Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
HALLIE
Ever since I chickened out of telling his family on Sunday, Gabe has been slightly withdrawn. He agreed to give it more time, but I can tell it still hurts him. That I hurt him. Again.
To make matters worse, Kevin has invited us to some kind of outing, and I don’t know what to say. My web of lies has spun so far out of control, I can’t find my way out.
I want to stop. I don’t want to lie anymore, to anyone. But I don’t know how to come clean without everything around me crumbling to ruin. If it does, I know it’s what I deserve. I brought this mess on myself.
Men don’t stay with women like us .
As much as I try not to let them, my mother’s words are always close by to remind me of where I come from. And right now, they feel pretty truthful. If something doesn’t give, I’m going to lose Gabe, and I won’t be able to come crawling back in another ten years.
No, once I leave again, he’s going to find someone else. He’s going to find someone he can marry and have a whole brood of kids with. He deserves that. He deserves to have a wife who isn’t a coward. He doesn’t deserve?—
Stop .
Blinking back the tears that have sprung up from my spiralling dread, I focus on the plate I’m scrubbing within an inch of its life. Gabe doesn’t understand why I don’t always use the dishwasher, but the routine grounds me, and it reminds me of Pops.
I set the plate out to dry, then wipe my hands on a towel.
The kitchen is spotless now, and I’m on the fourth episode of a random podcast I started listening to.
For a while, the strangers’ voices were enough to trick my brain into thinking it was too busy to catastrophize, but evidently, that didn’t last forever.
Leaning back against the counter, I rub my eyes. I need to stop acting like our breakup is a foregone conclusion. I still have time. Not much, but a little.
When the front door opens, I brace. I want to earn back Gabe’s smile. Now more than ever, I’m determined to, because I don’t want another woman coming in here and claiming what’s mine.
Gabe pokes his head into the kitchen, letting me know he’s back from work. The days when he’s on shift seem long, especially when I don’t have my own job to keep me preoccupied. I spend a lot of time out in the guesthouse on those days.
“Hi,” I say. I smile tentatively. “I made dinner. Pasta. It’s a new recipe, but hopefully it’s alright. The reviews online were pretty good, so…”
Stop talking, Hallie .
“It smells great. I’m just gonna take a quick shower first,” he says, then beelines for the stairs.
I frown as he leaves. He didn’t completely brush me off, but things are still weird. He didn’t even kiss me, and he always kisses me when he comes home.
My timer goes off, so I take the pasta out of the oven and set it on the stove. A few more minutes pass, and then I can’t take it anymore. I march out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Gabe’s bedroom door is open, but the one to his en suite is closed. My hand rests on the door handle.
Just do it . Be brave .
But what if he turns me down?
You can’t be a coward forever. Tiptoeing gets tiring after a while.
I step into the bathroom. The warm air hits me instantly, thick and cloying.
Gabe swipes a hand across the shower glass, clearing some of the steam. “Hallie?”
I grip the hem of my shirt and tug it over my head, dropping it to the floor. “I hope you weren’t expecting some other woman to join you in the shower,” I say. I aim for a teasing tone, but even I can hear my words are wracked with nerves.
I’m not sexy . I can’t do this. Except…maybe I can, if the darkening of Gabe’s eyes is anything to go by.
When he speaks, his voice is clear. “You know it’s only ever been you.”
It goes against everything my mother taught me to believe about myself, but when he says things like this, I want to listen. I want to be that woman for him. The one he can’t seem to live without.
I want to be Gabe’s one and only.
Once the rest of my clothes are on the floor, I step through the glass door Gabe is holding open for me. The mist from the shower head hits me instantly, water droplets sliding down my skin.
I reach toward him, brushing a strand of hair off his forehead. “I’m sorry for the other day, with your family. I’m trying so hard to be what you need. To be ready for you. Us. But I need you to know that, for me, it has always been you.”
A rush of emotions hit me, just as Gabe’s mouth descends on mine. I meet his kiss with fervour, threading my fingers through the wet strands of his hair. Our slick bodies come together, strong muscle meeting soft curves and divots. His cock begins to harden between us.
When I eventually manage to separate our lips, I slide to my knees. The tiles bite into my skin, but I pay them no mind. Instead, I drag my gaze up to meet a pair of intense brown eyes.
“What are you doing?” Gabe asks, tone ragged.
“Showing you that I want you,” I reply. “And I do. So much that it aches .”
Try as I may to deny myself, Gabe has been and always will be a part of me. From the moment I met him, he stole my heart, and all these years, he’s kept it safe. Even when I was hours away, out of reach.
“Show me.”
With his permission granted, I wrap my hand around his cock. Admittedly, this is one part of sex I’ll admit I’m not half bad at. Maybe because the focus isn’t on me. I’m much more comfortable on the sidelines, helping someone else get off.
But Gabe also makes me feel bold. More confident. He makes me feel like no matter what I do, he’ll come undone at my hands.
I keep my grip firm, like I know Gabe prefers. And then I spit on his cock.
“Hallie, holy shit .”
I blink up at him, feigning innocence. “Something wrong?”
Gabe swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Just surprised me, is all.”
I work my hand up and down his shaft. And then I wrap my lips around his tip, swirling my tongue.
Gabe gathers my hair in his fist, holding it like a ponytail. “You like having your mouth on my cock, baby?”
In answer, I take him deeper, hollowing my cheeks. Gabe tightens his grip on my hair, letting out a groan. I take another inch.
“So good, baby,” Gabe murmurs. “So fucking good.”
That spurs me on. I want it to be good for him. So good, he can’t think straight. I want him to come down my throat.
Before I can go any further, Gabe grabs me by the elbows, hauling me to my feet. I barely have time to catch my breath before he’s slamming his lips against mine, kissing me.
“Need to be inside you,” he murmurs.
“ Yes .”
Gabe hikes my left leg over his hip, opening me to him. My lips part as I feel the tip of his cock nudging my entrance. If he tipped his hips forward just a little…
A shock of cold water hits me then, making me gasp. Gabe grapples for the temperature dial, shutting the shower off completely.
“Crap,” I say. “I was doing a bunch of laundry and dishes earlier. I must’ve used too much hot water.” Me and my damn brain. What a day to go on a cleaning spree.
With a chuckle, Gabe drops his forehead to mine. I press a quick kiss to his lips, then tug on his hand, pulling him out of the shower. We were having such a good moment. I’ll be damned if a little cold water gets in our way.
When I’m standing in front of the double sinks, Gabe at my back, I swipe a hand over the fogged mirror. Then I meet his gaze in the reflection.
“Touch me.”
First, he sets his hands on my hips. Kneads the flesh there.
My head rolls back, resting against his shoulder, but I keep my eyes open, watching.
Slowly, one of his hands leaves my hip, caressing my waist, then slides over my stomach.
I don’t have abs by any stretch of the imagination; my lower stomach is soft and curves outward.
But Gabe doesn’t balk. In fact, he holds me tighter.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he says into my ear, sending a shiver skittering down my spine. “And all mine.”
“All yours,” I echo.
His hand travels up my abdomen, to my chest, until he’s cupping one of my breasts. I can feel his erection pressing against my back, and I have truly never felt more desired. Gabe takes my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rolling the bud until it’s hard. I watch it all in the mirror.
“Tell me what you want, baby.”
I lean back, giving him some of my weight. “You,” I whimper. “Always you. Please, Gabe.”
“Where do you want me?” he asks. “Here?”
With one of his hands still working on my breast, the other dips between my legs, circling my clit. My knees tremble.
“Yes. Oh, God, yes .”
“You’re inflating my ego, Foster. Who knew my touch could turn a woman religious.”
I want to roll my eyes at his ridiculousness, but instead I cry out in indignation when his hands abandon me. Until I’m spun around and promptly hoisted onto the bathroom counter, between the double sinks.
My thighs seem to part themselves, my body taking control. And it wants this ache between my legs soothed. Frankly, I do, too.
Gabe steps closer, and my legs wrap around him. I search for something to hold on to and wind up grasping the faucet on my right.
His hands smooth up my thighs, then rest on my hips. He tugs a little, until my ass is on the edge of the counter. Then he slips his cock inside me, burying himself deep. It feels incredible. And it’s like?—
I gasp. “Condom?”
Gabe freezes. “Fuck,” he grits out. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“I wasn’t either. I, um… I’ve been getting back into the habit of taking my birth control. We should be okay.”
“Okay, like you want to keep going?”
I bite my lip, then nod. “If you want. I’ve been good about taking the pills, but I don’t want you to worry about…you know. So only if you want.”
He pulls his cock part of the way out, then flexes his hips forward. My head tips back, hitting the mirror.
“If you think I’m worried about that…” Gabe drawls, “you.” Thrust. “Haven’t.” Thrust. “Been.” Thrust. “Listening.”
My back arches. “ Gabe .”
“I’ll pull out,” he promises, “to be cautious. But make no mistake, Hallie, I’m not afraid of more with you.”
This is very much not the time to be having this conversation, but my heart flutters all the same. My pussy, too, which earns me a groan.
And then Gabe lets go. He buries himself to the hilt, his cock hitting someplace inside of me that makes me see stars. I cry out.
One of his hands leaves my hip, and he starts circling my clit again. This time, he’s relentless. Between his cock driving into me and the pressure on that bundle of nerves, I know I won’t last much longer.
“Gabriel,” I plead. “Don’t stop.”
He doesn’t. Not until I fall apart, mouth open, no words escaping. All I can feel is bliss.
He pulls out, and I slump back against the mirror for support. Then with one final tug on his cock, he comes. His release hits my stomach.
“Holy shit,” he breathes. One hand is braced beside my head as his chest heaves.
“That was…” Mindblowing .
“Yeah.” He looks down at me, looks down at the mess he made on my skin, and groans. “ Fuck , Hallie.”
He swipes a finger through his release, drags it up my sternum, then swirls it around my nipple, painting it in cum. I whimper.
“What do you think the chances are that there’s some hot water now?” he asks.
I shake my head. After that, I have no concept of time. I feel boneless.
Gabe turns the shower on and checks the temperature. Once he deems it safe, he pulls me back in with him. We make quick work of washing off, no funny business this time, because neither of us is interested in being blasted with cold water again.
After we dry off and get dressed, we head downstairs. The pasta I cooked is lukewarm at this point, but we dish it up and sit down on the couch. I throw my legs over Gabe’s lap, and he turns the TV on, and all is right in the world again.
Except for this nagging thought in the back of my mind.
As much as Gabe says he isn’t afraid of more with me, everything about this situation we’re in is messy enough. And if I’m honest, the idea of him wanting that with me scares me as much as it comforts me.
You are exactly like your mama, and men don’t stay with women like us .