9. Now
Chapter 9
Now
“V anilla latte for Kate!” The Java House barista sets the cup on the counter.
I mouth my thanks and settle into a comfy chair in the back corner of the café with my latte and Kindle while I wait for Jade. I check the time as my phone lights up with a new text. Nick. It’s been four days since our call, and we’ve spent every night studying the stars from two different places, learning about them and each other, too.
NICK SCOTT: Good morning, beautiful.
KATE DAILEY: Oh hey there.
NICK SCOTT: How’s your day going?
KATE DAILEY: Better now.
I bite my lip and close the cover of my kindle.
NICK SCOTT: Oh? I haven’t even said anything interesting yet.
More winky face texts, huh?
KATE DAILEY: Oh, did you think I meant your text? I’ve got a latte and the new Lauren Layne book.
NICK SCOTT: Sounds like your perfect day.
KATE DAILEY: You know me already.
Hovering over the emojis, I add a playful face for good measure.
“Hey, babe!”
I look around in a love-drunk haze, and my eyes land on Jade and her waving hand.
“Oh, hey!” I stand to give her a hug.
“Sorry I’m late … and interrupting an important chat.” Her lips break out into a sly smile.
“What? I, uh, it’s nothing …” I look down to hide my burning cheeks.
Jade’s finger air swipes from my feet to my forehead. “Want to try again?”
Shaking my head, I put my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.
“You’re lucky I can keep a secret.” Lowering her voice she adds, “Unlike anyone else in this town.”
“I can hear you.” Ms. Truly, the town librarian, scoffs from her chair halfway across the café. Her gray hair is in a tight bun at the top of her head, wireframed glasses rest on the bridge of her nose, and her lips are tilted up in disapproval at us talking in a coffee shop.
“Hi, Ms. Truly.” Jade waves across the room.
She narrows her eyes at us before getting back to her magazine.
Jade flops into the chair adjacent to mine. “So, who’s the guy?”
“Do y’all mind?” Ms. Truly snaps.
Jade rises and squints her dark green eyes, and I know we’re one shush away from Jade handing me her purse and marching over to our eighty-year-old-should’ve-retired-years-ago librarian.
Pulling on Jade’s sleeve, I gesture toward the door. “Maybe we should go?”
Her eyes dance when she realizes it means more time together in a place where we don’t have to worry about being too loud for an old biddy. Her words, not mine.
Oh, God, did she say it out loud? I grab Jade’s hand and rush out of the café. “Pleasure seeing you, Ms. Truly.”
The door clicks shut. Jade flails her pointer finger at the coffee shop. “People like that is why I wish I could stay out of this one-horse town. It’s such bullshit.”
“Hey, now.” I rub her forearm. “You’re getting hangry.”
She pulls me into a hug. “I’ve missed you. You get me, you know?”
“Same. Where to?”
“You’re not gonna like it.” She bats her eyes. “They have the best burgers in town.”
I close my eyes. “No. Not happening.”
“Oh, come on, please, I’m starving,” she begs.
“Jade, I can’t. Please. Anywhere but there … unless you can promise me your brother isn’t working today.”
She turns her back to me. “Which one?”
I shake my head adamantly. “No way.”
“But I’ve been waiting forever to catch up with you.”
“Why can’t we catch up over ice cream later?”
Her face lights up. Jade Cole loves ice cream … almost as much as her youngest brother does. Almost. Her stomach growls.
“I’ll walk you there,” I volunteer. Then, I’ll go home, alone, and take a nice hot bubble bath before anyone else gets home.
“Kate, you can’t avoid him forever.” She skips down the street.
I give her a pointed look. “Why not? I’ve done a pretty good job this week.”
For some reason, my feet follow hers down the block, into Firefly Lounge, and straight to a corner booth. Peeking behind the bar, I relax my shoulders when I don’t see Jase.
His sister snickers and says a little louder than necessary, “Girl, you have never learned how to be discreet, have you?”
I tilt my head and raise my eyebrow at Jade. “Oh, really, Miss I’m-gonna-shout-your-business-all-across-the-bar?”
She has the decency to close her lips together and blush. Leaning in, Jade lowers her voice, “Is this better?”
I roll my eyes, and she falls into the booth cushion.
“I mean, to be fair, all of Sloane will probably know every intimate detail of this lunch before we leave, no matter what I say.” Jade cocks her head.
She’s right. Matilda’s not here, but her spies are everywhere. It’s only a matter of time before the coffee shop tiff with Ms. Truly, and our lunch, end up as the whole town’s business.
Grabbing a menu from the stand behind the ketchup at the wall end of the booth, I place one in front of Jade before opening mine. “So, burgers, you say?”
“Mhm. He’s not here.”
Exhaling, my shoulders fall before I even realize they were tensed up. “Oh?”
“I don’t think so, anyway,” she amends. Her green eyes scan the menu. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m stuck between the Bacon Cheeseburger and Black and Blue Burger.”
“I’d go with the Cowboy Burger.” Jade’s voice is much deeper than it was seconds before.
I turn my head and see Jase standing by our table, bar towel over his shoulder, pen and notepad in his hand, eyes as striking as ever.
“Hi,” he says, his voice breathy.
“Hi,” I reply, just as breathless. It’s only because I didn’t expect to see him … not because I care he’s here.
“Okay, well, I feel like I’m interrupting.” Jade excuses herself to freshen up.
“Jade …” I warn. “Are you sure it can’t wait?”
“Oh no, it can, but I do not want to get in the middle of whatever is happening here.” She waves her hands between her brother and me.
I squeeze my eyes shut, yearning to be transported anywhere but here.
“Sorry, Dorothy, you’re still in my bar.” Jase’s southern drawl stops me in my thoughts.
I sigh. He’s right. I came here. I knew where Jade was headed, that there was a chance he’d be here, and I came, anyway, despite him. Because of him .
“So, what’ll it be?” His drawl is as thick as it’s ever been.
“I—I um, I’ve gotta go.” I reach for my jacket. “Please apologize to your sister for me.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Kay.”
Stay.
Everything in me is telling me to run—but I don’t. If I run, it’ll cause a scene … again. The last thing Mama needs is another reason for the town to talk about her twenty-four-year-old runaway daughter who came back but didn’t come home.
He clears his throat. “I’ll put two burgers in and get you another server. You can stay here and have lunch with my sister, who’s missed you and talked about you non-stop since you’ve been back.”
I swallow. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He’s silent for a long minute, his eyes overcast. “Maybe we can meet at our spot later, though? We need to talk.”
I try to process the idea of meeting Jase at our spot, after all this time, but I can’t do it. “I don’t … I don’t think I can.”
“Think about it, Kay. Please.” He backs his hand away and heads over to the bar to unload a rack of newly washed wine glasses.
Jade turns the corner slowly, hand on her purse. “So, how’d it all go?” When she scans the room and hears a few whispers, she shakes her head. “Never mind.”
We step back into the booth, and my head collapses into my hands. I scream inaudibly, and Jade pets my hair. “It’s okay, babe. You’ll be okay.”
When I lift my head, I see a glass of water for Jade and a Chamomile tea for me. Jase is already out of sight, but the tea makes my stomach flutter. He remembered.
A server flies out of the kitchen, the door swinging behind him. He places the burgers on the table and disappears.
“So.” Jade cuts her burger in half. “Tell me all about what’s happening now at your fancy magazine?” She practically sings the end of the sentence, and I feel all the tension wash away and catch up with my childhood friend on the last few months of work, New York, and how strange it feels being home.
She tells me about her recent promotion as a hot shot bank executive, how she travels often but can’t leave-leave because of her mama, and maybe cause of the fling she’s got going on with Jimmy, a bartender at Firefly and a former high school quarterback.
We talk about almost everything there is to talk about, but we don’t bring up her ex or mine. Despite it all, my mind circles around how much I missed this town and her.
And him .
The hours feel like minutes, and before I know it, the wait staff is setting up for dinner. My phone starts to buzz as group chat messages fly in like torpedoes.
MAMA: Kate, what time are you coming home? We’re thinking pizza tonight.
NANA: Bring Jade with you!
AMY PARK: We’re making it a girls’ night.
I swing my phone over to Jade, and she smiles. “I’ll bring the wine.”
We giggle and walk the half mile home, still deep in conversation. I’m trying to focus on what she’s asking about the upcoming issue of Q , but my mind keeps flipping back to Jase’s bright but troubled eyes. I want to know what’s behind them, what he’s thinking, feeling, everything, but my heart aches. He did this. He lost me. He lost us.
“Kate?”
Jade’s voice brings me back to the present.
“Hmm?”
She tilts her head. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah, just zoned out there for a minute.”
She narrows her eyes and studies me. “Alright, I’ll grab the wine and be over in a few minutes. You sure you’re okay?”
I nod. “All good. See you soon!”
I walk into the house, head to the kitchen, and open the fridge. Even though I pick up the water pitcher, I can’t help searching for beer cans.
“They’re not in there,” Mama says from behind me.
I almost jump out of my skin but somehow keep the pitcher steady. “Geez, Mama, sneaking up on people can cause heart attacks.”
She shakes her head. “Not when you’re perfectly young and healthy.”
“Where did you hear such nonsense?” I skeptically close the fridge. “Water, Mama?”
“Sure, sweetie.” Mama takes a seat at the table, “I know what you were looking for, and I can assure you, it’s not there.”
“Oh, I … Mama.”
“Sweetie, it’s fine. I get it. I know it’s hard to believe. I didn’t believe it at first either, but in the last few years, he’s really been sober.” She lifts her hand to the sky.
“When … when did he stop drinking? Why?”
Her shoulders move up to her ears. “I’m sure he had a reason. I’m sure there was a day of some significance.” Her eyes well up. “I didn’t notice right away.” A few tears land on her T-shirt.
I close the distance between the counter and the kitchen table and put my hand on her shoulder, letting her know she can tell me what she needs to say.
Mama sniffles. “I’m ashamed.”
“For what?” I sit next to her and scootch closer.
“I didn’t notice. He was proud of himself for quitting after struggling for all those years, and I … didn’t notice.”
“Oh, Mama, Dad’s been a drinker for as long as I can remember. Hell, as long as anybody in this town can remember. I’m sure when he quit, it took everyone a while to notice.”
Her tears fall a little freer now. “Yes, but I’m his wife. I’m his person. I was supposed to notice, supposed to care. I feel like I wasn’t there when he needed me.”
My blood boils, and I stand, knocking my chair out from under me. “Mama, are you serious? You stayed with this man. You were his rock for years , despite addiction and bad decisions, the hate he spewed, or driving your only daughter away … you are not to blame here. For a man to drink every day for twenty-five years to up and quit, of course, you didn’t see it right away. Who would?”
“Kate,” she interrupts, eyes still watery.
“Mama, I mean it, you’re a good woman. Too good a woman.” He doesn’t deserve you. I don’t finish my sentence, but she hears it, anyway. Of all the things I could’ve said or thought about saying to my mama, this was one of the worst. She needs someone to listen to her and tell her what she’s feeling is valid. Instead of doing that, I piled on.
She blinks the hurt away, but it’s too late. The damage is done. Maybe I’m my father’s daughter, after all.
Nana and Amy come running in the side door, fanning themselves.
“Man, it’s hot out there today.” Nana whistles.
Amy steps back. “Woah. Apparently, it’s uncomfortable in here.”
Jade breaks the tension without trying, entering with wine and movie snacks. “I don’t know about y’all, but I’m ready for a girls’ night to end all girls’ nights.”
Nana rubs her hands together. “Then what are we waiting for?” She pulls a deck of cards out of her pocket.
I shift my gaze to Nana’s and shoot an eyebrow up to the sky. “Oh, really?”
“What?” Nana asks as if the last time I played Rummy with my Nana wasn’t at my apartment in New York last summer when we played with some friends for money, and Nana didn’t kick every one of our asses. Handedly.
“You know, Mags, Kate’s right, it may be a little unfair,” Mama agrees. “Let’s see if we can find something else to play.”
Nana sighs. “Y’all are scared … fine, how about Twister?”
“That’s a four-player game, Nan,” I say.
Mama lifts her hands. “Why don’t I be the designated spinner, and all you coordinated, balanced people can play.” She’s always insisted she’s been a klutz, but I’ve yet to see it.
“Jade-a-licious and I can set it up.” Nana runs to the living room.
“I’ll call for a pizza,” Amy offers.
“I’ll feed my dog.” I click my tongue for Hyla.
“Hey, Kate,” Mama calls after me.
I turn around.
“No matter what, I love you. You know that, right?”
My heart clenches. “I love you too, Mama.”
Thirty minutes later, Domino’s rings the bell, and Amy squeals because she can “get the good stuff, even down south.” Mama whips up a pitcher of tea. Equally sweet laughter fills the room as we dig in and talk about the hijinks surrounding Nana’s day.
Mama puts the pizza box on the coffee table and gives the wheel a spin. “Right foot yellow.”
Nana maneuvers on the mat and almost slips right off.
“I gotta admit, Mags, I thought you were a goner there.” Amy laughs.
“Now come on, girls, have a little faith in me. I don’t ever go down without a fight.”
“Can confirm.” Mama flicks the next spin.
My phone buzzes with an incoming FaceTime. Nick. I flip it to silent and set the phone down on the coffee table, but evidently, I’m not as discrete as I thought, as I look up to four pairs of eyes on me. Guess Jade was right. “What?”
“You gonna answer it?” Nana points to my cell and takes a long sip of her tea.
“Oh, I can get it later. Amy, it looks like you’re up.”
Amy crosses her arms. “I can wait.”
“Go ahead and answer it.” Mama encourages me.
“Oh, no, really, I can get it later.” I rub my hands together. “Okay, I can go if Amy needs a minute.”
“We know you’ve been talking to your man-friend every night,” Nana says pointedly.
Amy and Jade snicker.
“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My voice drops by the end of the sentence, and when I see even Hyla wake up from her slumber on the floor to give me a judgy face, I shrug and give it up. “Okay, what do you want to know?”
“How long have you been talking to this guy?” Nana skips my and Amy’s turn and moves her right hand to red.
“Only a few days. It’s still new and Nick and I … well, we’re figuring out what it is.”
“Is Nick who you two were talking about at lunch?” Mama tilts her head.
“Oh, it made it all the way back already, huh?” Fucking Sloane.
“All I heard is you guys had a lunch date, you had major sparks with Jase, and then y’all spent the rest of the time whispering.” Mama shrugs. “I feel like the town can’t help it. Matilda’s trained her minions well. I don’t think they would know what to do if they didn’t do a full check-in on the daily.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Amy asks Mama. “I mean, I know small towns talk. I guess I’ve seen it in the time we’ve been here, but in New York, no one cares. Like I’m an editor of a gossip magazine, and we don’t even care that much. We have to dig for half the scoops we get.”
“ Q ’s a reputable magazine,” I counter.
“Sure, but we still have gossip, and Sloane puts us to shame.”
“I’m sure if you hire Matilda, she’d be happy to find dirt on anyone you need,” Jade spouts.
“Are we officially done with this then?” I gesture to the Twister board.
Amy nods. “Go ahead and call Nick back.”
“FaceTime.” I correct, then regret it.
“Hold up—it’s FaceTime serious?” Jade lifts her tea. “Spill.”
I shake my head and feel my ponytail swipe the back of my shoulder blades. “Nope, wouldn’t call it serious. Wouldn’t call it anything.”
“FaceTime him back. I want to have a looksie at your fella,” Nana teases.
“Don’t you have plans with Pop? Where is he, anyway?” I peak around Nana for my grandfather.
“He won’t be home for a while, but we have all the time in the world.” Nana’s eyebrow raises in a slight challenge.
I pick up my phone and debate running to my room, but there’s no point. As soon as I leave the room, they’ll all tiptoe up the stairs and hold a cup to the door to hear what’s happening. Might as well take it here. “Okay.” I take a deep breath and FaceTime him back.
He answers after the second ring. “Hey, beautiful.” His megawatt smile is on point.
I wave.
“Katie girl, let us see!” Nana shouts.
I cringe.
Nick laughs. “Who’s that?”
Before I can answer the question, Nana gets up from the Twister board and rushes over behind the couch to wave through the phone at him. “Oh, hello, handsome.” She blushes.
“Hi there,” he replies.
“Nick, this is my nana. Nana, Nick.”
“Hello, Nana,” he amends.
“Hello, Nick.” She enunciates every syllable and practically salivates.
“Oh kay, Nana, maybe you should go take a spin,” I suggest.
“I’m good,” she answers, walking to the front of the couch and taking a seat next to me.
“Sorry I missed your call. We started a game night.” I flip the camera around so he can see the Twister set up and pizza box.
Amy, Jade, and Mama wave, and Nick waves back, saying hello. He apologizes for interrupting and asks me to call him later if I’m up for it.
I tell him I will and beg him not to hold Nana’s cougar advances against me.
“Speak for yourself,” she says. “I am who I am, and I’m proud of it.”
Nick chuckles and waves.
I no sooner hang up and see everyone’s eyes lifted, staring at me.
“What?”
“You’re a lucky girl.” Nana sighs and leans into me.
“He’s hot.” Jade fans herself. “I feel like you’ve left out how hot he is.”
“I have not. I told you he’s hot.”
“You left out that he’s hotter live than on his socials, though.” Amy sides with Jade.
“He seems like a good sport to put up with all of us in one video chat,” Mama says.
I put my head in my hands. “Oh, you’re right. The call must have been annoying. Did I blow it?”
“No,” they all say in unison.
“He likes you,” Amy adds. “You know, I say go for it. It’ll be good to have a hot boy toy in the city when we get back.”
I shake my head. Amy’s always encouraging having a boy toy. My eyes flick to Mama, and if I’d have looked a half-second later, I would have missed her flinch, but I don’t.
I redirect the conversation. “My turn?”
“’bout time.” Nana takes her place back on the mat.
We play several rounds of Twister before Mama and Nana retreat upstairs. Jade pops open a bag of Twizzlers and a pack of M&Ms and tosses them my way. “Catch.”
I extend my arm and snag them mid-air. I’m half a Twizzler deep before the quasi-intervention begins.
“So …” Amy folds her hands in front of her.
“So?” I arch my eyebrow.
“So …” Jade echoes.
I blink at them. “Use your words, ladies.”
Jade flings a Twizzler around her finger. “What’s going on with you and Jase?”
I shrug. “I don’t know … nothing. You know.”
Amy wrinkles her nose. “Okay, so that’s a whole lot of gibberish. You’ve been giving off a vibe, and we just want to know what’s happening. Is this a bang it out and move on?”
“Ew …” Jade covers her eyes.
Amy continues, “Or a falling back in love situation?”
Popping a pile of M&Ms in my mouth, I chew slowly and consider what they’re asking. I shake my head. “I wish I knew what was going on. I can’t be near him, but I can’t be away from him … not when I’m here and he’s everywhere. ”
“You can’t even be away from him in New York,” Amy mumbles.
“What does that mean?”
“You haven’t been in a long-term relationship since I’ve known you. The closest was Flannel Jim, and we all know that hardly counts as any sort of ‘ship.’”
I grimace. She’s not wrong.
“Can I plead the fifth?”
Jade picks up a bottle of red. “Do you need more wine?”
I nod and take a long sip after she fills my glass. “I think it’s time for you two to dish on your love lives.”
“What love lives?” they ask, again in unison.
I tilt my head. “What’s going on with Leo? What happened with Rick?”
Jade collects our glasses and pours with a heavy hand.
Amy sighs and rests her butt on her feet. “Okay, fine. Alexis and I ended things a few weeks ago, and I was feeling a little lonely, so I downloaded Tinder.”
“I knew it!” I point at her. “Amy Park, you are on dating apps.”
“App,” she corrects. “One app … one time. I swiped right, and this guy did too. We met at The Saloon, hit it off, did seven too many tequila shots, and hooked up … only to find out two days later he’s the new guy who’s vying for my new promotion.”
I grip her hand. “Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s embarrassing as hell, that’s why. I deleted that app right after. To hell with dating.”
“Here, here.” Jade clinks Amy’s glass with her own.
“Now, now, Ms. Cole …”
Jade gulps. “Now, now?”
“What happened with Rick?” I nudge.
She averts her gaze and pulls her sleeves down. “Let’s just say some people aren’t who you think they are. He showed his true colors one too many times, and if it weren’t for my brothers, I wouldn’t be here today. I wish this town wasn’t so involved , if you know what I mean, but to some extent, I’m grateful, because everyone, even Matilda, for all her faults, has my back if he comes to look for me. One day, he got a little too close, and Jimmy stepped up. He’s been incredible, and we’ve kind of been fooling around … but it’s still so new, so keep that between us, will you?”
We pinkie promise.
“Oh, Jade, I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with all that.”
“We’re here for you,” Amy promises. “You’re not alone.”
“I love you guys,” Jade gushes.
We pull each other into a group hug, and Hyla wiggles her way in to give puppy kisses. We cackle and resolve that it’s time for bed.
I let Hyla out, hug the girls goodnight, and walk to my room. Hyla lifts her head as I fold back my sheets, but she refuses to get in and instead stares at the bedroom window.
Clink.
I shake my head.
Clink.
No.
Ignoring the pebbles, I flip my light switch off and wait. The clinking doesn’t stop. Hyla stretches, and I know it’s useless. I amble to the window and open it, watching for any incoming objects. “What the hell, Jase?”
“Kay,” he says softly.
“Go away, Jase.”
“Kay …”
“What?”
“Look!” He points to lightning bugs illuminating the side yard between where our houses used to connect. He holds up an empty jar and shakes it.
I shove my hand into my hair and look up to the ceiling. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“You don’t have to talk to me. We don’t have to talk at all. Promise.” He holds up three fingers.
I don’t know what makes me go, but before I can think twice about it, I sling my arm out the window and onto the nearby tree branch. I climb down in my ripped jeans and T-shirt, belatedly thinking I should have changed—or at least put shoes on. My bare feet hit the ground with a slight splash in a muddy spot of grass. “Great,” I mutter.
Jase hands me the jar and takes off running. “Come on.”
Maybe it’s the way his eyes light up. Maybe it’s the fireflies taking me back to simpler times. Maybe it’s the way Mama’s face keeps replaying in my mind when she realized I’ll have to go back home to New York eventually. Maybe it’s all the girl talk and wine. Maybe it’s that Jase said we don’t have to talk about us, what we had, what we were, what we lost.
Without even realizing it, I let myself let go. I let myself enjoy this moment for what it is:
Him.
Me.
Us.
For now, but not forever.