Chapter 5
Theo
“It could be worse.” I grimace, looking at the weird concoction on the table.
“How could it possibly be worse ?!” Astrid screams, her eyebrows etched into a ‘V’ shape.
I’d gotten home around an hour ago from Surrey, anxiously twiddling my thumbs as I waited for her to get back. My heart thundered in my chest as I heard the click of the lock and saw her traipsing in, juggling Tesco bags like a packed mule. I immediately ran over and unhooked some of the balanced bags from her grasp, hoping that this act of helpfulness might lessen the later blow, once she saw the cake I brought back. It was safe to say, the cake didn’t look…good. When the male baker, who I’m presuming is the Mark, the one Astrid was practically selling her soul to over the phone, saw me walk in and ask for the cake under the name ‘Cartwright,’ he practically beamed. He had such an excited look on his face as he unveiled his creation. I had to hand it to him, it was incredible.
“Three tiers of Fluffy Victoria Sponge, just as your lady asked!” He chirped, popping the lid back onto the box and passing it to me over the countertop. I couldn’t help the flicker in my chest as he called Astrid, my lady. I don’t know, sometimes I guess I forgot I could call her things like that, (well, not to her face anyway, she’d sooner punch me.) When he told me the price, I nearly passed out. But alas, this was for my mum and dad, and they were worth every penny. So I very reluctantly, with a trembling hand, handed mine and Astrid’s joint account card to Mark and typed in the pin.
“All yours!” he sang. I would too if I’d just made that amount of money. I’d probably have pound signs for eyes by now.
Carefully carrying the white box to the car, I gently place it onto the passenger seat and strap it in with a seatbelt like a small child in a car seat. I could almost hear Astrid’s naggy voice telling me to pull the straps tighter, so that I did. I get in the driver seat and begin to slowly pull away from the side of the road onto the next junction when I’m taken aback by a massive billboard that is promoting the ‘top weirdest films to watch on a film night.’ It’s got loads of tiny little movie posters from the most fucked-up films, and I literally stop in my tracks to take a look, not realising quite how forcefully I ended up slamming on my breaks. It’s a good job that no one was behind me, they’d have been in the boot of the car. I check my mirrors and open up the door to triple check that I haven’t got any casualties and draw a sigh of relief when I realise the coast was clear. Although the box was still very much strapped in next to me, (seat belts do save lives see?), I thought I’d just open up the lid and check, just to be sure. As I open it, I’m met with a horrifying sight. Clearly seat belts don’t save cakes. One of the tiers had literally fallen off and was now splattered into a lumpy, gooey mess on the inner lid of the box, whilst the other two tiers looked more akin to pancakes. Did I really emergency stop that hard?
The whole way home, I couldn’t stop panicking about what mum and dad would say. Hell, I was more worried about what Astrid would say. If I thought I’d pissed her off before, I had a feeling I hadn’t seen anything yet, and I was right.
“I mean…it could be worse in the sense that there is no cake?,” I awkwardly mumble to the floor, like a child getting scolded by a teacher.
“You had one job Theo…ONE JOB!,” she shouts, slapping her hands down to her sides. “I can’t rely on you to do anything. The cooking, the cleaning, I’m surprised you can even wipe your own ass without my help.”
I bite my lips, trying not to laugh at that last sentence, but she clocks it and looks like a rocket about to take flight .
“What are we supposed to do now?! I can’t present your mum this…,” she flares her arms about, trying to think of a word to describe the mess in front of her. “This…shit!”
I gulp, “maybe we could just buy her a cake from Tesco?”
She laughs a defeated laugh, “Tesco?! Do you realise how pathetic you sound? Do you know how much she’s going to blame me when she sees this on her wedding day?”
I didn’t know what to say. It seemed like everything I did was never good enough for her, and hadn’t been in a long time. She’d never lay off, never give me a break. It was just a constant string of nagging. The voice that was once laced with sunshine, was now lathered with factious and venomous undertones. There was always a problem, even when there wasn’t one.
She sighs, rubbing a hand through her hair. “The least you can do is tell me how you managed to do it Theo.”
My palms began to sweat. I didn’t know whether to lie or whether I’d be digging myself even more of a hole by doing so. Looking at her interrogative expression, I opt for the truth. Honesty is the best policy right?
“Uh-well,” I say, licking my dry lips. “I was pulling off from the road and I saw a billboard with all the top weirdest films for a movie night- I saw some of our favourites on there, and just couldn’t get over how they were allowed on a public display- when I sort of- well- I emergency stopped.”
A few seconds of silence passes as I wait for her response, although it feels like hours.
She swallows, “So let me get this straight- you emergency stopped on a junction, all to look at a…billboard poster? You could have caused an accident and hurt yourself and someone else for a few movie posters?”
I drop my head to the floor, nodding shamefully.
“You ruined your parents wedding cake for a billboard poster Theo, just let that sink in for a minute.” She adds, matter-of-factly.
I’m about to speak when she butts in, “Just piss off upstairs, I don’t even want to talk to you about it anymore right now.”
Inhaling a large breath, I ask, “what are we going to do?”
“There’s no we about this.” She says spitefully, not even meeting my eye. “I’m going to do what I always do, pick up after your mess.”