Chapter 6
Astrid
You’ve got to be kidding me.
I grimace as I stare back at my reflection in the mirror. Today was the dreaded day, and Margaret thought it would be a wonderful idea to choose my bridesmaid outfit and ‘surprise’ me with it on the morning. Funnily enough, there weren’t any surprise outfits for her little pumpkins, Danny and Theo, who already had a very formal suit fitting a few days ago. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt so badly, but after zipping down the cover to unveil quite possibly, the world’s most disgusting dress known to man, I knew she’d done me dirty.
It was a slime green number, lathered with ugly frills and practically reached my ankles. But the vileness didn’t stop there, she’d also given me a shoebox that looked fairly expensive. It was white and scrawled with dainty handwriting, it looked almost designer. Maybe she’d bought me a pair of heels, maybe they could somehow save the fashion disaster. However, any shred of hope I had left was abruptly squashed when I tore open the box, and ripped out the tissue paper, only to find a pair of…loafers, the colour of dirty dishwater. It was a look fit for a Mormon. I knew there was absolutely no saving grace now. She had it in for me, and she had it in for me, hard. I guess the only silver lining in all of this was that she didn’t assign me a makeup artist or hair stylist. Thankfully, I could do my usual makeup routine and I twisted my hair into an intricate braid that swung all the way down my back. It still didn’t save the monstrosity that I was wearing, but it would have to do.
The door swings open dramatically, and I fully expect it to be Margaret, raring to get an eyeful of this absolute mess that she created. But the low, guttural laugh starts blaring and I know fully well who it is.
“Wow,” he says, clapping his hands in hilarity, “you look… nice.”
I immediately dart my head around to face him, my braid nearly smacking me in the face as I do, and I’m annoyed at myself for the huge breath I have to catch.
Theo had always been handsome, anyone with eyes could see that. Even in his little gangly sasquatch phase, I could see it. But I let my eyes scan all over him in his tight-fitting Navy suit that molded perfectly around his enlarged biceps, his hair that had clearly been freshly cut and styled into some tousled look with mouse, and don’t get me started on the smell . He had this aroma permeating off him that I couldn’t describe. It smelled almost like the air after rainfall, crisp. He looked bloody perfect, and by the reaction of my body, it certainly realised that too. Shame he had to ruin it all when he opened his mouth though.
I exhale before replying sharply, “ Maggie set me up!”
He begins shaking his head, wiping the rogue tear from his cheek. “She just wanted to surprise you Astrid, she thought it would be nice.”
“Nice?! Oh please, don’t be so dense Theo. I look like Shrek, and you know it.” I spit back.
He sniggers, “Maybe a bit. And the dress adds to it even further.”
I snatch a cushion from the sofa and lob it at his head.
He winces, rubbing his forehead. “Thanks for that.”
“No problem.” I say, giving him a snarky smirk, before glancing at the clock and realising the time. “Shit! We’re running late, we need to get to the church so I can set up the cake!”
His mouth gapes open, “Now? I thought we had another hour? I need a shit.”
Why did men always insist on going to the toilet at the most inappropriate, inconvenient times? It’s not even like they can do a quick job. They bring their phones in and scroll through YouTube for an hour.
“ No.” I put my foot down, scrabbling for the car keys. “You’ll have all the time in the world to do your business once the ceremony is done.”
He pouts, “what if I have an accident though during the wedding?”
I grab my bag, hook it over my shoulder, shove the cake into Theo’s hands and unlock the front door, “Don’t worry, I’m sure mummy would happily wipe your bum for you.”
◆◆◆
When we arrive at the Church, we struggle to park initially. There must be well over one hundred people here already. I didn’t get that you see, who even had one hundred friends? I only had one, (well two, if you count Theo…I guess). But the point was, I could see from a mile away that this wedding was all about the Margaret show. I imagine half of the people here were her friends, rather than Graham’s. She was the ultimate bridezilla. Everything had to be the crème de la crème, everything had to be flashy. Why can’t people just have quaint little ceremonies anymore? To be honest, I’d much rather have an elopement or a tiny ceremony with immediate family in a registry office. A wedding should always be about love, not materialism, but I had a funny feeling that today was definitely going to be more of the latter. Once we’ve pulled in, I inwardly cringe as all of the unfamiliar faces sport in my direction. They’re obviously drawn to the Green like moths are to the flame. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person dressed this garishly.
Deciding to look down at the floor and avoid all social interaction at all costs, Theo and I head into the outbuilding that stands directly next to the church. In fairness, it’s quite cute. There are some pretty Golden string lights that stretch around the ceiling and there are circular tables dotted around the room with Sunflower bouquets and Black and White polaroids of Margaret and Graham through the years. I mean, it should be cute, considering it was my idea in the first place. It was an extra task Maggie had snuck in for the two of us, but funnily enough, as always, Theo had practically next to no input. She’d probably find fault with it, but frankly, I didn’t care.
I gently place the cake down on the middle table, I did not fancy a repeat of before. I’m surprised I managed to salvage the mess that Theo had made with the cake. I’d spent a good hour trying to somehow fuse it back together, and ended up realising that the only logical way it was going to work was to squish it all back down into one cake, rather than three-tiers. It was now a very large, very round sponge, with some added swirly icing on top, (thanks to yours truly), and a mini bride and groom figure popped on top. I knew she’d complain about it, but she’s lucky I even managed to do that.
“Guys!,” a frantic looking Danny shouts from behind the door. “Get in the church now, it’s about to begin and mum will go mental if you’re not there.”
Theo and I bomb it out of the door and into the church entrance, and I pray to all that is holy that people don’t think I usually dress this way by choice as we walk down the aisle. I can feel my face heat and my heartbeat pound in my ear drums as everyone stands and stares. Theo’s grandma is already crying and gushing, acting more like it’s mine and Theo’s wedding, rather than her daughter’s. His teenage cousins, Zara and Lara, (they’re twins if you couldn’t guess already), both bite their lips as they spot me, obviously trying to hold back their laughter. I clearly didn’t get the seal of approval from Gen Z. We get to the front of the pew and my heart steadies as I see Graham flash a warm smile back at us. At least there was someone in this family who didn’t seem to be gunning for me. We wait, and the tune of the organ begins as we watch her teeter down the aisle in a puffy wedding gown with layers that resembled a toilet roll, her flaming red curls were piled on top of her head in a knotted updo, but I could see her smirk flashing underneath her laced veil. What was this woman’s problem?
When she eventually makes it to Graham, we go through all the usual priest spiel. Everyone is either sobbing or smiling away goofily like a proud mother as they read their vows to one another, but the room erupts into an instant silence as the priest calls for the rings to be bared. Maggie and Graham look between each other in a cloud of confusion before she pins her eyes directly onto me and whispers, “The rings please, Astrid?”
I feel a wave of nausea rush through me. Rings? What rings?
Nudging Theo, I mouth, “Were we meant to sort the rings?”
He looks deathly pale, as he stutters awkwardly over his words, “Uh-Well- I think there must have been a bit of a miscommunication there.”
Maggie looks passively fuming now, “Angel, I told you that I wanted you and Astrid to keep the rings safe for us.”
Wait- did Theo know about this and didn’t tell me?
“I gave you the rings pumpkin, to keep safe for us.” She adds, all-too-chirpily. Like the calm before the storm.
He shrugs uncomfortably, “Sorry mum, I think I’ve accidentally- uh- left them at home.”
I couldn’t believe this. Well actually, I could, because this was Theo, and he had the competence of a bloody spoon.
It’s then that Maggie abruptly turns to me, almost tripping over the train of her dress and mumbles, “Thanks Astrid for ruining my wedding day.” Oh my god, no. I wasn’t having any of that. I didn’t care who was watching, I needed to fight my corner, otherwise nobody else would.
“Uhm, excuse me, Margaret, but I didn’t know anything about the rings. I didn’t even know that we were supposed to be keeping them for you. Theo must have forgotten to tell me, as always .”
Theo’s face reddens at the attention before he snaps back, “What do you mean, as always ? I make one mistake and you automatically go ham on me.”
“But it’s not just one simple mistake is it? It’s a pretty fucking catastrophic mistake. You just don’t ever use your brain do you? And now I’m getting the blame for your idiocy!”
Maggie’s mouth falls open, “Language Astrid!”
“Oh please, you should hear your sailor-mouth-son when you’re not around.” I add, putting a firm hand up .
Graham sneers before saying, “Never mind Marg, we can get married without them I’m sure.” I notice he exchanges a look from the priest for reassurance of this.
“Well, it’s quite rare, but yes, it can be done.” The priest responds.
Calming herself down by flapping her hands against her face, Margaret swallows down a gulp, and strangely agrees to proceed.
As the priest announces that they may now kiss the bride and they ride off down the aisle, beaming with happiness, I unfortunately can’t bask in any of the same joy. I look at Theo and he turns on his feet next to Danny, following their parents, and I feel anger like I’ve never felt before. He didn’t even stick up for me. He never did when it came to her. He could have told her that I had no part in it, but as usual, he sheepishly hid away. Or you know, he could have just got his act together and told me about the rings, then at least I could have kept them somewhere safe.
I was going to struggle to make it through the rest of the day. It was ironic that the day that was supposed to be full of love, left me feeling anything but.