33. James
CHAPTER 33
James
“I can’t believe you wouldn’t let me make a sign,” I tell my husband as we wait in the baggage claim area at the Charleston airport. “I love those signs.”
“While I would have appreciated seeing the sheer mortification on Grayson’s face if you were holding up a ‘welcome home’ sign, there wasn’t time for an arts and crafts project this morning.” Cas pushes up his glasses and gives me an amused smile.
He’s right. But I still would have loved it. “There is always time for arts and crafts. I feel like Caroline would agree with me on this point.”
The thought of Caro has me rubbing my jaw and shuffling on my feet a little, wishing things could be different. I miss her already and she hasn’t even left the country yet. But it’s been a whirlwind since Grayson ended his relationship with her, which abruptly halted all of our involvement. Caroline has been wrapping up all her final details before leaving the country, including spending two days down in Florida to see her mother. We’ve barely seen her and when we have, it’s been brief and casual at the baby gym or at the coffee shop.
“I’m sure she would.” Cas glances at his phone. “If she were here. Besides, Grayson was only gone a week. That hardly merits a welcome home sign.”
“But he’s made the decision to stay in Honeysuckle Harbor permanently. I think that’s a big deal.”
“You think everything is a big deal and a case for celebration and I love you for it.” He leans over and gives me a quick kiss. “I know you miss her. I do too. I’m sorry, James.”
I nod, a knot in my throat. Letting Caroline leave is just as hard as I imagined it would be. I fucking hate it. I’ve been torn between being respectful and just demanding she stay here with the three of us and the babies.
“She’d be happy here,” I tell Cas stubbornly. “And very well fucked.”
I realize I might have said that a little too loud when an older woman turns and scrutinizes me, her eyebrows lifting. She’s dressed in a floral caftan and rolling a cherry red suitcase behind her.
I wince. “My apologies, ma’am.”
But the corner of her mouth turns up. “She sounds like a lucky girl.” She winks and moves past us.
I’m so stunned I almost laugh. But I can’t because damn right Caro was a lucky girl. We all were lucky. Lucky to have found each other, lucky to have shared the time together we had, lucky to have fallen in love.
I shift on my heels again, restless. What are we doing? Why are we just letting this all end with a mere fucking whisper? It doesn’t feel right.
“Grayson’s flight has landed,” Cas says, staring at his phone screen again. “I wonder how Evelyn handled flying commercial.”
That makes me laugh, in spite of my general feelings of discontent about the way our foursome shook out.
“She’s a baby. I don’t think she’s bougie just yet.”
Grayson had cut his trip to New York short and could only secure a commercial flight in economy class, which is not something he’s used to. At all. I have a feeling he’s going to step off that plane frazzled as fuck.
When he had called me yesterday to tell us he had decided to make Honeysuckle Harbor his permanent home, we’d been thrilled. For him and for Evelyn, who is going to reap all the benefits of small town life on the coast, with lots of family and friends around. I’m glad for us too—we value Grayson’s friendship, and I want Noah and Evelyn to grow up together.
I’m a little uncertain as to why he is jetting back so quickly after his decision, but he asked for a ride from the airport and said he needed to talk to us about something. I’m assuming he’s going to want to vacate the apartment next door to us and move into a house closer to his parents, with more work from home options for him.
We left Noah at my parents’ house so that Evelyn can ride in Noah’s car seat. One of us probably should have stayed home with Noah because it’s going to be a tight fit in the car, but we were both eager to help out Grayson. And okay, we were curious about what is actually going on in his head right now.
“I don’t know,” Cas says, wryly. “Evelyn is Grayson’s daughter, after all. She’s going to appreciate the finer things in life. I just hope she didn’t fuss too much.”
“He does have the nanny with him.”
“Then I shouldn’t be worried about Evelyn crying but Jane.”
Cas and I exchange a look. Jane the nanny cries a lot. We’ve both witnessed it and it makes me feel bad for her. Cas thinks the nanny is overreacting.
True to form, Jane is wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt as she comes down the escalator, sniffling and repeatedly lifting the strap of her overnight bag onto her shoulder. Grayson is behind her, holding Evelyn. Father and daughter are both scowling.
“That looks about right,” Cas murmurs.
“I bet a sign would have cheered her up,” I tell him.
Cas laughs and puts his arm around my waist. “You’re probably right. Next time I’ll just leave you to your poster board and markers.”
“Thank you.” I wave to the trio and Evelyn’s scowl melts into a smile. She bounces up and down on Grayson’s hip, practically launching herself out of his arms in my direction. “Hey guys!” I say, holding my hands out for Evie.
“Please, take her.” Grayson does indeed look frazzled as fuck. His hair is sticking up, and he has dark circles under his eyes like he hasn’t been sleeping in New York. His T-shirt has a food stain on the shoulder. “My daughter would not take a nap today. She’s reached some level of slap happy delirium where all she wants to do is shriek at random intervals and then laugh at herself. Oh, and throw her pacifier at the other passengers. And smear food on me.”
I cuddle Evelyn to my chest and kiss the top of her head. “Sounds about right for her age. Jane, you okay?”
The nanny nods, still sniffling.
Grayson shakes his head behind her. He actually looks sympathetic, reaching out and squeezing Jane’s shoulder. “Some woman on the plane yelled at Jane for changing Evelyn’s diaper. But come on, it’s not like she could change it in the bathroom. Those are insanely small.”
“Ouch,” I say. “People don’t even try to be understanding, do they?”
Jane shakes her head. “She waited until Grayson took the dirty diaper down to the flight attendant too to complain. She knew she could yell at me and make me feel bad, but she wasn’t bold enough to do it with him there.”
“That’s terrible.” Cas leans over and tickles Evelyn’s belly, making faces at her.
“Do you need anything?” Grayson asks Jane. “A water? We can get you an ice cream on the way to your house.”
“If it’s okay, I’m just going to get an Uber,” she says. “I’m tired.”
“Sure, no problem. Let me order it for you.” Grayson swipes on his phone, then strides over and retrieves his luggage.
By the time we exit the airport, Jane’s car is waiting for her and Grayson gets her safely off. He gives a big sigh when he returns to us. “I wish I could teach that girl to be more sure of herself. It scares me for Evelyn. I want to raise a confident daughter.”
I kiss Evelyn’s cheek. “I think you’re going to be great at instilling confidence in her.”
We chat casually about New York and Grayson’s business as we walk to Cas’s SUV in the parking garage, but I have to admit, my curiosity is getting the better of me. Now that we don’t have Jane with us, there’s no reason we can’t talk openly about the subject I know is on all of our minds—Caroline Bell.
“How have you been?” I ask Grayson from the passenger seat. He’s in the back, next to the car seat. I turn around so I can see his expression.
“I’m miserable,” he says shortly. “I fucked everything up with Caroline and then, ultimately, that fucked everything up for you two with her as well. I was trying to do the right thing…protect myself and protect Evelyn, but my timing was off.”
“Your timing sucked ass,” I tell him flatly. “You told Caro you can’t see her anymore and that you love her practically in the same breath. The girl never had a chance to react.”
Grayson sighs and runs his fingers through his hair as Cas pulls out of the parking garage. “I know. But be honest, did you really handle it any better?”
I’m a little fucking offended. “We handled it rationally.”
“Exactly. Cas, be honest with me. Did you two hold back because you didn’t want to influence Caroline’s decision to leave or potentially to stay?”
“Of course. We wanted to respect her independence and not talk her into something she’ll regret.”
“But that’s just it—none of us really told her exactly what we’re offering her.” Grayson leans forward to be closer to both me and Cas. “Not with the fierceness we feel in our hearts. Not with a ‘I-will-fucking-love-you-until-the-day-you-die’. Not with a promise that what the four of us can have here and now, which is an abundance of love and laughter and ‘tear-up-the-sheets’ sex every night. Because we all got stuck in this bullshit narrative that it was casual. It was never casual. Not for me. It was different with Caroline from the first minute.”
“It was for me too,” Cas says. “We’ve shared women before in our marriage, and I never wanted to become friends with them. Cook for them. Hug them. I knew it was different almost immediately.”
I stare at my husband. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Cas shrugs. “Because you were in love with her already. I knew that. You even knew that on some level, so it’s not like I doubted you’d want to keep seeing her while she was here. But Grayson is right—we all agreed it was casual because Caroline was leaving.”
“Blah, blah, fucking blah,” Grayson says, flopping back into his seat.
That makes me laugh. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not putting up with this ‘she’s leaving’ crap anymore. I’m going to tell her exactly how I feel and that I want her to stay and if she still leaves, at least I’ll have tried. Are you with me?”
I’m already nodding. “Hell, yeah. I need to tell her how I feel. With more… heat this time. Not the polite version. Cas, how about you?”
“I think we need to at least be able to say we tried. Everyone is tired tonight. Let’s meet at the gym tomorrow after the eleven a.m. class and figure out how we’re going to approach Caroline.”
Now I feel a spark of hope that we’ve got a shot. I nod again, vehemently. “Let’s do this.”