37. Hayden
37
HAYDEN
W alking away from him this morning gutted me. The only way I could think to describe it was to compare it to hitting the ground hard and getting the air knocked out of you. To say I wasn’t a fan was a complete understatement.
“Man, you look like crap,” Priest said as I walked onto the parade ground for morning PT.
I ignored him. I knew how I looked, but did he need to point out the obvious?
“Seriously? You have no couth, man.”
“Yeah, I can’t be that. I don’t know what it is.”
I sighed, not in the mood to listen to them bicker. I said, “It means manners. Buy a dictionary, why don’t you?”
“Yeah. I think not. If the Corps wants me to have one of those, they’ll issue me one.”
I did some stretching and took off, leaving Priest and Cam behind like always. They’d stand around, shooting the shit with the others as they arrived. I liked to get my heart rate up before the rest of the unit got here.
I stopped next to Cam and Priest when I finished the mile I typically did before PT every morning. They looked at each other and me.
“What?” I asked, stopping my watch without looking at it.
“You got lead in your feet? That must have been at least a minute or two off your normal pace.”
I looked at my watch and grimaced but didn’t confirm or deny cause… fuck them.
After PT, I got changed for the day. I grabbed a protein shake, drinking it while packing the last of my gear. I looked around the apartment, wishing Declan was home for our daily morning routine. He was barely awake when I left for PT usually, but when I came home afterward, we’d fuck and share a shower before making breakfast together. Typically something fast that we’d meal prepped together earlier in the week or the night before because after a fuck and a shared shower that included us both getting off a second time, I’d have to rush to make it to work on time.
I’d miss our routines.
I’d miss kissing him goodbye before PT and our usual morning fun.
I’d miss meeting him for lunch, and well, we’re still newlyweds. That usually involved a blow job, either given or received. Sometimes both. I’d miss those, too.
I’d miss his cooking and working out with him in the evenings.
I’d miss movie nights cuddled on the couch or playing video games with him.
I’d miss the submissive who brought out the Daddy Dom protector like no one else ever had.
I’d miss the dominant man who’d wrestle me to the ground, yank my pants below my ass cheeks, and shove his dick up my ass until I begged to come.
My watch beeped, and I sighed. “Time to go.”
Grabbing my shit, I hustled downstairs and dropped everything next to the door. I took one last glance around the apartment, at the home I didn’t think I’d ever have, with a man I didn’t deserve. I didn’t know if I’d be back here before I left, or at all, if I considered the grim outcomes my job could have. Moving into the kitchen, I ran my fingers across the surface of the kitchen table—the first and only piece of furniture we’d purchased together. It was a bit big, but pushed against the wall as it was, it gave us plenty of room. Staring at the spot I’d come to think of as his, worry for us crashed in on me.
Declan could take care of himself. I had to remember that. I bounced my knuckles on the tabletop, knocking on it for luck as I turned and left, locking the door behind me before heading to work. The brass had us doing a last run of training jumps before we deployed. I fucking loved jump days. There was something so exhilarating about it.
We loaded onto the plane, and I dropped into a seat next to Priest and Cameron.
“Marin?”
I turned, looking at one of the junior officers assigned to the unit as I strapped myself in. “Yes, sir,” I said, glancing at his chest. Second Lieutenant Rocco. Hmm. Must be new. I’d never heard of him.
“I’ve been meaning to ask… how do you know Colonel Holt?” Lieutenant Rocco asked.
The question took me by surprise. I stared at him, not sure how to answer. Priest nudged me in the ribs. I licked my lips, glancing at him, then back to the officer whom I’d never interacted with before.
I knew Walker was a retired colonel, but I didn’t understand where the question came from. How did he even know I knew Walker?
“I’m sorry, sir. I’m not sure I understand?”
“It’s not a particularly difficult question, Sergeant. How do you know Colonel Walker Holt, retired Marine Raider? I saw some photos taken from the tarmac before the last float, and he stood with the four of you as you said your goodbyes to some guy.”
Then, some guy’s comment made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. His nose had curled a smidgen, and I wanted to fucking punch the man. Fucking homophobe.
“I don’t know him, sir. Not really. I know his cousin.”
Priest coughed, “Married.”
I prayed the lieutenant didn’t hear him.
“Hmm, well, if you know one Holt, you know them all. There’s a metric shit ton of them, and they’re always up each other’s asses. I rode rodeo with a couple of them. I didn’t get it.”
“Get what, sir?”
“Why join the military, ride rodeo, or any other oddball thing they did? They’re all filthy, fucking rich. It’s not like they needed the money.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t have if I wanted to. What could I fucking say? Not a damn thing. The evidence had been plastered everywhere the eye could see.
The car.
The clothes.
The hotel.
The way the hotel staff treated him.
The fucking mansion on the beach.
It was all there, and I, the fucking idiot that I am, ignored it all because he was hot as balls, sucked dick like a vacuum, and fucked like a porn star.
Lead astray by my Johnson yet again.
“Hayden…”
I narrowed my eyes at Priest and Cameron on the other side of him, and they grimaced, turning to face ahead again as the plane taxied down the runway.
Liftoff always took my stomach, making it dip and swoop, but not this time as my stomach was already in my boots. Trauma and knowledge warred within me, blinding me to everything around me. I was so distracted, Priest had to nudge me when it was time to get on our feet.
He leaned in close, and said, “That guy could be spouting nonsense for all you know. Don’t let what he said and what Declan hasn’t get you killed today, brother.”
I nodded, following the guys ahead of me to the tail of the plane. But, when it came to my turn, instead of being a show-off like I usually was when we jumped, I fell forward, letting the air currents take me. Priest and Cameron soon surrounded me, watching me. When they tapped their wrists, I pulled my ripcord. Looking up, I watched my chute bloom in the blue sky over my head.
I followed the guys to the ground, muscle memory taking over. I probably shouldn’t have jumped today, but we all jumped with shit on our minds. Babies, bills, divorces, marriages, mortgages. You name it, we had it happening, and yet, we had a fucking job to do.
The guys and I touched down. They landed softly, but my feet hit the ground a little harder, jarring my back. I gathered my chute, like the others had, to clear the landing zone for the guys still in the air.
“Hayden…”
“Cam, let it go, okay? I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Yeah, that’s not happening, not after what just happened. Now listen to me. If what the lieutenant said is true, and I’m not saying it is or not, but if it is, then there’s a reason he’s not said anything. You’re feeling betrayed, I get that. But if it’s true, so’s his family.”
It took a second for me to understand what he meant, but it didn’t mean I had to like it.
“You getting me? He married someone he didn’t know without a prenup in place. Do you know what kind of fit my parents and the family’s attorneys would be having if I’d done that? And from what the lieutenant said, Declan’s family has exponentially more money than mine, so maybe he’s kept his trap shut to make sure he didn’t get saddled with a gold digger.”
I nodded. Plus, I hadn’t made a second about being tossed over because of my skin color and ethnicity by a rich girl and her family.
“You got your head screwed on straight again?”
I nodded, and Priest joked, “There ain’t nothing straight about him.”
I rolled my eyes at the dumbass. I wouldn’t trade the two of them for anything. I had a feeling I would be leaning on them more in the months to come.
The rest of the day rolled by without any more comments from the lieutenant, which was fine with me. I had enough to think about. And it was all I’d fucking done the whole damn day. Cam and Priest stayed close and kept me and my team moving forward.
As soon as we were released, with reminders of when to return, I jumped in the car and took off. I had no clue where Declan was. I’d checked my phone exactly once and hadn’t bothered checking it again. The texts from Declan saying he was up had gutted me.
He never missed texting me in the morning. He did it as soon as his alarm went off, usually when I was at PT, but we’d been up late the night before, so I figured he’d gone to bed after I left this morning. Then, there was a text that the meeting time was still to be discussed.
I turned off my phone after that. The urge to call him was too strong. As much as I wanted to confront him immediately, I needed to ask my questions in person. I had to see his face when I confronted him.
I pulled into the driveway at the beach house and jumped out of the car as soon as I slammed it into park. At the door, I grasped the door handle but stopped myself. I didn’t feel quite right, just barging in.
Taking a deep breath, I held it, then raised my hand to knock. My knuckles rapped at the solid wood door. It wasn’t ornate at all. The beauty of it was in the minimal detailing and the stained finish. When the door swung open, I nearly fell back on my ass.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”