Chapter 11
Tucker
Gram sat across from me at the breakfast table, where we’d shared a lot of meals before I finally got to move in with Ava two years ago.
Her hands circled her coffee cup, nails painted pink for the wedding. “What will you do about the honeymoon?”
Right, Ava and I were scheduled to leave for Alaska this afternoon. She had been so excited to photograph whales and sharks and glaciers.
“She won’t go. I won’t even suggest it. She only wants Harry.”
Gram stared into her cup. “I can’t believe it happened yesterday of all days.”
“No, it makes sense that it did. She was off schedule. Out of the norm. Extra stressed.” I ran a finger around the rim of the cup.
“Have you heard from Harry this morning?”
“Yeah. He said she finally went to bed around three. That the two of them went through a few pages of the book and read my sticky notes.”
“Did she watch any of the videos?”
“No. She only trusts the book and handwriting. Marcus wants us to have her tattoo removed so she won’t keep going back to that.”
Gram set down her mug with a soft clunk. “You think the book will help?”
“I don’t know. It never seems to.”
We fell quiet. I tried not to despair over having to spend what should have been my wedding night in the bed I’d slept in for thirteen years after I’d arrived following my family’s accident.
My head buzzed again, like it had in the car at the hospital. This time, I had my magnet in my pocket, so I pulled it out and passed it over the device in my chest to add an extra electrical zap, just in case.
Gram watched me, her gray eyebrows furrowed. “How often do you have to do that?”
“Rarely. But the stress might be getting to me, too.”
She stood and picked up our plates of scrambled eggs and toast. Neither of us had eaten much. “Do you tell your doctor when you have to manually set it off?”
I shrugged. “No. Not unless something breaks through. And it hasn’t.”
The dishes rattled in the sink. “Do you think Ava will see you today?”
I had no idea. Ava hadn’t been using her phone. I texted her a few times, careful, easy things, asking her how she was. She’d have to relearn how to use it. Knowledge like that never stuck. Harry wouldn’t prioritize it.
“I’ll go over there later. Knock on my own door, I guess.”
Gram turned on the water, passing her hand beneath it occasionally to check the temperature. “You can stay here as long as you need.”
I was hoping I wouldn’t have to, but the way this reset was going, I might not have a choice. Ava always emerged fearful and untrusting, except with Harry. Maya, too. They’d known her for a long time, Maya the longest. She was her neighbor from her early teens.
Harry had given her a job when she’d lived in a women’s shelter, a position that had allowed her to get an apartment and live on her own. He’d protected her since she was eighteen, even from me, at first.
I had to rely on him to guide her back to me, at least in these early days.
Marcus must have gone down the same mental rabbit holes because he texted me a few minutes later.
Marcus: I assume I should cancel the flights and excursions in Alaska?
He was staying at a hotel near the country club, where Ava and I were supposed to be as well.
Me: Yes. She asked me to leave. Harry is with her.
Marcus: I planned to stop by again before heading back to Houston. Or I can stay and send Tina on with the girls.
I understood why he might want to push. We all had to reestablish who we were.
Me: Maybe go see her and then decide. Let me know when you go so we don’t overwhelm her with too many visitors.
Marcus: We’re about to check out here. I’ll go there first and see how she is. I’ll report back.
I set down my phone. I was grateful that Marcus always included me. He could have tried to take Ava with him, set her up with doctors in Houston, three hours away. But he always respected our relationship, even when it was completely one-sided, like now.
Gram finished washing the dishes, and I hadn’t helped. I stood to dry them, but she motioned me back down.
“Let me dote on you for today. You’ve earned it. Was that Marcus texting you?”
“Yeah. He’s handling the honeymoon. I hate how much money he’s out with all this.”
Gram sat opposite me again. “It was a lovely dinner. Everyone was so sad for both of you. There were many toasts that Ava would come around quickly, and we’d get to gather again for vows.”
“I don’t even know what sort of wedding we’ll attempt next time.”
“Something simpler, I’d assume.”
“Definitely.”
“Why don’t you put together some photos from your phone and have them printed out? If Ava wants her book, create more pages for it. Do it now while things are hard, and you’re motivated. That way, it’s done in case, God forbid, anything happens again.”
She was right. “That’s a good idea.” I couldn’t necessarily access the files that were stored on the computer at home, but I had my phone on me, and much of our relationship was documented there.
She stood up and headed to her room. “I’ll put together a grocery list since it seems like you’ll be here a few days. I don’t think I can get by with a full-grown man on tuna fish and cucumber salads.”
“I’ll pick it all up when I have the photos printed.”
“It’ll be all right, Tucker. You’ve been fighting this battle for going on eight years, and you’ll fight it until the end.”
I sat at her table, thumbing through photos of Ava and me, the most recent ones first. The last two years had been so easy. Planting the flowers at our house. Setting up her home office. Moving in new furniture. Getting the keys to the house together.
Dinners out. Kayaking on Lady Bird Lake. Dinners at Big Harry’s Diner.
Then back to the last reset. We’d videoed some of that on our phones. I had her meeting Maya again, sitting among the flowers on her porch.
Hugging Big Harry, looking exactly like she had last night, lost in his enormous chest.
And before that loss. Sitting among her photographs. Learning to drive again.
So many moments lost to her. Left with me.
I had promised to be the keeper of her memories, and I wouldn’t waver now.
This was the time she needed me the most.