Chapter 11
“Everything okay?” Cole asked with a concerned frown as he met me at the door. “Did the paps give you a hard time?”
“No. Luca and the rest of the guys did an awesome job keeping them at bay. Thank you.”
“What is it then?” Cole closed the door behind us and turned to face me with a furrowed brow. “Did something happen with your family? I thought they were all Team Co-Ember.”
I laughed. “Co-Ember? Is that a new month? You better not be trying to rename Mom’s Twelve Days of Christmas. That’s an institution in Tahoe, I’ll have you know.”
“I guess it’s the media’s name for us. Our ‘ship name or whatever.”
“Oh my god. Seriously?”
“I happen to like it.” Cole grinned at me as he stepped toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “So spill. What’s got you all angsty?”
I gave a shrug that felt more like a twitch. “I’ve been thinking about drawing, and it hit me today while I was standing in my childhood bedroom. I wanted, needed to draw something. But I’m worried I’ve lost it. I mean, I know I can’t do a backbend anymore because it’s been years since gymnastics. What if I’ve lost my art mojo?”
“There’s pretty much only one way to find out.”
I sighed a big gust of air then nodded like I was gearing up to face an executioner. “That’s what I’m all angsty about. I’m kinda afraid to find out, but it’s like this itch under my skin. Now that I’ve started thinking about it, I can’t stop.”
“Well, how about I go into my office and work on this song that’s been bugging me ever since I met you, and you go into the bedroom and see what you can do with your pencils. Then we meet up in an hour? Before your family gets here? And if you get frustrated or whatever, feel free to interrupt me. I’d love nothing more than to help you work through your frustration.” He gave me a mock leer.
I giggled and rolled my eyes at his insanity. But it helped. I know it wasn’t life or death, but it was my future—maybe—so I was nervous. But less so now. “Thanks, Cole. You know, you’re kind of amazing.”
“I’ve kind of heard something like that a time or two.” His smug smile still made my heart race. “But it means a hellova lot coming from you.”
After a steamy, toe-curling kiss, Cole stepped back and gave me an encouraging pat on my butt. “Now go get ‘em. Break a leg or whatever. What encouraging shit do they say to artists?”
“Practice saying ‘do you want fries with that?’ At least that’s what I always heard in the hallways in the art building.”
“Hey, do you want a spanking? ‘Cause it sounds like you’re trying to lure me in with naughty behavior.”
I’d been a few steps away, but paused at Cole’s interesting threat.
He must’ve seen the fire in my eyes because he shook his head. “Oh no. I’m on to you now, missy. No spanking until after you make some art. So get going. I want to see at least one art in the next hour. Hop to!”
“One art?” I laughed then squeal when he stomped threateningly in my direction. “I’m going! I’m going!”
“And we’re totally circling back to that whole backbend/gymnastics thing later. Don’t think I didn’t make note of that little truth nugget.”
My laughter echoed around me in the hallway as I made my way to our bedroom. And my heart was so much lighter when I pulled out my art supplies I’d gathered from my parents’ house. I didn’t have much, but I definitely had enough to do a few landscape sketches at least.
I set up under the huge bay window, pushing a side table into the space and angling a comfortable chair behind it. Then I carefully lined my pencils and erasers up on one side of the pad, sharpening a few that needed it and arranged them in order of size then in order of preference.
Gah.
Just start already!
The pencil felt awkward and weird in my hand at first. My lines too dark. Too sharp. Just all wrong.
So wrong.
I balled up my first page and tossed it over my shoulder.
A few flakes of snow fluttered past the window, and my eyes flicked to the tall pine trees surrounding the house. The way the light filtered through. The soft puddles of snow collected on a few branches. The absolute stillness of the moment.
Perfect inspo for a drawing.
My hand flew over the paper. Drawing lines. Shading with the pencil then smudging with my finger. I drew completely uninterrupted for several minutes, my heart racing like I was in that stupid cardio class Chrissy had made me go to with her a few weeks back.
Cardio made me think of my new favorite workout—AKA sleeping with Cole—which made me think of that expression on his face when we talked to Jace about the statement and what we wanted to label us as. That burning look of desire, tinged with so much more.
I ripped my landscape off, left it on the table, and headed for the bed. Something about drawing Cole demanded that I get horizontal. I sprawled out on my side with my sketch pad next to me. Here on the bed, I could so easily picture that look on his face.
I drew and drew.
Page after page littered the bed around me. So many expressions on his face I was dying to capture. Lust. Joy. Concentration. The way his hands looked when he touched me. The absolute forearm porn when he rolled back his sleeves to make dinner.
I had no idea how much time passed. I just knew I had to capture them all.
“Wow.”
I blinked and realized Cole—the real Cole—was now standing above me. He stared at the mess covering the bed then picked a paper up and studied it. The expression on his face mirrored the one I was currently trying to capture. Concentration. That wrinkle in his forehead wasn’t right. I grabbed an eraser and rubbed it on the spot on the page then tried again.
Papers rustled in the background, but I was focused on the way his hair fell over his forehead. That rumpled spiky mess I loved to run my fingers through.
“December, this is amazing. I don’t…I can’t… wow . I don’t know what to say.”
“Huh?” I jerked my head up and the room slowly came back into focus. The dim afternoon light still filtering through the window. The chaos of our bed. Papers everywhere. Some balled up, others rumpled as I’d moved on to another spark. Absolute insanity.
“Sorry. I kinda lost track of time. Is my family here already?”
“Already? You’ve been locked in here for three hours.” Cole put down the paper in his hands and picked up another one. His breath hitched as he looked at it. “I can’t believe you did this with only those pencils. This is amazing, December.”
I’d never been good at taking a compliment. When I looked at the drawings around me, all I saw were the things I should fix. The way his ear wasn’t quite right. And I really should’ve shaded his scruff in more there. “I need to fix something on that one, actually.”
I reached out to take it from him, but Cole danced away. “What? No. In fact I might want to make this one my album cover. This is fucking awesome.”
“Oh god. In that case, let me fix it. Please. It’s not done.”
“Are you kidding me? I mean look at this, December.” Cole turned the page around and waved it at me. “You’ve got a gift. This is fucking amazing. This is what you’re meant to do. You have to go all in on your art. I won’t let you talk yourself out of it.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off of Cole’s expression in the drawing. The intensity in his eyes.
The burning look of love.
The same expression Cole was currently wearing.
My heart thudded unevenly and my breath hitched. “You looked at me just like that when we were talking to Jace this morning about what to say in the statement to the press. That was when I knew.”
“Knew what?”
I smiled tremulously. “That was when I knew I was falling for you, Cole the man. Not Cole Jackson, pop singer superstar. But Cole, the barefoot man in his kitchen who looked at me like that then…and right now.”
Tears blurred my vision for a second, and I swiped them away.
“Fuck.” Paper crinkled around us as Cole came down on the bed. He crawled across until he was on top of me, arms braced next to me, holding his weight as he looked down at me with tears welling in his eyes. He shook his head, his lips quivering with emotion. “Well you better catch the fuck up because I’ve fallen the whole way. I love you, December James. The woman. The artist. The clutzy grocery delivery woman. My lover. My everything. It happened so fast, but when you know, you know. And I know that I love you so goddamn much.”
Then we were kissing. Wildly. Passionately. Hands clutching. Hips grinding. I had to get closer to him. I had to feel him inside me.
In the distance, a bell chimed. The lyrical sound rolling through the mostly empty home.
We kept kissing. Tugging at each other’s clothes. Hands caressing.
The bell came again.
Cole pulled back with a curse. “Dammit. I think your family is here.”
“What?” I kissed his firm, stubble covered jaw. “I bet if we’re really quiet they’ll go away.”
“December.” He groaned. “We promised the kids sledding. And snowmobiling.”
My phone trilled from wherever my pants had ended up. No doubt my mom calling.
I groaned and my head fell back onto the bed. After a beat, Cole rolled off and grabbed my phone from my pants. He handed it to me then pulled his shirt back on.
“Hey Mom. We’re coming, I swear. Cole’s house is just ridiculously big. We’ll let you all in in just a sec,” I babbled as I shimmied into my pants. I was hoping if I bombarded her with information, she’d let the awkwardness go.
I should’ve known better.
“Honey, if you guys are—” she paused and whispered loudly, “ having sex we can take the kids for hot chocolate or something. Your sisters aren’t even here. They’re coming over later to pick up the kids. They’re probably enjoying some one-on-one time with their spouses too, if you know what I mean.”
“Gah, Mom.” I shuddered. “Pretty sure the owls behind the house know what you mean. It’s a huge house, and I’m, uh, just getting out of the shower. We’ll be there in a second.” And then I hung up on her, tossing my phone onto the bed.
Cole’s lips twitched like he was fighting a smile. “So I take it your family is here…”
I groaned and shook my head. “How much of that did you hear?”
“Enough to know that our moms are totally going to be best friends. Mine is just as crazy as yours. Actually, I’d say more.”
I snorted. “Impossible.”
“Mine has been impatiently waiting for me to bring a serious girlfriend home to her for years. She even started hinting that she knew some guys she could set me up with.” He laughed. “Like I don’t know any gay guys in LA.”
I smiled back then something he’d said niggled in my brain and my smile fell away. “You make it sound like you’ve never been in a serious relationship. When was the last time you’ve dated someone? Like in an actual relationship, dated them. Because the media makes it seem like you’re with a new girl every month.”
Oh god. My breath seized in my chest. I was actually thinking about putting my whole life on hold while I chased after this man, who was the definition of a bad boyfriend bet. Was all that before just lip service? Did he really love me?
What was I thinking? Of course he didn’t—couldn’t—it’d only been like a week. Who fell in love in a week? I was so stupid.
“We’ve talked about this before.” Cole grabbed something from the nightstand then headed for the door.
“Nuh-uh. I would’ve remembered,” I called as I chased after him.
“Do you really think now is the time to have this conversation? I mean your family is literally sitting on the doorstep. Let’s talk about it later.”
“ Cole .” I stopped in the middle of his kitchen and tried not to have a mental breakdown. “I’m not, I can’t… This is crazy! I know nothing about you—because you won’t tell me anything. And here I am thinking I’m going to run away from my career and potential livelihood to chase after a man who can’t even tell me the tiniest detail about himself. What am I doing? What are we doing?”
“Uh, it sounds to me like you just realized you told a guy you’re falling for him and are panicking.” He laughed and muttered under his breath, “and I thought I had relationship hangups.” Taking in my less than impressed expression, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Any chance this can wait since your parents and nieces and nephews are currently freezing on our front step?”
“Just…just promise me that we’ll talk about this later? Please?”
“Of course.” Cole crossed back into the kitchen and gave a sweet, soft kiss. “And I also promise that you have nothing to worry about. I’m in, December. I’m so in, I’ve invited your family to invade our home. How much more in can I get?”
“I’ll count it once you let me in here,” I murmured before tapping his temple.
“Deal. Coz you’re already in here.” He stepped back and tapped the center of his chest.
And I melted. This man.
The doorbell trilled through the house again.
“Shit. My family!” I cried as I ran down the hallway to the front door.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Cole laughed.
I undid the lock and pulled the door open.
“Finally!” Ollie pushed past me and stomped into the house.
“Hey!” I cried. “Nice to see you too.”
“We just saw you yesterday, Aunt December.” Ethan, Belle’s oldest son at seven, scowled. “I wanna go sledding.”
“Okay. Everyone, get into your sledding gear.” My dad clapped his hands. “Coats, hats, gloves. Big kids, help your little sisters and brothers. Hi, honey.” He gave me a quick side hug before pushing past me into the house to help the kids get ready.
It hadn’t occurred to me they wouldn’t already be wearing their heavy coats and gloves. Now I really felt bad leaving them on the front porch.
A point my mom had no problem driving home. “Next time make it an actual quickie, would you, sweetie? It’s cold outside.”
Needless to say, my face was flaming as I helped the littles get ready to sled.