Chapter 27
Maddie’s visit was lifesaving. She breezed in on a cloud of Jo Malone and diagnosed the cause of Markie’s long screaming sessions at once.
‘He’s absolutely starving, Bella. He’s enormous. Of course, you can feed him all by yourself, but not until you get some proper rest and make more milk.’
Bella was happy to agree, so Maddie had barely dropped her bags in her room before she rushed out to buy formula milk, a steriliser and bottles as a stop-gap.
Once Markie had drunk Bella dry, he greedily sucked down several ounces of bottle milk and fell into a deep sleep which was to last for an astonishing five hours.
‘There we go.’ There was no note of triumph in Maddie’s voice, she was just happy she could help. It had been a shock to see Bella looking so exhausted and unwell.
With an enormous pot of tea, Maddie held court in the sitting room. ‘I know baby care nowadays is very different from my day and just as well, I was in the maternity hospital for a month and only allowed to see Don every four hours and not at all during the night but, if you ask me, it’s gone too far the other way now, it’s all breastfeeding on demand and doing things as naturally as possible and that’s all very well if you have a whole tribe to support you—’ she took a breath.
‘But, Bella, you poor darling, you can’t even walk properly yet. You need total rest and relaxation. Don’t you dare feel guilty about giving Markie a top-up of bottle milk. Now I’ll make some more tea and then off to bed with you.’
Maddie went back down to the kitchen, leaving Don and Bella on the sofa looking at one other. Markie was in the carrycot in the corner of the room still sound asleep.
Bella smiled.
‘She’s quite the force to be reckoned with,’ Don said, smiling too. ‘You better do what she tells you.’
‘I feel awful,’ Bella confessed.
‘You look awful too,’ Don added, but kindly.
‘Thanks a lot.’ She considered hurling a sofa cushion at him but didn’t have the strength. ‘If I could wish for one thing in the world right now, it would be for you to have the boobs, so you could feed him twenty-four hours a day and see how hellish it is.’
‘You’re doing a great job, Bella.’
‘You lie. I’m the worst mother on the face of the planet, I was starving my baby and I wouldn’t even have known because I haven’t had the strength to take him to the baby clinic yet.’
‘Bella! Go to sleep, darling,’ Don ordered. ‘Just go now!’
‘Thanks,’ she said. She got up and walked to the door.
He looked at the baggy grey tracksuit trousers, drooping round her bum.
‘Don, give the girl a chance!’ Maddie fired back at him when he mentioned Bella’s outfits to her. ‘She needs rest, more rest and your love and care and attention – not to be told she’s looking frumpy.
‘You hardly look like Brad Pitt yourself. A shave wouldn’t go amiss and maybe you should think about reacquainting yourself with the ironing board. There’s a stack of housework to be done and you will be the one doing it when I go back home.’
‘How long are you going to stay for, Mum?’
‘A week. I think that’s as long as any woman wants her mother-in-law around.’
‘OK. A week is fantastic, brilliant,’ Don told her.
‘Right.’ Maddie drained the last of her cup. ‘The whole place needs a good hoovering so, Don, you do that while I dust, then we’re going to tackle the windows.’
He’d had five hours of fragmented sleep the night before and was desperate to join Bella upstairs in their cool, white haven of a bedroom, but his mother was right, the house was a mess.
Maddie cleaned and cooked and looked after Markie for as much time as she could, but it was hard to wrestle him away from Bella.
‘Go to your room!’ Maddie would order Bella. ‘I don’t care if you’re not sleepy, go and read a magazine, file your nails, have a bath… just rest. You’ll be sorry when I’m gone.’
‘I will be very sorry,’ Bella told her one morning over what felt like her seventeenth cup of tea. ‘I’ve got so much to organise, I haven’t done anything about finding a nanny, or a cleaner. We’ll really need a cleaner when I go back to work.’
There was a pause and Maddie looked up, surprised to see Bella’s eyes filling with tears.
‘What’s the matter, my lovely girl?’ she asked gently.
‘I’m really confused about it all. Oh, it’s nothing.’ Bella sipped at her tea, fighting back the urge to cry. ‘Just the hormones, isn’t it? Makes you feel like this.’
‘It’s normal to feel worried about going back to work. Of course it’s normal, you’re handing over your precious little boy to someone else,’ Maddie said.
At that, Bella burst into fierce sobs.
‘I don’t want to do it, Maddie. I want to be here with him…’ Maddie put an arm round her.
In between sobs, Bella said, ‘But I loved my job, I don’t want to give it up. I just want the impossible— I want Markie to not exist for the time I’m working then be here when I get home. I can’t bear the idea of him crying and needing me when I’m not around, how will I be able to work thinking about him?’
Maddie cuddled her close and asked, ‘Can you take a bit more time off to work this out?’
‘Not really, no,’ Bella answered, thinking about the Danson’s contract for the first time in weeks.
‘Can you do some work from home? Or maybe go part-time for a bit?’ Maddie asked.
‘I don’t think so. Anyway we need the money.’
Maddie hugged Bella hard and tried to sound comforting.
‘You’ve got to find a lovely nanny, Bella, that’s your top priority,’ Maddie said. ‘And get comfortable with her before you go back. Then go back with an open mind and see how it goes. If you hate it, have a rethink. You can change jobs or move to a smaller house, whatever is going to make you all happy.’
Bella wiped her tears and Maddie added, ‘Have you talked to Don about all this?’
‘No, he’s terrified as it is, if I tell him I’m scared, he’ll just take off altogether.’ Damn, damn, Bella could have kicked herself.
Maddie took a sharp in-breath and said, ‘Now, Bella, just because his father walked out on us does not mean Don is going to do the same. I’ve brought him up to be a good man and he won’t let you down but be careful not to shut him out.’