32. Grayson
CHAPTER 32
Grayson
I love New York City.
I love my job.
I love my apartment.
I love my daughter.
And I am absolutely fucking miserable in New York City, doing my job, living in my apartment, with my daughter.
And my misery has nothing to do with any of those things.
I had to leave Honeysuckle Harbor. I couldn’t risk running into Caroline. And I couldn’t deal with seeing her around every single corner, whether she was actually there or not. Everything in my apartment reminds me of her. Everything around town reminds me of her. Seeing James and Cas reminds me of her.
But now that I’ve run away to New York City, I’ve realized that just being alive reminds me of her. I can’t even escape her when I’m unconscious. I dream of her.
So the fact that Evelyn and I are living in New York, and my daytime nanny agreed to accompany me here for a week, hasn’t made anything better.
I’m miserable.
I don’t know how my daughter is doing. Probably fine. The perpetually scowling baby girl is hard to read. Evelyn still frowns at ninety percent of the people, activities, and locations around her.
And Jane cries once a day.
Not Evelyn, who really doesn’t cry much.
No, Jane, the nanny.
But that’s not unusual or reserved for New York. That was a daily occurrence even before boarding that plane and, honestly, I’m surprised she agreed to come with us.
The crying is always my fault, but it’s always an accident. At this point, it’s become a routine and neither of us actually gets that upset about it. I usually say something brusquely—i.e., in my usual tone—or don’t say something I should, and she tears up for a few minutes.
But we both realize this is just how the other person is wired and we’ve somehow learned to move past it.
I keep waiting for her to quit and I even asked her if she feels that she needs to move onto another job.
She’s assured me that she knows she is overly emotional and that she takes things the wrong way and not to worry about it. She thinks this is a learning experience. Well…okay.
We’re practically to the point where if she didn’t cry, I would think something was wrong.
So, for the most part, everything in New York is fine.
Things at work are great. Felicity has backed off, all of our projects are on target, and I’m back in my comfort zone.
At least I should feel that this is my comfort zone.
But I’m in love for the first time in my life and the woman who has inspired that is in Honeysuckle Harbor, the place where I have felt more comfortable, more myself in years. And I am very aware of the ticking clock that is marching ever closer to the day she gets on a plane and goes to Colombia.
I was hoping I could just survive ’til that point. If I could stay in New York, until Caroline was gone, I could return to Honeysuckle Harbor, find a house where I could finally put down roots, and raise Evelyn close to my family and my friends.
Because yes, this trip back to New York has shown me that my true friends are in Honeysuckle Harbor. My friends here in New York have called to ask me to go to basketball games, to go out for dinner, and I’ve even had an invitation to the theater.
All things that I did before and enjoyed with people I saw often and truly liked.
But now none of that sounds as good as a bonfire on the beach with Cas and James and Harrison and Ford and everyone else.
Or even just a beer on the balcony of our building, the sounds of downtown Honeysuckle Harbor drifting up on the salt-tinged evening air.
I want to be back there so much I ache with it.
And I want Caroline so much that it’s physically painful.
“Oh, and I embezzled seven million dollars and slept with the entire IT department, all seventeen of them. At the same time.”
I focus on Andrea, who is seated across my desk from me.
She’s been going over my emails for the past few minutes and I realize I have zoned out.
“Who is that email from?" I ask.
“No email. That was me. Confessing.”
“That you’ve been embezzling from the company and having orgies?"
She nods. “Finally, you’ve listened to something I said.”
I sigh. Honestly, if someone wanted to embezzle from the company, Andrea would probably be the best bet for pulling it off. And I wouldn’t even be that angry. She’s probably earned at least seven million for putting up with extra bullshit from me over the years.
“I’m sorry. I’m a little distracted.”
“No shit. I wonder why that is.”
I frown. “There is no way you know what that’s about. You know me well, but you can’t read my mind.”
“Actually, I think I can, but I don’t need to read your mind to know what this is about, Grayson.”
I lean forward, linking my fingers on top of my desk and regard her across the wide stretch of polished wood. “Enlighten me.”
“You’re in love with Caroline and you broke up.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because the last time you were in town, she was here with you and I’ve never seen you happier. This time she’s not with you and you’re fucking miserable. And distracted. Two things you never are.”
"I’m widely regarded as a grumpy asshole.”
“Grumpy and asshole are not synonymous with miserable. I think you’ve always kind of enjoyed being a grumpy asshole, actually. You’re sad, Grayson,” she tells me, her expression almost pathetic. “You miss her. So I have to ask why you’re here without her.”
“It’s complicated.”
Then she has the audacity to laugh. “Complicated? You’re a grown ass man with more money than you could ever spend. What’s complicated that you can’t solve?"
“I have a daughter. Caroline is about to leave for a job that will take her to Colombia. There are two other men who I think are in love with her as well. If we were to pursue a relationship, it would be a polycule.”
She nods. “You have a daughter who adores Caroline and vice versa. Airplanes do fly to and from Colombia. And two other people mean even more people to love your daughter, and this woman that you love, and more people to fill your life." She shrugs. “So I ask again, what’s complicated? You’re an adult who already doesn’t really care what people think of him. You know what you want. Just go get it.”
“I know what I want. It might not be what they want.”
She frowns and leans in. “ Might not? Are you telling me you didn’t even ask?"
I think about her question, then shift on my seat. “I’m saying that I told her how I felt and she said goodbye to me and Evelyn.”
There is a stabbing pain near my heart remembering Caroline’s soft goodbye.
“And had you at any point prior to that, given her any indication, this is how you felt? Or did you just drop it on her like you did the shareholders about the acquisition of four new properties that cost them nearly one billion dollars last year?"
“They were very grateful to me by the end of the year.”
“Yes. You always know best, don’t you?”
Kind of. At least, I thought so.
I don’t answer. Which gives Andrea her answer.
She nods. “You have this way of assuming that you know what other people think. And doing whatever the hell you want to and expecting everyone else to catch up, eventually. Maybe she just needed a couple of minutes. Did you ask her how she feels?”
"We had an agreement. Hot sex while she was in town. I messed it up by catching feelings. I broke the terms of our agreement. That makes it null and void.”
Andrea rolls her eyes. “She’s not a business deal or a real estate acquisition, Grayson. She’s a person. And these are feelings, not dollars or stocks. Besides, even in business, if you want an agreement to continue, but you no longer like the terms, you renegotiate.”
“To renegotiate would mean to ask her to stay. I can’t take Evelyn to Colombia. I want to settle down in Honeysuckle Harbor. I need stability for my daughter. I want to be closer to family and friends. I want a house, a yard, maybe a dog. Caroline is traveling the world. I don’t need to negotiate. I already know our terms aren’t compatible.”
Andrea shakes her head as if very disappointed.
“You can’t expect someone to consider a proposal if you don’t even make one, Grayson. You’ve had people say no to you before. You’ll survive. But she deserves the chance to consider all the options. You don’t actually know what other opportunities she would entertain. Sometimes I wonder how you got this far in this business." Andrea stands and starts for the door. "Actually, I don’t wonder. You’re extremely good looking, you’re a man, and you have a gigantic ego. That’s how you got this far.” But she pauses at the door and gives me a smirk. “But like all powerful men throughout history, I have a feeling that a woman is about to teach you a thing or two.”
I frown, thinking that over. Then realize that I really hope she’s right. “So what should I do?"
“Get your ass back to Honeysuckle Harbor before Caroline leaves.”