34. Caroline
CHAPTER 34
Caroline
I stare at my suitcase all packed in my bedroom at Fiona and Frannie’s and resent the hell out of it. I’ve always loved the freedom of living my life out of a bag. I can just pack up and go on a moment’s notice. Okay, not a moment’s notice—I usually have friends to say goodbye to and plants to rehome.
But with a few days’ notice.
I like that about my life.
Except leaving Honeysuckle Harbor this time sucks so much and my suitcase is symbolic of that. I give it a swift kick, which only serves to stub my toe.
“Ow. Damn it.”
I’m not leaving until tomorrow, but I wanted to spend the day saying goodbye to my friends and taking one last stroll along the beach. Alone. Which is actually how I spend most of my time abroad. Sure, I make new friends and hang out, but a lot of my traveling is solo, and it’s been an incredible adventure.
But now the thought of settling into a new apartment in Colombia, meeting the other teachers, the students, the parents, being the perennial new hire, learning a new city by myself feels…lonely.
As does a walk on the beach by myself.
Disgusted, I shove my feet into my sneakers and pull a sweatshirt on over my tank top and leggings and shove open the front door. I need to be around people.
The last week and a half has sucked.
I haven’t seen Grayson. Not one time. Not even a ‘oh-hey-look-at-us-bumping-into-each-other’. I had just, I don’t know, assumed that would happen. It’s a small town. I work in the baby gym underneath Grayson’s freaking apartment. I get coffee where he does. I have the same friends as him. But nope. Not one glimpse of him or Evelyn.
It’s been so frustrating that I would have even welcomed running into Kyle, the night nanny, just to confirm that Grayson is still alive.
James, who I have seen but just briefly at the gym, finally told me that Grayson is in New York taking care of some business.
It was a punch to the gut. He took Jane, the day nanny, with him. Instead of me.
Because he loves me.
How ironic is that?
Who tells someone they’re in love with them and then breaks up with them in the next breath?
Grayson, that’s who.
As I run down the porch steps, my heart squeezes at the thought of him. He’s grumpy and infuriating…and warm and loving and unintentionally funny and wears a suit like nobody’s business and is fiercely protective of his daughter.
I understand he’s just trying to protect Evelyn by not continuing our foursome. And himself, too.
That doesn’t mean I have to like it.
I hate it.
Like I hate my packed bag and the thought of leaving Fiona and Frannie.
Then there’s James.
And Cas.
I hate the thought of leaving them even more than the girls.
And not because of the sex—though the sex was mind blowing—but because they’re my best friends. My lovers. The ones who get me. Who love me.
Which means more than casual friends with benefits, and I should have realized that. Plus, I adore their son and Grayson’s daughter. Jesus, we were blurring lines all over the place and not even noticing it because we were having so much fucking fun .
I miss that. So damn much.
I’m walking like I’m making a video advertising the benefits of speed walking and I don’t even know why. I have no destination in mind. I just couldn’t look at my offensive suitcase for another second. I shouldn’t get a coffee. I’m too keyed up as it is. The twins are at work and I don’t dare go into Raw and cry all over the pastries again.
I just head down the street because it feels like I can power walk my feelings away.
Because I’m starting to doubt that leaving Honeysuckle Harbor will actually make me happy.
I’m suspecting it might make me really fucking miserable, to be honest.
“Good morning, Caroline.”
“Hello there, Caro.”
“Beautiful day, isn’t it?”
The trio of men who play chess outside the coffee shop all greet me. I pause and put my hands on my hips, catching my breath. I’m trying to be polite, but I’m also repeatedly craning my neck to see if I can see James in the gym. I need a James hug.
He’s been normal-ish to me. A little awkward, sure, but not too bad. Cas has been polite, but reserved. No more hugs from him, it seems. Then again, I’ve only seen him once since we all ended our foursome.
“It’s a day,” I tell the older men.
Sam laughs. “Not a ringing endorsement. Where are you off to?”
“I have no idea,” I say truthfully. “Where are any of us off to, anyway? Life is a journey, right? We don’t know the final destination.”
“I think it’s the cemetery, actually,” Walt says.
I blanch.
“Jesus,” Sam says with a frown. “Don’t scare the girl.”
“Having a bit of a crisis?”
“Yes. A huge one. What do you do if someone loves you but you’re leaving town?”
“Do you have to leave?” Sam asks.
“Yes. I mean, I accepted a job. But…no? I guess technically not.”
“Then you don’t leave.”
Huh.
I glance over at the gym again and then the apartment windows above. “What is that?” I asked, instantly distracted. “Is that a For Rent sign in Grayson’s apartment?”
“Huh?” They all turn and squint. “Looks that way.”
“Oh my God. He’s moving to New York! Bye, gentlemen!”
I need to talk to James.
When I’m in front of the gym a minute later, I draw up short before yanking open the front door.
James is in the gym with Noah.
But so is Grayson with Evelyn.
And Cas, who is there too, legs stretched out as he leans against the cubbies filled with toys.
They’re all smiling and laughing.
They’re sexy and masculine and so, so loving toward their children.
I take two steps backward.
Holy. Shit.
I’m in love with them. All of them.
Those five humans in that room are my world.
It’s not this vast planet we live on. I don’t need to explore it looking for anything or anyone anymore. Sure, vacations would be great. But I don’t need to travel to find something, because everything I need in the whole world is right in front of me here in Honeysuckle Harbor.
My people.
Then you don’t leave.
The words ring in my ears.
It’s so obvious.
I push open the door with such force that it smacks against the door stop with a loud bang.
Three heads turn toward me. Actually five. Noah has jumped in his sleep and Evelyn swivels her head and starts crying.
“Caro, are you okay?” James asks, gawking at me as he scrambles to stand up with Noah.
Cas is watching me carefully, and Grayson’s nostrils are flaring.
“No, I’m not okay!” I stand there for a second, breathing hard, looking at each of them. “I’m in love with you.”
“Who?” Grayson asks, looking and sounding cautious.
“You. And James. And Cas. All of you. I can’t leave. I’m not leaving.”
Now Grayson is getting to his feet as well. “Caroline…”
James is in front of me now. “What about your job?” He’s searching my face carefully.
“Fuck it. I can teach here.” Now it all seems so obvious to me. I’m not sure why it took me a whole week and a half to figure it out. “I won’t be happy unless I’m with all of you.”
They’re a little more reserved than I was expecting when I burst in here. I don’t know what I was envisioning—maybe literal fireworks—but this felt underwhelming.
This must have been how Grayson felt when I just stared at him after he said he loved me.
“Are you sure?” Cas is also now getting to his feet.
“Yes. I’m one hundred percent sure. I love all of you and I want us to be together…if that’s what you want,” I finish, a little deflated.
But then, all at once, they all react.
James grins and presses a hard kiss on my lips. “Oh my God, I’m so happy to hear that. I love you so much, Caro. Yes, I want this. If the guys do, that is.”
Grayson puts Evelyn down on the mat and scoops me up in his arms and twirls me around. “Hell, yes, that’s what I want! I love you, baby.”
Relieved, I laugh and hold on to him when he sets me down and I stumble a little, my face warm with emotion, heart racing.
I look past him. “Cas? How do you feel?”
Cas surprises me by cupping my cheeks gently and giving me a sweet, tender kiss. “Welcome home.”
That makes me sigh, and tears form. “I’m ready to be home. All of you are my home.”
Grayson has retrieved Evelyn from the floor and I run my hand over her hair, and then Noah’s. “I love these two as well.”
James squeezes my hand. “Let’s go upstairs.”
“Jane will be here in ten minutes,” Grayson says. “She can watch Noah too.”
My body warms. “Why?” I ask, slyly.
I’m fooling no one.
“So we can celebrate,” Grayson says, crowding in on me from behind. He brushes my hair off of my shoulder and kisses the back of my neck. “By the way, we were here together plotting ways to convince you to stay.”
I shiver.
“We were going to tell you we love you so fucking much,” James says.
“And if that didn’t work, we were going to use other powers of persuasion.” Cas moves in on my side. “We’re going to fuck you so hard and so long as punishment for torturing us for over a week.”
Yes, please.
“Do what you think you need to do.”
James, who isn’t normally a growler, does just that. “Then get that sweet ass upstairs.”