Chapter 26
twenty-six
PATRICK
Walking into my living room and finding Jo and Lottie playing together was a sight to behold. Never in all my years since becoming a dad, did I expect to see those two interacting. Hearing Jo speak to Lottie with kindness, showing her patience, and making her laugh, makes me sad that I didn’t see it sooner.
I allowed myself to watch them for five minutes, and it pulled at the muscle in my chest, something that’s been happening a lot recently. It was only when they started to talk about me that I got curious and made myself known.
Which was fortunate, because it sounded like Lottie was trying to meddle in my love life again.
When I caught Jo looking at me with the same glow in her eyes that I saw at the bar, it lit me up. I could have easily changed into a dry T -shirt, but the appreciative look she gave me let me know I’d made the right call in not changing.
We spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the living room, until Booth was able to come over and watch Lottie .
Originally , we planned to meet at Dough for pizza, but I made us all a late lunch. Instead , we grabbed coffees from Quinn and walked down Robin Road to the empty docks, with most boats still out for the afternoon. When we left the house, the sky was a clear blue, and in classic New England fashion, it’s now a dull gray. At least spring is in the air.
It’s always been Jo’s favorite season. Each year she would drag me out to Acadia National Park in the first week of April , the joy on her face was always the same when she took in the wildflowers for the first time each year. She swore she could smell the maple in the air. I smelled it, too, it was just more fun to tell her that I couldn’t and watch her get all worked up and sulky.
Aprils haven’t been the same since she’s been gone.
Though we’re not out in the park, she still has a wistful look on her face as she takes in the breathtaking view.
The landscape surrounding us is beautiful, but it holds nothing to Johanna .
It started to drizzle when we got out of her car, and a few strands of hair have escaped her bun and are stuck to her forehead. The misty rain clings to her lashes and fine hairs around her hairline. My attention is drawn to the opening of her coat that reveals her delicate collarbone, decorated with freckles and water droplets. Sparkling constellations across her soft skin.
“ Thanks for watching Lottie today, she had a great time.”
“ She’s so great, Patrick . You’ve got your hands full for sure. You and Carrie should be so proud.”
“ Thank you. We’re pretty fond of her by now. No returns,” I joke, and her breathy laugh carries with the wind, mixing with the calls of sea birds circling above. They dip and dive into the water, which encourages me to take the plunge too.
“ I know things have been complicated over the last couple of weeks. My life is a bit chaotic, from Lottie to the restaurant and everything that happened with my dad. It just never seemed to stop. Having you here has helped a lot. You’ve already made so many amazing changes in a short time, things I’ve struggled to find time for. I want you to know that it’s great having you back…in more ways than one. The restaurant is all I have left of my dad, and while you’ve been gone, it’s where I put a lot of my time and energy if I wasn’t with Lottie . I didn’t mean to suggest that the restaurant is a higher priority than you, I’m sorry for suggesting that, but I can’t lose it. I also need to think of Lottie , I don’t want to confuse her.”
And I can’t lose you again . Though I don’t say that part out loud.
“ This is all pretty new to me. I haven’t, umm, dated at all since Lottie was born. I’m not proposing some friends-with-benefits nonsense, Christ knows I’m too old for that, and maybe I’m selfish, but I want to stay in this bubble together for a while longer. Taking the time to find our way and not having our nosy families getting involved. We never got the chance to see where this could go before…”
Finally taking a breath from that word vomit, I study her, looking for a sign I’ve upset her, or this isn’t what she wants. Her face and body language have been indecipherable this entire time. I scratch my jaw, feeling more vulnerable for every second that passes.
When she still hasn’t spoken, I accept that Saturday night was about her getting it out of her system. She was the one who suggested it be a one-time thing. Maybe I’ve massively overstepped, or she’s changed her mind.
“ I think everything you’ve said is fair.” She interrupts my racing thoughts. “ I would never expect you to put me before Lottie . And I agree about the restaurant. We can’t let ourselves get distracted from all the hard work we’re putting in. Plus , I like the idea of it being between us.”
She reaches out, grabs hold of my arm, and we stop walking. The heat of her touch sears through the flannel of my shirt. Her eyes drop, and I know she’s about to say something that makes her uncomfortable as her fingers tap against her coffee cup incessantly.
“ I owe you answers, Patrick .” I go to speak, but she shakes her head and lightly squeezes my arm to stop me. “ Don’t . I do, and it’s not fair for you to pretend I didn’t abandon everyone all those years ago.” Her voice cracks at her words, and it takes all my restraint not to pull her into me. “ I’ll explain everything. I want to. Being open and vulnerable about certain things is still difficult for me. It has nothing to do with me not trusting you. I feel safe with you.”
“ Are you saying ‘it’s you and not me?’” I joke, but to hear that she feels safe with me is a badge of honor I will wear proudly. “ When you’re ready, I’ll listen.” There are so many reasons I want to hear what she has to say, and some of them are selfish. Sure , I was angry once upon a time, however, from the small snippets of details she’s told me, it was wrong of me to presume she left this town happily.
I hate that it doesn’t put my mind at ease that if I had just been enough for her, she wouldn’t have left.
I want to move forward. Together . My heart might want to dive in headfirst, but I have to think about Lottie , and as much as I trust her, I don’t want to rush into this.
So for now, we’ll take one step at a time.
“ Does this make me your dirty little secret?”
“ Johanna ,” I groan, dragging out the last a in her name and shaking my head at her in dismay. “ Don’t start misbehaving now.”
“ Ohhh da?—”
I clamp a hand over her mouth and tug her into me. “ Don’t you dare drop a daddy joke,” I growl down her ear.
When I drop my hand, I see her nibbling at the corner of her bottom lip, trying to stifle her laughter . But I love pretty things, and I want to hear it, so I tickle her sides and pull that sweet melody from her, before swallowing it down with a kiss. It tastes as divine as she feels. With one final brush of our lips, I turn us to face the bay—her back to my chest. I keep her close with my arms wrapped around her shoulders, reveling in how perfectly she fits against me.
“ This is happening,” I murmur. It’s finally happening, a quiet voice says in my mind. He sounds a lot like sixteen-year-old me.
“ I’m not going anywhere this time, Patrick . I promise you that,” she says and places a kiss on the back of my hand.
The certainty in her tone should be enough to erase all the doubts I have. She’s proven week after week that she wants to make Sutton Bay her home again, and I want nothing more than to witness that. To be a part of it.
We stare out at the bay, taking in the choppy waves as they crash against the rocks. You can make out Puffin Point Lighthouse on the peninsula north of Sutton Bay , and just through the mist and rain in the distance is the cliffside of Anakiwa Lookout .
“ God , I’ve missed this view. I need to find some time to head up to the lighthouse soon.” She rests her head against my shoulder, jasmine and ocean filling my nose.
“ We can drive up there one day.”
She hums and doesn’t say much else as we stand there, content that we’re finally making a go of this.
I’d love to know what’s going on in that beautiful head of hers, and I know she’ll tell me one day, about everything that happened. For now, I soak up this moment, following the slope of her upturned nose, the round apples of her cheeks, her pouty lips, and the pointy angle of her chin. I’m happy to see there are no new freckles to make note of.
Because if everything goes the way I want it to, I’ll be here to watch new ones grace her beautiful features.
“ She’s been lurking on the street for an hour. She’s passed by me seven times since I’ve been out here. I don’t know what her deal is, and I swear I saw her snapping some pictures of the restaurant,” Dex says with a jerk of his chin across the street.
The moment my eyes lock with Mrs . Stewart’s , she turns and hurries away. “ No doubt we’re doing something wrong. I’m sure I’ll hear about it at the next town hall meeting. Just ignore her.”
“ Are you sure that’s the right color?” Jo asks from beside me, both of us shielding our eyes from the early morning sun.
“ For the tenth time, Johanna , yes, it’s the right color. Midnight navy, the same as the sample you gave me. The same color your dads’ picked out twenty-plus years ago,” my best friend grumbles with one boot on the bottom rung of the ladder, armed with a paint brush, and a little tired of Jo’s backseat management.
She’s been the one to take the lead in many of the improvements around here, and I’ve loved watching her shine. Today she’s tasked Dex with giving the front of the restaurant a face-lift. He told us he has nothing better to do, and I appreciate his help, even though I know he’s lying.
He’s probably regretting his helpfulness, especially when Jo stands there umming and ahing as she compares the paint in the tin to the sample she’s holding. She’s thorough, I’ll give her that, but he does not like to be micromanaged.
“ Hey , love, how about we let Dex do his thing?” I attempt to pry the paint tin from her hands, and I see Dex’s brows raise in question at the slip of the term of endearment I use for her. He’s not exactly going to go around town gossiping about the two of us. It’s my own blood I have got to worry about.
Eventually , Jo let’s go and begrudgingly hands over the paint to Dex , who doesn’t waste any time in climbing up the ladder and applying a fresh coat of paint to the wooden slats at the front of the restaurant. He spent the morning stripping and prepping, which is when Mrs . Stewart decided to stop by.
“ Thanks , man,” I call up to Dex , who, for once, is wearing his hearing aid. “ Got time for a beer soon?”
“ Sure . If you have time for me.” He puckers his lips and makes kissing sounds, eyes bouncing between Jo and me. Luckily , she’s too busy inspecting the freshly stenciled letters on the restaurant’s window to catch on to his jibe.
I flip him the bird before leading Jo inside the restaurant and saving Dex from the list of tasks I know she’s desperate to assign him. It’s not too busy on the floor right now, that quiet time between the lunch and dinner rush, and from all the out-of-state plates I’ve seen this week, tourist season is in full swing.
I steer her toward the small coffee machine we have at the end of the bar and start preparing myself a cup.
“ Do you want one?” I ask.
“ No , I better not. I’ve had five today already.”
My head snaps toward her. “ Jesus , Jo . How are you not bouncing off the walls? You have an addiction.”
“ And I don’t want the cure.” She’s scrolling through the tablet that’s linked to the new reservation system, when she suddenly lets out a loud gasp, catching the attention of some of the staff behind the bar and a couple of customers.
“ What’s wrong?” I ask, abandoning the coffee beans as they fall from the grinder and rush to her side.
Her eyes are wide, but she doesn’t look upset or angry. When she finally looks up at me, the biggest grin stretches across her face.
“ Patrick . We have a full house tonight,” she whispers in shock.
“ No way.” I sidle up next to her and peer down at the screen she’s pointing at excitedly. It takes few seconds for me to take in what I’m looking, and then I see she’s right.
“ Holy . Fucking . Shit . We haven’t had a full house since last summer.”
I look up at Jo , who is trying her hardest to contain her excitement. She doesn’t want to jinx it, and neither do I , but this feels positive. It feels like we could save the restaurant after all.
And I couldn’t have done it without her.