Chapter 21
‘I’ve got one million things to do, Don, come on, let’s get up.’ Bella threw back the covers and hauled herself out of bed.
‘What do you mean?’ he asked nervously. ‘You’re in labour.’
‘It won’t kick in properly for hours,’ she assured him. ‘The bathroom needs a good wash down. All the baby things need to be washed and dried. You have to go out and buy nappies!’ she exclaimed.
He was looking pale with terror.
‘Don,’ she said, lowering herself slowly down to hug him, ‘I’m the one giving birth, remember.’
‘Aren’t you at all worried?’ he asked.
‘No,’ she sounded and felt incredibly calm, ‘I weigh so much, the stairs buckle under me, my fingers look like sausages, I’ve had this great mass hanging in front of me for months. I can’t wait for it to be out of here—’ she pointed at her stomach.
‘But it’s got to come out through?—’
‘Don! Shut up!’
She pulled on the massive maternity bra and pants. ‘Two more things I won’t miss about being pregnant,’ she said and then as she hoisted herself into the black trousers and tartan shirt, he added, ‘And two I won’t,’ which made them laugh.
She padded downstairs to make breakfast. The stitchy pains were so mild, she could almost ignore them as she got on with juicing oranges, cutting bread for toast and boiling up a pot of tea.
She could hear Don showering, and when he came down, barefoot, in chinos and a denim shirt, he made a quick call to the office to tell them his paternity leave was starting now.
She could tell by his smiles his boss was teasing him.
‘That’s enough,’ Don said. ‘I’ll ring you later… yeah, thanks, mate.’
‘Do you really think it will arrive today?’ Don asked. ‘On the due date?’
‘Well, it’s starting. Who knows how long it will take?’
‘That would just be so like you to give birth on the right day. Not early, not late, just exactly on time,’ he said, making them both laugh again.
‘Have you called Suzy?’ he wondered.
‘Let’s have breakfast, then I’ll speak to her, then we’ll clean the bathroom.’
‘It’s clean, Bella!’
‘I want the bathroom and the bedroom extra clean.’
‘Leave it to me.’
‘No, I want to help. Otherwise I’ll have nothing to do, just hours and hours of mild labour. Anyway, I feel so energetic!’
‘Good grief…’ he went into TV reporter mode. ‘A woman gave birth cleaning her bathroom floor yesterday. “I just wanted my house to sparkle,” said management consultant, Bella Browning, who is currently in talks with the Flash marketing department.’
‘Ha ha,’ she said and went off to phone Suzy.
She had expected Suzy to play it cool and offer to come round at lunchtime or thereabouts. But in fact, she said she would be there within the hour.
‘Honestly, Suzy, don’t come before midday. I’ll phone you if anything changes,’ Bella told her.
They cleaned the bathroom and the bedroom and the kitchen, then Bella made Don hoover the whole house.
The baby clothes were put through the wash and chucked into the tumble drier.
‘We haven’t got nearly enough,’ Bella told Don. ‘You’ll have to go and buy some more when the baby’s here.’
‘How will I know what to get?’ he said anxiously.
‘Just go into any baby shop looking clueless and say “newborn baby, about this big.” They must be used to it,’ she giggled at him.
He kissed her on the mouth. ‘This is it, Bella, our last few hours as a couple. It’s about to change for ever.’
‘Sex is out of the question,’ she said.
‘I know, probably for months.’ He hoped this was a joke.
‘About six weeks, actually,’ she answered.
‘Oh my God!’
‘Are you sad?’ she asked. ‘I don’t mean about the sex, obviously you’re devastated. But about the changing for ever.’ She scanned his face.
‘No. Well, maybe a bit. I’ve loved every moment of the two of us. I just hope the three of us is going to be as good.’
‘Of course it will be.’ She reached to put her arms around him and leaned against his cheek. ‘You will get me through this, won’t you?’
‘Of course.’ He stroked her head.
Not long after Don returned with nappies and other essential groceries, Suzy arrived with her own supplies.
‘Hello, Bella, and you must be Don.’
He offered to make tea while Suzy did her check ups.
Blood pressure, urine sample, baby’s heartbeat, everything was looking normal.
‘OK,’ said Suzy. ‘We’ve probably got a long way to go. So why don’t you come downstairs and we’ll have a light lunch.’
Suzy had brought a flask of homemade vegetable soup, which she was advising Bella to eat. Meanwhile, Don ignored this spartan regime and made rounds of toast smothered in melted cheese with pickle, and strong black coffee.
Bella’s face winced slightly with the pain of another contraction.
‘How are you doing?’ asked Suzy.
‘It’s OK actually, just like a sharp period pain, but then it goes away completely.’
‘What would you like to do after lunch?’ Suzy asked. ‘Maybe a walk, or we could do some yoga stretches. Or maybe there’s a film you’d like to watch while I give your shoulders a massage?’
‘That’s a good idea,’ said Bella. ‘Just nothing with birth scenes, OK?’
While they watched TV, Don kept getting up to pace about the house on some supposed errand or other and Bella would occasionally clutch at her sides and say, ‘Ohhh, that was sore.’
By the end of the film the contractions were coming more regularly and Bella was finding them painful.
Suzy suggested a relaxing bath and then got Bella to call the hospital to warn them that she would likely be arriving later in the afternoon. Don moved a stool inside the bathroom, so he could sit beside Bella.
She held Don’s hand and squeezed for the contractions. She screwed up her eyes and gasped with the intensity of them. But the water was hot and comforting and she tried to relax in the time in between.
When she was out of the bath and thoroughly dried, Suzy stuck the electrodes of the TENS machine onto her back and gave her the control panel to hold. Then Bella dressed and everything she needed for the hospital was gathered together.
Bella pushed down the TENS button and felt a mild flicking on her back. She pressed again and the flicking increased to a sort of stinging pain. She couldn’t really see how that was going to help, but at least it was something else to think about.
‘Is it time to go?’ Don wondered.
‘Yes,’ Suzy confirmed, ‘the contractions are where we need them to be. Time to head over.’
While Don packed up the Jeep, Bella braced for another contraction and zapped up the counter-effect on her machine. It seemed to dampen the intensity by pummelling small electric shocks all over her back.
The pains were bad now, they clamped right round her stomach and back. But then they released and everything felt fine again, felt good in fact. She was starting to count the moments when her eyes were screwed up against the pain and she knew the contractions were getting longer.
‘AAAAAArgh, here comes another one,’ she warned as a vice-like grip moved round her stomach and felt as if it was going to squeeze the life out of her. She pushed the button to release shocks across her back and slowly counted five, four, three, two, one, zero, minus one, minus two, minus… until the contraction let go of her.
‘C’mon, let’s get you into the car.’ Don put his arm around her, helped her into her shoes then led her to the passenger’s seat. Meanwhile Suzy gathered up her bags, closed the front door and locked up.
‘Off we go,’ she said brightly once they were all in their seats.
Unfortunately, it was the end of the school day and the streets were clogged with cars and buses, so the trip was much slower than usual.
‘I’m sorry you’re so uncomfortable,’ Don sympathised as Bella shouted her way through another contraction.
‘Uncomfortable!’ she yelled at him. ‘It’s agony, just get me there. I need my epidural! Owwwwwww!’
Arriving at the hospital, checking in, being ushered to a room, being undressed and put into a hospital gown, being examined internally… it all passed in haziness for Bella because of the relentless waves of pain.
She would have to close her eyes, drop to all fours, on the floor, on the bed, wherever she could and moan, curse, shout her way through the minutes of pain.
‘I want an epidural. Get me my epidural,’ she would shout when she could at whichever face was close to her – Don, Suzy, the midwife doing the exam.
When the midwife went out of the room, Bella had to assume that something was being done about the epidural, because here came the next wave of agony and she was going to have to knuckle down, concentrate and will herself to get through it.
The cramp seized her violently round the middle and gripped her with a pain hotter and more intense than anything she could ever have imagined. She was kneeling on the bed with her elbows up on the bottom bedstead clinging to Don. Her face was buried in his chest, her eyes were closed. Then the contraction let go and she breathed again.
But hardly any time had passed before Bella began to moan again because she could feel another contraction cranking up. It began low down like the cramping pain of a terrible stomach upset and radiated out until she was helplessly overwhelmed. She clung to Don and tried to stay afloat.
Suddenly, there was a terrifying bursting sensation and Bella felt as if something had exploded out of her in a rush. Her legs were soaking wet and for a moment she thought the baby must be there.
‘That’s good,’ said Suzy. ‘Your waters have broken.’
Bella came out of the darkness of the contraction to find Suzy mopping at the puddle on the bed. She laid a plastic-backed pad over the back of Bella’s legs. The plastic clung to her sweaty calf muscles, but before she had time to be irritated and move it, another contraction was bearing down on her.
In the depth of it, Bella heard a low animal-like groaning and wondered what it could be before she realised she was making the noise. This was awful. She grabbed hold of Don’s shirt, as he put his arms around her back and hugged her.
When the storm of the contraction had passed, Suzy was there with a flannel and cool water. She offered to wash Bella down as every pore in her body was running with sweat.
Suzy helped her take the gown off and sponged her face with cool water. She moved on down over Bella’s back and legs.
Bella felt like vomiting and began to retch. She was beginning to think she might die. She buried her head in Don’s shirt again and started to concentrate on getting through the pain.
When she closed her eyes, she saw a red-black ocean swell and her own head bobbing in the enormous bank of water, trying to stay afloat. She was just trying to keep her head above the water and survive, but she had no idea how long she could hang on for.
‘Where’s my epidural?’ she asked weakly, in between pains.
At last, it was time to open her eyes and breathe again. Don was stroking her hair and Suzy was listening to the baby’s heartbeat with a stethoscope.
‘You’re both doing so well,’ Suzy told her in a soothing voice. ‘I’m going to go and see where the midwives are. We need to know how far along you are.’
Bella sat back on her heels and tried to rest and breathe but the pain was there, cranking up again.
‘Oh, Don, it’s coming back,’ she moaned and held out her arms so he could gather her up and somehow get her through this.
She was amazed at how much agony her body could endure. Hours ago, she’d thought the pain was as much as she could bear, but each contraction since then had upped the level harder and longer, trying to squeeze the life out of her, and still she was surviving somehow.
It was becoming a relentless storm with no clear beginning or end to the contractions. It felt as if hours had passed yet it also seemed barely twenty minutes since she had been in the bath thinking labour was going to be OK.
Outside it was growing dark and she was aware of more people coming into the room. At one point she opened her eyes and saw Declan, or was she just imagining it? She managed to smile at him but had to close her eyes and groan again.
But, yes, it was him. He was talking to her in his lovely Irish accent.
‘Bella, hello, how are you doing? Come on, my love, open your eyes and look at me for a moment.’
With enormous concentration, she prised open her eyes.
Her arms were still wrapped round Don, but Declan had her attention now and she looked into his face.
‘Hello there, Bella. Lucky you, you’ve caught me on duty. And you’re doing great.’
‘My epidural,’ she managed to tell him, but already she could feel the steady cranking up of pain that warned a contraction was coming.
‘The anaesthetist is in surgery right now, but will be here as soon as possible,’ Declan assured her. ‘So hang on in there. Now I’m here, with my good friend, Zena, to help you. Suzy is here too and together we’re going to get you through this part. You are a strong, tough old girl, Bella, one of my fittest patients ever, so I know you can do this,’ he assured her. ‘Plus, you’ve got your lovely husband here holding on to you for dear life. So, we are all here for you, OK?’
‘OK,’ she managed to whisper.
‘Now, gas and air. I promise this will really help.’
He passed her up a flat white plastic tube. ‘Put this in your mouth and take a deep breath,’ he said.
A blast of cold, parchingly dry air hit the back of her throat. She wanted to cough but sucked in again and again.
She pushed the tube away as her face now felt strangely numb and she felt sick to the pit of her stomach.
‘No, no, no… I feel sick,’ she wailed.
She could hear Declan: ‘Keep going, I promise, it will be fine.’
She put the tube to her lips again, everything was starting to blur in a dark red melting pot of pain. Declan’s reassuring words felt like a repeating mantra which had been going on for hours.
‘It might help to get her up.’ Declan’s voice sounded far away, while she felt like a speck, bobbing in the waves, dipping under in a sea of pain. If she could just rest… if this could just be over.
She felt strong arms under her armpits pulling her out of the sea.
They were trying to make her stand on dry land, but her legs weren’t working.
‘Bella! Sweetheart!’ It was Don with a hint of panic in his voice. She thought she would like to see Don, where the hell was he?
There was cool water on her face and running down her back. She opened her eyes.
Don was standing in front of her, holding her up, Declan was at her side.
She opened her eyes wide and was aware of the terrible, clear pain. They were holding her up, defying the force between her legs, which was dragging her down. She felt her knees buckle with the effort, but still they held her up.
She made a primeval, guttural scream as she felt an enormous weight crash down against the whole band of muscle from her belly button right down round to her anus. An irresistible force was urging her to push it out although it went against every instinct of pain avoidance and self-preservation. Her hip joints were screaming at the edge of their sockets.
And she had to push, knowing it was ripping her in half. There was a wrecking ball inside her pelvis crushing and destroying everything in its path.
It was coming down, coming out.
She was squatting on her knees despite Don and Declan hauling against her.
She could hear roars of agony, which she knew she was making, but her mind was in a small, still place. She was alone and quiet in the eye of the storm. Small logical thoughts were forming there: The baby is coming out. It’s almost over. We’re nearly there. I’ve just done a crap on the floor. I hope someone’s put plastic sheeting down.
The arms pulled her up so she was kneeling on the bed, Don was in front of her, so she automatically flung her arms around his chest. Everyone else was bustling about behind her. There was an immense burning and a tearing sensation so violent she thought she heard it, then the pain peaked – white hot searing pain and silent screaming. And then it was over.
She sank forward into Don. Oh thank God, thank God, thank God. It was over, she was still alive, she’d got through it.
Don was hugging her head into his chest.
‘Oh, Bella,’ he sounded croaky. ‘There’s the baby.’
God, the baby, she’d totally forgotten about the baby. She turned her head and saw an enormous purple baby, with two little tubes in its nose, which Declan was deftly manipulating.
She collapsed into an awkward heap on the bed, blood spilling out from between her legs and was handed this big, slippery solid baby.
For a long, long moment, she just looked, then somehow, she managed to whisper, ‘Hello.’
The eyes opened and Bella looked deeply into them and somehow in the same moment noticed she was holding a boy. He smelled briny, as if he’d been plucked from the sea.
‘Hello there,’ she whispered. ‘Hello, Markie.’
Don’s face was next to hers and they were both gazing at this extraordinary new person.
His dark eyes latched onto hers in an unblinking, steady gaze. They were the deepest, darkest pools of wonder she’d ever looked down into. She felt astonished that she and Don had managed to make someone so perfect.
The baby put a tiny hand up against his face and Bella took in the fingers with perfect little purple nails and wrinkles round the joints and dimples on the knuckles.
‘My God, Bella, he’s just amazing,’ Don whispered beside her.
Bella looked round and noticed three other faces close by watching them quietly.
She smiled and they all smiled back at her.
She looked back at the baby. ‘Just perfect, so perfect,’ she said falling back in elated exhaustion.