Chapter 12
Hours later, the kids were exhausted. We’d sledded. Built snowmen. Had a snowball fight. Cole took them all on the snowmobile. It’d been so much fun but also so exhausting. I needed a break.
So when Mom offered to put together hot chocolate and a snack for the kids, I ran away to the mudroom to “straighten up.”
Really, all I wanted to do was collapse and catch my breath without a cute kid trying to tackle me into submission.
The door clicked shut behind me, and I slumped onto the comfy couch in the corner.
“Scoot.”
I jumped at Cole’s soft-spoken command. Apparently he’d had the same thought and had followed me into the mudroom. Stealthy bastard. I hadn’t even realized he was behind me.
“You ready to talk?” Cole asked with a serious expression after he settled next to me on the sofa.
“I, uh, yeah. Sure.” I blinked at him expectantly.
After a long moment, Cole laughed softly and said, “I guess I’ll go first. I know I owe you an apology. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how lopsided our relationship was. And that’s not okay.”
I sighed. “I think it started with our first dinner. I talked about me and my life, but every time I tried to get you to open up, you deflected.”
“Right. And I’m sorry. I just…I’ve been so guarded for so long. My default setting is suspicion. In LA, I kinda felt like I was being used—for status, for looks—all that surface bullshit that doesn’t mean shit. And that all came to a head when I was with Danielle Dawson.”
I sucked in a breath when he brought up his uber famous ex. Danielle was famous for being famous. She posted on social media, occasionally did some modeling jobs, but she infamously didn’t have any “conventional” talent.
“I overheard a conversation she was having with her sister, and it made me feel so fucking stupid. I thought I was in a relationship, that I found someone who got me—the real me—but then I heard her bragging about how many followers she’d picked up since we’d gone official. How many likes her last post about us got. How many entertainment news shows were talking about us. She didn’t give a shit about me . She just wanted to get more famous, so she could launch her beauty empire.” He shook his head and his lip curled, his disgust plain to see. “So I broke up with her, and I stopped dating. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve hooked up here and there, but there hasn’t been anyone serious in a long time. I’ve built up some walls. Apparently some really thick walls.”
“I still can’t believe you’ve gone from Danielle Dawson to me,” I muttered mostly to myself.
But Cole heard me all the same. “You’re worth just as much as fucking Danielle Dawson. More .” Passion rang through his words. “You actually care about people. You show up. You love with your whole goddamn heart. I’ve seen you with your family. Playing with the kids. Teasing your mom. It’s why I fell for you, December. Like I said before, I’m in. I’m all the way in.”
I smiled tremulously. Hearing his naked emotion, the reasons why he loved me, was every-fucking-thing. The room blurred because of the tears in my eyes. “Thank you. But you have to keep opening up to me. Because I love how I feel when I’m around you. But if you keep me separate and stop letting me in, then this won’t work. I want the kind of relationship that my parents have. I’m not interested in being surface with each other. I want a partner, not a pretty dinner date.”
“Same.” He rested his forehead against mine. “But you are goddamn beautiful at dinner, and when you first wake up in the morning, and when you’re swamped in snow gear. Every time I look at you, I can’t believe you’re mine.”
“Same.” My lips quirked as I repeated his vow.
He was laughing as he kissed me, and my heart felt near to bursting with emotion. This man.
Before our kiss could get too heated, he pulled back and murmured, “We should probably get back to your family.”
Nothing cooled passion quicker than picturing my mom walking in on us.
Or worse, one of the kids.
“Right.” I jumped up from the sofa and held my hands out to Cole. “The sooner we get back to them, the sooner they get out. Coz I have plans for you, mister.”
“Oooh, is it a nude drawing? I’ve always wanted to be a nude model.”
“I think that could be arranged…”
* * *
The next few days passed way too fast. We spent Christmas morning together in bed, exchanging smiles, kisses, and orgasms. Then we headed over to my parents’ house for the usual James family Christmas morning insanity. Everyone in pajamas—adults included—for my parents’ presents and Christmas brunch.
The look on Cole’s face when he’d realized my parents had gotten him a present too had made me teary-eyed. He hadn’t expected it, but it’d clearly meant the world to him to be included. And he’d immediately put the ridiculous ear flap hat and warm gloves on and wore them the rest of the morning despite it being crazy warm in the house.
It was cute. And everything.
Cole had started opening up more with me. Telling me about his family. Growing up outside of LA. How he felt when he performed a song he’d written. The intense euphoria when the audience sang his words back to him. How he’d learned how to cook despite being Mr. Rock-Super-Star.
How much he couldn’t wait to introduce me to his parents.
And then two days after Christmas, he dropped a bomb on me. Right before my family was due to arrive for more sledding fun.
Again .
“I leave in two days.”
His words were softly spoken but reverberated around us in the still kitchen. I had been cleaning up our breakfast mess and had just turned off the tap. I stared at the water swirling down the drain. I knew this day was coming—we both did. But I’d been dreading and avoiding the subject every time he’d tried to bring it up. Figured he’d spring it on me when I was on the other side of the room and couldn’t distract him with a kiss or caress.
I nodded sadly. “I kinda figured.” I still couldn’t turn around and face him. “It’s not like we can stay here in this bubble forever.”
Paps were still crawling all over Tahoe, trying to get a picture of us together. It was so bad that Christmas morning my dad had actually cleaned out enough of the garage so we could pull a car in to let Cole enter the house unseen and not cause mayhem.
We hadn’t left Cole’s cabin since.
I can’t believe I was going to miss that. I’d thought the insular isolation would drive me crazy, but it’d been comforting. Hell, who was I kidding? It was Cole. Being near him. Kissing him. Just holding his hand and cuddling with him while we watched tv was everything.
I was going to miss him .
“I want you to come with me.”
I whipped around and blinked at him in amazement. “ What? ”
I thought he was letting me down easy. Or at least setting the scene for us to talk about options. But no, not Cole Jackson. He was jumping straight in, feet first.
Why was I surprised?
“This—” he gestured between us. “Makes sense. You make me happy. And like I told you a few days ago, I’m all in. I fucking love you. Come with me.”
“Cole…” I didn’t know what to say. It was scary. My whole life I’d done the safe, expected thing. I’d gone to school, gotten the degree, grabbed a job.
And I’d hated every freaking second of it.
I’d let my art fall into a hobby then completely gave up on it because my soul was dying in that fucking corporate job. Until I met Cole. This amazing man who fed my soul and made me feel like I was finally living.
But I couldn’t forget that this wasn’t a regular, easy man to fall for. We might’ve been in a bubble here, but I knew the second we left, insanity was going to follow us everywhere—tear into my life, try to tear us apart—and what would I have then? No career, no family nearby to fall back on. I’d be all alone.
“I-I-I…” I sighed. “It’s such a big step.”
“Is it though?” Cole stepped toward me, stopping just in front of me and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Then he cupped my cheek, and the look in his eyes—that certainty—stole my breath. “Sometimes you just know. This doesn’t have to move by someone’s idea of an acceptable timetable. It’s just me and you here. What do you want? What’s right for you and me?”
“Of course I want you.”
“Fantastic!” Joy lit up his face, and it killed me to keep talking.
“But you didn’t let me finish.” I groaned at the confusion clouding his face now. “Come on, Cole. You’ve got to give me a second to catch up. I mean, it’s not a surprise that this was coming. But I might have been living in denial the last few days. How about you give me a minute to sort through my feelings and…just everything? This is a huge step.”
The doorbell pealed through the house. Remembering the embarrassment of last time—and maybe running from this confrontation—I squeezed his hand and headed for the front door. “We’ll talk about it after, okay?”
“Promise? You won’t try to distract me with kisses or that backbend thing we were talking about earlier?”
I rolled my eyes. “I promise.”
“Okay then.” He shrugged and tried to look unaffected, but I knew him.
Extending my hand to him, I waited until he crossed the room and took it. I pulled him close to me and kissed him sweetly. Which quickly turned dirty and sexy. Until the doorbell pealed through the house again. Pushing him away, I pointed a finger at him. “Who’s distracting who here?”
He smirked at me. “Just reminding you of one of the many perks of picking me.”
“Like it’s a wonder why I’d be with you.” I snorted and opened the door to my family.
“Finally!” Aspyn scowled, stomping past me into the house. “We were freezing our behinds off out there.”
“Sorry,” I muttered, smiling apologetically at my mom at the back of the pack.
“This is nothing, Asp!” Mom grinned. “Last time we had to call her on the phone and ring the doorbell five more times. It took like ten minutes.”
“It wasn’t that long,” I protested.
“Yeah, well, I don’t have her new number,” Aspyn snarked as she unabashedly gawked at Cole’s chalet. The vaulted ceilings with timber beams. The see through fireplace in the middle of the room. The gorgeous kitchen.
“What are you talking about?” I frowned. “I sent it out in a big group text. I texted Matt yesterday morning.”
Aspyn rolled her eyes and stomped toward the backdoor all the kids were crowding around. “We’re sledding out here?”
And then she was out the door in a whirl of screams and shouts from the kids.
I turned back and blinked in confusion. “What’s—What did I do?”
Mom patted my arm on the way by. “Nothing, sweetie. She’s just not adjusting well to all the changes. She’ll come around.”
Belle gave me a bitter smile that told me she knew all about it and wasn’t going to spill the beans.
“She’s just a jealous harpy,” Chrissy muttered. “She saw something in the Babbler this morning and has been pouting like a two-year-old ever since. Don’t let it screw up your mojo with your man.”
I turned, my eyes searching the room for Cole, and found him standing with my dad and Myles in the kitchen, but all his attention was on me. He tilted his head in a wordless question, and a sense of peace settled in my heart. I smiled back at him and shook my head slightly. I didn’t need a save. I had this.
And I didn’t give a shit about what the Babbler had decided to write about today. I knew the truth. That truth being that I loved Cole Jackson and he loved me. Everyone who had a problem with that could fuck right off.
I turned back to Chrissy and grinned. “Are you playing in the snow or enjoying the warmth in here instead?”
“Oh, I’m playing.” She held up her gloved hands with a mischievous smile. “I’m strapped and waiting on you, princess.”
“Princess?” I sneered with a toss of my head. “I’ll show you princess.”
Then we raced to the mudroom and after pulling on the rest of our snow gear, we jostled to leave the back door at the same time just like we had as kids.
And just like when we were kids, Chrissy lost.
We frolicked in the snow—sledding, had a snowball fight, and built snowmen with the kiddos. Remembering to actually take pictures, unlike last time, I pulled out my phone, but the message alert that flashed on my lock screen had my blood freezing more than the frigid temperature.
Email notification: From Johanna Libra at Globex Corporation
Hi December,
We were impressed with your resume and would like to arrange…
With shaking hands, I clicked on the alert and read the email. I didn’t even remember applying to whatever Globex Corporation was, but back when I’d first been laid off, I’d taken a more shotgun approach to applying for jobs. If they wanted a junior marketing associate, I’d applied.
I should reply to the email. That was the smart decision to make, right?
I’d be insane to turn down an opportunity with an actual company, doing what I’d trained the last eight years for, in order to chase after a rock star and a pipedream of an art career. We could flame out in a few days or weeks, and then where would I be?
My eyes flicked to Cole frolicking in the snow with Olly. They’d built an igloo of sorts and were trying to construct the roof, but it kept collapsing on them, which devolved into a snowball fight full of giggles and screeches.
My heart clenched.
What was the right decision? How did I pick?
I didn’t know what to do.