Chapter Twenty-Seven
Gray
Leaving the car idling, I jump out and stride toward America. It’s been the longest hour. It’s been a long night in general, but the last hour, driving the streets searching for her had me on the worst kind of edge.
She should be safe out here on her own, but that’s not always the case. And after Mann’s assholery the idea that anyone else might try something had my adrenaline pumping while I combed the streets. I’m not worried about him though. After America left, I made it clear that from now on, he’ll have to go through me to get to her.
That delusional prick really planned all that because he thinks America is the reason he wins games. All-Star can have him if they can get him to sign. I want nothing to do with him.
I only wish I’d made the decision to quit weeks ago.
“I’ll call you back,” America hangs up on whoever she was talking to.
Probably, almost definitely, Indy. For the first time in a long time it’s not anger or agony, but relief that fills me. America wasn’t alone while she was reeling. She had her best friend in her corner.
“Rica. Thank God. I’ve been worried.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder and usher her to the car. Somewhere close by a dog is barking loud enough to wake the neighborhood.
“I’m fine.” She balks in the brightness of the headlights. Angling away from me she takes her time putting her phone away.
“Bullshit.” How could she be fine after what happened with Everett? How could I let it get so far tonight? There’s a sour taste in my mouth over my behavior. My throat grows thick. I can barely stand to look her in the eyes, but she deserves so much more from me. “I should have jumped in quicker. I should have flattened that asshole before it ever got to that point. I never should have given you the idea that you needed to compromise yourself so I could keep a job. I should have quit weeks ago. I’m sorry.”
She shifts her weight from foot to foot. “Your job is everything to you. Signing Everett was a huge deal. And you quit. Why?”
“Because it’s just a job. I can find another way to do the job that I love. But I couldn’t let you do that.”
“But I chose him,” she says. “I almost had sex with him in front of you. I saw the look on your face. How hurt and disgusted you were.”
“I was disgusted at myself.” I sit on the hood of the car. Curling my hands around her hips I bring her between my thighs. After everything with her creep professor… I know how hard it is for her to say no, especially to people she cares about. For a moment I really did believe she was choosing him. Until I saw in her eyes the same riot of emotions taking place in my chest. “Because you probably felt like I didn’t give you a choice. I made my job more important than you. I made you believe there was nothing here for you except sex. And honestly, I believed that was the truth.”
“It isn’t?” The tension melts from her.
“You were ready to give him what he wanted so that I could get what you thought I wanted, weren’t you? I read that correctly, didn’t I? It wasn’t what you wanted?” It felt so obvious to me, but perhaps I read into the situation what I wanted to see.
She nods.
The sudden pang in my chest fades, though it’s replaced with regret. I still hate that it came to this for me to finally realize there was just one solution. “That was not what I wanted. What I want is you. And I should have been clear weeks ago. I should never have let you doubt that. Or put you in the position I did.”
“I was the one that decided to keep dating him,” she says, lifting my hand so she can inspect my knuckles. She rubs her thumb along the ridges. They’re sore and they’ll bruise, but I don’t care. The pain is good.
“Because I pushed you away.” I draw her closer. I’ve learned my lesson. “Even though I wanted you. I want you.”
“You want me?” The corners of her mouth turn up.
“Look, I don’t want to tell you that I feel as strongly for you as you feel for me, because you feel things more strongly than anyone I know. When you’re mad, you’re, like, set the world on fire mad.”
She rolls her eyes.
“And when you’re sad you break hearts with it. When you’re happy, though, I need that in my life so fucking much.” I twist her in my arms and sit her on the hood between my legs. I brush my lips along her jaw as I splay my hands over her belly. “When you’re sexy. When you care. Your feelings are making me feel things that aren’t just bitterness, Rica. I want that. I want you. I want to see where this goes. Please forgive me.”
“I forgive you.” She takes my face in her hands and nibbles on my bottom lip. “Of course I’ll forgive you.”
“Thank you.”
“But you need to forgive me too. I made stupid decisions as well. Tonight—”
I fuse our mouths together, using my tongue to edge her lips apart so that I can kiss her the way I’ve been dying to kiss her for weeks now. Claiming her sweet mouth back from him with gentleness and patience. Eradicating his kiss with my own.
She untucks my shirt and rests her palms on my abs. Seeking closeness even though she’s still shaken up.
I turn us around so that I’m standing while she’s sitting. Her thighs rest on my hips as we kiss and kiss and kiss. I curl my hands into fists to resist scraping them along the outside of her thigh to her naked ass. After what she went through earlier, there’s no way I’m pushing her.
Everett had no clue what he asked of her, or how the part of her that works so hard to hide her differences also makes her want to people please, to her own detriment. It took me too long to realize that was what was happening, but the fear when she locked eyes with me… I’ll spend a long time with that on my mind.
Trying to fit in all her life made her vulnerable in ways that a lot of people will never understand.
A few times over the years, we’ve talked about how she desperately wants to belong, but never gets to feel like she does. Between her culture, her upbringing, and her ASD creating rejection sensitivity dysphoria, it’s always right there in the back of her mind that she never can.
Like me, the closest she got to belonging was with Indy and EJ. But at the end of the day we’re still alone. We don’t belong.
But maybe we could find that belonging in each other. She certainly feels like she is meant to be in my arms. Her lips feel like they were made to fit mine. I want her hands smoothing over my skin and the little hum she makes as we kiss.
The dog is still barking, and someone flips a light on and sticks their head out a window to tell the mutt to shut up.
Another light illuminates a different part of the street as a man yells back, telling the first person to mind his own business.
A woman stumbles out of her house in her dressing gown and slippers. Yawning, she notices us. “Hey, you. What are you doing?”
America chuckles as we inch apart. “We should go.”
“Are you all right, miss?” the woman calls out.
“Better than,” America tells her while beaming at me.
“Great. Then can you and your boyfriend sod off and take it elsewhere? You’re aggravating my Randy.” She points at the rottweiler staring out over the windowsill.
“Yeah, bugger off,” the first man grumps as he comes out of his yard with the garden hose. “Camilla, turn the water on.”
“We’re going.” I lift my hands in surrender. “Just give us a min-ahhhh.”
America laughs as I jump away from the icy spray, then screams when she’s smacked with the freezing cold water.
“Turn it off,” I say between gritted teeth. “We were going. You didn’t need to do that.”
“Barry, you always go too far.” The woman who owns the rottweiler yells at her neighbor. “Camilla, can’t you get your husband under control?”
“Get in the car.” I laugh as we both run to escape the spray.
“Oh my God.” America pants as we slam our doors at the same time. “That was…”
“Extreme. Cranky old bastard.” I unbutton and strip out of my sodden shirt. Toss it on the backseat with the tie I discarded earlier, while she yanks off her pretty top and sits in front of me in her bra.
“So wild.” She grabs my face and plants her lips on mine.
“Hotel or home?” I ask as my eyes settle on her generous curves. “Fuck, I want you to say hotel. But I’ll understand if you want to go home.”
She yelps as the spray slaps the windscreen. Dives into my arms. “Hotel. Of course hotel. Nan ni-kkeoya.”
“You know that’s not fair. I don’t know what you said.” Still, my breath caught like it was something important. Because America has become much more than simply someone I care about as a friend.
“Just drive.” She laughs.