Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
JUNIPER
The next morning, I shut myself in the bathroom and packed a to-go bag. I needed to leave now.
Vander was wrong.
I wasn’t better than him.
And, unlike him, I didn’t have a scent match to cure me of my heartache. Whatever I had with them, it wasn’t enough to make me forget.
I returned to my room and kicked Vander out, packing some clothes into a small suitcase.
The pack had gone to their apartment again to sort some more stuff out, and I stayed in my room, avoiding Kit. I kept staring at my suitcase, and when I heard Kit start the shower, I sneaked into the nest room. I wasn’t proud of it, but if I was leaving, my omega was demanding I take some things with me. I snatched up the remains of Kit’s favorite pillowcase, my heart pounding. I tried to leave but turned right back around as I contemplated leaving the mix of pack scents that permeated the room. Shit. I was weak. I needed something they wouldn’t miss. My eyes fell onto the clean laundry basket in the corner, piled with clothes that were waiting to be folded. I heard a bang outside and panicked, grabbing a handful of fabrics that seemed to smell like all of them and rushing back into the spare room. My face burned as I realized what I grabbed when I started packing it into my suitcase. Turns out I was an underwear thief now.
My phone pinged, reminding me of the appointment I was having with the Aisha Foundation today. I dragged myself up to change my clothes and make myself look presentable, trying to push the emotional mess from my mind.
I smoothed down my outfit. It was the nicest dress I owned. Maybe the cut was a little low, and I didn’t know if the thin straps were really proper business attire, but my other options were graphic tees. At least this one made me look more mature. I was gold pack, so I knew I needed to work extra hard with my appearance for people to take me seriously.
The pack wasn’t back yet, and Jhin and I were supposed to drive to the appointment together. I needed him. A text came in on my phone.
Jhin: Sorry, some complications at the apartment. Why don’t you go ahead and I’ll meet you there?
Me: Are you going to make it?
Jhin: Yes. I promise.
I drummed my fingers on my phone, biting my lip. But he had promised. I could go to Westside by myself. I walked out into the living room to grab the car keys. Kit was resting on the couch, looking up with a smile when he saw me.
“I’m going out for a bit,” I said, snatching the keys from their little bowl. I didn’t want him to worry.
“Oh! Can I come?" he asked, jumping up from the couch. “Maybe we could make it a trip, I’ve been meaning to go to the craft store for more paint.”
I tried to find an excuse.
“Oh, I should do this alone, it’s boring work stuff,” I said.
“Maybe I could drop you off?” he asked, some of that sad hopefulness in his voice, his puppy dog eyes boring into me. My kryptonite.
“Okay,” I relented.
* * *
“Wow,” Kit said as he found some street parking and looked up at the building. “What kind of work stuff is this?”
“Oh, it’s like a bank meeting,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions.
“You sure you don’t want me to come?” he asked. I shook my head, and opened the door, climbing out of the car.
I hadn’t walked more than five feet before a cramping pain made me double over. I could feel my temperature rising, and cursed. Something was really wrong. This was the fifth serious spike I’d had since my heat had ended almost a week ago, and they weren’t getting any better.
Shit. I tried to stand up straight. What was I going to do? I had to make the appointment today, and I needed a plan. Needed something.
I was leaning against a parking meter when two soft hands wrapped around me and helped me stand up. One stroked my side and I smelled Kit’s familiar almond buttercream scent. I let out a whine as his fingers brushed my bare shoulder.
“Shit,” he said, helping me back to the car, and yanked open the back door. I collapsed inside and he followed, hovering over me.
“Lock,” I groaned, trying to shut the door. Couldn’t let anyone smell me like this.
I looked up to see his wide brown eyes framed by his large glasses. He seemed to swim in my vision, brows pinched, his pink hair blurring. He was pressed against the car door, as far away from me as he could, taking shallow breaths through his mouth.
“You need help,” he said. “I’m going to call Jhin. Or shit, maybe I should take you to a clinic. They could tell you why this keeps happening.”
And he was moving away, moving to go to the front seat. I grabbed his wrist, and he paused, looking at me as I shook my head.
“No… time,” I was almost crying in frustration. “The meeting…” It could be my one chance.
“Juni, you can reschedule. They’ll understand.”
I shook my head. It would be so rude, and I knew rich people could be fussy about that. I was gold pack, so I needed everything to be perfect for me to have a chance. I couldn’t miss this.
“No,” I hissed through the pain, and was trying to struggle up, causing him to lose his balance. He fell, his face inches from mine. My skimpy dress had gotten stuck beneath me, and as I struggled to get up, it caught and pulled, baring a single peaked nipple on my heaving chest.
His eyes darted down, and we both froze as his almond perfume spiked in the air, heavy with lust.
It was a familiar smell; wound in with memories of heats and safety. He always smelled so good, looked so good, and I’d seen him so many times stripped bare, his hooded eyes meeting mine in the heat. How many times had I wondered what it’d be like to mount him in the thick of it? To have him writhing because of my touch?
But now the two of us were alone, and he was perfuming—for me . I couldn’t help the groan that tore from my throat at the idea. Me. Slick was coating my thighs, and I wanted him to touch me, to help relieve this aching pain.
His face flushed, and he squeezed his eyes shut.
Shit.
No, not for me. Just our stupid fucking biology.
His body had probably learned to associate my perfume with sex, with heat, like some horny pavlovian shit. Fuck.
I wriggled, trying to cover my traitorous nipple.
“Sorry,” he said, his voice breathy, his eyes still squeezed shut. He was so cute. And so close, his body pressed to mine, our scents tangling thick in the air.
I needed to get out of here, and the throbbing between my thighs was driving me crazy. I couldn’t wait, I needed this dealt with so I could make that stupid meeting and save the Safe House.
I had moved a bit, but now I was closer to him. He smelled so fucking good, and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer.
Mine.
Needed him.
“Can you—please—” I panted, reaching up and winding my fingers in his soft hair the way I’d always wanted to do.
His pupils were blown, staring at me. I bit my lip, pressing my thighs together, feeling the slick between them, and let out a whine as the pain deepened. His breathing stuttered, and I tried to catch my breath, to compose myself.
“Just… need you. Please. Have to.”
My hand had slid down to his jeans, to where he was hard, but I hovered there, waiting for his consent. I knew he hadn’t actually been in someone else since he perfumed, and I probably shouldn’t even be asking, because I didn’t know if he wanted to, but fuck, I wanted him so bad.
“Please, Kit. Please, touch me.”
It was painful, the cramping in my belly, screaming at me, needing that release. And he was right there—my angel, just like he’d been since my first heat. But he was just staring at me, looking panicked.
Shit.
This was Vander in the park again. Just fucking pheromones. I felt a lump in my throat, embarrassment burning my face. Before I got lost in the lust again, I shifted back, going for the door handle. I’d make that appointment if I had to crawl there with half the packs in New Oxford on my tail.
“Wait—” I felt his blessed fingers touch my cheek, drawing another whine from me. I looked up to find his face close to mine, and for a moment I was frozen, taken in by the smoothness of his skin, the softness of those eyes, deep pits of emotion, swirling with want.
He swallowed and leaned down to kiss me.
Fuck, he tasted like I’d always thought he would—a sugary amaretto cocktail, and lit up every nerve in my body. I felt a groan escape from my lips as my hips bucked up to meet him, grinding against the erection in his jeans.
He whined, and the noise seemed to strike through me, causing me to shudder. My hands were fumbling now, tugging up my dress, pulling my soaked panties off. He broke the kiss to look down, hands undoing the buttons on his jeans, and then freed his long, beautiful cock, one I’d seen so many times with others, but now it was mine. I needed him. Fuck, and he was already moving, lining himself up. I looked up and our eyes met. He was heavy-lidded, his glasses halfway down his nose, and his lips were reddened from our kiss.
I cried out as he guided it down, rubbing the hard, smooth tip through the slick surrounding my heat and over my clit. He watched me as he did it again, biting his lips slightly as he watched me tremble beneath him, and for a moment, I let myself believe that he’d been dreaming of this too.
“Kit,” I breathed, my hand reaching out to rest on his chest. There was nothing in the world but this right now. The pleasure his touch left in its wake, and I was arching toward him as he did it again, needing him. I hitched my hips up, angling him further, so he was nestled right up against my swollen entrance.
“Ah—Juni, fuck—” he said, jerking forward, his cock sinking inside. It was pure, cool relief, his choked gasp echoing bursts of ecstasy down my spine. We were both panting as he pressed closer, letting out another whine as he sank all the way inside me, his hips against my skin, joining us together for the first time.
“Y-you feel so good, Juni. Fucking perfect,” he whispered, and fuck, to hear him say that, to know he thought that, was utter bliss.
“Fuck me, then,” I said, tugging him closer. “Need you, Kit. Everything you’ve got.”
He adjusted, moving his arms above me, and I got glimpses of the slight muscle on his arms tensing as he braced and started to move. I could feel him pounding inside of me, my muscles clamping around him. My legs were tangled tightly around his waist, pulling him as close as I could, needing us to be one. For me to be his and him to be mine, to live in this moment forever. He was panting, our breathy moans hitching with every thrust. For the first time, harmonizing together, just us.
It was everything.
I could feel my release, building and singing, and it just took one last glimpse of him above me, his head bent into his elbow, his tooth biting into his lip as his face scrunched up in pleasure and I was there. My body was squeezing him in waves as my orgasm tore me apart, better than every dream I’d had of him.
I could only cling to him, cling to that solid frame, and I felt him lean down over me, sweeping my hair aside. His lips brushed my neck and I cried out again as his teeth broke my skin, biting hard. Kit bloomed in my head, his own rapture crashing into mine, and I heard him groan as he poured out inside me, and I gasped as heat flooded my core because fuck nothing had ever felt that good. It was like his cum was its own drug, and my vision spotted as I came apart again, clutching him desperately. Shit. no one else had ever experienced that from him.
He’d taken me and claimed me.
Mine.
My neck throbbed with the proof of it.
He slowly lowered himself to me, pulling me into a hug, his arm rubbing my back, and I closed my eyes, taking him in. My breathing slowed as I floated through this moment.
“Oh shit,” Kit said, panic flaring through our new bond. My eyes snapped open, and the spell was broken.
This was Kit, and me, and we’d just fucked in a car because of my fucking heat spike.
“God, I’m so sorry, Juni, I didn’t mean to?—”
His hand fluttered at my neck, his eyes wide as he looked at the bite he’d given me. I’d dreamed for years that he’d bite me again, but not like this. Not when it meant nothing, just a mistake he’d made in the heat of the moment. I struggled away from him; the pain in my heart was hot and sharp, clogging my throat, making my eyes burn.
“No, this was my fault.” My voice was raw. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have asked you to do that.”
He bit his lip, wincing.
“Did it work?” he asked tentatively.
I nodded. The heat spike had faded. My heart was thundering in my chest as I turned to face him. His head was still down, and I could still feel the shame and regret pouring from him, making me want to puke.
“Good,” he said, trying for a smile. He looked awkward, uncomfortable, his face red as he tucked himself back in his pants. “Yeah, I know how it is. Now you can make that meeting. You should go to a clinic, though, and get checked out after?”
“Right,” I said, the bile surging up in another miserable wave. God, I should have done that days ago and maybe avoided this whole thing. “I’ve got a bag… somewhere.”
I scooted back on the seat, rummaging around underneath for the pack, trying to keep it together.
Wipes, change of clothes, and emergency scent blockers.
I shoved the wipes toward him and started trying to clean myself up. We didn’t talk as I changed my clothes, breaking out the bottle of scent dampener to douse myself. I scooted to the door and got out hurriedly.
“You sure you don’t need me to come?" he asked, but he must have seen the expression on my face because he backed off.
“Oh. Right. Top secret.” He tried for a light smile, and I had to look away. “I don’t have a change of clothes anyway. I can go home, and pick you up after?”
“No. You’re right. I should go to a clinic after.” I squeezed my eyes shut, and picked up the to-go bag I’d packed. “And I’ll… move out to the Safe House tonight. This was all my fault. And you’ve got your pack to look after you now, and my head is fine, and you have your new nest so I really should give you guys some space.”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense," he said, and horrible tension thrummed down the bond between us. How had it gone from that perfect, blissful moment in the car to this terrible, crushing weight so fast? I checked my phone. Eight minutes until my appointment—I had to run.
Kit opened his mouth, looking like he was about to say something, but I cut him off.
“Shit, sorry I gotta go,” I said. “Just—blame me, okay? I’m so sorry, Kit.”
I held his miserable gaze for one more second, hating myself, hating that I couldn’t stay, and then I was running away from the car, away from Kit. I didn’t know when I would see him again. Perhaps, it was best if I didn’t.
The guilt was weighing more and more on me.
Shit. He had a pack now. A scent match.
And here I was, some broken, sorry excuse for an omega pining after him. I’d been lying to myself, pretending to still have a place in his life.
What the fuck was I doing?
KIT
Juni’s gaze left mine, and then she was running down the street, fast, as if she couldn’t wait to get away from what we’d done. What I’d done.
There was no way to deny it either, not when I could feel her misery and regret like it was my own. I wrapped my arms around myself as she left, trying not to cry.
For a moment, I was back in the car, hearing her beg for me, her lovely face fixed on mine, making those beautiful sounds as she came apart beneath me. We’d fit together perfectly, her body and mine tangled together as we guided each other toward ecstasy. When my teeth had sunk into her neck—for a moment we were one; her pleasure and mine were the same thing, surging through both of us together as I poured out into her. Something I’d always dreamed of.
But it was all wrong.
I’d been her only option, and she’d regretted it. So much so that she could barely look at me, the feeling so strong it had made me feel sick to my stomach. In the moment, biting her had felt so natural, but I’d obviously gotten carried away and taken things way too far. She’d just needed a release to settle her heat spike, and I’d forced something much more intimate onto her.
I hugged myself tighter, swallowing past the lump in my throat, blinking my eyes furiously.
She was moving out.
Leaving.
This temporary bond I’d given us was the closest I’d ever be with her.
I was losing her.
I climbed into the front seat and started the engine.
JUNIPER
I hugged myself as I stared up at the fancy, shiny skyscraper. Around me, people parted, giving me room and a couple of funny looks.
I checked my phone, chewing my lip.
I’d heard nothing from Jhin.
Me: I’m here.
Me: Just by the fancy fountain-pool.
Me: Are you close?
Me: Meeting starts in 5. I have to go in.
Me: Can you call me?
I bit my lip as I looked at the last one I’d typed.
Please.
I deleted it.
I needed him to be here. I was gold pack, and now I didn’t have an alpha present to back me up. The backup clothes I’d kept in the car consisted of an ancient pair of spare yoga pants with a hole in the knee, and a graphic tee with a vaguely sexual carrot plastered on the center, and I had a fresh bite mark on my neck.
My skin was crawling with discomfort just standing here on this street, let alone thinking about walking into one of these fancy buildings like I belonged. And now, on top of everything else, I had Kit’s steadily devolving misery seeping into my head through the temporary bond.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I had to do this. For all the other gold pack omegas who were relying on me. If the Safe House closed down, it could cost them their jobs. Their chance at a safe life.
When I opened my eyes, Jhin still wasn’t there.
Fuck him. I was going in alone.
I marched up the stairs and went up to the front desk, where a beta in a crisp uniform frowned up at me.
“Bathrooms are not public," she said, lips thinning as she saw my golden eyes. My cheeks heated, and my eyes narrowed.
“No, I’m here for a meeting with the Aisha Foundation? Juniper Anders. I was told to check in here.”
“Oh?" Her eyebrows raised as she typed something in on the computer. I got a little jolt of dark satisfaction as she blinked in surprise and looked back up at me.
“Eleventh floor. Here’s your guest pass," she said coldly, handing me a lanyard. “It says there’s a Jhin Argo with you?”
I checked my phone, but there was still nothing.
“No, he couldn’t make it.”
My next barrier was the security gate, where they were insisting I be patted down.
I opened my mouth, about to tell them what a ridiculous rule that was, but a friendly voice cut past us.
“It’s alright! She’s with me.” A curvy ginger beta in high heels was approaching, waving back security. She gave me a warm smile. “Juniper Anders, right?”
Right. Who the fuck else would have golden eyes and be arguing with security?
“I’m Phoebe. I thought I’d come down here and guide you to the office.”
“Thanks,” I muttered, wishing again, that Jhin was here. I’d bet he’d have showed up in a suit and let me borrow the jacket if I asked. Then I could be facing this woman smelling like blackberries instead of scent blockers and sweat. The scent blockers had destroyed what remained of Kit’s scent mark, but I supposed that was for the best.
“Just follow me." She turned and led me toward the elevators. We stepped inside the open one, and she tapped the card, pressing the button for 11. We were there in seconds, which kind of blew my mind. I thought all elevators smelled faintly of piss and took forever to decide to take you somewhere, but this wasn’t like that at all.
She took me down a brightly-lit corridor and into an office with glass walls. There was a water jug on the table that had ice and a lemon slice in it. I poured myself a big glass.
Phoebe smiled at me again. “I’m sorry about security. It’s a whole different world over here. But that’s precisely why we need you.”
There was another water glass on the table for Jhin.
“Should we wait for your partner?" she asked.
A pang of disappointment throbbed in my chest. “I don’t think he’s coming.”
Phoebe nodded and continued.
“Quite frankly, Ms. Anders, we here at the Aisha Foundation are very impressed with the operation you’ve set up. I’m sure you’re aware Ms. Eden is very passionate about protecting omegas, particularly gold packs, and she tasked us with finding ways of supporting omegas. We know the heat clinics don’t meet the needs of every omega. I’m assuming that’s why you started the Safe House?”
I nodded, squeezing my pen, trying to focus. Kit’s mood had shifted from despair to something like hope. He’d likely gone home by now and was being comforted by the pack.
Good for him.
Shit, what had Phoebe just said? Tasked with . Jhin was probably right. Vex Eden just seemed to be a name attached to this place.
“It’s nothing against the heat clinics,” I offered with a swallow. “I know some omegas… have had experiences that mean they need extra precautions to feel safe.” To be safe , I thought, but I was trying to be diplomatic.
“Yes, we've been trying to find a solution to this as well. She initially was starting from scratch, but then we discovered… you. The Safe House is perfect, because it’s completely organic—grassroots. It’s built for omegas, by omegas—like you. You who have an intimate knowledge of what you need. You’ve gone through trial and error already. You’ve already built a reputation of safety and anonymity and have trust with your client base. So we’d love to invest in your Safe House.”
I nodded, but it couldn’t be that simple. Jhin had said it might come with a catch. Where was he? She seemed to be waiting for me to say more.
“Yes, um, it sounds… good. But I’m worried. There are a lot of things that have to be done a certain way…” I trailed off. Was I being rude?
“I understand,” the beta said. “You said you’d prepare some terms, correct? I’d be happy to take them off your hands.”
“I, um, don’t have them,” I said. Jhin did.
“Oh, I see.” She looked slightly disappointed, and I felt my cheeks redden.
“Well, never mind. Here’s a contract we’ve drafted,” she said, pushing a stack of papers towards me. “Perhaps it would suffice for you to review this today?”
I looked down at the paper, my eyes snagging on the unfamiliar words.
…Subject to your complete and ongoing compliance..
Parties that will be henceforth referred to as…
…grant you a non-transferable, exclusive, revocable arrangement…
I could feel a panic attack coming on as I tried—and failed—to understand the first paragraph. The words were English, but the sentences were so long and rambling I couldn’t figure out what they were saying.
This contract was another fucking power play, because how could I sign something I couldn’t understand? They would have business people, lawyers, with fancy words and contracts and really, they’d be able to get anything they wanted out of this. I had no way of fighting back.
I couldn’t trust it or them any more than I could trust Jhin to come through for me.
Panic swelled inside me. This was a bad idea, and I should have known it from the moment I walked in the door. I was gold pack. I wouldn’t even be allowed to get a job here without a work pass. Why did I think they would help me?
“I can’t,” I said, standing up, finding it hard to breathe.
“Ms. Anders, are you alright?”
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
I wrenched open the door and walked into the corridor. People in business suits stared at me as I half-ran past them. I took the stairs, because fuck being in an elevator with strange men without a weapon, and I burst into the lobby, panting.
I made it outside, yanking the spray out of my bag and covering myself with scent dampers again.
I’d tried. It was my last shot. But I’d rather struggle by and end the Safe House on my own terms than hand the keys to these uppity bastards.
Still, I couldn’t help the lump in my throat.
Assholes.
How dare they make me hope I could really do it?
The dreams I had in my head, the proper employees, not having to constantly worry about locations, supplies. High-tech security. We needed that. Safe House was hanging on by a thread—by me—and I couldn’t keep doing it all.
And fucking Jhin?—
“Juniper?” Jhin’s voice made my head whip up, and like I thought, he looked just like he fit in here. He was stupidly handsome in a proper suit, his hair combed back. He held a black briefcase in his hand.
“Where were you?” I choked, looking up at him. My eyes burned with rage and disappointment.
He was supposed to be my helper. My shield. He would have been able to take on that stupid contract without panicking.
“I missed it?" he asked, looking horrified.
“Did you even check your phone?” My voice was trembling with rage, and angry tears spilled down my face. “Yes, you missed it, you asshole,” I shouted. “You didn’t come! You didn’t give me your lists, you didn’t have my back, I had to go up there alone. Fuck, I needed—” My voice broke. “I needed you.”
His eyes widened as he reached out toward me.
“Juniper, I’m—so sorry—” he started, but I shoved him away.
“Save it,” I said, bitterly. “It’s too late. You weren’t there, and I fucked it all up. It’s over.”
“Juniper, please let me explain.” There was pure anguish in his eyes as he looked at me. The intensity of his gaze was oppressive, intense, and I couldn’t look away as he continued. “I never meant to let you down, and I did everything I could to make it here, but Kit came home as I was about to leave. He was quite distressed. I had to stay and help him, but I came as soon as I could.”
I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest. Because it was all… my fault.
I’d fucked it up again.
Right. Kit was distressed. Because he’d had to… help me in the car. And Jhin couldn’t have told Kit he had to leave, because I’d asked him to keep it a secret. He’d had to choose between me and Kit and he chose Kit, because he’d always choose Kit.
And that was the problem, wasn’t it? I’d inserted myself into their lives. I’d trusted them. I’d relied on them, and they weren’t mine . They were his, always had been, always would be. There was no room for me, and I should have been stronger, accepted that sooner. Stopped fucking hanging around, pining after them, enjoying their company. Trusting them.
“I see,” I might have said, blinking.
There was only one thing to do now. I had to get out of their lives.
Jhin might have said something, but I didn’t hear, instead walking away.
He followed, and I turned to him with a glare.
“Fuck off,” I said. “Don’t follow me.”
I didn’t look back as I rounded the corner.