Chapter Twenty-Six
America
“What?” Everett’s request turns into a high-pitched ringing as it sinks in.
“You’re going to sit pretty on my cock while he watches,” he says, rewording his ultimatum. “Then I’ll believe you, Lucky Charm.”
Gray’s expression is tight. His hands are deep in his pockets, probably curled into fists. “Come on, Mann. That’s not fucking okay.”
“If I can believe you, then I’ll believe him too,” Everett tells me. “I’ll sign the contract. I’ll apologize for being a twat about it.”
“America.” Gray snatches up his phone. “You don’t have to do this.”
Don’t I? Gray wants Everett’s signature on the contract so he can keep his job. It’s more important to him than anything else. Everett wants an agent who will go to any length for him and his career.
I want to belong.
I thought I could belong in Everett’s world. I wanted to belong in it. But as long as Gray is a part of mine, I’ll never truly be able to give my heart to anyone else.
Not to Everett. Or anyone who could cherish me.
Everett sensed that. He realized that Gray and I were more than friends.
But it wasn’t enough for Gray to wrap me up in his arms and never let me go. It was enough to come between me and Everett, though.
If I can’t have Gray… If this is the price Everett needs me to pay in order to prove my loyalty… “I think I do.”
My heart pounds as I stand and shimmy out of my panties.
I push down the little voice that tells me this isn’t what I want. The voice never factors in how tired I am of wanting someone who doesn’t want me. How sick I am of being alone. Or how I prickle all over because I don’t know how Everett will react if I don’t fix the problem.
I only know that Gray doesn’t want me. Not enough to love me.
Adrenaline pumps through my veins as both men watch me. Everett’s dark gaze is hooded. Gray’s face is flushed, his jaw clenched.
“This is ridiculous,” Gray says.
“She wants to.” Everett spreads his knees. “Don’t you, Lucky Charm?”
My lips part, but not one of the thoughts in my head escape. Want isn’t the word that I would use. Yet saying no feels impossible.
Saying no won’t make me safe. It won’t protect me from having both men turn their backs on me. Feeling their anger and their disappointment and their hate.
I can only set things right.
Even if the whole scenario quite literally has me shaking.
If this is what Gray needs and Everett wants, then this is what I have to do. Untying the curtains, I hope they provide some privacy.
I turn to Everett.
Stretching his legs, he unzips his pants and wraps his hand around his cock. He gives it a couple of strokes before taking a condom from his wallet and wrapping it. “Straddle me, Lucky Charm.”
My heart is in my mouth. Am I really going to do this?
Everett takes my hand, tugging me closer until I place one knee on the leather. His palm cups my ass and urges me forward.
I’m hyperaware that Gray is watching. His gaze burns into me as my knees sink into the plush cushions.
I wish I could choose him. That he could let his heart heal. I would have chosen him with all my heart. But he wants his job so much, he’s willing to use me to get what he needs.
And I’m letting him. I know it, yet I can’t not do it.
Now Everett is using me too. Or maybe it just feels like it. After this is over Gray and I won’t even be friends. How could we be after tonight?
I can hardly breathe. Can barely keep the tears at bay.
“I didn’t think you would do it,” Everett says, his tone turning softer. His cock is hard against my thigh. “I don’t think he thought you would either.”
I wish I was strong enough to not care that if I don’t do this, none of us will get what we want. But I’m not that person. I care too much about the ashes to burn us all down, despite how uncomfortable this situation makes me feel. If I do this… we all have futures to concentrate on.
Gray will have his career. I will have my relationship with Everett to help me get over my broken heart.
I lock gazes with Gray over my shoulder. My heart pounds.
Emotion wars in his eyes while the rest of him is still and as rigid as a statue. “Rica…”
He’s not supposed to call me that anymore. He doesn’t have permission. The familiarity hurts me. It doesn’t mean what I always hoped it would. It doesn’t mean he wants me.
I turn back to Everett. Raise my voice so that my words come out sharp and clear despite the quaver. “I want something real.”
I want what Gray and I had in those short bursts when we were together, but it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t feel the same.
I glance at him again. Begging him with my eyes to prove me wrong.
He’s not even looking at me. His focus is on his phone.
There’s nothing there for me. I’m never going to be okay, am I?
“Lift up, Lucky Charm,” Everett tells me. “Look him in the eye while you take me. Let him see that you’re mine while I fuck you.”
Gray’s haunted gaze locks with mine. The hurt and anger in his eyes tears me apart. I’m never going to be over him.
I can’t do what Everett is asking of me. This isn’t what I want. I thought… I believed I could forget Gray for the possibility of a future with Everett. I thought if I got through this then all three of us wouldn’t have to be unhappy. And I wouldn’t have to be alone again.
But I would rather be alone than feel like this. Starting a relationship with an ultimatum, with insisting I prove myself in order to gain his love, isn’t healthy. Telling me to fuck him in front of Gray, like he doesn’t care about whether I want to do this, isn’t okay. This isn’t love. Far from it. “Everett, please. I can’t—"
Gray tosses his phone toward us. The cords in his neck stand out. “Get off his lap, Rica. Get off his lap right fucking now.”
I jump. The sharp clattering of his phone hitting the table is like nails on a chalkboard.
Everett grips my hips so tight it hurts when I try to rise. “I don’t think so. She’s my lucky charm. I need her.”
“Let her the fuck up, you piece of shit,” Gray snarls. “This is a bullshit way to treat someone you claim to care about.”
I flinch.
“You’re just jealous.” Everett leers at him. “Because you know she’s lucky.”
“Lucky?” I don’t understand.
“I need you.” Sincerity shines from his eyes when I swing back to look at him. “I win games with you in my corner.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Oh my God. Is he for real? This whole time… has he been into me because he thinks I’m good for his game? “You’re talented. That’s why—”
“We’ve won every match since I met you.” He won’t let me move off of his lap. “I’ve scored more goals per game since you said yes to dinner with me that first time than in the rest of my career combined.”
“Please let me up.” I shove at his chest, trying to rise. The burn behind my eyes finally breaks over my lashes. I thought Everett was a nice guy, but I was wrong about that too. All this time he was toying with my emotions because of some stupid false notion that I make his game better.
“You’re mine. I can’t let you go.” He tightens his hold. “Just let me prove that to him.”
I struggle harder. “Please, Everett, don’t...”
“You superstitious dickhead,” Gray roars, as he lunges around me to get at Everett.
Knocked off his lap in the ensuing scuffle, I shuffle backwards out of the way as Gray shoves Everett. Gray’s fist flies into Everett’s face and the latter flops against the cushions. Gray connects again. The thud is sickening.
“Gray. Stop,” I cry.
“Stay down.” Gray barks at him as he scoops me up. “Are you hurt, Rica?”
“No, I—” Physically I’m fine. More than a little shaken though.
“Fucking asshole,” Everett grunts.
Engulfed in Gray’s arms, I rear back so I can search his gaze. “You punched him. Are you crazy? What about your—?”
“That’s the least I’ll do.” Gray’s hands cover the small of my back and my nape, sheltering me against his chest. His tone, directed at Everett, is one of fury. “And the least you deserve.”
Everett holds his eye and laughs. “She chose me, idiot.”
“Because I didn’t give her a choice.” Gray cradles my face. Checks me over with concern. “I should have stepped in quicker. I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I wasn’t sure straight away if—”
“I shouldn’t have gone along with it.” When it felt like my options vanished, my feet were suddenly glued to the floor, whereas any other woman would have walked away. But not me… I tried to make Everett happy. Tried to make sure Gray kept his job. “Your job…”
Everett reaches for his champagne glass. “You can forget the contract.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Gray’s breath is hard and heavy on my head. His chest rises and falls like he’s run a marathon.
His job is the whole reason we’re in this mess. “But—"
“I quit.” Gray scoops up his phone and shows me the resignation email he’s typed out.
It’s just two lines. ‘Two weeks’ notice’ and ‘I quit’ are the only words that sink in.
“No job or client is worth having to watch the bullshit you just put yourself through, Rica. Christ, Mann, aren’t you aware that fight and flight aren’t the only fear responses? Look it the fuck up.”
Everett chokes on his drink. He thumps on his chest. “Now, wait… I didn’t force anything. She wanted it.”
But I didn’t. I was going to do it for them. For Gray. I extract myself from Gray’s arms. The last two weeks have been agony waiting for Everett to sign, for Gray to leave.
Inside I turn hot and icky. I was prepared to… I almost… and Everett just tried to…
“Oh my God.” I cover my mouth as stomach acid burns its way up the back of my throat. My vision blurs and my chest pangs. “You could have left weeks ago. You could have not asked me to lie…”
“Rica,” Gray calls out to me as I bolt out of the VIP area and down the stairs.
I stumble down the stairs and across the main floor. Blindly, I push people aside as I search for an exit.
Eventually I stumble out onto the street. My steps quicken. Tears fall faster too. I start to shiver and wrap my arms around myself. I can’t believe I let myself get put in that position.
And Gray… quit. He just quit like we didn’t have a huge falling out over his job weeks ago. I don’t know what to do with that after tonight.
I’m nowhere near my little flat, and I’m walking around alone in the dark. Jumping at shadows. I have no idea where I am.
My phone rings. I consider ignoring it, because it’s probably Gray. And in no way am I ready to talk to him.
It’s not Gray though. It’s Indy.
Indy who I desperately wish I could talk to about all of this. Who would know how to make me feel less like a whore for almost fucking Everett in front of Gray so that he could keep the job he just quit. Who would tell me that Everett should have let me up when I asked even though I allowed myself to be put in that position in the first place.
Because God, now I feel guilty about not being strong enough to walk out when Everett made his demands. As guilty as I feel about being in love with her ex. Perhaps more so. It’s like something in my head is so broken that I felt like the only way to survive tonight was to force myself to be a willing participant. Or how no matter how much I just want to belong I never can because I’m not like Gray or Everett or Indy. I am always alone. Always lonely.
And the only way I have ever been able to fit in is to be untrue to myself. Let people use me. Live with how stupid that is when all I want to do is scream. But tonight, oh, that takes the cake… Why couldn’t I just tell them both to go to hell from the get-go?
Hope is a bitch.
And the only person in the whole wide world who can make me feel better is calling. I need her right now. Her friendly voice that will wrap around me like a hug. She always knows what to say. So I answer the call, prepared to let her talk my ear off. Because I can’t talk to her about anything that happened tonight.
“You’re not yourself,” she says after a few minutes. “What’s going on with you lately?”
“Too much,” I say. “And none of it good. You would hate me if I told you.”
“Hardly,” she says. “You’re my ride or die. We stick with each other no matter what. You stuck with me through my worst days. When I was hurting people I love. Let me stick with you.”
A new influx of tears turns everything watery. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”
Especially when so much of it is tied up with Gray.
“Anywhere.”
My throat is clogged with my emotions. “I… can’t.”
“Then we’ll talk about other stuff. And when you’re ready just break in with whatever is on your mind, okay?”
“Mmhmm.”
“So we could talk about how my brother has naked pictures of your flatmate on his phone. Or we can talk about our trip to the Dells. It’s not so far away.”
“He has pictures of Dove?” I pinch the bridge of my nose and press my fingertips into the corners of my eyes. Does that mean they’re in contact?
“I accidentally stumbled on the images while looking for snaps of his vacay. When I asked him about her, he turned as red as a tomato and mumbled something about nosey sisters losing their noses.” She laughs. “It’s possible he forgot they were there. But I don’t think he deleted them after I pointed them out either.”
“EJ.” I tsk. “Cheeky. Would not have expected that.”
“I know, right?” We move on to talking about the trip and I start to feel better. We’ll have so much fun now that she’s healthy. Last time we’d planned it she was so ill she wouldn’t have been able to do much without it being risky.
“You only live once, right?” She says, like YOLO has become her own personal motto. “So we shouldn’t hide from it. Or our best friends.”
“I… let someone treat me badly tonight.” My words come out choked.
“Your he ?” There’s an edge to it now, like her esteem of this person she has no clue about has gone down.
I can’t imagine how she would react if she knew he was Gray. “No. But he was there. And he was part of the reason that I went along with it. Not because—”
“That bastard.”
“I hadn’t finished.”
“I’m going to fly over there and kick this asshole in the balls.”
“He didn’t want to be the reason, Indy.” I raise my voice as a car rumbles up the street. A few houses down a dog starts to bark. “It’s such a mess. He quit his job. And I…”
The car slows as it reaches me, pulls to the side behind me. My pulse quickens as I turn around.