Chapter Twenty-Five Finn
Rewind - Finn
They leave Antonio’s law offices in the wake of the tornado of Jay and Gideon’s departure. Finn and Rowan head out in Gideon’s Escalade while Leo and Gray follow in the Lexus. The scent in the car is pure Gideon—reeking of thunder, and a little reminiscent of the smells from Quest’s kitchen. It all smells like home, and it relaxes him a bit despite his excitement.
They’re going to see Nix, and he is awake .
His palms are sweating, and he thinks he might actually cry. That Nix is finally awake means Finn hasn’t been instrumental in the death of his mate. It’s not logical, he knows, but feelings never are, or so they say. But it also goes a long way to washing away some guilt he might have been harboring since he let Nix escape the safety of the hospital that first night.
Frankly, Finn often tries to logic his feelings away the second they become difficult.
“It’s okay if you want to cry.” Rowan is navigating traffic like a Formula One driver and has left Leo and Gray behind several lights ago. “He’s awake. It’s good.”
“I’m not going to cry, Rowan. Why would I? No, don’t answer that. Fuck. I can’t cry.” He turns toward the window and tries not to let his nose run.
“Well, if you did cry, it would be okay, and I wouldn’t tell anyone. I would understand the relief you might feel. If you did. ” Rowan takes one hand off the wheel on a longer stretch between lights, to squeeze his hand.
They slam to a stop at a red light, and Rowan finally lets go. They spend the rest of the ride to the hospital in silence or with Rowan humming Tom Petty’s Runnin’ Down A Dream under his breath, with the occasional burst of falsetto; fingers tapping the rhythm on the steering wheel and his left foot tapping out the high-hat. Finn has to giggle because it’s the perfect soundtrack, and knowing Rowan is trying to lighten his mood makes the love he feels for his mate almost cause his eyes to overflow again.
They peel into the parking lot, and Rowan puts his arm over the back of Finn’s seat and backs into a spot like it’s nothing. It’s such a flex that Finn is distracted again for a second from his anxious-excited-relief emotional overload, mouth hanging open a bit.
“You okay there, Finnster?” Rowan is wearing a smirk, like he knows what Finn is thinking. The youngest alpha in their pack is truly coming into his own. He wears his confidence in such an attractive way. It’s cocky, and Finn has learned up close and personal that it’s not like he can’t back it up.
Finn rolls his eyes and stops himself from taking a deep breath inside the confines of the SUV because he knows Rowan is pumping out spiced rum like it’s the Happy Hour special of the night; Finn could easily get drunk on it. “Quit that. We’ve got a mate to see.”
Rowan’s sexual prowl transforms into a happy grin. “Fuck yes, we do!” He crows, and he grabs Finn’s hand as they speed-walk to the hospital’s main entrance.
In the elevator, Finn gets a text:
11:02 PM-from Gideon
Nix is having a tough transition, don’t hurry.
J is in there now.
Finn’s stomach drops. He runs through everything he learned in medical school and in practice about the transition. Once receiving the bite, Humans are kept unconscious so that the pain of the transition is almost nil, and the change is closely monitored. Given it’s a consensual decision, there is usually a lot of education around becoming Were; and before the new beta is brought out of a coma, their loved one or sponsor is present to ease the influx of physical sensations.
Simple.
Finn has read the bookmarked pages from Dr. Spencer as well, and while there are lots of things Finn feels are helpful, none spoke about an omega’s transition because, before today, there hadn’t been one. Right? Finn’s a scientist with a healthy dose of skepticism, and he thinks there’s got to be more to this than what they know right now. Once they can get Nix settled at home, Finn thinks he’s going to take leave from the hospital and see if he can sort this out. He can’t trust it to anyone else outside the pack.
When the nurse had called Jay at Antonio’s office, they’d heard the word feral . It’s hard for Finn to imagine the sweet, charming Austin from last Saturday night as anything but that: sweet and charming. Feral implies an utter lack of control. Bloodlust. Possible sexual lust. Confusion and fear. Finn’s stomach drops, and he puts a hand on Rowan’s arm. “Ro, Gideon says Nix is still struggling. We can’t go in right away. Alright?”
Rowan’s face falls in disappointment, “Is Jay helping him? What’s feral mean, exactly, when it comes to…” He doesn’t say omegas but instead widens his eyes meaningfully.
“I have no idea. Dr. Spencer’s books didn’t cover it. Hopefully, we can see what Gideon has to say.” They come up the hallway and every door in the ward is closed. The nurses’ station is abandoned and when they round the corner Gideon is standing, head bent, one arm supporting himself on the door frame. “Gid?”
Gideon’s head pops up in surprise as if he hadn’t heard them coming, and maybe he hadn’t. He holds a single finger to his lips in a “shushing” gesture. When they get closer, they can hear vague whispers from the room. But it’s not the sounds from the room that have Gideon looking dumbstruck and sweaty, with the tips of his fangs just showing.
The scent flowing out of the small crack in the door is incredible. It’s a pine forest and the dirtiest, sexiest vanilla ever. Rowan’s original assessment that Nix smelled like sex in a bakery is not so far off. There’s a tinge of Luca’s mocha, too, and Rowan growls. His eyes flash red, and it’s only Gideon’s propped-up arm that stops him from blowing the door back off its hinges in an effort to get to his mates.
Finn pulls his suit jacket off and puts it up over his nose. It helps dampen the strength of the scents and he helps tug off Rowan’s so he can do the same. Gideon has his free hand on the back of Rowan’s neck and is whispering some of the scripts he uses in his Alpha Training 101. It’s working; Rowan’s eyes turn green again, and he slumps into Finn, jacket sleeve over his face.
“Finn, you okay?” Gideon is holding up their tall mate easily but looks ready to ease him to the floor if Finn needs help.
“I’m okay, but it’s a lot.” Combined scents like that are usually reserved for when packs are breeding. Outside a pack nest and a rut or heat, it might throw them for a loop. That Gideon has withstood it, for Goddess knows how long, is astonishing.
“That’s an understatement. But I think it’s easier already. Especially for you and me. On that note, where’s Gray? We’re going to be putting a lot of faith in those suppressants he’s on.”
Rowan eases to his feet, determination on his face. He’s not on suppressants and he’s going to have to rein in his instincts on his own. He tentatively moves the sleeve away from his face, and slams it back over, eyes wide. “Holy fuck. Holy fuuuuuck.”
Suddenly a low sound echoes through the hallway and Finn can feel a slight telltale breeze of the ward’s heavy-duty ventilation system kick in. He removes the sleeve of his coat from his face, and the scent of his mates has lessened enough that he can remove it entirely. The tightness around Gideon’s eyes is gradually releasing, too.
“It’s a ventilation protocol, the system is circulating at top speed. Give it a try now, Ro.”
Rowan removes his coat from his nose and sighs with relief. “I can still smell them, but it’s manageable. Like a memory, rather than my nose pressed up someone’s ass.”
“Rowan Foster! That imagery is unnecessarily unhelpful.” Gideon smirks. He cocks his head and sighs. “I can hear him, I think.” His fangs have retreated, leaving a big smile, where his perfect teeth are on full display, and it’s a rare and beautiful sight. Finn can hear Nix, too. It’s deeper and raspier, and his words are short, not as smooth; but it’s definitely the boy he fell in love with almost exactly a week ago.
“His voice is… whoa .” Rowan breathes. “It’s so hot. I’m going to die.”
Just then there is a very clear “Finn!” coming from inside the room. Rowan immediately tries to circumvent the arm Gideon has thrown back up to keep him out.
“Me too. Please? Jay is calling us.”
“No Ro, he’s called for Dr. Merritt. So, it’s Dr. Merritt who gets to go in.” Their baby alpha whines pitifully.
Finn hands his jacket to Rowan and unbuttons the top three buttons on his shirt. Gideon reaches over to pull off his scent blocker patch and pats his cheek. “Go see our mate, Finn.”
He skirts around Rowan and under Gideon’s arm.
Finn sees his mate for the first time awake in a week, and he’s magnificent. It must be the alpha in him because his tiny mate’s hair is standing up wild all over his head, his face is covered in blood and he’s holding Finn’s white sweater that he wore yesterday. Suddenly his bare feet are running across the room and Finn has mere seconds to brace himself so he can catch him under his thighs. His bare thighs. He makes a slight sound at the impact but stands firm.
He feels a cold nose on his neck and great puffs of air as his…their omega breathes him in. He’s wiggling a bit and Finn’s worried about dropping him but is trying not to grab what he is sure is a very sweet, very bare butt.
“Finn, don’t let him fall!” Luca is standing in his little black skirt, covered in what smells like coffee, and…come? That explains the mocha scent in the hall earlier.
Nix is squeaking and snuffling, and Finn closes his eyes and buries his nose in his mate’s dirty hair. He hums in satisfaction at finally getting his hands on his omega. “Hi, Nix.”
“Finn. Did you know I was here? I’m sorry I ran away before.” Nix’s words sound like he’s having a hard time putting them together, but there’s that certain earnest quality that Finn remembers.
“That’s all right, Nixie. I missed you, though. I’m glad you’re better now, and that you’re here with us.”
“Me, too. I uh…I’m sorry I took your blue sweater. I don’t know where…it is…” His vanilla scent goes a bit burnt as he struggles for the memory, and Finn doesn’t want him to have to go through that after what appears to be a rude awakening.
“No worries, I have a white one and a green one. Are you going to wear this one? It’s not been washed, but…” Finn really, really wants to see Nix in his unwashed, thoroughly scented sweater.
His mate’s eyes go wide. “Don’t wash it! It smells like you, and I need…” His deep raspy voice is confused. Finn makes eye contact with Jay and gives his head a small shake. “Why would I say that?”
“It’s okay Nix. I like the way Finn’s things smell, too.” Luca is quick to reassure him by choosing a pair of Rowan’s sweatpants and holding them up. “Uh…there’s no underwear, obviously, because that stays at the de–at home. But these smell nice, too.”
“Do you want that shower now?” Finn is eager to get Nix on to a task to direct his conscious mind away from the bad memories. It’s too soon and there’s a lot to talk about, hopefully before the hard questions.
He points to the restroom. “There are toiletries and towels.”
“Will you come?” Finn’s heart soars. His wolf is giddy, and he’s hard-pressed to not wag his “tail.” He can’t believe Nix chose him over Jay and Luca; perhaps it’s that he’s a doctor? Regardless, Finn isn’t a doctor in here.
“Uh…yes. If you’re sure?” Nix nods he’s hauling Finn along by the hand. He stops abruptly, turning to address the other two. “You won’t leave, right?”
“Never,” Jay reassures him and it seems to be enough.
Nix seems to stall once they’re in the restroom and the door is closed. Finn turns the lights on but dims them so they’re low and won’t hurt Nix’s new Were sight.
“Finn? You not—You won’t think Nixie is u–ugly, will you?” The words are convoluted, but the sentiment is clear. Nix quickly realizes what he’s said, and his eyes bug out. He covers his face with the sweater. “What did I say?” Finn pulls his hands down gently; their mate is looking down and away in embarrassment, and even in the low light, Finn can see the blush on his cheeks.
Finn takes his tiny hand in his and puts a finger under his chin. “Nix, you have never been, nor could you ever be ugly. You are beautiful to me, no matter what you look like. Okay?”
Nix smiles, still unsure. He seems to decide to trust Finn’s judgment for the moment and eventually, he takes a deep breath and nods. “Okay, Finnie.” Finn smiles back and tries to calm his heart. He turns and shows Finn his back, so he can get the tie to the gown. When he unties it, Finn tries to keep his eyes forward and almost misses it when Nix tries to hand him the sweater for safekeeping.
He hangs it up and scoots around their omega to get the faucet turned on in the shower, making sure the temperature is perfect. Nix is still holding the gown to his chest, but when the water is at the right temperature, he slides it down his arms and freezes.
“Finn.” He looks at his scar-free arms and then at Finn. His red mouth is parted, and he’s breathing fast. Finn can see they are in for a crash of epic proportions in a small, enclosed space. The burnt cookie smell is strong and in the steamy air, it’s going to take them both down.
So Finn does something he’s never done in his entire life; he grasps Nix by the back of the neck in a pseudo-scruff and uses a bit of a push in his alpha voice. “Nix. You are healed and you are all better. You’re safe.” None of it is a lie, but he hates it immediately. Finn values informed consent and using his alpha voice is contrary to something he holds in the highest regard. He wants to take it back immediately, stomach rebelling and a cold sweat beading on his forehead.
Nix shakes his head and his eyes glow blue for a split second. “Nix is all better?” He’s still looking skeptically at his arms, where the burns used to be.
“Yes, baby. All better. We’ll talk about it a little bit, but Jay wants to talk about it with you himself, okay?”
Their omega hesitates, rubbing his hands over his newly unblemished skin, but then nods. “Okay. Later, though?”
Heaving an internal sigh of relief, Finn says, “Absolutely.” He offers him a hand and helps him into the shower, handing him a washcloth and the basil-scented soap.
Nix grins then and holds the bottle to his nose. “Yum!”
Finn smiles ruefully and nods. Nix uses it to wash his face, body and even his hair, refusing any other product they’d brought from home. It’s not enough to wash away Nix’s natural vanilla scent, but now it’s combined with basil and—if possible—even more alluring. Finn swallows a mouthful of spit and tries to focus on anything but what’s going on behind the shower curtain. Adds lusting after his confused mate to his list of shameful deeds he’s performed today.
“Everything good, Nixie?”
“Yes, Finnie. Shower is so good.” It’s the second time he’s used the nickname and Finn feels it in his belly: an undeserved swirl of heat and happiness.
“Are you ready to come out?”
“Yes!” and the shower curtain is flung wide, making Finn swallow harshly at the sight that awaits him. Miles of golden skin covered in the occasional spray of freckles. Compact, lean muscles laid over a tiny frame. He’s reminded that the change has been good to Nix Rena, but Finn wonders at how The Goddess improved on what Finn thinks was already perfection.
There are fluffy white towels on a warmer, and Nix raises his arms to be dried when Finn tries to hand him one. “No, you please?” Drying his mate satisfies his wolf, and again chips away at some of the lasting guilt. Finn will probably have to talk to Nix about that night at some point in the near future. He needs his mate to hear his apology, even if he can’t expect forgiveness.
He crouches and dries Nix’s tiny feet, calves, and pale thighs. Once again, he’s reminded of his desire that first night to press his nose into the crease between his hip and thigh but finds he can still find the restraint to hold back. Promising his wolf that someday soon, they might get the privilege. He runs the towel over his mate’s small, semi-hard cock, and up over his belly and chest, trying to be as perfunctory as possible. He stands up and sees Nix’s mouth open, taking tiny breaths.
“Finn?” Finn isn’t sure what he’s asking, but he does know now isn’t the time. They stare for a bit until Nix shivers in the cooling air.
“Soon, baby. Okay? Let’s talk and then, when you know everything, we can get to know each other better.”
“Soon.” Their omega seems satisfied by that and shivers again. “Cold.” Finn decides that he is not strong enough to use the basil-scented lotion today but adds applying it on Nix’s soft skin to his future list of promises to himself.
At this rate, both mental “lists” will be longer than his arm.
He picks up the sweatpants he’d dropped on the floor, and they smell suspiciously like pizza in the small space. They both crinkle their noses at the same time and giggle. “No thank you. Stinky.”
“Just the sweater for now, then.” He slides it over Nix’s wet hair and settles it into place over his butt. It’s way too large, but seeing the familiar sweater paws pressed to his mate’s nose is as thrilling as it had been the first time.
He runs a warm towel over his head and his hair until it fluffs out again. Finn boops his tiny nose and wipes a drop of water off his cheek just to hear him laugh. He throws the towel and the dirty gown into the hamper, even if he thinks he should have just thrown it into the biohazard bin.
“Ready?” He holds out his arm like they’re about to promenade.
Nix curtsies a bit and giggles. “Yes, Dr. Merritt. Thank you.”
Heart in his throat, Finn opens the door.
He can smell that Gideon is tending to Jay, both talking in low tones. Rowan must be in the hall. How they got him to stay there alone is a mystery; maybe Gideon rendered him unconscious?
He can tell Nix has heard the extra voice too, but he bravely follows Finn into the room. He hides behind his back and holds tight to his hand. Gideon is busy tidying up the first aid supplies, but when he’s done, Nix peeks around and for the second time Finn gets to see a small smile, front teeth denting his lips.
“I’m Gideon, Nix. Would you like something to eat? I had Leo order all kinds of takeout because I wasn’t sure what you wanted.”
Luca makes a place for himself in Gideon’s arms. “Nixie’s hungry, Sugar. Me too. Can I have a hamburger? Ooh, did you get pasta? I want pasta. Please.”
Finn’s proud of Luca for knowing just how to make sure Nix knows Gideon is a safe person, and he’s creeping even farther out from behind Finn.
“Nix, do you want pasta with Luca? It’s not as good as Gideon’s, but it’ll be good.” Nix takes Jay’s hand easily.
“That’s okay? I haven’t behaved very well. Maybe I should have some rice instead? Or maybe water?” Finn can’t believe his ears. He doesn’t want to believe them. Nix so casually talking about starvation, about having to earn the most basic of necessities and thinking he deserved such treatment, has him losing his shit. Finn’s instincts are often kept far away in his daily function, and to have them so close to the surface today means he hardly has control of them.
“ Behaved well? Nix, we don’t earn our food in this p–family. Good or bad, happy or sad, we always eat until we are full. You never have to worry about that.” He all but growls it out.
“I don’t? Luca eats all the time?”
Finn is once again grateful for Luca, and attempts to settle his anger into a low simmer.
“Yes! Sometimes I eat more than my share if it’s really good. Gideon makes a pesto that tastes like Gray, and I eat it on everything. It’s so good.”
“Gray? Like the color?” Their omega looks uncertain.
“It’s short for Grayson. He’s another one of our partners.” Gideon enjoys making basil dishes to tempt his mates.
Gaze on Jay, he gives their leader’s hand a little shake. “Jamie, you have partners? More than Luca?” His eyes are wide. They’re fortunate the entertainment community acts like a shield and lets his pack live right under the public’s eye.
Gideon hugs Luca from behind. “There are eight of us now.” It’s bold of Gideon to suggest.
“Eight? You love seven people?”
Jay smiles and pops his dimple. “I do. Gideon, Leo, Gray, Luca, Finn, Rowan, and Nix.” Nix processes the information slowly and there’s shock in his eyes.
“Do you…know another Nix? Besides me?” Confusion on his face.
Luca moves to touch Nix’s arm. “No, silly. It’s you. We’ve missed you for a long time. We’ve been waiting, right?”
“Feels like forever,” Jay sighs.
“We hope you’ll want to get to know us too, Nix. When you’re feeling better?” Gideon sounds shy, and Finn has to raise an eyebrow in surprise. Gideon avoids his eyes and Finn thinks it’s because he is hoping to avoid any teasing. Finn is distracted for a moment by this shy version of his grumpy mate, and he misses Nix’s falling face.
“I am better, right, Finn?”
“You are, I promise,” Finn says.
“Nixie, what’s wrong, baby? Let me fix it,” Jay says as he pulls Nix close.
“If I leave here…I’m afraid to go back to Dawson’s— the apartment . What if he’s still there?” The absolute terror in his voice has Finn flashing back to that ER visit where his mate had been hurt deliberately, and then again when he was almost broken beyond repair. It breaks through his restraint, and it goes from a low simmer to a burning rage. He tries to take deep breaths around his suddenly dropped fangs. In an effort to not scare his mate, he turns away and thinks of all the ways he’s never letting his new mate out of his sight.
He won’t be one more person who scares his mate. He won’t , so while forcing deep breaths past the angry lump in his throat, he focuses on how happy his mate sounds that, for now, his abuser is currently rotting in prison.
“He is? He can’t hurt us anymore? Luca! He can’t hurt you!” His smile is blinding, and Gideon’s jaw drops open.
“I’m so happy, baby! Isn’t that amazing, Gideon?” Luca is going to be in for it if he doesn’t quit poking the bear—er, wolf. Finn gets himself under control just in time to see their bratty beta rubbing his butt back on Gideon’s hard dick.
“Do you have anything you want from there, Nix? I can get it.” Damn right. Their omega is not setting foot inside that apartment ever again.
He sees Nix’s gaze glaze over as he searches for that internal connection to the memory of that night and Finn is still not eager to enlighten him so soon after he has just woken up.
“Nix, it’s okay if you don’t remember. Sometimes that happens. Hey, I can hear your tummy rumble. Should we eat some food?”
“Nix, the others are here with the food. If you don’t want anyone else right now, that’s okay. But I know they’d love to meet you, too.”
“I’m not wearing pants, Jamie.” Finn sees Luca’s small “yes” style fist pump out of the corner of his eye, but Gideon gives him a small swat on his butt to get him back on track.
Taking his hand, he pulls him toward the couch near the table where they’ll put the food, and Luca covers his bare legs with the blanket. Pushing a strand of hair behind his tiny ear, he looks like he’s ready to hold court like the fae prince he resembles. Finn elects to sit as close as he can and slides his arm along the back of the couch. A decision that earns him a sweet smile, and a squeeze of thanks to his thigh under cover of the edge of the blanket in return. It sends a jolt to places Finn is trying not to think about right now, especially since the visuals from the shower are still lurking in the back of his mind. But later…definitely.
Finn is so in love already.