twenty-five
C hristmas Eve and Christmas Day had always been a family affair for Maddy. They were days of comfort, spent at home with her parents and grandma, wrapped in the familiar glow of tradition.
Her mom and nonna would conjure up the perfect dinner—one guaranteed to send everyone into a blissful food coma.
Her dad, never quite satisfied with the music, would swap out CD after CD, the final selection sometimes questionably festive.
And Maddy? She would either be glued to whatever Christmas special played on TV or glide around the house in fuzzy socks until they were worn thin by the end of the day.
But this time, something felt different.
Later, she would realize that she had been trying to commit everything to memory.
She helped her mom and grandma prepare the feast. She bickered with her dad over the pros and cons of moody blues as a dinner soundtrack.
She hugged her nonna so tightly the poor woman squeaked in surprise—before recovering and rubbing Maddy’s back in soothing strokes.
Maddy knew her behavior might have come across as odd. She was probably acting as if she was heading off to war.
The thing was that she hadn’t just missed her grandma.
She had missed her parents as well. Oh, they were alive and well.
But ever since they had decided to move to warmer climates and relocate to Florida, Maddy hadn’t had the opportunity to see them as often as she would have liked.
She did book the occasional trip once or twice a year but that wasn’t even close to the time she wished she could spend with her family.
At least, she felt content in the idea that they were happy living far away from the constant drizzling rain that they both hated.
Throughout the whole dinner, Maddy couldn’t stop her eyes from growing misty, even as her smile was beaming, her heart full of so many contrasting emotions.
That Christmas evening, as she was in the middle of yet another card game with her grandma, she said, “You know I love you very much, nonna, right?” Maddy kept her gaze lowered towards her cards for fear she would start bawling like a baby.
God, why was she getting so emotional?
Her grandma’s aged palm reached out and clasped her own, and Maddy lifted her eyes to take in her grandma’s soft smile. “I know, my darling girl. Ti voglio tanto bene, anch’io.” She paused for a few beats. “Where is this coming from?”
Maddy was unable to hide her melancholic tone. “Nothing, it’s just that, so many times we wish we’d told how we felt to so many people dear to us, but we never did when we had the chance.” A weak laugh escaped her. “I’m sorry, I’m being too gloomy. It’s probably the holiday blues.”
Her grandma’s eyes were as kind as they were understanding. “It’s true. However, don’t forget that the people dear to us know that we care, not from our words but from our everyday actions, our attention, our company. That’s much more important.”
“You’re right,” Maddy said. “As always.” She laughed.
“Yes, I am wise, I know.” They both giggled and then proceeded with their game.
***
A couple of days later, Maddy was re-organizing her bookcase, which then led to her wanting to re-organize her wardrobe, which meant that she was sitting in the middle of her bedroom surrounded by pretty much all her belongings, shaking her head at what she had gotten herself into.
She heard her phone ping from somewhere, probably buried under a mountain of clothes, which meant that it took her a solid five minutes to locate it.
Nate : How cold is too cold for you?
Maddy : That is a question whose answer I hope I never have to find out.
Nate : Is there any way for you to answer a question in a normal way?
Maddy : No, I don’t think so.
Nate : Ok, just checking.
Nate : So, about the cold?
Maddy : Well, I don’t know really... It depends, I guess?
Maddy : Why?
Nate : Nothing, I was just wondering about something.
Nate : Are you spending New Year’s Eve with your folks?
Maddy frowned, getting more confused by the minute.
Maddy : Um, I mean, yes
Maddy : We usually have an early dinner but they never stay up late enough to watch the ball drop.
Maddy : They always get sleepy much, much earlier and get to bed.
Nate : Okay
Nate : Do you think you can get to my place after 11?
Maddy : I suppose I can figure it out, yeah
Nate : Ok then
Maddy : Aren’t you going to tell me what this is all about?
Nate : Nope.
Maddy : So you’re just going to leave me hanging?
Nate : Yep.
Maddy : But this will drive me crazy!
Nate : I know.
Nate : hehehe
Oh my God. Nate had just hehed at her. The world must be truly ending.
Maddy : Ok, I’ll let this go.
Nate : That’s my girl.
Oh, fuck him with that, Maddy thought, her whole face burning as her lips stretched in a wide smile.
***
New Year’s Eve was cold enough to make Maddy wish she could scatter back to the warmth of her house.
She wouldn’t, of course. She was almost outside Nate’s house.
She’d informed her parents of Nate’s invitation to watch the turn of the year with his family and had left them all tucked in and ready for sleep.
She’d taken their car because no way was she taking the bus or walking with that cold.
She wouldn’t even be surprised if snow would make a sudden appearance.
She parked the car in front of Nate’s driveway. Bundling up tighter, she made her way through the front yard and was surprised when she saw Nate already waiting for her outside.
“Hey,” she said, her voice betraying her confusion.
“Hey.” Nate’s expression held a tinge of amusement and something else. “How are you holding up?” he asked, running his gaze over her.
“Pretty good, actually,” Maddy said gesturing to her clothes. “I’ve reverted to my original onion state.”
Nate chuckled, his hand already reaching for hers.
She let herself be pulled closer to his warmth, unable to resist breathing in his familiar now scent mingled with the sharp cold.
She must have temporarily zoned out because she found herself moving, Nate tugging her along somewhere.
They by-passed the main house and followed a side walk that led to what she assumed would be a backyard that she had never seen until now.
Her eyes widened as her steps faltered and her heart seemed to miss a beat or two.
In the backyard, there was a wooden porch that probably led to some part of the house, and right in the middle of it, there was a porch swing, large enough for two people, donned in what looked like fluffy cushions and a soft, heavy blanket.
The only source of light was coming from the strings of small, fairy lights hugging the banisters of the porch swing.
A small, glass table stood right next to the swing, two giant, steaming mugs on top of it, filled to the brim with marshmallows and what she could only assume was hot cocoa.
“I–” Maddy didn’t know what to say so she just said that. “I don’t know what to say.” She turned to look at Nate in what she hoped was not a hopelessly smitten expression. “What is all this?”
Nate shrugged. Maddy groaned inside. Why did this man always shrug away the most wonderful things he did for her as if they were something normal. Something given.
At a closer look though, Maddy could tell that his expression was a bit sheepish and a bit tense, as if unsure.
“I thought we could see this year off like this.” He frowned. “Or should I say this month and a half?”
Maddy let out a small, unexpected laugh.
“Is this okay?” Nate asked, his voice almost a whisper.
Maddy’s smile slipped off her lips as she pinned Nate with a serious expression.
She turned fully towards him, her body as if moving on its own.
She stopped only when she felt every inch of his front pressed against hers.
Only when her fingers had threaded through the short hair at his nape, tightening at the strands.
Only when her mouth had met his in a mix of harsh exhales and hushed, agonizing groans.
Maddy had never felt her limbs so heavy and her heart so weightless.
And suddenly, she felt her body go weightless, too.
She felt Nate’s strong hands sliding at the back of her thighs and lifting her up with an ease that made her gasp into his hot mouth, her legs bracing tightly around his waist. She hadn’t realized her eyes had closed instinctively, her heavy lids impossible to remain open, until she did blink them open to see Nate completely disheveled, his lips red from her teeth, his hair rumpled from her hands, his eyes blown out and unhinged.
He looked wrecked. Exactly how she felt.
***
Nate felt wrecked.
There was no other way to describe it.
With his palms spanning her thighs, her supple body arched against his, there wasn’t enough breath to draw. He was drowning in her, in the feeling of her in his arms, in the feeling of her lips sucking his own, in the feeling of her warm skin, dragging him deeper and deeper.
His feet were moving before he even realized it.
He sat on the porch swing he had prepared, taking her with him, her thighs now straddling his lap.
He couldn’t have her close enough. His rough palms moved up, tracing her waist through the layers of clothing, and then her arms, before reaching her face, cradling it, unable to stop stroking her cheekbones with his thumbs and lightly grazing her full, bottom lip that seconds ago had clung to his.
Her eyes were dark in the black of the night, their hazel color obscured and eaten up by her dilated pupils.
Her glasses were slightly fogged up in their corners, and she had never looked more perfect.
He felt like a moth to a flame, a flame that burned bright, meant to consume him from the inside out. He was burning, slowly. Every moment he spent with her, she stole a piece of him.
He didn’t want those pieces back. They were hers to keep.
“It’s perfect,” she whispered, reminding him of the question he had asked her a few minutes or eons earlier.
You’re perfect , he wanted to tell her, but settled for, “I’m glad,” while brushing away a few curls that had escaped her bun.
There would be time to tell her everything later.
“I thought the night would be clear enough to stargaze before the countdown started. I used to do that a lot growing up, looking up at the stars at the end of each year and wish for impossible things,” he said in a hushed voice.
Staring down at her though, Nate found it hard to think of something to wish for.
She smiled at him in the most Madison way possible and slowly resettled herself until she was sitting sideways, her legs spread over his thighs, nestled in his arms, her face nuzzling his neck, the soft blanket shielding them both from the cold.
***
From somewhere inside the house, the faraway voice of a TV anchor was signaling the beginning of the countdown.
Ten
They both stretched their gaze towards the dark, open sky.
Nine
A few snow flurries danced in the chilly breeze.
Eight
Nate pulled the blanket tighter against their tangled legs.
Seven
Muffled cheers had already started to sound from distant houses.
Six
Nate and Maddy turned to look at each other sharing a private, secret smile.
Five
Their breaths were indistinguishable as they fused in a puffy, white cloud.
Four
Their eyes locked, time suspended.
Three
Nate’s arms tightened around Maddy, as if terrified she’d slip away.
Two
Maddy burrowed deeper in the set of arms that had kept her safe all along.
One
Maddy wished she would never forget this.
She closed her eyes as darkness pulled her under.