Chapter 10
Ava
When I woke up, everything was dark.
I sat up, alarm bells clanging inside my head.
At least I was alone. I understood that Tucker lived here, too, but he hadn’t tried to crawl into bed beside me. I’d seen all the rooms in this house. There was only one bed anywhere.
The clock read 9:46. I couldn’t remember when I had lain down.
I needed more of the medicine they had given me in the hospital. Every movement made my head ache so hard that I felt dizzy.
A line of light seeped in from under the door, so I walked carefully toward it, my arms outstretched in case I bumped into something.
I felt around for the knob and opened it.
It creaked more loudly than I liked, and I held my breath, listening. Could I really be alone now? Maybe Tucker and my father had gone to the wedding after all, like they’d asked the others to do at the hospital.
I took a few steps down the hall. When I neared the bathroom, a powerful pinching sensation came over me low, below my belly. What was that?
I pressed my hands against my stomach. Was I sick?
Tucker appeared from the direction of the living room. He still wore the suit pants and shirt but had taken off the shiny shoes. “I thought I heard you. You okay?”
Not alone after all. It might be for the best because I understood nothing. “My head hurts,” I told him. “And something in my stomach. It makes me feel anxious, like I should jump up and down.”
He glanced at the bathroom. “You might need to go to the bathroom.” He gestured to the door. “Do you know what to do in there?”
I thought about it, searching for what I had done there before. Looked at the book. Looked in the mirror. There was a shower. That was for washing, like the sink.
And the toilet. “I sit on the toilet. And that makes this feeling go away, right?” It all felt very abstract, like I knew the information, but I couldn’t imagine what it was like to do it.
“That’s right. Your body will know what to do once you lower your clothes and sit down. The toilet paper is there to clean up.” His face began shifting in color, darker and redder. “Do you want me to help?”
No, no, I did not. I dashed into the room and closed the door.
Now that I was inside, the urgency grew stronger. I examined the toilet. There seemed to be several parts. I lifted the lid. There was a circle opening.
I assumed I sat on that. I needed instructions. But I pulled down my pants and sat down, realizing too late that the underwear should go, too. Water streamed out of me, soaking the panties.
Of course, they both had to go. Why hadn’t I done that?
I kicked off the sweatpants, trying to avoid getting them wet. Then I slid the panties down. This was a disaster.
I tossed the panties into the sink and dried myself off with toilet paper. Now, what? I ran clean water over the panties. They were really wet. I left them in the sink.
I dried my hands and put the sweatpants back on. It felt strange to wear them without underwear, but I couldn’t do anything about it. There were probably other panties somewhere in the bedroom.
When I went back to the hall, Tucker was still there. “Uh, Harry is here. We had him come in case you woke up.”
“Really?” I could conjure the image of him since I’d seen the picture in the book.
“Come on.” He walked through the hall with the pictures to the room with the sofa.
Harry sat on the blue cushions, which were smashed beneath his weight. He was so much bigger than Tucker, his legs stretched out in front of him in a blue suit. He had a massive dark beard and so much hair on his head. You could see only his eyes and nose.
But he looked like his picture, and the smile he gave was so big that you could suddenly make out his mouth in all that hair.
“Ava, my girl! I heard you asked for me, and ol’ Harry isn’t ever going to wait a second when my Ava calls for me.”
He stood and strode right up to me, hauling me into his arms.
At first, I stiffened. I’d avoided anyone touching me if I could help it, but there was something different about Harry. He was so big and cuddly and smelled exactly right.
I melted against his huge frame, and before I could stop it, I was crying, crying so hard my whole body shook.
“That’s all right, sweet Ava. Let it out.” He sat down again, drawing me against his side, his hand on my hair.
I cried and cried and couldn’t seem to stop. Harry held on to me, squeezing my shoulders, making a “Shhh, shhh” sound until I started hiccupping.
“Can you get my girl some water?” Harry asked.
Footsteps receded. Tucker’s, I guess.
“We took care of everything,” Harry said. “Everybody had dinner, and Tucker’s Gram made all the announcements. We brought some of the food back for you.”
I pulled back to look up at him. “Is anyone else here?”
“Just me and Tucker. Your father will be back in the morning. He went to help with the wedding issues. People to pay and all that.”
“Oh, I guess it still cost money even though we didn’t get married.”
“Don’t you worry a hair on your head about that, sweet girl.”
“I don’t want anyone here. Except maybe you.”
Harry nodded. “I understand. It’s bound to be bewildering. But you need someone to look after you while you get your bearings. It’s a big, wild world out there, and you have a lot to learn again.”
I knew he was right. “But it’s hard with…” I trailed off when Tucker returned.
“Ah, I see,” Harry said. He took the glass from Tucker. “My good boy, what does Ava need to see her through until morning?”
Tucker’s lips pressed together. “She’ll probably be hungry again. And she will need something for her headache. And she won’t know how to work anything in the house, like the microwave or maybe even locks.”
“Show us where the meds are. I can handle the food.” Harry stood up.
“What are you saying?” Tucker asked.
“I’m saying, let’s give Ava a moment. Why don’t you go fetch your Gram and stay the night with her? I’ll handle Ava tonight. We can talk about her life and look at pictures if she likes. I think I know as much as anybody about where she’s been.”
Tucker’s face had gone dark again. “But I need to show her the videos. Get her reoriented.”
“I hear you. I agree. I’m saying tomorrow is as good as any. The girl needs to feel safe, and right now, that’s the big thing. I know you’re worried about the time I took her to her mother, but I’m in the know now, and she’ll be right safe with me.”
Tucker looked at me. I didn’t have anything to say, but he must have figured out something from how I looked.
“Okay. But keep me updated.” He bent down to push my book to me across a short table in front of us.
“I put some notes in your book to explain some things that might be alarming. If you want to look at any videos, the laptop is here. I turned the password off, so you can simply open it and hit play.” He straightened, still frowning. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”
“That’s a good lad,” Harry said. “I think she’ll be better without so much going on around her. We’ll have a good chat.”
Tucker turned to me. “I don’t want to leave,” he said. “But I will if that’s what you want. I’ll always do what you want.”
A rush of competing emotions flooded my system, making me feel so much worse than I had when I woke up. I pressed my hand to my chest, then to my head, and closed my eyes.
“You sit here, Ava, and take long, slow breaths,” Harry said. “I’ll have Tucker show me a few things, and then we’ll have him run along.”
He got up from the sofa. I curled against the cushioned arm, breathing like Harry told me to.
I understood who Tucker was supposed to be to me. And my father, too. But my own words told me who Harry was. And he was the one who made me feel at home.
Until I could handle all the ways everyone made me feel, I needed to take this life one moment, and one person, at a time.