30. Declan
30
DECLAN
T hat was the conundrum. Wasn’t it? If I could be okay with being more submissive to him when we were together. Thinking back to our conversation earlier, I remembered what I said about sharing someone with him.
“Would you ever be down for adding a third? Someone to balance out the relationship?” I asked with my heart in my throat.
“You were being serious earlier about us sharing someone we could both boss around?”
I nodded, licking my lips before they rolled into my mouth in anticipation.
“It’s an idea. A hot as fuck idea.”
The way he lengthened against my stomach told me he wasn’t adverse about the idea. The roll of his hips confirmed it. He kissed me, delving into my mouth as he clutched me to him. One arm circled my waist as the other gripped my ass, holding me in place while he rutted against me.
The fabric of his shorts rubbed my sensitive skin, creating a delicious burn. My stomach clenched with need, but the thought of sandwiching a sub between us wouldn’t leave me be.
“How would it work?”
He groaned. “You really want to talk about this now?”
“I want to know what you think. Imagine it. The two of us, and a sub in bed together. Are you bossing us both around, telling me what to do while I do the same to them, or are we tag teaming them?”
“All of the above.”
The gravelly tone of his voice as he sucked at the flesh of my neck sent sparks through me. My head dropped back on my shoulders, and my hands fell to his waist, opening his pants.
“Umm, a guy or a girl?”
“Does it matter?”
“Not to me,” I whimper as he slips his fingers between my ass cheeks.
“Have you been wearing this all day?” he asked, teasing the puckered skin around the plug I wore, driving me bonkers.
“Please, Papi.”
“Answer me, carin?. How long have you been walking around with this plug in?”
“This morning. I put it in before I left to meet you.”
“So fucking hot. Had I known you’d prepared yourself to take me, I would have insisted we fall back to my place to play.”
He toyed with the plug, tugging and twisting it. It brushed over my prostate, but it was too fast and too light of a touch. I needed more.
“Dammit, Hayden. Please!”
“Please, what? Tell Papi what you want.”
“I need you in me. Fuck the foreplay.”
“Has my hole been empty up until this morning, or did you play?”
Shuddering and whimpering overtook me. “I tried. I tried so hard.”
“To what? What did you try so hard to do, vato?”
“To play. Nothing satisfied me. I tried every plug, every dildo. They left me wanting and frustrated. I couldn’t get off.”
“Hmmm, did you need permission to come?”
I couldn’t believe he figured it out so easily. I’d nearly punched the wall once I had. I’d been so fucking needy, but nothing I tried had worked. I’d even gone on a shopping trip, looking for something the same shape and size as him, but… nada.
“Yes,” I whispered, ashamed.
“Good boy. I’m proud of you. There’s no reason to feel ashamed.”
How did he know that? Was it in my voice? On my face?
“Did you think I’d be angry or disappointed?”
I whispered, “Both.”
“Hmm. When I’m deployed, vato, you have my permission to satisfy yourself. I wouldn’t have left you without giving you that had I known. I’m sorry.”
“You couldn’t have known. We’d not been apart for days before you were whisked away.”
“Would it make you feel better to know you had my head so fucked up that I didn’t get off until after I received the package you sent?”
“Really?”
Dear God. Where did that fucking needy, whiny voice come from?
“Yes. You were all I could think about, but it was…”
“Angsty bullshit that crept through the brain like fog on a dark night.”
He laughed. “Yes. Kinda like that.”
“Good. I’m glad. You’ve fucking ruined me. I can’t even fuck myself and get off.”
His fingers tightened around my throat, and I swallowed a gasp when he tugged at the plug in my ass. I thought, hoped , he would remove it, but he didn’t. He twisted and wiggled it, forcing it against the walls of my ass and rubbing all the right spots. I was at his mercy, and as much as I loved it, I hated it, too. I loved handing him control, but it was such a fucking fight to get to the point where my mind quit fighting my body’s need.
He spun us and tossed me on the bed, spreading my thighs so he fit between them. My legs found a home on his broad shoulders, and he rolled me up so my knees were next to my ears as his tongue plundered my mouth. Fucking me with his tongue until spots danced across my vision. My lungs burned, and still, I wanted more. More kisses, more domination, just more.
I wanted all of him.
I wanted to belong to him and be owned by him.
He wrenched his mouth from mine, and I tried reaching for him only to find my wrists crossed over one another and pressed to the bed by the hand he was holding himself up with.
“You make me fucking feral. Do you know that? Something about you turns me savage while making me want to be tender and gentle with you and care for you. You’ve completely fucked me up, vato. I’d give you anything.”
“Then fuck me, Papi. I wanna feel you. I don’t care how. I just need your big cock in my hole.”
“Do you, now? And if I want to fuck you until you’re a crying snot-faced mess before letting you come?”
“Then take me. I want what you want. So, if that’s what you want, use me as you please.”
“This isn’t going to be gentle, vato. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Hard and fast, Papi works perfectly for me.”
He leaned over and grabbed the lube sitting on the nightstand while still holding me in place. Clear, viscous liquid drizzled over his cock. The bottle cap clicked, and he tossed it on the bed before taking himself in hand. His eyes glued themselves to my ass, where it lay propped on his thighs. His big hand wrapped around his length, jacking his dick until it glistened in the lamplight that lit up the room.
He moved to pull the plug from my ass and fed me his dick. He moved slow and steady, filling me in one long, deep thrust. All the air rushed from my lungs when he grazed the bundle of nerves deep within me. Then, it all rushed back when he bottomed out. He stretched me so fucking good.
“Move.”
“Someone’s trying to be a bossy bottom.”
“Goddammit, Hayden, fuck me already.”
“Maybe. Maybe not,” he threatened.
“I told you, want you a snot-faced crying mess before you come.”
I wiggled in his lap, but the position he had stretched me out in gave me zero leverage, and I did nothing other than make him laugh.
“When are you going to accept you’re my boy, vato, and I’m your Papi?”
“Maybe when you fuck me!”
He thrust into me, barely moving, and I wanted to throw him down and ride his big dick, but the way he held me left me with little to no options other than waiting for him to stop torturing me.
“You said it wasn’t going to take long.”
“No, you said hard and fast. I said it wouldn’t be gentle.”
He gripped my face, slanted his mouth across mine, and fucked my face with his tongue. But his hips didn’t move. He held perfectly still, and I wanted to swear a blue streak, but right as I lost the grip on my sanity, he began to move.
A hand gripped my shoulder, his thumb pressed over the soft, vulnerable spot between my collarbones as he pounded into me.
Over and over.
He made me take his cock how he wanted. There was no rhyme or reason, no rhythm or pattern.
Hard and fast.
Slow and so deep I could almost taste his precum.
Then he’d switch it up, rocking into me as he pegged my prostate.
His voice was a constant, but I couldn’t concentrate enough to pick up what he was saying. I couldn’t form coherent thoughts or words. I was a blubbering mess, and all I wanted was to come. My body burned with the need.
A need that turned white hot and seared through my veins along with the blood rushing fast and hard when the hand pinning mine to the bed moved to mirror the other one on my neck, both thumbs now pressing into the base of my throat.
Air, already a hot commodity as I panted and gasped and cried, tears and snot covering my face just like he wanted, became scarcer.
“Please. Papi. Oh God! Please.”
“Fuck look at you. So fucking gorgeous begging your Papi. Tell me what you want, vato.”
“I need… need… God! Please… I need to come.”
“Do it!”
I reached for my dick, and he growled, “I didn’t say you could touch Papi’s cock. That’s my toy. If you want to come, you’ll do it by. Taking. My. Dick,” he growled, punctuating his words with a hard thrust against my prostate.
I couldn’t hold back. I needed to come so bad, and he’d said I could. Eight weeks of pent-up frustration rolled through me, crashing into me and ricocheting like a ping-pong ball. My back arched, forcing his dick into my ass so fucking far I felt like he was splitting me open.
And that was it for me. Cum shot from my dick. Spurt after spurt gushed, landing on my stomach, chest, and chin.
He yanked me into his lap, his arm circling my waist as he held me and thrust up into me. His mouth licked and sucked the cum he could reach before latching on mine. The kiss smothered the long, low groan that rumbled through him and the scream that clawed its way from my chest as my cock continued to jerk with the orgasm he forced to go on and on.
“Papi!” I cried, “Oh my God, it hurts go good.”
He fell forward, catching us as he thrust into me one last time. His hot fluid flooded my channel, oozing out around him until we were sweating, panting, cum-covered messes.
He collapsed to the bed and pulled me into his arms, and I went willingly. His lips pressed against my forehead, and I swore they moved like he said something. Either he muttered it so low I didn’t hear him, or I imagined it until he whispered again.
“A girl.”
“What?” I asked, arching my neck to look at him. He stared at the ceiling, and at first, I thought he didn’t hear me. I knew he wasn’t asleep as his eyes were open. Plus, the fingers of one hand traced my spine while the others played with my hair.
“If we share, it has to be a girl.”
“Okay?”
I truly didn’t care. Like I’d told him, I didn’t even consider gender when it came to who I was attracted to, but I knew he was bisexual. So, did that mean I couldn’t satisfy him long-term, and he needed a woman, too?
“If another man were to touch you, I don’t know if I could keep from taking the guy’s head off.”
“If you don’t…”
“No, I like the idea. I know my need for control and dominance grates on your nerves. But I realized something just now, something that I feel has been there for a while, tickling my mind. Something I refused to consider, but then I saw you today. It grew so fast it was scary. Then it exploded like a supernova.”
“What did you realize?” I asked, scared of what he was going to say. The man was so unpredictable I always felt rocked back on my heels.
“I love you, vato. Do you know why?”
A gasp filled my throat so suddenly I nearly choked. Unable to speak for the tears in my eyes and the emotion flooding my system, I shook my head.
“Because when you submit to me, I know it’s because you crave it, and you want it with me only. It makes me feel like I can conquer the world—as if I’m the most important being in yours. I’ve never had that. No one’s ever made me feel the things you do.”
I rolled on top of him, wincing at the pain in my ass.
“You okay, vato?”
I nodded as I took his mouth in a slow, soft kiss. One so rare because neither of us tried to move it toward something spicier.
When we parted, I stared into those deep, dark, soulful eyes of his. “I love you, too, Papi. And to ease the worry I heard in your voice, you’re the only man I can imagine being with. The only man I have ever been able to let go with like I do. And you’re right, I crave it. I fight it tooth and nail, but yes, I crave it. But only with you. Others have tried, but it never ended well for them. They found their asses out on the street faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.”
“I swear, carin?. The ways you say things sometimes. It cracks me up.”
I smiled. “Good. Then, I’m achieving my goal. I love to see you smile. But to finish my thought, I don’t know if I chose the role I lived all these years or if the role chose me because of my size and personality. Whatever it was, that’s how it was. I was the one in control. That was my role. Whether I was topping from the top or the bottom didn’t matter.”
I sighed.
“Then I met you. And you took me by storm. My body recognized you’re… the alpha, for lack of a better term. When we’re together, I have to fight the muscle memory that says I’m the top and what we’re doing is wrong. But the submissive guy you crave, he’s always there under all of that bullshit waiting for you to unleash him.”
His gaze flicked as it traveled my face. He toyed with my hair as he chewed his lips. I wanted to give him time to think. I’d word-vomited all that on him. I just hoped we could come to some kind of understanding because, no matter how much alike we were on the surface, we were vastly different. He was my polar opposite when you got to the core of who we were. I wanted to be with him, even if I had to fight to let go of the role I’d grown accustomed to during my life.
“So, how do we going to go about finding this unicorn of a woman who’s gonna take on two tops: one who can be a bit of an asshole and one who has a submissive streak?”
“I have no fucking clue.”