30. Caroline
CHAPTER 30
Caroline
Grayson Ross is in love with me.
That is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard.
The broody, grumpy billionaire turned sudden single dad has fallen in love with me.
No way.
Except Grayson doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean.
He is intense and blunt and sincere.
Holy shit. I step out of Cas’s arms and blink the tears out of my eyes. Then I look at James and Cas.
Cas is wearing a strange expression. He doesn’t look nearly as surprised as I think he should. This is a stunning revelation, isn’t it? Then I look at James. He looks a little pained.
“So, that was weird,” I say.
Cas shakes his head with a rueful smile. “Weird? Not the word I would use."
“Why don’t you seem shocked? Did he tell you about this or something?"
“No. He waited until you got here,” Cas says. “But I’m not shocked because it’s not shocking."
“Grayson thinks he’s in love with me,” I say. “That doesn’t surprise you?"
Cas looks over at James. “No, that’s not shocking.”
I frown, looking from one of them to the other. “Yes it is,” I insist. “It’s ridiculous. We are just messing around. This is just sex.”
But my mind almost immediately rejects that. I know it’s not just sex. I already had thoughts like that in New York. I know that we all have more affectionate feelings for each other than just lust or chemistry. But it’s because we’re all nice people. We enjoy one another. I’ve seen them as dads. We have Honeysuckle Harbor in common. I’ve seen the three of them establish a friendship. I’ve seen Grayson and James with their families and with all three of them with other people in town. They are great guys. Of course, I feel more for them than just wanting to fuck their brains out. And they’ve been extremely good to me. They treat me so well. They seem to truly care about me and have been not only giving in the bedroom, but supportive and caring about learning about my career and passions and understanding my love of travel and my desire to go to my next assignment.
We’re friends.
Friends with very fun benefits.
“You guys have to talk to him,” I finally say. “Convince him that he’s mixed up. Grayson probably hasn’t had a friendship with a woman before. He’s getting mixed up in feeling things for me other than passion, but he just defaults to thinking that’s love or something."
But James is shaking his head. “We’re not gonna talk him out of being in love with you, Caroline."
I frown at him. “Why not? He’s ruining everything. We have such a great thing going. The sex is amazing. But we’re also having such a good time. And he needs us. He’s settling in so well to being a dad, but he needs our friendship. He needs our support. It’s more than just sex."
James sighs. “It is. That’s what he just told you."
I shake my head, frustrated. “No. There’s a lot between lust and love."
“Of course there is. But in this case, Grayson knows exactly how he feels."
“You actually think he’s in love with me?” I demand.
James stretches up from where he’s sitting and takes a few steps until he’s standing in front of me. The look in his eyes is intense.
“Yes, I think he’s in love with you. In fact, I have absolutely no trouble believing that at all.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“I am certain Grayson is in love with you because I’m also in love with you. Caroline, what we’re doing is so much bigger. I know it started out as one thing, but it’s turned into more.”
I feel tears welling up again. My gaze moves from James to Cas.
James’s husband doesn’t seem shocked or upset by James’s sudden declaration to me.
“Cas?” I ask. I need him to make sense of this.
He lifts a shoulder. “It all turned into love, Caroline. None of us expected it. None of us planned it. But James has been in love with you for years. The chance to have you back in his life, back in our lives, has been amazing. Our foursome has been amazing.’
My eyes go back to James’s. “Why didn’t you say anything? This complicates everything.”
“That’s precisely why I didn’t say anything. I wanted every second with you I could get.”
“I’m leaving,” I say. Dammit, these men are making this unnecessarily hard.
“I know. We all know. We would never try to talk you out of that. If you want to stay, we want you. I think our foursome could be amazing. I think this could be a long-term thing. Something all four of us actually really need. But none of us are going to beg you to stay. You just need to know what you can have if you do.”
I look at Cas again. “This is crazy."
He shakes his head. "It makes a ton of sense. You’re amazing, we’re all amazing, we work together better than any of us could’ve ever imagined. If you stay, the four of us can be something special. But, like James said, we wouldn’t ask you to give up your dreams. If your job is still your dream, then you have to go. But if your dream has changed, you need to know what else there is."
I shake my head and step back from James, unable to think clearly when I’m so close to him. “So what about us? The three of us started out without Grayson. We can’t just keep going for the last two weeks I’m here?"
James smiles at me sadly. “Is that really what you want?"
I think about stepping up to him, grabbing him, and kissing him.
But I can’t.
I just stand staring at him.
It’s Cas that finally says, “We’re a foursome now. If one of us is missing, we don’t work."
“Do you really feel that way?" It’s strange to me that these men have fallen so completely into the idea of including another man in this thing that started out well between the three of us.
Cas nods. “We didn’t know what we were missing before Grayson came along. But he completed the picture. We’re better with him. If the three of us try to go on, it’s going to feel like something is missing and you know it. Besides, we can’t do that to him. It would hurt Grayson, no matter what he says."
Fuck. I cross my arms over my stomach and squeeze. He’s right. And I want all of them. But it’s not just my body that wants them.
And I need to get out of here.
“I have to go,” I say, my voice choked.
They don’t seem surprised by that either.
“Let us drive you home,” Cas says, heading for the side table where he keeps his keys.
But I’m already at the door. I yank it open. “No. I need to just…go."
They don’t try to stop me again, and a minute later, I step out onto the sidewalk in front of their building. I glance at the front of the building, and the window that looks into James’s studio with the big Daddy and Me class sign in the window. I feel like all the oxygen has been sucked out of my lungs.
I start walking toward Frannie and Fiona’s beach house. I feel like I’m moving through a fog. Nothing is quite clear. The sounds around me sound muted, the sights are hazy. But I know it’s my brain, and the emotional swirl rather than real life.
I don’t know what to do with all of these feelings. I’m normally a very even-keel person and I definitely wasn’t expecting tonight to include emotions beyond lust, pleasure, and enjoyment.
What am I feeling? I think I’m a little shocked. I know I’m sad.
So, my situationship ended. I knew that was going to happen. Just because I didn’t expect it to happen tonight doesn’t mean I need to act like the world is ending. This was never going to be a long-term thing.
It’s not like I broke up with my boyfriends. From the beginning, we knew this was going to end when I left. So we’re two weeks ahead of schedule, so what?
I stop at the corner and take a deep breath. You’re fine , I tell myself. You don’t have to feel this crushing sense of loss. You and James and Cas are still going to be friends. And you can be friends with Grayson, eventually, too .
No, Grayson Ross doesn’t seem like the type to be friends with his exes. But you’re not his ex , I remind myself. He wasn’t your boyfriend. He was just a guy. You had some really hot, dirty sex with a few times.
But even as I think the words, they don’t sit right. Grayson was more than that.
Probably because of Evelyn, I tell myself. You got attached to his little girl. You felt more bonded because you helped him out at a very vulnerable point in his life. You’re going to miss Evelyn, not Grayson.
I take a deep breath. Yeah, that sounds good. I call up my rideshare app and see if there are any cars in the immediate area. It looks like I can have someone pick me up in two minutes and take me to Raw.
I think I want to go out. I was supposed to be busy tonight, and that fell through because Grayson ruined it.
That doesn’t mean I can’t have any fun, though.
I think about asking James and Cas to join me at Raw for a drink. As friends. I can show them I’m fine and that we can immediately go back to being just friends. We can go out. Casually. As fucking friends .
Then I shake my head. No, not fucking friends. Just friends.
But the car pulls up just then before I make a decision about texting James. So I get into the car by myself.
Honeysuckle Harbor is small enough that the drive to the restaurant doesn’t take long. I am walking through the front doors, trying to paste on a smile just a few minutes later.
“Hi,” I say to the hostess at the front. “Can I just sit up at the bar? And I’d love it if you could tell Frannie and Fiona that Caroline is here.”
The hostess is looking at me with wide eyes.
“Okay,” she says.
I frown. Why is she acting weird? “Is something wrong?” I ask.
“Um–” She starts
But just then a tall, broad shouldered man approaches me quickly. “Ma’am, are you okay? Can I help?”
I look up at him. He’s really big. “I’m fine,” I tell him, confused. “What’s going on?”
Of course I just lied. I’m not fine. I am brokenhearted. I’m confused. I’m…mourning. I actually feel like I’m mourning.
I need to get it together. This is not the appropriate reaction to what happened tonight. I am a grown ass woman. I cannot be flipping out about this.
Frannie suddenly comes rushing forward. “Oh my God, Caroline, are you all right?”
Why does everyone keep asking me that? Maybe because the answer is no.
“I’ve had kind of a bad night,” I tell her truthfully. “But how do you all know that? Why do you keep asking me that?”
“Ma’am, where are you coming from?” the big man asks me.
That’s a weird question. And I’m not sure how to answer it. I am coming from James and Cas‘s apartment.
“I thought you were with the guys tonight,” Frannie says.
“I was.” And then I am horrified because I burst into tears.
Frannie’s eyes widen, the big man’s brows slammed together, and suddenly Fiona is with us as well.
“Oh my God, what is going on? Caroline, what happened to you?”
“We broke up,” I say. “Which is stupid, because we weren’t really together. Not like that. Not like a breakup type of together.”
Through my tears, I see Frannie and Fiona exchange a look.
“Ma’am, I have some questions–”
“Cool it Agent Intense,” Frannie says. “We’ve got this.”
Agent? Oh, this guy must be the FBI agent that comes in here a lot.
Wait, I have an FBI agent worried about me? Why?
“Come on,” Fiona says, tugging me toward the women’s restroom just off the lobby.
With Fiona in front of me and Frannie behind, they escort me into the restroom. The minute I face the mirror, I see why everyone seems so concerned.
I’m a mess.
My makeup is streaked, which could be explained by the crying I’ve been doing, but my hair is wet and hanging in limp strands around my face, my clothes are soaked and sticking to me, and I look dazed and confused and upset.
Well, I understand that last part. I feel dazed and confused and upset.
I frown at my reflection. “Why am I all wet?”
Frannie and Fiona look at each other again and then look at me in the mirror.
“Maybe because it’s pouring rain outside?” Fiona asks. “You didn’t walk here, did you?”
It’s raining outside? How did I not notice that? Okay, I might be a little more rattled than I thought.
“I started to walk back to your house from Cas and James’s. But then I decided to come here, so I got a ride.”
“So you did walk for a while in the rain,” Frannie says, grabbing one of the expensive paper towels, which is actually just as soft as an actual cloth towel, and starts dabbing at my face.
Fiona starts pulling her fingers through my hair, straightening the wet tangles.
I nod. “I guess I did.”
Frannie wipes my smeared mascara off my face, and Fiona pulls my hair back into a loose ponytail. She reaches into her own hair, pulls the ponytail holder loose and wraps it around my hair. “I have more in my purse,” she tells me before I can ask.
“We also have some restaurant T-shirts in the storeroom,” Frannie says. “I’ll have someone grab you one.”
“You’re gonna have to sit in your wet jeans, though,” Fiona says.
Honestly, I don’t care. I’m still not feeling any of it.
“The guys broke it off tonight,” I tell them.
They both move around to face me.
“I’m sorry, honey,” Fiona says.
“That really sucks,” Frannie says. “Why? You’re still here for two more weeks.”
“Well, Grayson broke it off because he’s…” The wave of sadness hits me again and my eyes well up with tears.
Fiona frown. “Shit. You are not a crier. What happened?”
“Grayson‘s in love with me.”
Frannie’s eyes widen. “He’s in love with you? He said that?”
I nod.
“And he broke it off because of that?”
I nod and lift the tissue that Fiona hands me to my nose. “He said it’s too complicated. That his feelings are making it impossible to keep this casual. That since I’m leaving, he needs to break it off now instead of dragging it out.”
Frannie blows out a breath. “Fuck.”
I sniff. “He knows I’m leaving. He understands that and everything, but he thinks more time together will just make that harder.”
Frannie nods. “He’s probably not wrong.”
I nod. “I know. But then, with James and Cas, it just felt weird. Like…wrong, somehow, if it’s not all four of us.” I swipe the tears that are falling that I can’t seem to stop. “James has feelings for me, too. And Cas, I mean, we’re definitely friends. It’s probably a little more than that. They’re fine with me being a part of their relationship. That’s kind of huge.”
The girls both nod. “Really huge, I’d say,” Frannie says.
I take a deep breath and try to stop the tears. “I just didn’t want to be alone at your house. But I’m sorry I’m a mess.”
Frannie frowns and shakes her head. “I’m so glad you came down here.”
“For sure,” Fiona says. “This is definitely the place for you. This definitely calls for liquor and pastries.”
Ten minutes later, I am slightly more composed, seated at the bar, with a Kahlúa and cream in front of me and a plate with a variety of pastries sitting on the bar in front of me.
Harrison, a co-owner of Raw, is bartending tonight and his girlfriend Ivy and her husband Ford are seated next to me at the bar. On their other side is Liam, Harrison’s husband.
As I bite into a small lemon tart, that is absolute perfection, I study them. There is so much love and easy affection between the four of them that I am consumed with jealousy.
Ford and Ivy are married, as are Harrison and Liam, but they live as a foursome. They are absolutely a committed unit that is clearly bound by friendship, love, and loyalty.
They’re making it work. In real life, right in front of me, in Honeysuckle Harbor.
It’s possible.
But they all live here. There aren’t kids in the picture.
Right. Their situation is not my situation. It’s not the same.
Still, I’m jealous as fuck, and I want what Ivy has.
I pause with my coffee-flavored liqueur half-way to my mouth.
Oh. Shit.
That’s not good.
You mean the sex. You just mean the sex. You’re really, really going to miss the hot foursome sex.
Sure I am. Of course I am.
But…that’s not what I mean.
“Hey Harrison?” I ask.
He turns away from flirting with his wife—okay, she’s not technically his wife, but…oh, hell, she’s pretty much his wife—and gives me a grin. “Yeah?”
“I’m going to need another drink.”
“You got it.” He starts to reach for the Kahlúa.
I shake my head. “Oh, no. It’s going to need to be way stronger than that.”