This Woman Forever

Chapter 40

I spend the rest of my day avoiding Sarah. Compulsory. And checking the verdict on rougher than average sex during pregnancy. Also, according to my wife, compulsory. And, damn it, no harm can be done to babies through sex. But no one fucks like Jesse Ward.

I’m on my way out to collect Ava from work when Sarah appears from nowhere, blocking my path to the Aston. My eyes move to the gravel as I take a wide berth around her. “You can hardly look at me,” she says, but I don’t stop, can’t stop. She’s right, I can’t look at her. She’s here, like she begged, and that’s all I can offer her. “See you tomorrow,” I say over my shoulder.

“Jesse, come on, can’t it be like old times?”

Old times.

Pain, alcohol, ignorance.

Old. Times.

“She’s trouble, son. I’m just telling you to be careful.”

Be careful? Is that some kind of backward code for “do as you’re told and expected”?

“But I’m trouble too, aren’t I?” I retort on a slur. Even drunk I could tell my dad I wouldn’t go there with Carmichael’s girlfriend, not even with a stick. But I won’t. Why would I pacify him? I’m everything he predicted and dreaded, so no one wins.

“Your wife is pregnant, Jesse, for Christ’s sake.”

“She won’t be my wife soon.” I take backward steps, retreating back into The Manor. Into my haven. “Because I never wanted to marry her.”

“But she’ll still be the mother of your child.” He waves a hand up and down my drunk form. “Look at you. Is this how you’ll parent? Drunk?” Then his hand is waving at The Manor. “In this... this... sordid sex haven?”

“I’ll be a good father,” I say, repeating Carmichael’s words. “I don’t have to be married to be a good father.”

“No, but you need to be sober!” he bellows, his emotions getting the better of him. “For Christ’s sake, Jesse. Think of your mother. Hasn’t she been through enough?”

I stop in my tracks. “You mean losing Jake?”

“Yes, I mean losing Jake!”

“I lost him too!” I scream, nearly falling to my arse, stumbling with the help of alcohol and emotion. Dad recoils, shocked. Good. Perhaps he appreciates my agony now, because it sure doesn’t look like he’s feeling any himself. “I lost him too,” I say more calmly.

“We can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore, Jesse. We can’t fix you.”

I laugh, and it’s demented. “Then you shouldn’t have fucking broken me in the first place.”

I turn and walk back into my sanctuary. Where no one judges me. Where I’m loved, appreciated. Where the pressures and consequences of life don’t exist.

Or, more significantly, the consequences of my life don’t exist.

I stopin my tracks and look back at Sarah. “Why did you tell my dad that we slept together?”

It’s only one subtle step, but she definitely backs up, wary. “What?”

“Why did you tell my dad that we slept together?” I ask again, this time clearer, slowly, turning my body fully toward her.

“I didn’t.” She laughs. It’s nervous. Pray do tell me she’s not going to deny it? “I didn’t tell him, Jesse. Maybe he overheard.”

“Overheard you telling who?”

“I... well...” She stutters and stammers all over her words, withdrawing. “I don’t know.”

“You talked about it, did you? You talked about me and you in bed fucking after what happened to our daughters?”

She swallows. “Jesse?—”

“Don’t.” I hold a halting hand up. Why I’m asking this after all these years, I don’t know. I knew Sarah was the reason my parents knew what happened in the lead up to Rosie’s death. After all, they called it. They warned me to stay away from her. And I didn’t. But I didn’t care that they knew because it gave them a reason to hate me. It gave them a reason to step away and leave me alone to waste the fuck away and slowly kill myself. No more confrontations. No more begging and pleading with me to be a better son.

They never asked you to be a better son, bro.

“Fuck,” I bellow, kicking the gravel, making Sarah flinch. Stones ricochet off the paintwork of the Aston, the pinging sound pretty.

They asked you not to throw your life away. It was you who told yourself you were to blame. You who thought you were lesser than me. You who told yourself Mum and Dad didn’t love you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I kick the side of the car, resting my hands on the roof and leaning in. I feel so fucking lucid. Seeing the world with new eyes, remembering the past differently. Sarah told them in an attempt to sever my relationship with them completely. So I would never leave The Manor. And it worked. I think I always knew it, but I never dared let my mind go there. Because I helped her achieve what she wanted and what I thought I needed. And she nearly achieved the same thing with Ava. Destroyed that relationship too. Why does she think that’s love? Fuck. Will she ever let me go?“We’re having twins,” I say to the roof of the Aston. “Ava and I are having twins.” Another chance. “You can be here, Sarah. Take what you need from The Manor, but me and you are done.” I swing the door open, but before I can slip into the seat, a taxi pulls up around the fountain.

“It’s Ava’s brother,” Sarah says, her voice undeniably wobbly. “I didn’t have a chance to let you know I’d let him in.” She walks off as Dan gets out of the cab. The fucker. I’m in no mood for him. And given he’s broke, a taxi from the city is a bit extravagant. In fact, it screams desperation.

“And how are you going to pay for that?” I ask, making him stall as he pulls a card out of his pocket, his eyes studying me.

“With a credit card.”

What am I doing? I haven’t got time for this. I have somewhere I need to be. “I’m late,” I say, getting behind the wheel.

“Wait, Jesse.” Dan’s soon by the passenger door, his face uncharacteristically pleading. I look up at him, and he sighs. “I’m fucked, okay? Totally fucking fucked.”

“You want money from me?” I ask, astounded.

“I need money.”

The fucking bastard. He treats me like scum and then has the audacity to come begging. Lord, please, give me permission to lay the cheeky fucker out. “You disrespect me, try to come between me and my wife, then you have the nerve to come here to my manor and ask me for money?”

“They want paying,” he breathes quietly.

“Who?”

“The loan sharks.”

I slowly get out of my car as I look at my wrist, conscious of the time. So it’s not just legitimate borrowing he’s defaulted on? “Dan, look at my face.”

His eyes lift. Pathetic.

“Does it look like a face that gives a fuck?” I drop down to my seat and start the engine, revving it, taking my anger out on the Aston rather than Dan.

“They’ll kill me,” he says in between revs and, fuck my life, he has my attention. I look at him. Like, really look at him. I’ve seen desperation on a man before. Usually in the mirror.

I turn off the engine and get out. “Is that why you’re here? In England?”

He nods.

“Do they know you’re here?”

Another nod.

“Fuck.” I pull my phone out and call John. “I need you to go get Ava from work. Her brother’s turned up. He’s”—I look at him, knowing it’s with disdain—“in a spot of bother with some loan sharks.”

“I’ve got a feeling this is going to be expensive,” John rumbles, with zero humor. “I’m not far from her office.”

“Thanks. Bring her here.” I walk back into The Manor, Dan on my heels. “This way,” I say over my shoulder, showing Dan to my office.”

“It really is a stunning hotel.”

“Yeah, let’s not get into pointless small talk,” I grunt, opening the door for him and letting him enter before I do. “Take a seat.” I point to the chair opposite my desk and take my own. “How much?” I ask, cursing when my phone rings. I wouldn’t answer, but it’s Cook. “Give me a minute,” I say, checking the desk is clear of anything Dan might see that could lead him to concluding my hotel isn’t a hotel. “I’ve got to take this. Make yourself comfortable.” I answer my mobile, leaving the room. “Cook?”

“Your car’s been found.”

“Where?”

“Abandoned at a waste site in the East End.”

I keep walking, my mind in overdrive. I need some more fucking coffee. “So what happens now?” I make it to the bar and point to the coffee machine, and Mario gets straight on it.

“In light of the Van Der Haus news?—”

“You mean the fact it couldn’t be him.” Who the fuck was it?

“The tracker’s been deactivated. It’s not had the license plates changed, been sold. Just abandoned. A two hundred grand car, abandoned.”

My coffee slides toward me, and I pick it up, blowing off the steam. “I hear you, Cook,” I breathe.

“This is someone with a vendetta.”

“Right.” I test my coffee and knock it back.

“I’ll need all of the paperwork for your car. Registration, proof of purchase, insurance.” Which means I need to talk to Sarah. “Today, please. Ava hasn’t called me yet.”

“She’s at work.”

“Can I suggest a bit of personal protection?”

I laugh to myself. That’s been happening since I met her. “John’s picking her up.”

“I’m getting your car recovered. I’ll get forensics on it. When can you do a statement?”

“I don’t know. Tomorrow?”

“I’ll come over in the morning. And Ava?”

“I’ll see if she’s free after work tomorrow.” I place my phone down, along with my cup. Fuck.

“All right?”

I turn, surprised to see Drew. “Dandy,” I mutter, waving a dismissive hand. “Are you? Sam said you’re being weird.” I mean, honestly, Drew’s always a little bit weird.

I see his defences rise immediately, a scowl marring his perfect face. And then a hand rakes through his perfect hair. Have I touched a nerve? “I’m fine,” he snaps, leaving the bar. Going off upstairs to fuck? I think it would possibly be Drew who’d suffer the most if I sold this place. The most after Sarah, anyway.

IfI sold this place?

I grab my phone and go on the hunt for Sarah. “Hey, Pete, have you seen Sarah?” I ask, passing him in the hall. His eyes point up the stairs. But of course. It’s past her working hours.

“Fucking hell,” I mutter, calling her. No answer. So I climb the stairs, rounding the landing, looking at each and every door as I pass, hearing the sounds from inside. But she won’t be in any of them. I reach the bottom of the next flight, looking up at the communal room doors. Take a breath.

I climb the steps with purpose and push my way in, and the familiar scent hits me now it’s not empty. Sex. Drew’s across the room, his shirt off, a woman with her legs open lying on a fur rug. He frowns at me in question. I wave him off and search the space. I don’t see her first. I hear her. Or the thrash of her whip.

The salacious grin on her face as she inflicts immeasurable pain on the guy before her hits me hard. Sadist.

And I lose my breath for a second when something hits me.

Every man she’s ever hurt... does she see me?

Me, for not loving her?

I swallow, feeling stifled, hot, uncomfortable. Get what I need and get out. I go over and interrupt her thrashing session, and she looks me up and down, twirling her whip. “Come back for more before you settle into daddy duties?” she purrs.

My nostrils flare. “I need something,” I say, turning and walking straight back out.

I don’t check to see if she’s coming. I hear the heels of her leather thigh-highs following. I make it down the first flight. “The documents for my car, where will I find them?”

“In the wooden filing cabinet in the storeroom off the kitchen.”

“Thanks.” Carrying on down to the storeroom, I find four wooden filing cabinets and start rummaging through the first, pulling out files, papers, scanning them. Nothing vehicle related. I move onto the next, scratching through every tab, searching for anything to indicate I’m on the right track. Nothing.

Not long later, all four cabinets are empty, all the papers at my feet. “For fuck’s sake.”

“What the hell?” Sarah appears at the door. “Jesus, Jesse, I just sorted all of that out.”

“Go back upstairs,” I order shortly. “Ava’s brother’s in my office, and the last thing I need is him seeing you dressed like that.” Or, God help me, Ava turning up and seeing her. “And Ava will be here soon, so you need to fuck off.”

She huffs her disbelief, remaining at the door.

“I can’t fucking find them,” I grate, pointing to the chaos on the floor. Sarah shakes her head in exasperation and starts cleaning up the mess I’ve made, then she hands me what I’m looking for. I know it would have only been seconds had I not gone in like a bull. “I need these scanning and emailing to me.” I shove them back into her leather-clad chest and leave. “Do it when I’ve gone home,” I mutter, getting back to dealing with Ava’s brother. The news of his imminent, potential death changes things slightly. I might think he’s a first-class cunt, but my wife loves the rogue. Which leaves me no choice but to help him.

I walk in and find him sitting on the couch browsing through one of the magazines. “Superbikes,” he says. “Do you ride?”

“How much?” I ask, lowering to the couch, making Dan slowly close the magazine, well aware I’m not into any chitchat.

“One fifty.”

“I assume we’re not talking in hundreds.”

He shakes his head. “One hundred and fifty thousand.”

“Is that including all of the outstanding debts here in the UK?”

“You’ve been looking into me?”

“Yes, I looked into you, Dan. Credit cards, loans, car finance. You changed your attitude toward me like the wind. Suddenly, you want to be all pally? Suddenly, the Australian dream is being forgotten so you can kick your heels around London with endless debt collecting agencies chasing you?”

“How did you get that information?”

And now he’s hostile again? Prick. I won’t expose Cook. “How much? Total.”

“The loan shark is one hundred,” he breathes, relenting. “The other fifty is for my debts here.”

“One hundred grand? No wonder they want to kill you.” Wish I could fucking let them. I shake my head, exhaling. “How the fuck does a man get into that level of debt?”

He sighs, rubbing at his forehead. Oh, he’s stressed? “It was an opportunity I couldn’t miss.”

“To be turned over?” I ask, laughing.

“The surf school,” he grates, unimpressed. Oh, he’d better be massively impressed with me right now. Forevermore, in fact.

“Go on.”

“Carlos had the money he needed to get the equipment, the licences, the staff, and building. But I wanted in. It was a no-brainer. But I was kind of at the end of my rope with handouts from Mum and Dad, and credit. I met a guy in a bar one night. An investor. He gave me the number of somewhere to get cash fast with little questions.” He smiles meekly, obviously embarrassed. “They asked no questions. Neither did I.”

“Like payment terms,” I say quietly. The dumb fuck. “Or interest rates.”

“I handed the money over to Carlos.”

“In cash?” I ask, astounded, and he nods, albeit reluctantly. “Jesus Christ.”

“And that was the last I saw of him.”

“I’ve met some stupid men in my time,” I say, getting up and fetching some water. “But you, Dan, win the award for superior stupidity.” Fuck me, I’m staggered. So he wasn’t living the dream in Australia at all. He was actually living a fucking nightmare.

“I need to pay them,” he says, pulling my alert attention his way.

Pay them before they find him. Or maybe they’ll find Ava. And suddenly, I’m wondering?—

Fuck, do I need to be thinking along those lines? No, it couldn’t be. If they stole my car, they would have kept it. It would more than cover his debt. “How do they want paying?” I ask.

“An offshore account.” He pulls out his phone, some cheap pay-as-you-go crap, and starts firing numbers my way.

“Hold up,” I say, going to my desk and plucking a pen out of the pot before pulling open the drawers to find a pad. “Go again,” I say, jotting down the details of the offshore account. “And your details?” I ask, noting them down as he reels off his bank details. “So one hundred to the sharks, fifty to your personal account?”

“Yeah,” he says, quiet.

I drop the pen and look at him. “I’m adding another fifty thousand.”

He recoils. “Why?”

“Because you’re going to get on that plane and fuck off back to Australia and do what you’ve told your family you’ve been doing. Because that will make your sister happy. And if your sister is happy, so am I.” I quickly send a text to John telling him to take Ava to the bar—the last thing I need is her storming my office. I don’t want to throw her brother under the bus. I just want him gone.

“Thanks,” he says, holding his hand over the desk.

I look at it. Don’t take it. “I’m going to assume your arsehole behavior and attitude toward me since the day we’ve met was because of the stresses you’ve been dealing with in your life.” I know I’m wrong. He was born an arsehole. I don’t know how. His parents are decent, and Ava’s... placid? I laugh to myself. Hardly. But she’s got a good heart. Being the better man, I accept his offered hand. “Please stay out of our marriage.”

He nods, letting me do all the shaking. “Understood.”

“And I might grant you the grace of being in our kids’ lives.” Here’s your first test, O’Shea. Don’t fail—the money’s not in the bank yet. I need fucking Sarah for that.

His lips become straight, his eyes narrowed but questioning. “Are you planning on having kids?”

“She’s pregnant.” I rest back in my seat. “It’s twins.”

Poor fuck looks like he’s gonna fall off his chair. I can see the endless retorts swirling around in his head, the accusations, the judgments. Question is, will he voice them? “Congratulations,” he says quietly, without any sincerity.

“Thanks. We’re thrilled, as you can imagine.” I glance at my watch. “You can go now.” Ava will be here soon, and I have no faith she’ll listen to John when he tells her to wait in the bar. Plus, it’s getting busy out there. “I’ll call you a cab,” I say, putting a call in, hoping there’s one nearby that’ll get him out of my face pronto. I’m in luck. “Ten minutes. I’ll walk you out.” I don’t even get a chance to engage my muscles to stand. The door swings open and there she is, my wife, her dark eyes batting back and forth between her brother and me. Fuck it. I slap on a smile and throw Dan a warning look. She can’t know anything, and I’m sure Dan agrees.

“Dan?” she says, as he slowly rids his face of any hostility and beams from ear to ear, turning in his chair. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey, kiddo.” He’s up fast and embracing her. “Congratulations.”

Her eyes widen over his shoulder, before narrowing on me. “I might get to tell someone myself soon.”

“I love you,” I mouth, and she rolls her eyes.

“So what are you doing here?” She’s asking Dan, but her accusing eyes are asking me. Won’t tell. So I shrug, blasé, acting as surprised as she is that her brother is standing in my office in my sex club. And that there is part of her concern. No need. Dan’s leaving, and I’m pretty sure he’s not coming back anytime soon.

“Making amends,” Dan says, and I nod, impressed. “I didn’t want to go home without sorting this out.”

“So you’re friends?” she says, asking Dan again, but looking at me.

“Something like that,” he replies. I laugh under my breath. Nothing like that. “Anyway, I need to shoot.” Yes, fuck off. “I’m meeting Harvey up west.” Leaving his sister still looking a bit bemused, he nods his appreciation. I can tell it kills him. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“When are you heading back?” Ava asks, dragging her markedly accusing glare from me and softening it when she’s facing her brother. Of course, I’m the villain.

“I’m not sure. Depends on flights. I’ll call you, okay?” He doesn’t hang around, skirting past Ava after giving her a chaste kiss. He encounters John outside the door. The big man doesn’t look happy as Dan edges past his imposing body.

“What was all that about?” Of course, Ava’s on my case the moment the door closes.

“What?” I ask, quickly texting John to let him know a taxi is on its way.

“Look at me,” she demands shortly, pulling my astounded gaze up as I click send and set my phone down. Superb. So her brother’s a cunt, and I’m picking up the wrap and the bill. “Why was Dan here?”

“He apologized.”

She laughs, condescending as fuck, as I swipe up my phone when it lights up with a text. The new wall is finished. Great. “I don’t believe you.”

I stand. Let’s get out of here. “That makes me sad, baby.” It really does. Why does she push? She’ll be distraught if she knew what actually went down. I wish she’d trust me. “Now, tell me,” I say, sweeping in with a swift change of subject. “What did Patrick say?” Van Der Haus may be out of that frame but, again, I’m wary. And I suddenly remember the last contact I had with him. I told him to back off.

Now why would I do that?

Exactly.

So I will continue to be cautious where Van Der Haus is concerned.

Ava’s quickly uncomfortable as I wait for an answer.

“You’ve not told him, have you?” I ask. How many times has she promised to sever all work ties with the Danish prick and not followed through? What, is she scared? Worried she’ll upset her boss? Worried he’ll fire her? “Ava?”

“He wasn’t in the office,” she rushes to explain, her hand fiddling madly. “But he will be tomorrow, so I’ll speak to him then.”

Nope. She’s had endless opportunities. I’ve held back. Time is up. “Too late, lady. You’ve had your chance. Again and again and again.”

“That’s not fair. I told Mikael I won’t be working with him anymore, so you can’t say I’m not trying to resolve this.”

Wait. “You did what?” She’s spoken to Van Der Haus?

“I don’t think he drugged me, Jesse,” she says, hurrying over her words. “He said he wanted me, so why would he hurt me?”

I gape at her, stunned. He told her, actually told her, that he wants her? “What the fucking hell are you doing talking to him?” My fists ball, my body leaning forward of its own volition.

“He knows that you’ve...” Her lips twitch, she bites the bottom corner, then she has her hand at her mouth, getting more nervous by the second. She knows. She knows talking to Van Der Haus was a mistake. “Entertained other women while we’ve been together.”

The fuckhead. There’s only one way Van Der Haus would know I’d betrayed Ava, and I’m hoping Ava doesn’t click. “We agreed never to speak of that again.” Could this day get any worse?

A steely fa?ade falls across her face, telling me things are about to get spiky. “It’s hard when people keep reminding me of it,” she retorts. “How does he know?”

Fuck. My mind circles, frantically searching for a viable answer as she studies me, waiting.

Slowly figuring out for herself that Van Der Haus’s ex-wife was one of the women during those horrendous four days.

“She was one of them, wasn’t she?” she eventually says, so calm.

God damn it. God damn Freja. God damn me. I take a moment, scrambling for air and reason as she stands up. She’s leaving? Holding my breath, I get ready to seize her, stop her, go after her. But she comes closer, leaning over the desk toward me. “You said months,” she grates. “You said you hadn’t been with her for months, that you didn’t understand why she was suddenly sniffing around. You’ve slept with her more than once too.” She states it all as the facts she knows them to be, and I wilt, beaten.

“I didn’t want to upset you,” I growl, mentally doubling the pain I’m going to put Van Der Haus through.

She huffs mildly, a sneer on her lip. “Tell me,” she says, her words steady and strong. “Did you call them up and have them make a queue outside your door?”

“No, they hear I’m on the drink and they’re like flies around shit.” Sarah was the one who let them in.

“I hate you,” she seethes, and I flinch, injured.

“No, you don’t,” I say softly.

“Yes,” she counters. “I do.”

And I fucking hate me too, baby.“Don’t make my heart crack, Ava. Does it matter who it was?”

“No, what matters is that you lied to me.”

“I was protecting you.”

“And it’s hilarious that every single time you do that, you end up hurting me.”

I wouldn’t say hilarious. More tragic. “I know.”

“So, have you learnt?” she asks, head tilted.

Learnt to be honest about everything? Not lie? There’s only one answer. Even if it’s the wrong answer. “Every fucking day.” I reach for her jaw, squeezing so her lips pucker. “I’m sorry.” For that, and for what’s to come. Always fucking sorry.

“Good,” she says, her eyes falling to my mouth. She’s read my mind. I wet my lips, skating my eyes over her face. Fuck, after the day I’ve had, all I can think about is getting inside her and finding some peace and clarity.

“How did this happen?” she whispers, her eyes alive.

“Because, my beautiful girl,” I say quietly, my heart throbbing, along with my dick, “we’re meant to be stuck together. Constant contact. Kiss me.”

“I’ve accepted that you’re an arsehole, so there’s no need to try and get me submitting to your touch now.”

I smile secretly. “I missed you, baby.”

She takes the quickest route to me, and that’s over my desk. Fine by me. I help her, feeling at home with every one of her limbs wrapped around me, her lips on mine, kissing me hard. It’s a familiar kiss. It’s the same kiss she gave me on the night of the anniversary party after she’d overheard some ladies of The Manor discussing my bedroom skills. Possessive. Ownership. My wife’s giving me a run for my money these days. “I wish you were pure and untouched,” she whispers, sadness tinging the words, her mouth relentless.

I lower to the chair, breaking away from her attack with some effort. “I am.” I smile at her flushed cheeks, taking her hands, feeling her rings. “The most important part of me is untouched.” I put her palm on my chest and let it absorb the pounds. Life. “Or it was until you stepped into my office.” That day. I wish I could relive it. The instant shift in my chest, my eyes opening for what felt like the first time in years. “Now it’s being stamped all over and is exploding with pure love for you.” Only you, baby. Never doubt that.

She exhales, satisfied, watching her hand stroke my chest. “I like feeling it beating,” she whispers, wistful. Her head is soon on my chest, and I smile down at her. “I like hearing it too.”

I relax, content with her close, but a little uncomfortable in the groin area. “How was your day?” I ask.

“Crap,” she answers quickly. “I want Paradise.”

That’s sweet. “I’m in Paradise whenever I’m with you,” I say, stroking her hair, kissing it, over and over. “I don’t need a villa.” Just peace.

“You were more relaxed in Paradise.”

“I’m relaxed now.”

“Yes, that is because I’m sitting on your lap, coated in you,” she quips. She’s right. But I still poke her tickle spot, and she laughs, breaking out of my hold, grinning at me as she turns herself around on my lap. And once again, I’m amazed by her grace. I should have told her who was involved during that four-day absence. There are many things I should have done. And shouldn’t have.

“How was your day?” she asks, leaning back so I can settle my face close to hers.

“Long.” I won’t bore her—or worry her—with the never-ending details. I need to figure out how I handle the coming days while Cook investigates. I also need to have a word with Van Der Haus. “How are my peanuts?”

“Fine.”

Good. Let’s get her home so I can share my new office feature wall and then fix the persistent problem behind my trousers. I engage to lift us from the chair. “Why’s my brother’s name written down there?”

I freeze, every muscle tensing. Shit. I see her reach for the pad on my desk, and out of impulse—and stupidity—I snatch it away, stuffing it in the drawer and slamming it shut. Shit, shit, shit. “Daniel Joseph O’Shea?” she asks. “Why have you got Dan’s bank account number written down?”

“I haven’t.” Idiot.

Ava quickly stands, drilling accusing holes into me. “I’m giving you three seconds, Ward.”

“The countdown is mine,” I snap, at a loss.

“Three.” She holds up her middle fingers in front of me. What, does she think I can’t count? “Two,” she says, dropping one finger, confirming it. I mentally roll my eyes. For fuck’s sake. “You’re giving him money,” she gasps, her hand dropping.

Fuck. “No.” Bollocks, why the hell did I leave that pad right there for her to see?

“You’re a shit liar too, Ward,” Ava hisses, bolting, catching me on the back foot.

“Ava!” I yell, scrambling up and running round my desk. “Ava, wait.” I make it to the corridor and see her disappear through the summer room, her hair wafting as she runs full pelt. “Jesus,” I breathe, going after her, hoping John’s got Dan in that taxi already. I pull out my phone to text her brother—just to give him the heads-up, because she will call him—but I’m too late. Dan’s still in the hallway, looking around.

Interested.

Fuck.

I lift Ava from her feet and turn her to face me, needing her to see my aggravation. “For fuck’s sake, woman, you’ll give the babies brain damage. No running.”

“Get a grip,” she snaps, fighting me off.

I don’t like what I’m looking at. John, awkward. Dan, curious.

“If this is a hotel,” he says, focusing on me. “Then where’s the reception area?”

“What?” I snap, throwing him all the warning I can muster, willing him to be wise and fuck off.

“Where do your guests pick up the keys to their rooms?” he asks, turning his eyes onto John. “And why the need to have a gorilla escorting me everywhere?”

A gorilla? The dirty, insolent prick. Every modicum of my being is demanding I pound his arse and then let John have a go too. But, give me strength, I can’t do that to Ava. So I motion back toward my office, urging Dan to take this away from the public areas of The Manor.

But Dan isn’t looking at me to catch my gesture. His eyes are on the stairs, and Ava has become stiff under my hand on her back. And then I realize why.

Oh... Jesus.

Sam and Kate descend the stairs, wrapped up in each other—literally—laughing, touching, kissing. They’re clearly not done, so why the fuck didn’t they stay behind closed doors?

I feel Ava nudge me, and I look down at her as she stares up the stairs in horror. What does she expect me to do? Press rewind?

“I think we need to invest in one of those dildos,” Sam says, feeling out Kate’s arse, his face in her neck.

“Oh!” Kate giggles as they reach the bottom, still oblivious. My mate slips his hand between Kate’s legs. Fuck my life. “Sam!” Kate throws her head back as Sam flings her over his arm, and then she sees us. Me first. I smile, eyebrows raised, as John grunts and Ava remains stock-still, in a state of shock and dread. These two. They’re like a walking fucking advertisement for The Manor.

Kate’s eyes finally find Dan. Widen. Then she shoots up and makes a pathetic, pointless attempt to compose herself.

“Hotel?” Dan asks, looking Kate up and down, before his eyes drift up the stairs. I can hear the background noise from some of the rooms. The odd whip. A distant scream. “Do you often let your friends carry on like this in your establishment?”

“Dan,” Ava says, moving away from me. Oh no. I pull her straight back. She is not pacifying this fuckhead.

“I think you should come back to my office,” I say, pointing back.

“No, thanks.” He snorts, his full attention on Kate. I silently will him not to turn this into something nasty. “You’re whoring it up at a brothel?”

“What the fuck?” Sam yells. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”

“This is no brothel,” Kate says, pulling Sam back. “And I’m no whore.”

Enough. Has this prick forgotten I’ve just saved his skin? Would be a shame if I had to kill him ten minutes later. I go to Dan, my lip definitely curled, and move in close, placing a firm palm on his neck, applying just enough pressure to make him wonder if I could snap it. “Get your sorry, pathetic arse in my office,” I whisper in his ear, feeling him stiffen. “Or I’ll call the sharks myself and let them know where the fishes are swimming.”

I step back, head tilted, and Dan wisely walks away, me following. I stall when I hear the telltale signs of Ava’s heels on the marble. “Wait for me in the bar, baby,” I say, pointing her in the right direction.

“I’d like to come,” she says, but I can tell from her tone she knows she’s trying her luck.

“You’ll stay put.” I pick her up, take her to the bar, and place her on a stool, pressing a pacifying kiss on her cheek before leaving her, fucking fuming as I pace to my office. Like I need Dan and his fucking dramas at my door. “Sit,” I order, when I stride into my office, finding Dan in the middle of the room.

“I can’t be?—”

“It’s not your turn to talk, Dan,” I say, pulling my tails out aggressively and dumping my arse down, my hands on the desk. “This is The Manor, the most elite sex sanctuary in the country. There are over one and half thousand members, from all walks of life, but with one thing in common. They’re loaded. Have to be to afford the forty-five-grand-a-year membership fee.” He can’t contain his shock. “Add the bar takings and restaurant, I have myself quite the tidy business here.” A business that’s paying off your colossal debts. “Throw in the building, my penthouse on St. Katherine Docks, and my villa in Spain, your sister and your soon-to-be-born nieces or nephews are going to be well looked after. But my money and how I’ve made it is fucking irrelevant, because what’s most important to me is your sister’s health and happiness. Don’t fuck with her happiness, Dan, I’m warning you.” He blinks, a little stunned, a little indignant. “And I’m sure you’ll agree, this doesn’t need to be mentioned to Elizabeth and Joseph. It would be a shame if the sharks turned up, jaws snapping.”

“I think you’ve made your point.”

“Good. I’ll get the money transferred to the relevant accounts.”

Ava flies into the room, and I sink into my chair. “Why are you taking money from Jesse?” she demands, furious, as Dan stares at me across the desk. I make sure he sees the message in my cool expression. “Are you going to answer me?”

“Ava, I told you to stay put.” I sigh.

“I’m not talking to you.”

I snort, as Dan’s eyebrows fly up. “Well, I’m talking to you.”

“Shut up,” she hisses, nudging Dan in the back. “You’re keeping quiet. Have you nothing to say?”

“See what I have to deal with?” I mutter, absorbing the impact of her fierce scowl.

“Speak,” she orders, smacking Dan’s shoulder. “What’s going on?”

I don’t know why he’s looking at me. I can’t save him, and after his obnoxious performance out there, I don’t want to. Have at him, baby. “I’m broke,” he grates, jaw rolling, his pride taking another hit. “Jesse’s agreed to help me out.”

“You asked?”

“No, he offered,” he says, eyes still on me. That’s a slight stretch of the truth, but I expect he’d happily share the fact that I told him to fuck off back to Australia and never come back—making this money more of a bribe—so I let him have it. “And there were no strings attached. Until ten minutes ago.”

“You’re bribing my brother?” Ava gasps. “You’ve paid him to keep quiet?”

“No,” I breathe. “I’ve lent him some money and added a little clause to the contract at a later date.”

“What about the surf school?” she asks, making Dan shrink and me laugh under my breath. “And why haven’t you asked Mum and Dad? They would’ve lent you some money.”

I look at my wife, sympathetic. I like Joseph a lot, respect him, but we all know the level of Dan’s fuck-ups are way past his ability to fix.

“We’re not talking a few quid, Ava.” Dan drops his gaze, shame creeping up. “I’m up to my eyeballs. I’ve got myself a massive loan to fund my share of the business and my partner did a runner with it. I’m fucked.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why do you think? I was turned over, Ava. I have nothing left.”

She looks at me, her eyes sad and full of concern. Which is exactly why I wanted her away from this mess. “How much?” she asks. Fuck. “Five thousand? Ten thousand?” Jesus fucking Christ. “Tell me.”

“Just a few,” Dan blurts.

He’s fucking hoping. She wants specifics. “Jesse?” she questions.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” I breathe, pushing my fingertips into my temples. He may not believe it, but I truly am. Not for him. Only for Ava. “I’m not lying to her. Two hundred, baby.”

Her head recoils, her body jerks, and she starts to wobble before my eyes. I’m out of my chair like a bullet. “Damn it, Ava,” I hiss, steadying her. “Are you okay? Are you dizzy?” She looks dizzy. “Do you want to sit down?”

“Two hundred thousand?” she gasps. “What sort of bank lends two hundred thousand?” Color rises in her face, and despite knowing it’s rage, I’m glad to see it. Color draining might mean passing out. “I’m fine,” she barks, her cheeks flaming red, her hands fighting me off.

“Don’t push me away, Ava,” I warn, guiding her to a chair and getting her arse on it. She might not look like she’s going to faint, but she’s not heard the whole tale yet. “Don’t be getting your knickers in a twist, lady,” I snap, throwing Dan a dark look. “It’s not healthy.”

“My blood pressure is fine. Two hundred thousand? No bank in their right mind would lend that sort of money for a surf school.”

“No, you’re right,” Dan’s mutters. “A loan shark would, though.”

“Oh my God.” She covers her face with her hands. “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking, Ava.”

“Is that the only reason you came home?” she asks, a certain edge of hurt in her words. Her older brother, her hero, her friend. He’s let her down.

So it’s a damn good job I’m in her life. And Dan’s for that matter, or he’d be dead.

“They’re looking for me. You don’t get away with non-payment with these types.”

“You said you were doing well,” she says in disbelief. “Just stay here. Don’t go back.”

I knew she’d say that.

Dan’s face softens. It’s a new look on him, and only for his sister. “Ava, if I don’t go back, they will come here. I’ve already been warned, and I believe it. I’m not putting Mum, Dad or you at risk a?—”

I cough on nothing. Is he for real? He’s already put them at risk, just by coming home. Dan looks at me, awkward. Yes, be ashamed. “These people are dangerous, Ava.”

I work my hand into Ava’s back, trying to loosen the tightness. It works, and she looks up at me. I fucking hate the despair and disappointment I see. “You can’t just deposit that kind of money into a bank account,” she says quietly, as if she doesn’t want her brother to hear her concern for me. “Isn’t it laundering? I don’t want you involved, Jesse.”

“Do you honestly think I’d do anything to put you and my babies at risk? I’m transferring enough money into Dan’s account to get him back to Australia.” And a little extra to keep him there. “I have the details of an offshore account where I’ll transfer the two hundred.” I’m not breaking this down for her. I’m not telling her I’m giving him more than he owes to keep him away from us. “They won’t know where the money has come from, baby. I wouldn’t do it otherwise.”

“Really?” she asks, uncertain.

“Really. There are ways. Trust me.”

“Okay.” She accepts my kiss, relaxing for the first time since she stormed my office. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.”

“Have you thanked my husband?” she asks Dan, hostile.

“Of course. I never asked, Ava.” How many times is he going to say that? Like it might save him from disgrace if he believes his family thinks he didn’t ask me to get him out of the shit. “Your husband’s been doing some digging.” And then he throws me under the bus?

“Has he?” Ava asks, looking at me. “Have you?”

“I know a man in the shit, Ava,” I say, insulted. If he fires one more bullet, I’m out. He can go it alone.

“Oh.” She looks knackered all of a sudden. I’m with her. “Can we go home?”

“I’m sorry. I’ve neglected you.” I glare at Dan as I get Ava up, making sure he knows I hold him responsible.

“I’m fine, just tired.” She goes to her brother and gives him a hug he doesn’t deserve. “When are you leaving?”

“Tonight. They’ll be on their way over if I’m not back by Thursday,” he says, rising from his chair. “So I guess this is goodbye for a while.”

“You weren’t going to tell me you were leaving?”

“I would have called you, kiddo.” Dan looks at me, his expression impassive. “I’m not your favorite man anymore.”

Damn right you’re not.

“Now, fuck off,” I breathe to myself, moving in and collecting Ava.

“Take care,” she says.

“Can I?” Dan points to my arms around Ava’s belly, locking her to my body.

No. “Sure.” I hand her over with great reluctance and let them have their moment.

“Look after her,” Dan says, his eyes on me as he presses his lips to Ava’s forehead. And he still plays the fucking game.

I take my wife back, confirm I’ll send the payment, and warn him not to kick off when he leaves.

And he goes, his walk as cocky as I know him to be, even now. I hold on to Ava for a few more minutes, let her have a moment, before coaxing her around in my arms. “Ready to go home?” I ask, brushing her hair back from her face with both hands and holding her cheeks as I kiss her nose.

“Yeah,” she says quietly, deflated. I hope I can improve her mood when I show her my surprise. It’s been a bad day for both of us, and there’s only one cure.

The bubble.

Or Ava Cloud Nine.

“Come.” I take her hand, collect her bag, and walk us out. John gives me the nod as I pass, and Sarah looks up from her gin at the bar. “I need a word with Sarah,” I say to Ava.

“I’ll wait in the car.”

“No, you don’t have to wait in the car,” I explain, seeing her throw a contemptuous scowl Sarah’s way.

“Yes, I really do,” Ava replies, taking her bag from my hand and leaving. I watch her go, contemplative. I don’t want to say all of our problems will disappear with the absence of The Manor from our lives, but a good chunk of them would. I breathe out, backing up to the bar.

“How did it go with Ava’s brother?” Sarah asks.

“There’s some bank details and instructions on the pad in my top right drawer,” I say, keeping it business only. “Let me know when the funds are transferred. And email the paperwork I’ve requested ASAP.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.” I leave Sarah, everything heavy as I walk out of the bar.

“Jesse?” she calls, prompting me to look back. The moment I see her expression, I know I won’t like what she’s going to say. So I don’t give her a chance to say it, carrying on my way, following Ava.

Sarah is my past.

Ava is my forever.

I’ll always follow Ava.