Chapter 41
“You won’t be able to carry me soon.” She sounds sullen. Tired. I’ll soon wake her up.
“Don’t worry, lady.” She’s stuck to my front like glue as I walk us into my office. My stomach’s doing flips. Will she like it? Think it’s totally fucking weird. Because, I mean, it’s a lot of Ava. “I’ve already increased the weights I’m lifting in preparation.”
“Hey,” she grumbles as I lower her, hanging on to my hair, ensuring I can’t straighten back up. At her mercy. Always.
“You’re a savage.” I chuckle. “Are you going to let go?”
“Say sorry,” she demands.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. Let go.” My hair is freed, and she kicks her shoes off, breathing out her tiredness.
“Why are we in your office?”
“I wanted to show you something.”
“What?” Eyeing me, she tilts her head, my fidgeting obvious. I look at the wall again. A lot of Ava. “What’s up with you?”
“Turn around,” I order before I bottle it, stepping back and bracing myself for my wife’s reaction to my homage to her. Christ, it really is a lot.
She turns away from me, I start chewing my lip, and the moment her shoulders lift and she steps back, I step forward so she meets my chest.
Surprise, I think, releasing my lip when I bite down a little too hard. What does she think?
I watch her, pensive, as her head slowly turns from one side to the other, taking in the entire expanse of wallpaper. It looks incredible. Just as I imagined. If she doesn’t like it, then she shouldn’t have left the wall blank when she did the designs on this place. It was so obviously meant to be full of her. And besides, it’s my office, so my rules.
She walks toward one of my favorite pictures. And, if I’m realistic, probably one of the weirdest. “That was the first one I took,” I say, biting back down on my lip. “It became a bit of an obsession after that.” Just like she did. She faces me briefly, her face a picture of... what is that? Shock? Amazement? Horror?
Shit, I don’t know. I back up to my desk and pluck a marker out of a pot as Ava walks the length of the wall, taking it all in. I’m sure she agrees. A lot. “Here,” I say, winning her attention. “I want you to sign it.”
She frowns down at the pen in my hand, tentatively reaching to take it. “Sign it with my name?” she asks, curiously amused.
“Yes, wherever.”
She laughs, and it’s a light wispy sound of utter disbelief. But she moves in, removing the lid and lifting the pen to the wall, homing in on the first picture I ever took of her. She writes, stands back for a few moments, and then searches out another image, moving in on that. Curious, I get closer to the wall so I can read her words. I breathe in. She’s not signed it. It’s so much more than that.
Today I met you.
This day was the beginning of the rest of my life.
From this moment, I was your Ava x
Fuck.I swallow down the lump in my throat, reaching for my neck and rubbing there, as Ava finishes writing on her second picture. The one I took on the docks the night she stopped fighting it.
Today I realized how in deep I was.
Jesus,I don’t think I’ll ever truly comprehend how deep I’m in. It’s fucking bottomless. Every time I think I couldn’t love her more, I wake up, and... I do.
And I wanted to be so much deeper with you.
I sniff discreetly,smiling to myself. There it is in black and white. A confession. She wanted to be in deep. I won’t ask her why the fuck she resisted for so long. We’re here now. Married. Pregnant.
Ava moves onto another picture, and I move with her, reading the one she’s just written on. This is fun. Way more fun than I thought it was going to be and, thank God, my wife doesn’t think I’m a weirdo.
Today I learnt that you can dance.
Yeah,baby, I can dance.
I also admitted to myself that I was in love with you, and I think I might have told you too.
Yep,she did. It was one of the most frustrating times in our relationship, especially the days that followed. She was absolutely legless.
Next.
Today I found out that I’m just for your eyes.
I snort quietly.Where is that jumper? I haven’t seen it since I forced Ava into it. I hitch a brow. Did she cut it up? I move close to one of Ava’s naked back, inhaling. That day. Fuck, it was intense.
Today I learnt that I’m for your touch and for your pleasure only.
Correct.
But my favorite part of today was when you told me that you love me.
I liked that part too.But my favorite was when I fucked a confession of love from her. Ava moves onto a picture of her in the Ritz, and I read the words by the picture of her handcuffed to the bed. The Retribution Fuck. A firm favorite, although shelved for the foreseeable.
Today I found out how old you are...
I scowlat the back of her head. What a horrific day.
...and that you don’t like being handcuffed.
Positively hate it.Onto the next. I breathe in when she moves in on an image of her on the veranda in Paradise, and she’s there a while, thinking, lifting the pen away, taking it back to the wall. Then, eventually, she moves back, clicking the lid back on.
Today I decided that you’re right. We will be okay.
And yes, I do have a bump... ish, and I love you for giving it to me.
I’ll always love you.
End of.
This islike my therapy wall. Everything I need to keep me going, and a massively useful tool to support me through my withdrawals when she might not be around. I start reading them again, storing them to memory, our own small love story emblazoned across my office wall.
Small story?
Epic story.
“I’m done,” she says.
I come out of my daze and find her looking up at me, a small smile on her face as she holds up the pen. I eye it, thinking. Then take it and move in on the first picture.
Today my heart started beating again, I write,feeling it now, hammering in my chest. Today you became mine.
I move away,not looking at Ava. Can’t. This wall has gone from being a lovely, decorative—slightly obsession-taming—showpiece, to our life in pictures and words. I scan the photographs, wishing I could add more now, even though there are dozens. Maybe I’ll have the wall behind my desk done too. I spot another favorite of her in her wedding dress, sitting on the lawn. I smile and move in, my teeth sinking into my lip as I draw a perfect halo-shaped circle over her head.
I refrain from adding two horns too.
My girl is definitely a perfect blend of angelic and devilish, but somehow, I don’t think she’ll agree.
My beautiful girl.
My defiant temptress.
My lady.
My angel.
My Ava.
I slipthe end of the pen into my mouth, chewing, looking across the rest of the photographs, wondering what else will be added to this wall over the years. If we move, it’s coming. I’ll have it preserved. Whatever it takes. It’s my new favorite thing. Aside from my wife and babies, of course. Today has been a shitter. It’s improved immensely.
It’s not how you start. It’s how you finish.
The pen is suddenly missing from between my teeth, courtesy of Ava, and she attaches herself to my front. “Ava,” I breathe, clenching her bum cheeks in my palms, “today has been the longest fucking day of my life.”
She must take those words as code for rip my clothes off, because my jacket is suddenly halfway down my arms and she’s kissing me like she might not ever get the chance again.
“Easy,” I say, helping her get it off, still managing to hold her in my arms. “What’s the rush?”
“It’s been too long,” she murmurs around my lips. Fuck, it’s been way too long. My dick punches against the fly of my trousers as I pry Ava from my body to set her down, ripping my tie off and dipping to get out of my shoes. “Take your dress off.”
It’s on the floor in a heartbeat—she’s not fucking about—but she doesn’t come at me, instead feeling her tummy, caught in a moment of wonder.
I rest my hand over hers. “Incredible, isn’t it?” I dip and slip my hands under her bum, and her thighs split, scissoring my waist.
“Just like you.” Her eyes are fixed on my mouth, watering.
“And you.”
“Show me how incredible you are,” she whispers huskily, pushing her body into mine. “I’ve forgotten.” Her lips hover teasingly over mine, and I catch them, moaning, dropping my head back, blindly walking us out of my office to the sofa and laying her over the arm so her hips are high, allowing me to stand or kneel between her legs. I drop my trousers, kick them off with my boxers, and watch in satisfaction as her eyes drop to my arousal. I kneel, peeling her knickers off. Oh God. My mouth waters, my eyes flicking up to see her back bowing on the couch, anticipating my first kiss on her flesh. I start on her thigh, then the other, firm, long kisses, working my way up.
She breathes my name, squirms, her legs kick, her arms flail, trying to grip something that isn’t there. She settles on my head, pushing me into her, wanting more friction.
“Have you remembered how incredible I am?” I breathe across her pulsing pussy, as she cries out repeatedly. Here we go. I lick my lips, place my palms on the insides of her thighs and push her legs apart, moving in, flicking my tongue teasingly.
“Shit!”
“Mouth, Ava,” I warn, licking from back to front in one firm lash.
“Oh my God!”
I push my tongue deeply inside her, circle, hum.
“Jesse!”
She’s getting frantic, her movements uncontrolled and chaotic. “Incredible?” I ask, my ears drowned by the sounds of her pleasure. “Tell me how it feels, baby.” I wince when she yanks my hair, then slip my fingers through my mouth and into her pussy, and her body arches, her hands diving into her own hair and pulling. I work her with my fingers and mouth, looking up her body, wondering if there’s a vision better than watching my wife come. I don’t think there is.
But then she props herself up and watches me working her and, suddenly, there’s a better vision. “Tell me,” I press, wiping my mouth on her thigh, pushing a palm onto her stomach to keep her down.
“It feels like you were made to fit me.”
Correct. Standing, I take her under her thighs, smiling when she props herself up with her palms wedged into the couch behind her. She wants to see this. My hand wraps around my girth, the pulse against my palm strong, and I brush the very tip across her sodden flesh, bracing myself to enter her. Her legs hooked around my waist try to bring me closer, her breathing becoming more strained as I tease us both. The parted lips of her pussy give me perfect sight to her swollen clit, the small piece of flesh thrumming, her opening pulsing too.
“Shall we try penetration?” I ask, mesmerized by the vision before me.
“If you like,” she whispers, her words blasé, but her tone full of lust. Of desperation.
“If I like?” I ask, slipping inside a fraction, suppressing my grunt, the muscles of her walls tempting me in farther, squeezing me. “What about if you like?” I raise a brow, fascinated by the pumping of her chest, the shaking of her arms, the sheen of desire coating her face. Ravenous. One more inch. Jesus Christ. I reach for the lace cups of her bra and pull them down, and her boobs pop free, calling for some time. Each one gets a firm tweak, bringing her nipples to solid points, and Ava growls deep in her throat, her lips pressed together to stop her yelling. “My beautiful girl is trying to play it cool.” She’s so stubborn. Scream for me, baby. I get myself into position. “It’s a shame she’s shit at feigning casualness.” I drive in to the hilt, and her head flops back, the moans she’s been restraining leaving her body. “That’s more like it.” I hit her deep and hold still, taking a precious moment to gather myself. “Show a bit of appreciation, Ava.” A bolt of pleasure catches me off guard, and my hips shoot forward of their own volition, hitting her deep and high.
“Again,” she moans, thrusting her tits up, every inch of her begging. I love it when she begs. “Again.”
“That depends.”
“On what?” she asks. “You said it doesn’t always need to be hard.” She’s right, I did. But it’s been a while since it’s been a little rough, and now I’m happy with the information I’ve sourced, I can relax a little. Just a little. “Then you do this to me. Have you finally read the part of the book that confirms you won’t hurt the babies?”
I smile. She knows me too well. “Yes.” I withdraw and thrust hard, forcing her to fall to her back on a delighted cry. “It’s a good book.”
“It’s a good book now,” she pants.
“It was always a good book, but it did say you must listen to your body.” I’m in my stride now, driving in and out, the pleasure divine.
“I’m listening,” she gasps, writhing. “And it’s saying harder.”
Oh? “The babies are protected.” The buzz in my cock works its way down to my toes, making them curl. “I read that.” Deep, controlled breaths. “And I can spank you, apparently.” I strike her just perfectly on her backside.
“You’ve already spanked me.”
“But I didn’t think you were pregnant then.” I spank her again, punishment for fooling me into giving it to her hard. “Good?”
“Yes.” She looks at my chest, prompting me to look too, and I see what she sees. Strained muscles. Our bodies connected. My cock slipping in and out. “You look amazing,” she whispers.
“I know,” I say around gritted teeth, grinding my hips, absorbing the pleasure.
“Oh God!”
“I know.” Jesus, I can feel it crawling through my body painfully slowly, getting ready to explode and take me out. “I fucking know.”
“Jesse,” she pants, panic setting in. “I’m going to come.”
“I’m not,” I hiss, engrossed in the vision of us, clinging to the incredible sensations. “Are you listening to your body, Ava?”
“Yes!” she yells, slamming a fist into the couch, her eyes moving from my dick entering her, to my chest, then my strained face on a loop. “And it’s telling me I need to come.”
Oh, smart-arse? How about sore arse? I spank her again, and the sound alone increases the urgency. “Don’t be fucking smart.” I drive deep, circle hard, watching as her flesh throbs before my eyes and her arms and legs become stiff. Oh no. I slip out, give it just a second for her impending explosion to simmer the fuck down, before I slide the entire length of my solid, engorged cock up the center of her pussy. Her back bows, my legs start to shake.
“Fuck, I need to be all over you.” I get her from the couch to the rug in the blink of an eye, and push into her on collective moans, feeling her hands slipping across my wet back.
“Kiss me.”
My mouth is on hers fast, my tongue exploring as I thrust steadily into her, and she’s mad for it, mad for me, her kiss passionate and hungry, her nails in my arse, pushing me on.
Now feels like the perfect time to broach a lingering bone of contention, and given today’s revelations, I’m even more passionate about it.
“I think”—I don’t stop driving into her. Her pleasure is the key here—“you should”—thrust, lick, kiss, whisper. Attack all of her senses—“quit your job.”
“No,” she moans, easy as that.
“But I want to spend every day doing this.” I circle my hips, nuzzle her neck, thrust smoothly. “Give me back your mouth.”
No protests on that. “You’ll have to wait until I get home,” she breathes, rolling her hips into every advance I make.
“Wherever, whenever,” I remind her, nibbling her lip.
“Except when I’m at work,” she groans. “Deeper.”
“Oh, so she can make the demands, then?” But I can’t? I’ll go deeper, baby, if you quit your job.
“I’m not quitting my job.”
“And how do you expect to look after my babies if you’re working?” I ask, exhaling shakily, not losing my pace.
“But you want me at home to do this, not to look after your babies.”
“Now you’re just being awkward.” Breaking our kiss, I dip and suck her nipple into my mouth, and she stiffens as I clamp my teeth down in warning, before kissing my way back up her body. Her face. Fuck, it’s my favorite look on her. Wild, post climax. “Deeper?”
“Please.”
I drive in slowly, firmly, watching her absorb every inch of me on a hum before I kiss her hard. “Do you see?” I ask. “I’m giving you what you want.” Totally beside the point that it’s what I want too. Totally. “You should show your gratitude.” I prop myself up on my arms. “Don’t you think?” I pull out of her, slowly revealing my cock. It’s dripping in her pleasure. Absolutely dripping. “Look at that. Just fucking perfect.” I need to end this. For both of us. “She’s beginning to pant.” I lower my chest to hers, my forearms on the rug to hold me up. I need to see her face. “She’s trembling all over.” I’m lost in her dark eyes, my body absorbing every shudder. “I think she wants to come.” Her hands plunge into my hair and yank as she starts to shake her head, holding her breath, and my drives become less measured, clumsier. “She definitely wants to come.” As do I. “Fuck.” My control slips, and I thrust deep and fast a few times, and Ava yells, violently yanking on my hair and biting me. The pain shoots straight down to my dick. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” All control is lost. I’m mindless on the pleasure. Every muscle screaming, my cock burning, my body dripping, my heart hammering. Gone. I just muster the energy and sense to tell her I’m there, and I feel her go too, her body snapping into a tense board before she starts vibrating, and then she goes soft.
Breathless.
I flop down on top of her, fucked. Panting. So wet, I could have just climbed out of the tub. “Please quit,” I implore, knowing I’m wasting breath I haven’t got right now. “Then we really can stay like this forever.”
She says nothing, is probably incapable of speech. But she hugs me instead. Pacifying?
“Was that a yes?” I ask, dragging my mouth across her skin to her mouth. “Say yes.”
“No.”
“Stubborn woman,” I mutter, hooking an arm under her waist and pulling her with me as I roll to my back, grateful for the cool blast of air to my front as she wedges her palms into my pecs and sits up. The shift of her body has me biting down on my teeth to sustain the friction on my sensitive, softening cock. I look up at her, smiling, rubbing her belly, pouting at her lovely boobs, which are going to get even lovelier as they get fuller. “We need to renew our vows,” I say, hitching a brow at her confused face.
“We’ve not even been married a month.”
“Yes.” I make a play for her hip, feeling her jolt. But I’m distracted from my grievance when I consider the small bump. Incredible. “Only a month and you’ve already forgotten a significant part of your promise.”
“You can take your obey and swivel on it,” she says seriously, leaning down and circling my neck with her palms.
I grin and follow her lead, except my big hands overlap around her neck. We’re nose to nose. “Who’d win?”
“You.”
“Correct. I’m thirsty.” Ava narrows her eyes playfully as she throttles me, and I laugh.
“I’ll get some water,” she says, catching my not-so-subtle hint.
“You can’t pick and choose when you fulfil your wifely duties,” I quip, helping her up and swinging for her arse as she wanders off gloriously naked, catching her sweetly with a satisfying slap. “Water, wench,” I say around my grin.
“Don’t push it, Ward.”
“Don’t even think about coming back in here until I can see your breasts again, lady,” I call as she fixes her bra. Arms and legs splayed to get as much air to my body as possible, I take a deep breath. And sigh. What will tomorrow bring? I grimace. I don’t want to worry Ava, but I don’t want her to go to work. Van Der Haus is out of the frame, but has she got any thoughts on who it could be? Should I ask her?
Coral keeps floating around in the back of my mind, as does Freja, but... no. There’s delusion and there’s obsession. Fuck it, I’m at a loss, so I can only hope Cook comes up with some answers fast. And there’s another something. Statements.
The sound of Ava coming back from the kitchen pulls my eyes from the ceiling. “Didn’t you hear me?” I ask, nodding to her bra, which is still covering her boobs.
“I heard you,” she retorts, facing me, one hand behind her back, the other holding two bottles of water. She blindly lets them drop to the couch, her eyes sparkling delightedly. Hmmm. What’s she up to?
“My wife has a crafty look on her beautiful face,” I say, pushing myself up and leaning back against the couch. I crane my neck, trying to see what she’s concealing. “And she’s hiding something from me.” I raise my brows as I help myself to some water.
“Crafty... ish,” she muses, nonchalant, taking a seat on my lap. I lose the water in favor of her bottom, cupping a cheek with each hand and pulling her closer.
“There’s no...ish about it.” I slap her arse and free her boobs again. “What are you hiding?”
“Something,” she muses, leaning back when I try to get a look. “No.”
Hmmm. Who has the power? Stupid fucking question. So I wait as she drags out the whole affair, patient but not, until she slowly reveals what she’s hiding from me.
“I’m in control,” she says, understandably thrilled.
“Oh no.” I laugh, not in humor, at my jar of Sun-Pat. “Not where that’s concerned.” I shake my head. “Forget it, no way, never.” I try to seize my vice, but she’s fast, removing it from my reach. I obviously haven’t worn her out enough.
“Relax,” she breathes, as I stare at the jar and her finger disappearing into it. A big dip. Disgust invades her face as she pulls her finger out.
“Don’t tease me with it, baby,” I plead, my mouth watering.
And then she does something I never expected. She wipes it across her boob. Oh my God. Peanut butter-dipped boobs. Could this be the best gift ever? I look at her, breathless with anticipation.
“Oops,” she whispers around a satisfied grin.
Oops indeed. I lick my lips as I move in, smelling it mixed with the natural scent of my sexed-up wife, and it smells fucking delicious. “Holy fucking shit,” I mumble around her boob, as she giggles, the sound orgasmic. My soft cock starts to fill with blood again. My God, it’s never tasted so good, not the butter or her breast. “I didn’t think it could taste any better,” I say, moving back, checking I’ve got it all. “More.”
She obliges, scooping out some more. “Would sir like the right breast or the left breast?”
“I don’t have time to waste. Slap it on both.”
She bursts into fits of giggles, and I nearly come on the spot as she coats herself. I practically shove her hand aside to make way, sucking her flesh into my mouth, humming constantly. “Unravel you boxers, god,” she whispers into my hair as I feast on her. I finish with a bite of her nipple. “Ouch.”
“Sarcasm, lady,” I grunt. Fuck, that was good. A new way to eat my vice. And another reason why she needs to be readily available to me. I check both boobs again, seeing I’ve missed a blob.
“Tasty?” she asks.
“I’m never eating it any other way.” I get that last little bit. “So now you do have to quit work because I need you to be available to lick when I please.” I lean back on the couch, licking my lips, and Ava dips, licking my nose. I’m surprised. “I thought you hated peanut butter?”
“I do, but I love your nose.” Her wrinkles as she pecks mine. “Will you do something for me?” she asks. Naturally, I’m cautious. I’ll give her anything I can. I’m just worried one day she’s going to ask me for something that I can’t give her.
“What do you want, baby?”
She considers me for a moment, perhaps getting her request straight in her head. “I want you to say yes before I ask.”
“You’ve been trying to butter me up,” I quip, flexing my hands on her hips as she places the jar down.
“That’s a crap joke.”
“Pick the jar back up, lady. We’re not done yet.”
She does as she’s bid and goes a little extra, putting some more on her boob. “Happy?”
“Ecstatic.” I move and lick her clean. “Now, tell me what you want.”
“You have to say yes.”
Absolutely not. She could ask me for anything. A new Mini. My blessing to work up to full term in her pregnancy. To take no time off at all, just pop the babies out and return to her precious job straight from the hospital. No. “Ava, I’m not agreeing to anything without knowing what I’m agreeing to. End of.”
“Please?” she says, taking on an unfair tactic, slipping her finger into my mouth.
“You’re adorable when you sulk.” I clean her finger. “Just tell me.”
“I want you to revoke Sam’s and Kate’s memberships to The Manor.” She hurries over her words, retreating on my lap, watching me, waiting. God love her.
“Okay,” I agree easily, dipping myself and spreading some more of my vice on her chest.
Her frown is epic. “What?”
“I said okay.” Opening my mouth, I lower and indulge some more. Jesus, finger dipping just isn’t going to cut it anymore.
“It is?”
I lift my face and take her cheeks in my hands. I could be a fucker and use this as a bargaining chip. Tell her I’ll cancel if she quits work. But... that would be pointless. She won’t quit. “Sam already canceled.”
Her mouth falls open. “I thought you were finally doing as you’re told.”
What’s she on about? “I always do as I’m told. Come here.” I help her up and get us on the couch, my belly full, my heart full. “Snuggle,” I breathe, as she crawls onto my chest and settles, her sigh in my neck deep. How long before she can’t lie front down on my chest? I pout. I’ll miss that. How long before I can’t get my arm around her stomach when we spoon? “Are you warm enough?” I ask, weaving my legs with hers, smiling at her sleepy hum. “I love you, lady,” I whisper. Another hum. “You’re going to be the best mummy.”
“And you the best daddy,” she murmurs, her hand stroking the area around my scar. “Thank you for my wall.”
I smile sadly. “It’s my wall, actually. So thank you.”
“Welcome. But it’s a little bit weird, all those pictures you took when I didn’t know.”
I chuckle. “I have an unhealthy obsession with you, baby,” I say, dropping a kiss into her hair, tightening my arms. “It’s old news.”
“I know,” she breathes. “I know.”
“Tell me what your diary is like tomorrow.”
“Well Mikael isn’t in it,” she quips, earning a nudge from me. Definitely not funny. “I have a lunchtime meeting with Ruth Quinn.”
“Oh, the awkward one?”
“Yeah, her. She seemed quite normal at first, friendly, you know? But she’s become a bit demanding. She called in the office repeatedly while we were away, was almost indignant that I didn’t tell her I wouldn’t be at work. I just need to get her job finished, get payment, and never work for her again.”
I don’t understand it. She doesn’t have to deal with these people. She could pick and choose her clients, do what she wants, when she wants. She likes her boss, I get it. But even Ava would have to admit, Peterson has definitely become a little less easygoing the past few weeks. In fact, since he found out about me. I sense he’s not all too happy about sharing Ava with a life outside her job. It’s a common problem. Bosses hiring young, single, child-free people. People with no responsibilities other than working and earning. Full commitment to the job.
Yeah, she’s trying. Half succeeding. But when the babies come, they will be the most important thing in our life. Nothing will come before them.
My mind wanders. Could we move out of the city? Would Ava consider that? I don’t want to raise our kids in this chaos. I want green land, clean air.
And sanity.