Chapter Twenty-One Vivian
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: VIVIAN
T he next night as I sat in a booth at The Dive the oddest sense of deja vu came over me. While not much time had passed since the last time I’d been here, everything in my life was different. It was amazing how much your world could change in such a short amount of time.
Just like before, I started out sitting sandwiched between Theo and Grayson in a high-back booth. However, this time Bennett was also seated with us since he was squeezing us in before his performance. I quickly realized I needed to sit on the other side of Grayson so I could face the three of them head-on.
With the guys’ crazy schedules, this was the only time we could all four sit together to try and iron out some parameters of how to move forward as a foursome.
As I was examining the menu, Bennett said, “I don’t like you being here, Viv,”
Snorting, I replied, “Don’t tell me you think I’m going to find a man to cheat on you guys with?”
He rolled his eyes. “I meant I don’t like you being around secondhand smoke.”
“But you can’t even smoke in here. You have to go outside,” I protested.
Theo shook his head. “I’m with Bennett. It’s a little too close for comfort.”
As I slowly placed my menu on the table, I tried to take a few calming breaths for good measure. “I need the three of you to listen to what I’m about to say. I know you don’t know me that well, so let me tell you that I do not do well with being smothered. While I’m touched and appreciate your concern, you have to back off.”
I glanced around the table. “Okay?”
“Okay”, “Yeah, whatever,” and “Fine,” echoed back at me.
Nodding my head, I replied, “Good. Now I can decide what to eat.”
“Pick something with lots of protein,” Grayson suggested.
With a teasing grin, I replied, “Is that so I can keep up my strength for what you guys have planned for later?”
“Uh, no. It’s more about how important protein is in the first trimester.” When I blinked at him in disbelief, he replied,“You know, for brain development.”
While Bennett bobbed his head in agreement, Theo said, “A salad with dark leafy greens would be a good starter. You are taking prenatal vitamins, right?”
“Of course I am,” I snapped.
While Grayson whistled under his breath, Theo eyed me curiously. “Mood swings are hitting you, huh?”
“Excuse me?” I demanded.
“I read how the rising progesterone and estrogen during early pregnancy leads to mood swings,” he explained.
“Or maybe it’s three overbearing jackasses trying to mansplain pregnancy to a woman,” I replied.
At my remark, the guys buried their heads in their menus. It would’ve been comical if I wasn’t so testy. With a sigh, I said, “I’m sorry. That was rude of me.”
Bennett gave me a sympathetic look. “You can’t blame yourself. Your hormones are–”
I held up my hand. “Stop right there before I go off.”
“I’m sorry,” he replied.
“We all are,” Grayson added.
“I know you are. And I’m sorry, too. I guess I just had something different in mind for what this date was about.”
“Such as?”
“Maybe I wanted you guys to focus on me for a minute and not the baby.”
The minute the words came out of my mouth, I groaned. “Ugh, that makes me sound like a selfish twat, not to mention the worst expectant mother in the world.”
“It’s totally understandable considering most women lose their identity during pregnancy,” Grayson remarked.
At the serious look on his face, I busted out laughing. When he appeared pissed at my reaction, I laughed even harder.
As I brought my napkin to my eyes to wipe my tears, I said, “I really am sorry, Gray.”
“Yeah, you sound like it,” he huffed as he swiped a roll from the basket.
“Can you guys just put yourself into my shoes for a minute? For thirty years it’s been about me and only me. My interactions with men have been solely about me as a person. Now within a week, I’ve sprouted an entirely new identity–future mother. Not only that, but I’m trying to balance that identity with getting to know my baby’s fathers.”
With his signature smirk, Theo countered, “Imagine what it’s like for us. We’re just going about our lives, playing hockey, trying to graduate, and having casual sex. Then all of a sudden, BOOM, we could be fathers.”
Bennett shook his head. “We’re all going to be fathers, remember? Regardless of what the paternity test says, we’re all in.”
“Which is exactly why we need to be working hard on getting to know each other better. If this fantastical idea of us as a foursome is going to work, we have to work as a team,” I argued.
“You act like we have no chemistry,” Grayson pouted.
“Of course we do. But we have to find a way to convey that outside of the bedroom.”
With a smoldering smirk, Theo replied, “We have chemistry outside the bedroom. Remember fucking on the couch?”
Heat prickled up my neck at the memory of the three of us together. “Y-Yes, I do.”
“I would argue the three of us guys already have chemistry, or we wouldn’t have been able to live together for four years,” Bennett argued.
“And we know there’s nothing sexual between us,” Theo joked.
I couldn’t help noticing the flicker of hurt in Bennett’s eyes. I was starting to realize the kiss the two of them shared when they were coming inside me was much more.
At least to Bennett.
After taking a sip of my water, I said, “There’s one huge red flag that worries me about the four of us trying to date.”
“Your vagina shriveling up from overuse?” Grayson suggested with a grin.
With a playful roll of my eyes, I replied, “While that is a fear, it’s not what I was talking about.”
Theo smacked the back of Grayson’s head. “Focus.”
Grayson held up his hands. “My bad.”
As I stared at my handsome hockey trio, I shook my head.“My worry is how can I honestly expect you all to be faithful when you’ve never been monogamous?”
Bennett shook his head. “Don’t lump me in with those two players. I’ve had long-term relationships with both men and women.”
“My apologies,” I replied with a smile.
Theo narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m not a player.” At Grayson’s snort, Theo elbowed him. “I’m not.”
Cocking my brows, I said, “Theo, what happened to us being honest with each other?”
Scowling, he replied, “While it is true I haven’t had many relationships?—”
“I think you mean any ,” Grayson countered.
“Oh, like you’re any better,” Theo challenged.
“I’m not, but I’m also not going to sit here and try to pretend I’m Mr. Monogamy when I’m really Mr. Manwhore.”
“Thank you for your honesty,” I said to Grayson.
With a wink, he replied, “Anytime.”
After crossing his arms, Theo said, “Fine. I’m a manwhore who likes to fuck random women. Happy?”
“Not exactly,” I mused.
“So because of my past, I’m fucked in my future?” Theo asked with a cocked brow.
“I never said that.”
“You alluded to it.”
Bennett shook his head at Theo. “She said it was a concern, not a dealbreaker.”
“Exactly,” I replied. “None of us can say with absolute certainty that this will work. But I’m willing to try.”
“So are we,” Theo replied.
“Who nominated you the spokesman of the group?” Grayson asked with a grin.
When Theo merely shot him a look, I said, “I do feel we need to talk about the white elephant in the room.”
With a lop-sided grin, Bennett said, “With polyamory, aren’t there like multiple white elephants in the room?”
I laughed. “True.”
An uncharacteristically serious look came over Grayson’s face. “Let me guess. You’re worried about what will happen to our relationships with the baby if we all don’t work out.”
My brows popped wide in surprise. “Exactly.”
“That is a tough one,” Bennett admitted, his brows creasing in worry.
Theo shrugged. “Even married couples can’t guarantee they’ll stay present and active in their child’s life.”
At the hurt that flashed in his eyes, I wished I could reach across the table and take him into my arms. Thankfully, Bennett must’ve read my thoughts because he patted Theo’s arm. “I feel you, bro. I do.”
Silence hung heavy in the air around us. After a few excruciating moments, I sighed. “Okay, I think we need to raise the white flag and realize there’s no easy answer to this one.”
Theo shook his head. “As long as it doesn’t mean you’re going to second guess giving us a chance.”
I shook my head. “No. I could never deny my baby the opportunity to have three fathers in their life.”
As Grayson exhaled noisily, Theo nodded. “Glad to hear it.”
“Getting back to dating, I do feel we should have at least two group dates a week,” I suggested.
Theo chuckled. “Seriously? It almost took an act of Congress to get us together tonight.”
“I don’t mean we have to go out. We could order pizza delivery and watch a movie.”
“We should do Netflix and chill…and then really Netflix and chill,” Grayson suggested with a grin.
“The urban dictionary definition of Netflix and Chill brings me to another point.”
“And what is that?” Theo asked.
“I think we should refrain from sex for a couple of weeks.”
You can imagine how well that statement went over. All three of them started talking at once and wildly gesticulating with their hands. I waited for them to get it out of their system before I tried talking again.
“Are you such rabid sexual creatures that you can’t abstain from sex?”
“Absofuckinlutely,” Theo replied.
“Especially not durin’ hockey season,” Bennett added to which Grayson nodded.
“Okay, let’s compromise. How about a week?”
“Nope. Not happening,” Grayson replied.
I rolled my eyes. “Five days?”
“Twenty-four hours is as far as we’ll go.”
“It’s been two days since I had sex with Bennett and Grayson.”
“And I’m already having blue balls in anticipation of being with you again,” Grayson argued.
It would be my luck to try and start a relationship with three horny young men. At the same time, that was also a selling point.
“Fine. Twenty-four hours.” As the guys smirked about their win, I said, “And we have to spend that twenty-four hours having some meaningful conversations.”
“Christ, what a nightmare,” Theo remarked.
I rolled my eyes. “Is talking to me so horrible?”
“It is without the promise of dirty talk and sex.”
“I thought you were more mature than that,” I countered.
Theo grinned. “Not coming off a four-week sex drought.”
I jabbed a finger at him. “Ha, see you have gone without and still won hockey games.”
Grayson shuddered. “But you have no idea what an absolute tool he was during that time.”
“Fuck you,” Theo muttered.
“Now that we have that out of the way, I have to say as a nonfiction author, I can’t help but be impressed at the apparent reading you three have been doing in such a short amount of time.”
“We figured if you were going to want to date us, you would expect us to have prenatal knowledge,” Theo reasoned.
“Aw, guys, that’s too sweet.”
With a wink, Grayson said, “We thought so.”
I laughed. “The truth is I don’t even have that much prenatal knowledge.”
Bennett’s brows popped wide. “You don’t?”
“Just because I have a vagina, it doesn’t mean I know everything about pregnancy.”
“Well, you need to get on it then,” Theo replied.
The corners of my lips quirked. “What books would you recommend?”
“I prefer the What to Expect app, myself,” Grayson said, as he started scrolling on his phone. With a grin, he held it out to me, “Look, the baby is the size of a blueberry.”
“It’s amazing how something that small can wreak such havoc on my body,” I mused.
Bennett flashed his phone with the cover of a book by Dr. Brazelton. “I remembered this one from when my mom was pregnant with Hannah.”
“No offense, but I think I’m more interested in a pregnancy book written by a woman.” Turning my nose up at the doctor’s wrinkles and gray hair, I added, “And preferably one who is younger.”
“The dude developed the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment scale, and he had a television program about babies, " Bennett argued.
Considering how earnestly he spoke, I knew I’d have to give the old doctor a try. “Okay, I’ll give him a read.”
Turning to Theo, I asked, “What about you?”
His cocky smirk curved on his lips. “I read several peer-reviewed journals by top-ranking gynecologists at Johns Hopkins.”
With a roll of my eyes, I replied, “Of course you did.”
The waiter appeared then. “What can I get you guys to eat?”
As the guys gestured for me to go first, I decided to take their advice. “I’d like the Caesar salad with grilled chicken.”
When the waitress started to write down my order, Bennett stopped her. “Is your Caesar dressing made with pasteurized eggs?”
“I’m sorry?”
Motioning to me, Bennett said, “She’s pregnant, so it’s not safe to eat unpasteurized eggs.”
“Bennett, this isn’t a five-star restaurant. I’m pretty sure they buy their dressing wholesale and don’t make it homemade,” I argued.
“Could you check?”
When the waitress nodded and started to walk away, I said, “Wait!”
When she turned around, I said, “I’ll take a steak, medium well, with a sweet potato with cinnamon, butter and brown sugar.” Cocking my brows at the guys, I said, “Is there a problem with any of that?”
“Sounds good to me,” Bennett replied with a smile.
“Thank goodness.”
Once the guys had ordered and the waitress left, Theo urged me to get up so he could get out of the booth. When I started to sit back down, he grabbed my hand. “Dance with me.”
My heartbeat thrummed wildly at his words. “I didn’t think you danced.”
Instead of his usual smirk, he gave me a genuine smile. “I met someone who changed my mind.”
Holy butterflies in my stomach, Batman.
Returning his smile, I said, “I’d love to.”
As Theo led me onto the dance floor, I tried regulating my wildly beating heart. When Theo slid his arms around my waist, a shiver went through me. The heady scent of his cologne filled my nose, and I resisted the urge to bury my face in his neck.
I’d just wrapped my arms around his neck drawing him close when he urged, “So tell me about the paternity test.”
“Seriously?”
He frowned. “Yeah, the guys didn’t tell me much about it.”
“Wow, you know how to romance a woman, don’t you?” I teased.
“Ouch, with the claws.”
“It’s the truth.”
With a scowl, he replied, “Fine. I’m still a little rusty when it comes to romance.”
Since I knew he was trying, I decided to put him out of his misery. “The results take about five or seven days to come back.” Cocking my head, I said, “We did the tests two days ago, so it won’t be too much longer.”
“How will we know if it’s mine?”
“Process of elimination with Bennett and Grayson.”
“I see.” Tilting his head, his expression grew serious. “I hate I wasn’t there for you. You know, for the test.”
“It’s okay. What matters is that you’re here now.”
“I am. And I will be in the future.”
I hoped rather than believed him. It went back to being a realist. More than anything, I wanted him to prove me wrong. I wanted that from all of the guys.
“This is nice, Theo,” I said.
“It’s not as bad as I thought it would be.”
With a laugh, I replied, “You flatter me.”
“And you make me better.”
“In only twenty-four hours, I teased.
He winked. “I’m a work in fucking progress.”
“That you are, Theo. That you are.”