Chapter 30 #2
The party dragged on for what felt like hours, but finally Niamh thanked everyone, and one by one, the partygoers filed out the door.
Cillian stood on one side of the line, Niamh on the other, both of them thanking everybody on their way out.
I didn’t want to be part of the crowd, hoping I could slip out unnoticed once the room was completely emptied.
Finally, both Cillian and Niamh left, the door clicking closed behind them, and I let out a sigh of relief and slumped against the wall.
I felt completely drained of every fucking emotion, completely spent.
Completely empty. I walked down the stairs, the candlelight flickering, the room dim and dark with the moon shining through the stained-glass windows, painting a silvery picture across the wood floors.
I had no doubt in my mind that the castle would accept Niamh.
It would give her a key any day now, and I wondered where on her body it would appear.
I looked at my chest, where Niamh had traced my key with such wonder and delight, remembering how my body had responded, coming to life under her touch.
I banged my fist against the wall right next to the door, leaving an imprint that Morton would be horrified by, and let out a frustrated yell. If only I were good enough for her. If only I could be what she needed, what she deserved. But I was too fucking broken.
I reached for the door handle as it burst open. Niamh stood there, bosom heaving.
“Oh!” Her hands flew up to her chest.
From this close, I could see the dried tear streaks on her cheeks, her swollen eyelids, and red-rimmed eyes. I’d done that. I’d fucking done that, and I hated myself for it.
She hadn’t deserved my anger. If anything, she deserved my kindness. She deserved the truth, and I’d gone about it in completely the wrong way. Cillian’s words echoed in my mind: She has feelings for you, you idiot, and you broke her heart.
“What are you—” she started, and I grabbed her by her hips, pushing her up against the wall and crushing my mouth to hers.
She stiffened at first, and I worried that Cillian had read the situation wrong, that she wasn’t in love with me. But then she melted under my touch, her mouth opening, her lips eagerly responding to mine.
She brought her hands up around my neck and threaded them together, her fingers dancing over my skin. Prickles of heat erupted everywhere her fingers touched, every place her body pressed to mine. I would devour this woman, or maybe she’d devour me, and I’d gladly let her.
I lifted her leg, hand skimming up her silken skin until I was gripping her thigh and pinning it against my waist. She ground her pelvis against my stiffening cock, and it was the most glorious feeling I might’ve ever had in my life, her panties damp, her need for me evident.
She was divine, and in this moment, I could let myself believe she was mine. All mine.
I kissed her harder, a feral growl escaping my lips as a soft moan escaped hers that I wanted to hear again and again and again. It was my favorite sound. So many new favorites constantly being discovered with Niamh Merridon.
“Wolfe, we need to talk,” she said between heavy breaths, still kissing me as she ran her tongue over my bottom lip, sending shockwaves through me.
Her words lingered between us, bringing me crashing down, the reality of them weighing heavy on me. We need to talk.
I broke off the kiss abruptly, heart hammering as I remembered Cillian’s admission about Niamh’s feelings.
“It’s not you.” I tried to get control of my breathing as she touched her lips, dazed and looking so happy it rent my heart in half.
“What I said earlier, I didn’t mean it. I was pushing you away. ”
She gave me a shy smile. “It’s okay.” She moved toward me again, and I held up my hands, confusion flitting in her green eyes.
“It’s not okay. I never should’ve said those words. I should’ve told you the truth.”
“What is the truth, Wolfe?” She cupped my cheek, and I turned into her touch, unable to help myself.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.”
“Well, that’s convenient.” Her smiled widened. “Because I think I’m—”
I stepped back again, cutting her off once more. “Don’t. Don’t say it.”
She froze. “Why?”
“Because I’m not the man you need, Niamh.”
Maybe she’d opened me up a little, but eventually, my darkness would spread.
It would blot out her light. I’d be distant or grumpy or mean, and I’d hurt her, just like I had my family.
And Cillian would always have to be my priority.
Niamh deserved someone who could love her fully, give her all their attention and adoration. That person could never be me.
Understanding filled her eyes, but she didn’t speak.
“Niamh, you’re amazing. You’re kind and you’re curious and you’re so brave, even if you don’t realize it. You’re all the best parts of this world; everything good about it is inside of you.”
Her eyes watered.
“I’m not any of those things.” I pressed my hands to my chest. “You can’t fix me. Nothing can, and I can’t let this go any further because it’ll only lead to you getting hurt.”
I couldn’t imagine why she loved me, what she saw in me, but whatever it was, she was wrong.
She stared at me, her fingers touching the lips that I’d just gotten to kiss, slightly swollen. Her hair was mussed like mine must’ve been. She’d never looked more beautiful, and she’d never looked more sad. “I understand,” she said finally.
“I can’t train you anymore.”
Her bottom lip quivered. “Okay.”
I surged forward, unable to resist touching her one more time. I hooked my finger under her chin and tipped her head up. “You don’t need me to train you. You never did. You’re already the bravest person I know, Niamh.”
I leaned forward, lips hovering right over hers. She sucked in a sharp breath, and I knew that if I kissed her again, I’d never stop.
I stepped back, the loss of her warmth hitting me, and walked out the door, refusing to look back. “Goodbye.”