29. James
CHAPTER 29
James
“Can I hold Noah?” Grayson asks. “I feel a little weird not having a baby in my arms right now. Is this how women feel without a purse?”
Cas lifts his eyebrows. “I have no idea how women feel about their purses.” But he passes our son over to Grayson.
I laugh. I’m holding Evelyn on our couch, bouncing her up and down on my thighs and making faces at her. She’s been chuckling and grinning, drool rolling down her round chin. She’s a very adorable baby, even when she’s making Grayson’s notorious frown.
Grayson settles Noah into his arms in the cradle position. “Hey there, little man,” he coos, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. “Look at how tiny you are compared to Evie.”
We’re in our apartment because Grayson said he needed to speak to us. I don’t know what that means, but it definitely feels important. Grayson looks like he’s been up half the night, which can’t be because of Evelyn because it’s Thursday and I know for a fact he has the night nanny there Tuesday through Saturday. Given that my parents take Noah on Saturday nights, it’s allowed us our foursome fun in our place the last couple of Saturdays.
“It sucks that Caro is gone this weekend,” I say, my thoughts now on sliding my tongue up between her smooth thighs and burying it deep inside her pussy.
“She’s having a girls’ weekend with the twins,” Cas says. “She’s entitled to do whatever she wants with her weekend.”
I frown at my husband. I wonder if he realizes how sharp his comment sounds. He’s been acting a little off since he got home yesterday after taking Caro to Charleston. It doesn’t seem like he’s upset or anything—he’s just…pensive.
He’s clearly working something out in his head and I know Cas well enough to know that it’s best to let him get where he’s going on his own instead of trying to pry.
“Of course she’s entitled to do whatever she wants with her weekend,” I say. “I’m just going to miss our time with her, that’s all. She’s only here for a few more weeks.”
It’s a reality I don’t like to think about. I love Caro and I love having her back in my life. It feels like we’ve just started something amazing and now it’s ending.
“She’ll be here in a minute,” Grayson says, surprising me.
“What? You invited her over too? What’s going on?”
He’s not looking at me, but down at Noah in his arms. “I need to talk to all of you. Together.”
“That sounds ominous,” I joke. “Kind of like Evelyn’s expression right now.”
Grayson’s daughter is scowling at him hard core.
That gets Grayson’s attention. He smiles at his daughter. “Hi, sweetie. What’s wrong?”
“I think she’s jealous that you’re holding Noah,” Cas says. Cas, who just got home from work, tugs at the knot of his tie to undo it.
“Maybe she’s picking up on the vibe,” I say. “Both you and Grayson look like you have a lot simmering under the surface.”
“Me?” Cas asks, sounding surprised. “I don’t have a vibe.”
Grayson sighs, swiping at his phone. “Caroline is downstairs at the front door. I just buzzed her in. Shit, this is so fucking hard.”
“What is hard? What is going on?” I ask, bewildered.
Cas levels me with a hard stare and stands up to go to the door. He opens it before Caroline can even knock and he freaks me out by giving her a hug. Cas isn’t a hugger. She doesn’t look startled, though. She hugs him back tightly, and when he releases her, she squeezes his forearm.
What the fuck happened at the bank in Charleston?
Also, why is Grayson clearing his throat repeatedly?
“What the hell is going on?” I ask.
“We all need to talk,” Grayson says.
He already said that and I’m starting to get concerned. “Is this like the kind of summons my mother gives where we all think it’s super important and then she just wants to tell us that she broke my grandmother’s big bowl? Or is this like of the “I’m getting investigated by the IRS?” variety?”
Or worse. Oh, my God. What if it’s about Evelyn’s custody?
Caroline drops her little body bag on the coffee table and sits down next to Grayson, her eyebrows raised.
“This isn’t about Evelyn’s mother, is it?” I ask, instinctively holding her tighter against my chest. I’ll be sick if someone tries to take this little girl away from her father.
“No, no, it’s not that.” Grayson shakes his head. “I wouldn’t be sitting here all fucking calm like this if that was the case. I’d be screaming at a lawyer on the phone. And it’s not the IRS. And I didn’t break an heirloom bowl, and no one has cancer. Just chill, James.”
I instantly felt relieved.
“This is about me and Caroline and the four of us having sex.”
Not relieved anymore.
“What about it?” Cas takes Noah from Grayson. Just swoops in and takes our son.
Without a baby to hold, Grayson looks like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He claps them on his knees.
There’s a pause, where it feels like we’re all holding a collective breath.
Then Grayson blurts out, “I need to remove myself from our arrangement.”
I hear the words, but I wasn’t expecting them at all. We all wait for him to expand on that bomb he just dropped, but he doesn’t say anything else. He just swallows hard.
“Why?” I demand when no one else does.
Cas is frowning. Caroline looks caught off guard. Some of the color has drained from her face and she’s tensed up slightly.
“Because…” He turns toward Caroline. “When we were in New York, I loved telling everyone in the office you were my girlfriend.”
“You told everyone she’s your girlfriend?” Cas asks.
Caro nods. “Yes. To get Felicity off of his back. She’s been aggressive in her pursuit of Grayson.”
“Exactly. And I loved it. Not because it sent a strong message to Felicity, but because I wanted it to be real. I wanted you to be territorial because I’m yours and your mine and we’re together, raising Evelyn.” Grayson takes her hand and massages her knuckles with his thumb. His voice softens. “I’m in love with you, Caroline. Completely and totally in love with you.”
Caroline’s mouth drifts apart on a soft sigh. “Oh. I…”
“No, don’t say anything.” He stops her. “That’s why I’m breaking things off. We all agreed this was casual, this was temporary. I want to respect that and I would love, absolutely love, to share this last week or two in bed with you all, but I can’t because I’m in too deep. Way too fucking deep. It would just be…painful.”
“I see,” Caro says softly.
“You do?” I ask. “Because I don’t.”
Evelyn gives a shriek, like she doesn’t understand what the hell is happening either.
“Are you sure this isn’t you mistaking what you’re feeling for me?” Caroline asks. “You’ve been through a really tumultuous time and I…”
Grayson doesn’t let her finish. The softness on his face evaporates. “No. Oh my God, are you kidding me? Do you know how often I’ve told a woman I’ve been in love with her? I don’t. I’m not that guy. I know what I’m feeling, for fuck’s sake. So I’m out.”
He suddenly stands up and stalks over to me. He holds his hands out for his daughter. “I have this little girl now and she’s been through a lot. She was dumped at my office like she doesn’t matter and she’s already had so much change and new nannies and all of you being around. I can’t be dicking around with who she gets attached to and I can’t…” His voice cracks. “I cannot fuck this up. She is my priority. She has to be.”
Caroline nods. “Of course not. I understand.” She stands up, and I can see her hands are trembling a little and her face is pale. “I never meant to…I never thought that…”
“That I would fall in love with you?” Grayson asks.
She nods again.
He gives a soft laugh. “Sweetheart, the real question is, how could I not? You’re everything . Adventurous and caring and intelligent. You see joy in everything and everyone. How could I not fall in love with you?”
There are tears in her eyes. “ Grayson .”
My chest is tight with emotion. Grayson is right. He really sees Caro. He gets her.
I understand exactly how he feels because I’m in love with her, too.
My heart is going to break when she leaves and yet, I have a husband and a son and I have an incredible life. That’s the rub, though. It doesn’t mean I don’t love Caroline and I see what Grayson is doing—he’s protecting himself as much as he can, even though it’s already too late to stop what he’s feeling.
Maybe it’s more he’s attempting to protect Evelyn.
But unlike Grayson, I want to steal every minute I can with Caro before she leaves.
“This was always what we planned,” Caroline tells Grayson softly. “The four of us until I leave.”
“I know. But plans change.” Grayson bends down and strokes her cheek, kisses her softly. “I didn’t plan on falling in love.”
Evelyn grips Caroline’s hair and stares at the two of them with big, solemn eyes.
It’s intimate and heartfelt, and I feel like a spectator.
“Do you two need a minute?” I ask, gesturing to Cas that we should take Noah and go into our bedroom.
But Grayson shakes his head. “No. This was about all of us. And I’m leaving.” He takes a step back and runs his free hand through his hair. “Jesus fuck. This is hard. Maybe…in a few years, when you’re done with your assignment, we can circle back to this.”
“Circle back? You tell me you’re in love with me and then that we can circle back to that in a few years? This isn’t a business merger we’re discussing.”
He winces and then tries to cover it up.
That was a poor choice of wording.
“Of course not. I just meant…if you…if there’s a time…” But then he just stops speaking.
Caroline shakes her head, looking bewildered as she runs a finger down the soft skin of Evelyn’s arm. “Bye, baby girl.” Then she lifts her gaze to Grayson. “Bye, Grayson. Take care of yourself.”
It doesn’t escape my attention that she doesn’t say that she loves him.
He pauses, like he’s realized that very thing and is waiting for her to declare her love and jump into his arms, but she doesn’t do anything.
I feel terrible for him. I also feel like his face right now is exactly what mine is going to look like in two weeks when Caro leaves—heartbroken but resigned.
When the door closes behind him, tears fill Caroline’s eyes. She puts her hand on her throat. “I honestly didn’t see that coming.”
“Come here.” Cas opens his arms, and she goes right into them.
Well, fuck me.
I didn’t see that coming either.