Chapter 20
Astrid
I had to mentally prepare myself to enter the building.
I’d already spotted the corporate Karen’s dotted at various desks through the window, typing away furiously. I could almost smell the coffee breath and painful small talk from out here in the car park.
Theo assured me that he didn’t need to prepare me for anything. I knew he worked as an administrator, he had for the past few years. He told me that the extent of his job is just collating emails, ringing people to organise appointments, organising occasional training and doing the bog-standard admin duties like filing and printing. Admittedly, I did do a quick Google search in the car of all the different construction terminologies, and honestly, it might as well have been in a foreign language. I mean, what was an Excavator 360? It sounded like some 2000’s sci-fi comedy that Will Smith starred in. I prayed that it wouldn’t be rocket science, but I prayed even harder that it wouldn’t leave me bored out of my mind. When Theo first started working there, he really enjoyed it. However, cut to a few months later and he said he’d gotten so bored every day that he would try to cope with the hours by reducing them to Friends episodes. He worked from 8-5, which was a 9 hour day. Apparently that equated to roughly twenty-seven episodes. He would quite literally stare at the clock and think, yep, one down, twenty-six to go…that must be so rough. I never knew why he didn’t just look for a different job. Well, I guess I did to an extent, he said it was because of his work friends and he didn’t want to let them down. In my eyes, if your job is so soul-destroyingly boring that you’re staring at the clock, no amount of friends could outweigh that. Either way, I was about to find out.
Swallowing down a huge gulp, I follow the signs and head into the main reception.
“Morning Theo!” a beaming blonde-haired girl shouted from behind the front desk. She must only have been about eighteen. I didn’t even know you could get receptionists that young these days. God, I sounded old and bitter.
“Uh…morning.” I mumble, giving her an awkward wave. I had absolutely no idea what her name was. Theo only gave me a brief crash course on everyone’s names, and I was absolutely terrible with names. I cursed myself for not making a diagram of everyone’s location in the building and their name in advance .
One thing he did tell me though, thankfully, was that my desk was up the stairs, first room on the left, and the first desk smack bang in the middle of the room. I felt my hands tremble at my sides as I tiptoed up the steps. There were construction awards plastered all over the walls, massive, framed photos of the long line of managers, it just all seemed so… serious and a bit pretentious if you ask me. I awkwardly stand outside the room like a terrified year 7 on their first day at secondary school. It also didn’t help that I still wasn’t used to the extra friend in my trousers, adjusting it at every angle. So I also had to be aware that I wasn’t making Theo look like he had a sudden and newfound crotch-grabbing habit. The last thing we needed right now was for him to be fired because he was caught fondling himself in the office. I’d never understand how men could cope with that in their pants all day, and not that I was in anyway trying to big up Theo’s… you know , but it honestly felt like I was surfing on a snake every time I sat down.
“Good morning Theo.” A very glamorous looking woman says as she brushes her way past me and into the staff kitchen. She must be about sixty, she’s wearing a seventy’s flared jumpsuit, with a bouncy blow-out, and she just looks so put-together as she makes her morning cuppa. I hoped I’d age like her one day.
Before I realise what’s coming out of my mouth, I cough before saying, “Sorry, can I just say that you’re absolutely slaying in that outfit.”
Her face contorts into a confused grin. “Are you messing with me right now?”
Quickly laughing it off, I reply “You know me!” a bit too desperately.
“Thought it was too good to be true!” she tutted, smirking as she brushed back by me with her tea, her flares swishing.
“Are you coming in then or not?” a deep voice asks sarcastically from the room that I’d been lurking outside of. They obviously heard my so-called flirtatious encounter with flare-woman.
Peeking my head around the door in the world’s least cool and casual fashion. I shout, “Sorry, Morning!” and make a B-line for my desk, keeping my head firmly down.
“Flirting with Sandra eh? Tut, tut, tut.”
I look up from my desk, my very…messy desk, which honestly doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Considering by his snarky tone, I’m going to take a wild guess that this is Brandon. He’s thirty, a bit of a man-slag, and apparently can’t go 5 minutes without going for a smoke break.
“Obviously not mate.” I clap back, but keeping my tone as light and jokey as possible.
“Wouldn’t want the Mrs to know now would we?,” another voice chirps, accompanied by their head hanging over my desk. I’d say considering by their thick Northern accent and lack of spatial awareness, this must be Lucas. He was fifty, but apparently tried to act ‘down with the kids,’ (‘kids’ being any person between the age of 20-30 in his eyes). Alas, Theo said he was a pretty cool guy, his daughter was a teacher too, and apparently he always gushed about her. I didn’t even need to hear it from his mouth. The humongous picture of her on the wall by his desk, dressed head to toe in her graduation cap and gown, smiling proudly with her diploma, was quite enough. I think I might like him you know. Supportive dads are a breed that are few and far between these days.
“Ha, no I certainly would not.” I respond gawkily, edging myself away from his grasp.
“No. You might get a cake to the face again, and this time, she wouldn’t miss!” Lucas snorts.
Had he just gone and told every friend about that?!
“Don’t worry Theo, crazy bitches are the keepers I’ve heard.” Brandon grins as he types something on his computer.
I suddenly found myself not liking Brandon very much.
Did he honestly do nothing but paint me as this psychopath to all of his friends? It was an act of mindlessness I will admit. I was seeing Red, and I just couldn’t think straight. My actions weren’t even my responsibility at that point, my arm had a mind of its own. I obviously didn’t intend to hurt Theo. Also, it was fucking slice of Victoria Sponge anyway, it was hardly a brick.
“Theodore.” A lanky man sporting a gray suit says as he walks over and chucks a printed spreadsheet on my desk. Oh fuck me, I hated Excel with a vengeance.
“Got some training that needs booking for some lads down in Highclere, Donnington, and Hungerford. I’ve made a spreadsheet of all the guy’s names, the training they need and the expiration dates for their current qualifications. If you can get this sorted today please, that would be much appreciated.”
I thought Theo said I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that and that he was on top of it? Clearly bloody not then. This man gave me the ultimate corporate vibes. I’m presuming he must be a director considering his choice of outfit. I know this was an office, but the man looked like James Bond. He also exuded this sense of narcissism, he had a certain swagger in his stride as he walked into the room that screamed, ‘I’m better and richer than you.’ I know you should never judge a book by its cover, but first impressions were important, and he’d already obliterated it within about 2 minutes of talking .
Theo had already given me his log-in details, so at least I could be rest assured that I had a computer screen to pretend to be working on all day. I glared at the vomit-inducing spreadsheet in front of me and sighed. I had no clue what I was doing, I didn’t even know what the first step was in booking training. I assumed I’d be paying for it with the company’s money, and the last thing I wanted to do was pay a couple of grand for something that isn’t even right. Deciding that I needed answers straight away, I run out of the room and call Theo.
“Hello?” My voice says back to me, I don’t think I’d ever get over the sheer weirdness of having a conversation with my own voice. I knew it was Theo, but it still made a shiver crawl through my spine.
“Help me!” I whisper-shout as I creep into the toilets, checking underneath the stalls to make sure no one is listening. “Some lanky Bond lookalike in a suit has barged in here, threw a training spreadsheet on my desk, and is demanding that I get it sorted by today!”
I hear him chuckle down the line, “You mean Nicholas Horton? The owner of the company. And the multi-millionaire.”
I breathe out a giant puff of air. Lanky Bond is the owner of the company? Guess that explains a lot.
“Whoever he is. I have no clue what I’m doing, could I maybe…send you the list and you book it from home?” I feel embarrassed even asking him, after asking him to do a literal lesson observation for me.
“Nope.” I can almost hear him shaking his head from here, “I did my bit for you, now you’re doing your bit for me. During your lunch break, ring me back, tell me who the guys are, what site they’re on, and what training needs doing, and I’ll help you. But I’m not doing it for you Astrid. Gotta learn these things for yourself sometimes.”
The smug sod.
“I mean, you would know, getting me temporarily suspended and all…” I can’t help myself.
“ Stop.” He said firmly, but I can hear the hint of a smile in his voice. “We’re going to find Darla soon and then you’ll never have to think about the word construction ever again.”
As much as I appreciated his optimism and attempts to lighten the mood, I couldn’t ignore the fear in the pit of my stomach that this might be our lives now. Forever living in the other’s body, never being able to tell our friends and family who we really are without the risk of them admitting us into a mental institution. What if I never get to go and enjoy the luxuries of getting my hair done at the Salon, or getting all made up in dresses and heels for a night out? Oh my god, what if I never get to experience childbirth? The bile rises slowly through my throat.
“WHAT IF I NEVER HAVE A VAGINA AGAIN?!” I squeal to the room.
“I’m sorry?” a voice asks as from behind me. Shit!
Stood with wide eyes of horror and his arms crossed, was none other than Nicholas. Theo’s boss. The main man. The multi-millionaire who just heard me crying about never having female genitalia again.
“Is there something you want to discuss Theodore?” He says sharply, but his eyes turning slightly more sympathetic.
“DOES HE THINK I’M A SECRET WOMAN?!” an anxiety-ridden Theo shouts from down the other end of the line.
I immediately end the call and bite my lip as hard as I can to stop myself from laughing. Now, I should give him a bit of tit for tat here, but being the saint that I am, I set the record straight.
“Sorry Nicholas- Erm- my sex life is just running a bit dry at the moment.” Two thumbs up Astrid, I’m sure his boss wanted to know the ins and outs of his sex life.
Nicholas shakes his head quickly, almost as if brushing away the sexual visions that I’d likely just induced .
“Oh, I empathise with you there pal.” I’m sorry?
“Roslyn hasn’t even touched it in over 2 years now. Our sex life is drier than a nun’s pus-”
“Okay then!” I interrupt, a bit too-overenthusiastically. “Now that we’ve both got that off our chests, I better go and sort that training for you hadn’t I.”
Looking sheepishly at the floor, before returning to the frown he first graced me with, he replies, “Ah, yes. Better had.”