Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
GABE
It isn’t uncommon for me to come home to an empty house these days. Even with Abbie at her mom’s house half the time, I figured I’d at least have Hallie here, but generally, if she isn’t at work, she’s out in the guesthouse.
Today is no exception. After an initial sweep, I find the kitchen and living room empty. Same with the guest room where Hallie still keeps her clothes.
I take a quick shower to rinse off the workday, then set out in search of Hallie. When I come down the stairs, I find her phone sitting on the kitchen island. It’s ringing, and just when it seems to stop, it starts up again.
The caller ID says Amanda. Hallie’s mom .
The latest call goes to voicemail, and that’s when I notice all the notifications littering Hallie’s lock screen. Her mom has been texting her, too.
Amanda
You’re really going to ignore your own mother?
I know I wasn’t perfect but I wasn’t that bad. You’re fine. You survived.
You’ve always been ungrateful. Even after everything I went through for you.
I force myself to stop reading. Those texts aren’t for me, for one thing, but they also make me feel sick.
I can’t imagine my mom sending texts like those, even if we were having some kind of disagreement.
Knowing that this is what Hallie has been dealing with for years—for most of her life, really—makes me all the more determined to show her she belongs with us.
My mom is more than willing to claim her.
The walk through the backyard is a chilly one. November has set in fully now, and with it, the cold. Hallie’s phone rings again in my hand, but I quickly put it on silent.
“Hey, baby,” I say, letting myself into the guesthouse.
Hallie turns from her easel, smiling at me. “Hey, handsome.”
“What are you working on?”
The guesthouse itself is kind of in limbo.
Although it’s clean and has a new coat of paint, and Hallie finished the accent wall, the plumbing still doesn’t work.
After Hallie moved inside, I didn’t think it mattered much.
But since she’s been using it as a studio lately, I know I need to call someone to get it fixed.
“Carole’s friends needed a painting done,” she explains. “Their mom’s house from when she was a kid.” She gestures to the reference photo tacked up beside the canvas. “What do you think?”
The photo is in black and white, showcasing an old farmhouse not unlike my own childhood home. The building looks worn, lived in. There’s even a cat sleeping on the front porch.
When I look at Hallie’s painting, I freeze. It looks identical, like the photo has come to life. Even the orange tabby on the steps.
“You’re incredible,” I tell her, voice full of awe and pride. Now I know how Luke must feel when he talks about Delilah’s photography.
“Do you think they’ll like it?” she asks.
“Baby, they’ll love it.” A vibration against my hand catches my attention, and I look at Hallie’s phone again. “This has been ringing off the hook since I got home.”
Her smile slips, and she reaches out, taking the device. Her shoulders slump. “Sorry. I would’ve put it on silent before, but I figured she’d stop after I didn’t call her back yesterday. I…need to block her.”
She doesn’t seem surprised by this behaviour, and that doesn’t sit right with me. I know her relationship with her mom has always been complicated, but this seems extreme.
“Is your mom usually this…insistent?”
“Worse, actually. She’ll go months without saying a word, then suddenly, she’ll get the urge to see me.” She huffs a laugh, though it lacks humour. “Foolishly, I used to look forward to those moments.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s foolish, to want a relationship with your parent. Either one of them.”
When Hallie looks up at me, her eyes are glassy.
“It is when every time you try, you end up getting hurt. It’s always the same.
She misses me, we agree to meet up, she either convinces me to loan her cash or flat out steals it, and then she’s gone.
And while she is here, every conversation leads back to her and how hard done by she is. ”
Amanda Foster is certainly not known for being the greatest mother, but stealing from your kid? That’s low.
“She’s the reason I’m scared during storms. It’s not because of the thunder or lightning, or the rain like Delilah.
It’s the wind .” I take Hallie’s hand, giving her something to hold on to as she opens up to me.
“An old tree fell on our house when I was a kid, back when it was just me and Amanda. It broke my window, and the glass scratched up my arms and some of my face. I was terrified. She wasn’t even home . ”
“How old were you?” I ask. My voice has a hard edge.
“Seven,” she whispers.
I don’t think I’ve ever hated someone more than I hate Amanda. Hallie was only a year older than Abbie is now. I can’t imagine leaving my daughter home alone like that. Anything can happen when kids are left to their own devices. I know that better than anyone.
“Come here.”
I pull Hallie toward me, and when I sit on the edge of the bed, I pull her into my lap. She comes willingly, wrapping herself around me. I’d hold her here forever if that would take all her pain away.
“Amanda lost her mom when she was pretty young,” Hallie says.
“It was really sudden. A ruptured brain aneurysm. And I think, after that, she never felt whole. She blamed Pops for a lot, for only raising her halfway. That’s why she couldn’t be a good mom to me, she’d say.
But if I had to guess, I’d say it hurt too much for her to try.
She didn’t want that relationship with me because she never got to experience it fully herself. ”
“That’s why you wanted a relationship with Kevin,” I say, putting the pieces together.
“On days when Amanda made me really mad, I’d sit in my room and blame it all on her.
She was the reason my dad didn’t want me.
She made him move out of town. She was the reason he never tried to reach out.
But if I thought about it hard enough, wished on all the stars, maybe he’d hear me and come anyway. Take me away.”
“Hallie,” I say, pained.
She swipes at a lone tear. “Of course, it’s not all her fault. She knew he was married, and I’m sure she wasn’t rainbows and sunshines to deal with when they broke things off, but he could’ve fought for me if he wanted.”
“He’s trying now.”
“Yeah,” she agrees. “He’s trying now.”
For a few minutes, we sit in silence. It’s grown even darker outside, bathing the backyard in night.
My gaze roams the guesthouse, taking in the changes Hallie has made.
It’s a far cry from what it used to look like.
Now it looks like someone could actually comfortably stay out here—once I get the plumbing fixed.
“Do you think people can change?” she asks quietly.
I think for a moment. “I think, as a general rule, people are complicated. Nothing is purely black and white, good and bad. So yeah, Foster, I think people can change. If they want it bad enough.”
“Am I making a mistake?”
I run my fingers through her hair. “With what?”
“Trying to make things work with Kevin. I mean, it’s been twenty-eight years. Is it too late?”
When Hallie meets my gaze, I can see the uncertainty in her blue eyes. The worry that she’s setting herself up for more heartbreak, the kind her mother has been inflicting on her for years. I’d do anything to make it better for her. To take all her worries away.
“I’ll admit, I was a bit skeptical at first, but after meeting him, it seems to me like Kevin truly does want this.
That doesn’t erase the lifetime you spent without him, though.
So if you think it’s too late, if you don’t want to give him this chance after all, that’s valid.
But if you do , I don’t think it’s a mistake to try. ”
Knowing what I know about Amanda now, I can understand Hallie’s initial motivations better. She wants to try, even if it may not turn out the way she hopes it will.
“Thank you for being here,” she says.
I wrap my arm tighter around her. “Thank you for telling me.”
Hallie runs her fingers over the tattoos on my right arm. “I don’t think I’ve mentioned it, but these are one of my favourite things about you.”
I chuckle. “I’m happy you like them.”
She shifts so she’s straddling my lap now. “They make you, like, ten times hotter. And you were already very hot.”
Threading my fingers through her hair, I tip her head up so she’s looking at me. “Hallie Foster, do you have a crush on me?”
Her cheeks are tinged pink. She pinches her fingers together in front of her face. “Maybe a small one.”
“ Liar .”
“Fine.” Her lips stretch into a grin. “A big one.”
“Good,” I say, leaning close. “Because I’ve got a huge crush on you.”
Her nose bumps mine. “Prove it.”
So I do. I take her mouth slowly, wanting to savour every moment I have with her. Every touch of her lips, every inch of her body pressed against mine, still feels surreal. Like I’m having an out-of-body experience, watching another version of myself have what I’ve wanted for ten long years.
Hallie melts in my embrace. In this, she surrenders herself completely to me. She trusts me, and I don’t take that for granted.
Pulling back from her mouth, I press a kiss to her neck, where her pulse thunders beneath her skin. She whimpers, and then she grabs my shirt and tugs on it. Hallie pulls the tee over my head. It falls to the floor somewhere by my feet.
She leans back, running her hands over my chest, tracing the tattoos there. When they land on one in particular, her fingers still.
“ Wait .”
I watch her face carefully, looking for the smallest clues as to what she’s thinking. I’m surprised it’s taken her this long to spot it. I thought for sure I would’ve been busted long before now.
Her eyes meet mine. “Gabe,” she whispers.
I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “Foster.”
She looks down again, staring at my chest as she gently traces the tattoo. “I drew this.”
I nod. “During math in grade eleven.” A smile tugs at my lips. “Mrs. Feinberg confiscated it because we were passing notes instead of paying attention.”
Hallie pokes me. “ You were distracting me, actually.”
“Semantics.” She rolls her eyes, and I pinch her hip. “I had to plead my case to her after class that day. Convince her I needed that paper back.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you kept it. And you got it tattooed . When?”
I purse my lips. “Just before you left.”
Her touch falls away. “Oh.”
I take her hand and place it back on my chest, over her tattoo.
It isn’t far from where I have Abbie’s name inked on my skin, because she and Hallie are the two most important people in my life.
When Hallie drew it, it was a simple sketch of one of the autumn crocus flowers that grows along the front of Haven House in the fall.
Now it reminds me of her.
“Do you know why I got it?” I ask.
“Why?”
“Because even though it was likely just a doodle to you, it made me feel special. I know how close you keep your art. Seeing it made me feel like I’d earned the privilege.”
Hallie leans in and places a kiss on my lips. “You are special. You always have been.”
“Hallie, I…”
I love you .
I want to say the words, but they get stuck in my throat. Flashbacks of that day on the beach cross my mind. The look on Hallie’s face is burned into my memory. I couldn’t survive that a second time.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you came home,” I say instead.
Her expression warms. “I’m glad I came home, too.”
It isn’t a profession of love, but it’s enough for now. It has to be enough.