Even if our love wasn’t enough for him.
Ande started to sniffle, and Keene , the man who was slowly starting to burrow his way into her heart, took her hand, pulling her into his embrace.
Just as I was about to take the space that Ande’s body movement allowed me, Quinn caught my shoulder and pulled me right into his body.
I hated, absolutely loathed, the way I wanted to melt into him.
I stayed stiff for as long as I could, but then I felt him starting to shake, and realized he was barely hanging on.
He needed me.
I raised my hand and caught his finger. Just one. Like I’d always done.
His hand was too big for me to hold it comfortably, and like always, he squeezed my fist between his two fingers.
I felt my stomach lurch.
The music started, and then the slide show began, and I lost my battle with my tears.
Quinn didn’t cry.
He probably never had before.
He certainly hadn’t done it in my presence.
So I cried for us both.
I cried all the tears and hated myself just a little bit more.
Addison was Ande’s other half.
She’d be lost without her.
But she and Quinn had shared a special bond. They’d always loved watching Anime together, and now he wouldn’t have that outlet. Who would he get ideas from about what Anime show to watch next? Who would he talk about his favorite episodes with?
I’d tried, and failed, to get into Anime for him.
It just wasn’t something I’d ever been able to fall in love with.
“ And all the family, would you please stand up and make your way to the reception area?”
Everyone stood up, including me.
Quinn dropped my shoulder but caught my hand in his as he led the way out of the seats.
I followed behind, checking over my shoulder as I did to make sure that Keene had Ande .
Keene made eye contact with me, and I nodded my thanks.
I liked Keene .
I didn’t know him all that well yet, but I had a feeling we would be good friends as long as he loved my Ande like she deserved.
I could already tell that he was feeling a whole hell of a lot about her, too, based solely on the way he was trying to protect her.
We made it outside, but surprisingly Quinn didn’t stop tugging on my hand until we were away from all the people who were pouring out of the church behind us.
Once we were pretty far away from the doors, he caught me in his arms and whispered desperately against my ear.
“ I need tonight,” he whispered, sounding breathless.
Pulling back, I studied his face, his tired eyes, the exhaustion written in every line of his body.
I was seconds away from saying yes to him when I heard the woman’s voice call his name.
Elliette .
The bitch.
She’d been a constant reminder over the last few years that what Quinn and I had was over.
She interrupted us every. Single . Time .
She’d call just to talk. She’d call over and over again if he didn’t answer.
She’d call back.
It was annoying as fuck, and I couldn’t stand her.
As far as I was able to find out, whatever relationship she and Quinn shared wasn’t sexual, even if I knew without a doubt that she wanted it to be.
Ande assured me that Quinn only saw her as a friend.
Then again, so had all of his brothers, even though I hadn’t asked for that information.
He pulled back only far enough that he could turn his head but kept ahold of my waist.
“ Elliette , can you give us a few minutes?” he asked.
She tilted her head but didn’t stop coming up to us.
Acting like she hadn’t heard him, she said, “ I’ve been looking for you. I was going to sit with you but they said only family.”
She looked at me then accusingly.
I was family, bitch, I wanted to scream.
Instead , I tried to pull away, but Quinn wasn’t having any of it.
He held on tight, letting Elliette know without saying any words that she was interrupting.
“ A minute, Elliette ,” he ordered.
And , as if she finally chose to listen to him, she said, “ Oh ! Sure . Have the reunion with her. Would you like to meet up at the bar later for a drink? Six like usual?”
Meaning , this was something they did all the time, and I was interrupting.
“ No ,” he growled, sounding angry.
Still not catching a clue, Elliette continued to stand there.
But then something caught Quinn’s attention over my shoulder, and I knew based solely on how quickly Quinn let me go that it was none other than my brother.
I looked over my shoulder and sure enough, there he was.
He had his eyes on me, but his body was stiff, like he wanted to say something but wouldn’t.
Over the years, I’d made it known that my personal life wasn’t Costas’s business. And , Costas being Costas , had decided to give me that, despite his unhappiness.
He only did that when I wasn’t home, though.
He still liked to make trouble.
The moment I was gone, it was back to war.
God , I hated the gang and everything it entailed.
I wish they’d never taken hold of my brother.
I wished even more that my brother could see that his presence in that gang was slowly killing me, leeching the life right out of my body one day at a time.
Quinn pulled away even more, then said, “ Elliette , want to go back inside?”
If that wasn’t a sucker punch to the gut, I didn’t know what was.
The moment she stepped toward us, I gave them my back and headed in my brother’s direction, anger written all over my face.
He waited until I was next to him before he said, “ If it wasn’t necessary to be here, I wouldn’t have come.”
I crossed my arms and said, “ Why’d you come?”
“ To pay my respects,” he paused. “ And to tell you something before you took off again.”
I didn’t like the sound of that.
“ What ?” I breathed, worried now.
“ Nonna’s sick,” he blurted.
I looked over at him with surprise. “ What ?”
“ She’s dying, honey,” he said. “ Slowly . She has stomach cancer.”
I closed my eyes as the tears that’d been threatening to spill since Quinn had chosen Elliette over me finally did.
“ When did you find out?” I breathed.
He clenched his hand on the steering wheel before saying, “ Last week. We were working up the nerve to call you home.”
I dropped my head. “ How long did they give her?”
“ It’s early,” he answered. “ But since she’s not willing to get treatment, it’s going to be painful for a while for her.”
I swallowed hard.
Our stubborn Nonna .
Damn her.
“ Sing with me, Nonna ?” I said later.
My Nonna , my best friend growing up, smiled at me.
The smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“ What shall we sing, my Nipotina ?” Nonna asked.
“ Over the Rainbow ,” I suggested.
Nonna caught my hand, and then we started singing.
We sang until Nonna got too tired.
And even then, I kept singing.
Maybe if I didn’t stop, the world wouldn’t intrude.