10. Then Ten Years Ago
Chapter 10
Then: Ten Years Ago
I n Sloane, Tennessee, Fall Friday nights are spoken for. At seven-o’clock sharp, the town cascades onto the bleachers of Sloane High, waiting for kick-off to start. Tonight, we are running late. I keep checking the clock as if it will freeze time, but it doesn’t.
“Maggie, it’s six-fifty, we have to go.” Mama taps her foot at the landing of the front staircase.
“Coming, coming.” Nana hustles down the stairs, dressed head to toe in cherry red and navy blue, with Sloane Spartans pom poms in toe.
“Jesus, Mom, don’t you think you’re taking school spirit too far?” Daddy hangs his head in embarrassment.
Her gaze meets his in defiance. “Nope.”
She reaches for my hand as we leave the house. It’s been a month since Nana and Pop moved in with us. Mama says it’s to help around the house while she picks up more shifts at work, but I have my own theories. Daddy’s been sneaking a few extra cans. The fighting’s escalated. Pop’s the only one able to calm him down and keep him company when he’s writhing in pain from a one-day detox here and there. Pop’s also the only one he’ll let near him when he inevitably picks the bottle back up again.
Nana claps her hands together as we walk down the block to the high school. “Ooh! This is exciting. It’s Len’s first game coaching since you were a tot, Andy.”
Daddy purses his lips. He’s hardly tolerant of her musings on a good day, and today’s not a good day.
Nana squeezes my hand. “Want to race?”
“You hate running.”
“On my own,” she replies.
I glance at Mama, silently asking for permission and begging her to come with us so she’s not stuck with him.
Mama lets out a light laugh. “Go ahead, girls, we’ll meet you there.”
“Okay.” Nana puts her hands on her knees and lowers down. “Are you ready?”
I stretch my hamstring.
“On your mark, get set, go!”
Nana’s off to a fast start, but my legs are longer, and I catch her in a few strides.
“Hey now,” she calls. “You’re supposed to let your nana win on account of I’m old, and I get tired.”
I face her but don’t stop running toward the school. “You’re not old, Nana, and we both know you could smoke me if you wanted to.”
“As long as you know it. Now stop showing off and run forward; you’re creeping me out.”
I laugh and do as I’m told.
Nana sneaks up behind me and slips in the stadium gate before me by half an inch.
“Nana!” I shout.
“Track and field champ, Katie Girl. You’ve gotta have a strong start and finish.” She huffs, transitioning to a walk to catch her breath.
“I thought it was ‘slow and steady wins the race?’”
“Well, I think we just learned that wasn’t true. Come on.” She pats my stomach with the back of her hand. “Let’s find some seats.”
Hundreds are bundled in the stands with various face paint and glitter signs to hold. I don’t have a sign, but I have some stickers Jade passed me in fifth-period study hall.
“Kate! Over here!” Jade waves from the second to last bleacher by the thirty-yard line.
“Oh!” I hold up a pointer finger, letting her know we’ll need a minute. Mama and Daddy come in a few seconds later and ask where we’re sitting. I point to the Coles.
Mama leads the way up the bleachers.
Daddy stumbles on the metal stands but manages to get to the spot without too much of an incident. It doesn’t matter though. Whether or not he came tonight, he’d still be a part of Matilda’s big news on Sunday. The witch.
“Here, Mama packed some hot cocoa.” Jade passes a tall, gray thermos my way.
I take a long swig, and the heat warms my insides and my anxiety. Even though we’ve been going to Spartans games my entire life, this one’s different. Tonight, Jase is playing, his daddy’s coaching, and Pop is assistant coaching. Tonight, the neighborly “how y’all doin’s” and “whatcha grilling’s” are becoming bonds, even friendships, over a love of football and small-town togetherness.
It’s the first home game of the season, so the LED stadium lighting is on full display, and the scoreboard is set to zero-zero. The snack stand has a line five-deep, and the music is hopping with Flo Rida blasting through the speakers.
“He looks ready.” I pass the thermos back to Jade.
Carrie and Mama are deep in conversation. Daddy’s passed out next to them.
“He really does,” she agrees.
Jase’s uniform looks good: blue pants and bright red jersey with blue accents and a white 11 right in the middle. The black grease under his eyes makes the storminess in them wilder than ever. He waves his finger at me, causing my heart to skip a beat. He’s so … hot. When did he get so hot?
I finger wave back, unable to hide my grin.
Jade bumps her shoulder into mine. “All right, lover girl, you’ll see him after the game.”
My cheeks burn, but I roll my eyes at her remark, trying to hide the shift in our relationship. It’s too new to share with other people, even Jade. The wind blows by, and a shiver runs up my spine. “It is much colder than I thought it would be.”
“Oh, hell yeah. I’m bundled in this winter coat, unlike your hoodie. I do not have time to catch a cold before midterms.”
Jade’s dark hair is pulled back, or a full-on hair flip could’ve been coming.
“Trying to show Spartan pride here.”
She laughs with a perfect smile in place and her teeth not chattering in the least. “Trying to show Jason Cole pride is more like it.”
I shrug. Okay, maybe I’m not the best at hiding our relationship after all.
The whistle blows, and the game kicks off. The first quarter goes by in the blink of an eye. Nana and Jack disappear.
I turn to Jade. “Where’d they go?”
She signals to the bottom of the bleachers. “Over there.”
They’re at the fence, and Nana’s yelling at the ref for our zero-to-seven start.
“Oh no, I should go get her.” I frantically work to stand on a leg that’s fallen asleep.
“Oh no, you don’t.” Jade pulls me back down. “She’s a feisty lady. You do not need to get in the middle of it.”
“I’m pretty sure I can lure her away with walking tacos.”
“Hell, for walking tacos, you can lure me away.” Jade pulls her puffy coat down as she gets up. What’s not to love about seasoned meat and taco toppings mixed up in a bag of chips?
The snack stand is one hundred and eighty degrees from us, near the opposing team’s bleachers. We tap Nana and Jack on their shoulders on the way, and sure enough, tacos can unite. Without Nana annoying the refs, they start the second quarter.
I swear I can hear the ref whisper his thanks as we back away, but Nana’s too busy raving about extra guac, which is all that matters. The walking tacos are that good here . Cheering erupts from the home team bleachers, and I whip around to see what all the commotion is about. Our seasoned quarterback threw a forty-yard pass to our wide receiver.
“First down, Spartans,” echoes loud and clear over the speaker.
“Atta boys!” Nana shouts. “Don’t let them refs cheat you out of this game.”
Audible groans come from the away stand next to us, with a few, “Go home, Grandma” and “Shut up, lady!”
Nana takes this in stride and throws her fist in the air. “Give ‘em hell, kids.”
I shake my head but continue moving—the line’s only going to get longer the closer we get to halftime, but a breeze blows by, and my eyes are glued to the ball the second it leaves the quarterback’s hand … and right into Jase’s hands. Jase. Ohmygod.
“Run, Jase!” I scream, but he’s already long gone. Running yard after yard, seemingly picking up the pace the closer he gets to the endzone. He’s in, and the rest of the team is in and lifting him up.
“He did it.” I gasp, still playing the run over in my mind.
“He did it,” Jade repeats.
“Yeah, he did.” Jack puts two fingers in his mouth and lets out a loud whistle.
“Woot! Turning this game around.” Nana moves closer to the fence, trying to taunt the ref again.
As the team puts Jase down, he spots me in the crowd and offers a megawatt smile.
My grin matches his.
“All right, let’s get some tacos before you jump my brother in the middle of the game,” Jade says a little too loud, resulting in some unwelcome gawking from moms walking by with their littles.
But it doesn’t matter.
They don’t matter.
He’s all that matters.
The rest of the game is a blur. It’s a mix of screams, shouts, jumping up and down, hugging Jade every time we score, and looking for Jase and finding him looking for me too. The butterflies flap in my stomach before I even notice they’re there, and when the final whistle is called, I can hardly hear the final score over them.
“Hey, did we win?” I rest my left hand on Jade’s right shoulder.
Her eyebrow arches. “Yes, weirdo, forty-two to fourteen.”
“Oh.” I exhale. “Great.” But my tone doesn’t match my words.
Jade turns her knees toward me and plants her hand on my forehead. “Are you okay?”
I can’t find the words to answer her—not since Jase’s finger wave sent a shockwave through my system. All I can think about is him, and she knows it.
“Come on, Juliet.”
I follow Jade’s lead out of the stadium, leaving the adults behind.
It doesn’t take long for the clock to expire and for the players, coaches, and townspeople to make their way to the open field behind the stadium and down a large, grassy hill for a big bonfire, and everyone lets loose.
Typically, parents will usher smaller children home around midnight, but the rest of us stay until the early morning hours, eventually walking home and retrieving our cars on Saturday. Grandparents stay the longest, in lawn chairs, drinking local brews and reminiscing about the good ol’ days—the days back when they used to play and cheer. Friday nights are a longstanding tradition in Sloane. One of my favorites.
By the time Jade and I get down the hill, the bonfire’s spark is picking up. We run to get hot apple cider before the line gets out of hand and eye up a good spot when a pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist and pull me tightly into a set of stiff pads. My smile grows as I turn around and see a sweaty, dirty Jase standing in front of me, his grin wide.
The mud on his face and the orange glow behind him make his eyes look emerald. “I did it, baby,” he says. He’s proud as hell to have scored in his first home game.
I’m proud as hell, too. “Never doubted you.”
Jade turns around and all but shoves a cup of cider into her brother’s ribs.
He yelps. “What the hell is that for?”
“Stop making ‘do me’ eyes at my girl in public.” She cocks her head and passes cider over to me without taking her eyes off her brother.
My cheeks get warmer by the second. “Wow, Jade.” I throw knock it off eyebrows her way.
Jase rolls his eyes and studies his cider. “What, are they out of cocoa?”
“You get what you get, and you’re grateful,” Jade replies.
Nana skips over. “Do I smell cider?” she asks like she didn’t grow up on Sloane’s brew.
“Sure is.” Jade grabs another cup off the table to hand it to Nana, “and it is good tonight.”
Nan sips, and a smile spreads across her face. “Alright, I’ll take it from here. You kids run along and enjoy the bonfire.”
Looping my pointer finger in the top of Jase’s jersey, I turn toward the bonfire and pull him along behind me.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” I tease, aware of my hips swaying as I continue to lead him.
“Kate, Jase, over here!” Jack waves us over to a blanket he’s planted on.
Letting go of Jase’s jersey, I skip over and plop down, careful not to lose any cider. I take a long sip, looking over my shoulder, my blue eyes locking with his wild ones. My breath catches in my throat, but I glance back at the company on the blanket before anyone notices. “Hey,” I say. “Great seats.”
Jade approaches and agrees.
“Looks like it’s about time for some s’mores.” Jack checks out the bonfire.
I whistle. “Ooh yeah, look at the flame go.”
“I’m glad it’s warm. Finally,” Jade replies.
I extend my cup to hers for a cheers. “Here, here.”
Jack stands, wiping loose leaves off his jeans. “All right, I’m gonna go get some sticks; everyone roasting tonight?”
We all raise our hands, and Jack promises to be back in a few minutes.
“You know, that’s one less person we have to hide in front of.” Jase wiggles himself closer to me.
“Gross! You two know you are not a secret, and I’m still here.” Jade covers her eyes with her hands as she speaks.
“Oh, Jade. He’s messing with you. We’re just friends,” I lie. But it isn’t Jade I’m looking at. It’s Jase, and his eyes flashing an unfamiliar sight … hurt, maybe?
“Yeah, big sis, relax. Nothing’s happening here.”
My heart is in my throat, but I can’t drop the facade. Not now. If Jade knows, then the Coles all know, and Carrie will mention it to Mama, who doesn’t keep secrets from Daddy. If Daddy knows, it’s as good as dead—and I can’t lose Jase. Not yet.
“Uh huh.” She sips her cider. “Neither of you are good liars, nor are you even fooling yourselves.”
Sweat beads on my forehead from the fire. Yeah, it’s from the fire, not the heat on the blanket. Not at all.
Jack comes around the corner with four s’mores sticks in hand, but his smile fades as he approaches. “Okay, what did I walk up on?”
“Nothing,” Jase and I say at the same time as I wipe the sweat off my brow.
He studies us. “Uh huh.”
Jade’s staring a hole into her fingernails. She’s silent for enough time for me to think she’s not going to say anything, but she does, “These two say they’re just friends.”
Jack looks between Jase and me and almost drops his sticks from laughing so hard.
“Sure, and I passed my driver’s test on the first try,” he jokes.
“What? It’s true.” When I look for validation on Jase’s face, he won’t even look at me.
“Excuse us a minute.” Jase grabs my hand and pulls me up. It causes my cup to fall, spilling on the grass next to the blanket. We don’t turn back for it.
“Where are we going?”
He doesn’t answer. The music blasts through the field.
“Jase!” I shout.
“Kay!” he calls back, voice echoing in the darkness.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” He shakes his hips like I did earlier, but with far more attitude.
He pulls me past the table of drinks, the baby bonfire set up for little kids, and a bunch of grandparents, sitting and talking, waiting for their time to get close to the fire, and straight into the woods. The same woods that run behind our houses. He surprises me when he stops walking and spins around.
I huff. “What is this all about?”
“I don’t know, Kay. What was that all about?” His voice is gruff.
“What?” I catch my breath.
He points back to the picnic blanket. “Saying we’re just friends?”
I look down at the ground, avoiding his gaze and the question.
“Kay.”
“I don’t know. It’s new … I wasn’t sure if we were telling people.”
He lets out a laugh, but it doesn’t sound like his normal soft laughter. This is harsher, a bit higher. “Oh my God.”
“What?”
“Are you embarrassed to be my girlfriend?”
I shake my head. “Are you kidding? No. I … if we say it out loud, it makes it real, and if it’s real, it could end. I can’t lose you, Jase, please …” My voice shakes.
He scowls at me. It feels like there’s nowhere to hide. “How is it possible that after all these years, you think you’d lose me?”
“We’re … best friends,” I choke out.
“Damn it, Kay. I’m not grabbing other people by the waist or calling them ‘baby.’ I’m not asking other people out on dates. I like you, just you. Always you. The flowers. Climbing your tree. Catching fireflies. Our spot. You’re more than my best friend—you’re everything to me, and you’re never, ever going to lose me.”
I can hardly hear what he’s saying over my heart beating a mile a minute. I’ve been waiting years for this.
“You’re ...” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “You’re everything to me, too.”
Jase puts his hand under my chin. “Hey,” he whispers. “Kay, look at me.”
When our eyes meet, it’s like electricity runs through my veins. I don’t know who reaches for whom first, but I’m in his arms, and he’s in mine. He starts slowly and gives me a few sweet pecks. When my lips open, his lips match mine. Our teeth clink, and I shake my head, not expecting that to happen. Ow. He shifts his head to the side and sticks his tongue in my mouth.
I pull back, laughing. “What are you doing?”
His exhale is heavy, and his cheeks are flushed. “I don’t—I don’t really know.”
“Me either.” I shift closer. “Let’s slow it down.” I take control, slowly biting his lip, and then take his lips in mine. The second time’s the charm. It’s like I’ve been kissing him my whole life.
The fire crackles in the background, and we break apart. We’re not at home, not alone. If anyone sees us, they’ll talk. But it doesn’t matter; all that matters is Jase … and that kiss.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I don’t need to run or hide. I close my eyes and reach for him, doing any and everything to stay right here, in this moment, forever.