Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
GABE
We got back from the wedding two nights ago, and Hallie has made a concerted effort to avoid being alone with me ever since.
If Abbie isn’t here to act as a buffer, then neither is she.
It’s like she’s still staying out in the guesthouse, trying to keep out of my way, even though she’s sleeping down the hall.
I pushed her too far. Pretending to be in a relationship is one thing, but kissing her like that? That was real for me. And my feelings have always been a little too much for Hallie to handle. It somehow feels worse this time, though. Like we took two steps forward and now we’ve gone ten back.
And now that I know what it’s like to live without her, I’m more determined than ever to fix this before it’s too late.
I finish pulling the leftovers from the fridge when I hear footsteps behind me. “Hey,” I say over my shoulder.
The footsteps slow, then stop altogether. “Hey,” Hallie says. Her tone is careful. “Where’s Abbie?”
I turn to face her and shrug. “She wanted to spend the night with her mom again.”
After I suggested it .
I didn’t plan to ambush Hallie, but we do need to talk. I need to know where her head is at. We can’t keep living like this, with her tiptoeing again.
“Oh.” Hallie chews on her lower lip. “Okay. I’m just gonna grab something to eat and then I’ll be out of your hair.”
She doesn’t make eye contact as she walks around me, toward the pantry. That won’t do.
“Hallie.”
She pauses. “Yeah?”
“Are we…okay?”
For the first time, I let my worry bleed into my words.
I’ve gotten used to her constant presence, and I’ve felt unsteady these past forty-eight hours without her.
Even when she was here, she wasn’t here , and I’ll be damned if I don’t find some way to bring her back.
I need her, in whatever way she’ll let me have her.
Finally, she looks at me. Her fingers curl into the hem of her shirt, like she’s nervous. “What?”
I swallow. “Since the wedding, you’ve been distant. I want to know if we’re okay. If I did something, if I made you uncomfortable…”
If you regret kissing me .
She takes a step forward, catching my hand. She gives it a squeeze. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Gabriel. I promise.”
“But something is wrong,” I press.
She sighs as she releases my hand. “My brain, it’s just…sorting. But we’re okay, I swear.”
Some of the tension leaves my body. I’m not entirely convinced that’s true, but at least she didn’t outright lie to me. Hallie has a tendency to compromise her own desires for the sake of others. I don’t want her ever doing that with me, if I can help it.
“Do you want to eat dinner together?” I ask.
Hallie offers me a small, genuine smile. “Sure. I just have to figure out what I’m going to make. I swear, I never realized how exhausting it would be to come up with three meals a day for the rest of my life.”
I grin, feeling some of that ease coming back to us.
“You can have some of this,” I tell her, handing her a plate.
“Mom wanted to try this vegetarian lasagna recipe she saw in a magazine, and she made me and Dad be her test subjects so she didn’t serve you something that tastes awful. I can happily report that it doesn’t.”
She grips the plate as an expression crosses her face that’s hard to read. “She doesn’t have to do that.”
I set some lasagna on my own plate. “Maybe not, but it’s not like it’s hard to accommodate you. Besides, you know her. This is how she shows her love.”
Before Hallie can protest, our phones chime simultaneously with a text. Opening it, I find that Clara has added Luke, Delilah, Hallie and me to a new group chat. Like always, it has a quirky name that Clara will switch out at will.
Five Peas in a Pod
Clara
We never properly celebrated our Hallie girl being back in town. Let’s go out!
Foster
That’s really not necessary…
I’m in.
Hallie’s phone dings again, and she shoots me a dirty look after she reads my response.
I laugh. “Hey, you never know. It could be fun.”
She pouts adorably. “Traitor.”
Delilah
What did you have in mind?
Clara
There’s a karaoke night at a bar in Tobermory?
Luke
No.
Clara
Don’t be a buzzkill, Chief Grumpy! Try to have some fun.
Luke
Karaoke is not fun. Staying home is fun.
Said every grumpy old man ever.
Admittedly, I’m not too fond of our sister’s idea either, but I’ll take any opportunity to give Luke shit. He has loosened up a little since he’s been with Delilah, but overall, he’s still as serious as ever.
Luke
I’m three years older than you, fucker. Not three decades.
Foster
Being a homebody is perfectly valid.
Clara
Hallie! Not you too!
Delilah, help! Persuade your boyfriend.
Delilah
On it. Brb.
“What do you think she’s going to do?” Hallie asks. “I can’t see Luke giving in.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure we want to know the answer to that.”
She blushes, and her lips form a small O as realization hits her.
Delilah
I’m sorry, Clara. My hands are tied.
Luke
Literally.
Clara
OH MY GOD
MY POOR EYES
Delilah
Haha. He’s messing with you!
Clara
Promise?
Delilah
I promise. He isn’t even with me right now.
Clara
I hate you. So much.
Luke
Love you too, Clarebear.
Clara
Fine, no karaoke. But can we still go out? Just to the bar on a regular night.
I look up, gauging Hallie’s reaction. “Foster?”
She chews on her lower lip. “I guess it’d be fine.”
I arch a brow. “Are you sure? You don’t have to say yes just to appease Clara. She can celebrate some other way.”
“No,” she says. “I want to go. We should go.”
I’m a little surprised, but I try not to let it show. “Yeah?”
She nods. “Yeah. I’ve never been to a bar before. Clara tried to get me to go for my nineteenth birthday, but I was too chicken. So why not?”
The bar in Tobermory isn’t the most glamorous of venues, but I don’t want to dampen her budding excitement about trying something new, so I hold my tongue.
Hallie and I are in.
Delilah
Luke and I will be there too!
Luke
One hour.
Clara
Yes, we get it. You hate joy.
But yay! I’ll coordinate schedules and let you know what day.
Delilah
That might be tough. My boss is kind of a hard-ass…
Clara sends the middle finger emoji in response. Delilah fires back a GIF of someone blowing a kiss.
I set my phone down, and when I look up, I find Hallie smiling. Her happiness is infectious.
“You like her, huh?”
Hallie looks at me. “Who, Delilah? Yeah. She’s a great friend to Clara, and she’s good for Luke. She fits with you guys.”
Something about the way she says this rubs me the wrong way—as if Delilah fits, but she doesn’t. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Disregarding how I feel about her, Hallie has always been part of our family in my eyes. I know my parents and siblings feel the same.
“You know you fit, too, right?”
Her cheeks turn pink. “Well, sure. But it’s different. She’s with Luke. She’ll probably be your sister-in-law one day.”
I can’t help it. My gaze lands on her bare ring finger. That stupid fake ring is taunting me, even when she’s not fucking wearing it.
I meet her eyes again. “You fit,” I insist. “Okay?”
After a moment of studying my unmoving expression, she softly says, “Okay.”
When our food is warmed up, we take it to the living room and settle on the couch.
Despite our more proper setup for Sunday brunch, my family was never big on propriety when it came to meals.
Especially when my siblings and I got older, started playing sports or working.
We almost never had a schedule that lined up for everyone, so we all ate at separate times and often in our own bedrooms.
I like the idea of eating meals with Hallie. Though it should come as no surprise, considering I like anything that has to do with her.
Turning on the TV, I find a sitcom I know we’ve both seen a hundred times. And when Hallie takes the first bite of Mom’s latest recipe, she practically vibrates with happiness.
“You weren’t lying,” she says. “This is amazing. I’ll have to say thank you next time I see her.”
“She’ll be glad you like it. I think she’s excited to experiment in the kitchen again.
” One thing Mom has always loved is cooking, especially when it’s for the people she cares about.
It’s part of the reason my parents bought Dockside to begin with.
Truthfully, Hallie’s vegetarian diet has given her a gift.
We’re quiet as we eat. Every once in a while, Hallie will let out a breathy kind of laugh over something that happens on the screen. Each time, my attention gets dragged in her direction, and I can’t help watching her for a moment or two.
Eventually, she sets her empty plate beside mine on the coffee table.
“Gabe?”
I turn to her. “Yeah?”
The faint lamplight illuminates her face enough for me to see the indecision in her expression. “I’m sorry I ran from you.”
At first, I think she’s talking about the past two days. The way she pulled back after the wedding, the kiss. But as I search her face, I realize she’s talking about before .
I swallow. “Hallie, it’s fine. We don’t have to?—”
“We do.” She shifts in her seat, tucking her knees up to her chest. “I know you said it’s alright, but I’ve been thinking about it since my talk with Abbie the other day. It feels like it’s just… hanging there , and I know that’s my fault.”
I don’t know what to say, so I end up saying nothing. Not the first time she’s left me tongue-tied.
“To be completely honest, you scared me.” When I rear back, shocked, a little hurt, she hurries to elaborate. “Not in a physical way. Never like that, I promise. But emotionally. When things get real, I get intimidated, and what you said was… big .”
It was big. I can’t deny that. I hadn’t so much as admitted to liking her in more than a platonic way, and then I jumped straight to confessing I was in love with her. At the time, I saw no reason to downplay what was on my heart.
She meets my gaze. “I shouldn’t have run from you or ignored your texts. Above all else, you were my friend, and you deserved better than that. So I’m sorry. And I’m sorry this apology is ten years late.”
I didn’t expect her words to hit me as hard as they do, but they slam into me all the same. I thought I didn’t need to hear this, but maybe I did. Because for a decade, I’ve been convinced I did something wrong. That I fucked everything up.
But there’s nothing wrong with loving Hallie. There never has been.
“I’ve thought a lot about that day over the years,” I say. “What I should have done differently. It’s kept me up some nights, on those days where your mind just won’t stop spinning.” Hallie grimaces, but I continue. “But to tell you the truth, I’m glad everything happened the way it did.”
Her eyes widen, then understanding dawns. “Because of Abbie.”
“Yes, but not only that.” I can practically hear the blood rushing in my veins, but I don’t stop. It’s something she should hear. “As much as I couldn’t help loving you, I think you needed to be loved by me. To show you it’s as effortless as breathing. And I don’t regret that for a goddamn second.”
Hallie’s lips part. My eyes are drawn to them immediately. What I wouldn’t give to close the distance between us and take her mouth. Take it all. Time and distance never did manage to dull the pull I feel when I’m in her proximity, and that’s only been amplified since our kiss.
I want more. I’ll always want more.
“Gabe,” Hallie croaks. “I…”
She doesn’t finish, but I can see what swims in the depths of her irises. Desire. Maybe I’m not the only one still thinking about the wedding. But mingled with that desire is a small dose of apprehension. She’s not ready. So I’ll wait.
I lean over, noting the way her breath hitches at my closeness, and press a kiss to her forehead. Then I stand and grab our plates, taking them to the kitchen.
“Do you want some ice cream?” I ask, coming back into the living room. “I think we have cookies and cream.”
“Ice cream?” she repeats.
My lips curve into an amused grin. “Yes. Do you want some?”
She stares at me another moment, trying to puzzle me out. Her nose scrunches in that cute, confused way. I pretend not to notice.
“Sure,” she finally says. “Thank you.”
When I settle back onto the couch with our ice cream in hand, Hallie lets her legs stretch out a bit, until her toes are pressed against my thigh. Again, I pretend not to notice.
She’s not ready, but she’ll get there. And when she does, I’ll be right there to prove to her that we’re worth it. She’s worth it.