39. Declan
39
DECLAN
“D eclan! Hurry. It’s Hayden! He’s here, and Mara answered the door.”
Heidi’s voice rang through the house, and I took off. What the hell was he doing here? He worked until four-thirty at least.
“Uncle Matthew, I gotta go. I’ll have someone call you back.”
I tossed the receiver for the office phone down and ran for the front door, skidding around corners like a cartoon character.
“Hayden, wait!”
He ignored me.
“Hayden, don’t do this. Please don’t do this. Let me explain.”
“Fuck off, Declan.”
“I don’t know what she said to you…”
“It doesn’t matter what she fucking said. What matters is what you didn’t say. You fucking lied to me, Declan. You lied. You lied about who you are. Who your family is.” He pointed at Mara. “You lied about her. Do you know who she is?”
“I found out who she is to you earlier today. And I didn’t lie. I just didn’t…”
Fury heated his face until it glowed, and I wouldn’t have been surprised to see smoke whistling out of his ears. When he spoke, his voice was calm. Deadly. And so angry I almost didn’t recognize it.
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Panic-stricken, I yelled, “This! This is why. People get fucking weird when they realize they’re talking to someone whose family is worth billions.”
“Billions?”
“I’m guessing. I honestly don’t know.”
He scoffed, his face showing just how incredulous he found that admission.
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know? Who the hell doesn’t know how much money they have?”
“Papi…”
“Don’t fucking call me that!”
My heart dropped. He’d never demanded I call him Papi or Daddy, but that’s who he is to me. Trying to keep him talking long enough, I dropped the honorific and said, “It’s the family’s money. Not mine.”
He stared at me, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. I waited, hoping his ire was settling. When he spoke, I knew hope was all but lost.
“Okay. How much money do you have in your bank account, Declan.”
PROCEED WITH CAUTION flashed in my head with enough bells and whistles to throw me into a full-blown panic. Licking my lips, I asked, “What does it matter?”
His eyes widened, and his mouth fell open. I’d fucked up. Nothing could’ve made it any more apparent than the words he spoke next.
“It fucking matters. So, tell me, Declan, how many commas are in your bank balance?”
Did he think I knew that? Plus, I had several. I had my personal banking and savings, and then the accounts the family trust money was deposited into. Which I didn’t touch.
Sighing, I said, “Depends on the day.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he cursed, circling the front yard as if we’d not put on a big enough show.
Turning to follow his steps, I told him, “Hayden, I don’t give a fuck about the money.”
He stopped, his hands on his waist, and his head dropped back to stare at the sky. When he spoke, the defeated tone brought tears to my eyes.
“Says someone who has always had it. Who has never been ridiculed for not having it or been discriminated against for being the poor, brown kid.”
I hated people. Given the comment about being the ‘poor, brown kid,’ I’d guess it was kids, but I could be wrong. Plus, those kids learned that shit from someone. People shouldn’t be treated one way if they had money and a different way if they didn’t. Same with race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, and so many other things. The old adage about treating people how you wanted to be treated needed to be more widely practiced.
I stepped toward him, but he moved away from me. Rolling my lips into my mouth to hold off tears, I shoved my hand in my pockets. I watched him, and the defeated, beat-down slope of his shoulder made me want to comfort him. But I knew there was no way in hell he would accept it. So, I offered, “I’ll give it away. Every fucking dime. Hell, I’ll give it to you…”
“I don’t want your motherfucking money.”
“I’ll give it to you, and you can pick a charity.”
“This never made sense.”
“What?”
Please, God, don’t go there, Papi.
“ This ,” he said, pointing between the two of us, “us, we never made sense.”
“Hayden…”
“Two tops don’t make sense. Even if they are both vers and one has a submissive streak. It just never made any fucking sense. We’re deluding ourselves.”
My heart raced, making my blood hum in my veins, and the ringing in my ears reminded me of a hummingbird. I wanted to grab him and shake some sense into him. Instead, I curled my fingers into my palms, clenching them to feel the bite of my nails.
Hoping he’d see reason, I said, “But we aren’t, Hayden. We’re not deluding ourselves. I love you. You love me. You can’t deny it.”
“Yeah, well, evidently, I’m a fucking idiot.
“Hayden, you are one of the smartest men I’ve ever met. You’re so fucking smart, and bright, and loving.”
He scoffed, huffing a laugh through his nose. “This morning, I would’ve said the same about you, but then I get to work, and a guy I’ve never met before, a junior officer that’s so clueless he’s going to get his head shot off, or someone else’s, asked me how I knew Walker, then pointed out all y’all are rich as fuck. A junior officer I’d never met was more honest with me than my own fucking husband.”
“Say the word, and I’ll walk away from the money. I’ll donate every penny. You’re what matters to me. The way I feel about you and how you make me feel about myself, that’s what’s important to me. Whatever questions you have, I’ll answer. We can walk inside, and you can ask the rest of the family anything you wanna know. I’ll get my Uncle Lucas on the phone. He’s the attorney for the family trust. He’s asked to speak with you several times.”
“Why the fuck would he wanna speak with me?”
Dread the likes of which I’ve never felt whipped through me like icy winter wind.
“Because you’re a member of the family.”
His eyes, usually so warm, turned cold and hard. His nostrils flared, and his fists balled. If ever there was a time I thought Hayden could hurt me, it would’ve been this moment. I knew he wouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop the flinch the sight of all that rage caused.
“Tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”
“We married without a prenup. It’s a stipulation in trust. All spouses are considered beneficiaries unless there’s a prenuptial agreement in place prior to the wedding. Same with children. They’re added to the trust upon birth or when legally adopted.”
“No! Absolutely fucking not. You fix this!”
“Okay. I will. I’ll talk to Lucas and have him call you to discuss the paperwork.”
Silent fury. It was the only way to describe the look on his face as he stared at me. He crossed his arms over his chest, his feet spread shoulder width apart. He could’ve been the poster boy for a Marine Corps recruiting campaign.
I turned the inside of my mouth and lips to ground beef, chewing on them until they bled. I didn’t know what to say. So, I said nothing.
A tear rolled down his face. He didn’t acknowledge it, but I couldn’t pull my gaze from it. It glided down his beautiful face until it beaded on his jaw before dripping onto his arms.
My chest tightened, and my stomach clenched. Guilt rode me hard. I never wanted to hurt him. I wanted to apologize but didn’t think he would hear it.
Shaking his head, he said, “I can’t believe you. You fucking lied to me. For months, Declan. You lied to me for months and all of them,” he waved at the house. “They all knew about it.”
I had no words. There wasn’t anything I could say. He was right. I’d botched our relationship. Totally fucked it up beyond all recognition.
He closed his eyes, and when he spoke, the quiver in his voice was unmistakable. “I’m out. I refuse to spend my life with someone I can’t trust…”
“Please, Hayden. Please don’t do this.”
He flinched as I begged, but he remained steadfast despite the flood of tears that were now flowing freely. “I’m only doing what we should’ve done that first morning after. I’m walking away.”
And he did. He turned toward his car, and he walked away from me.
“Hayden!”
He paused, and I started after him, but the look in his eyes as he looked at me over his shoulder nailed my feet to the ground. “Don’t follow me. Don’t contact me. I’m done. We’re done.”
“We’re fucking married!” I cried, my voice catching on a sob that ripped from my chest as my own face became covered in tears.
He was unmoved. At least, he appeared to be when he said, “Well, Mr. Billionaire, I’ll let you handle that however you choose. I’m sure you have a team of people who can unknot the mess we’ve made.”
“And if I don’t want to unknot the mess?” I asked because the last thing I wanted was to lose the man I loved, who helped me find and fight for my true self.
“That’s up to you. I won’t be doing this shit ever again, so it’s not like I give a fuck.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod.
The prayer played like a litany in my head while fear and anxiety swarmed me like a hive of bees. He couldn’t mean…
I couldn’t even bring myself to think it.
“It means I’m through. With love. With relationships. I’d rather go through life celibate than ever feel like this again.”
I wanted to thank God for that small gift but couldn’t. Not when he was walking away from what we were building together. “Hayden, we can work this out. Don’t give up on us.”
“There is no us. All we were ever meant to be was a hookup. I’m just righting a sinking ship.”
The dead, emotionless tone dropped me in a field of desolation. He stalked to his car, and I stared after him, completely and utterly devastated. My heart tore from my chest, bit by bit, with every step he took away from me, until it lay dead on the ground between us, crushed beneath the shattered pieces of our relationship.
The muscle car that was so Hayden roared to life, peeling out of the driveway, narrowly missing the steel mailbox that looked more like modern art than it did a mailbox. He slammed on the brakes, our eyes connecting for a moment. Then, smoke bloomed from his rear wheels, and the smell of burning rubber filled the air. Squealing tires joined the smoke and rubber as the car fishtailed before disappearing down the street.
Life drained from me, leaving me a shell of the man I was this morning. I scoffed. This morning, when I thought I couldn’t be any sadder. Motherfucker, was I wrong.
Cackling laughter replaced the growl of Hayden’s car, and I turned. Mara stood in the open doorway, smirking and clapping as she bounced up and down. Determined to shut the bitch up once and for all, I strode toward the house. Her eyes widened, and she disappeared inside, shutting the door behind her.
As if that would save her.
If I got my hands on her, I’d be facing murder charges—for what she’d done to Hayden, Jackson, and me. She was vile and vindictive. Manipulative and destined to destroy any happiness she could because she was… fuck. Who knew what the fuck her dysfunction was. And honestly, I didn’t fucking care.
I threw open the door. It smacked the wall, bouncing back at me. I slammed it closed, entering the house only to find the sympathetic gazes of my family and the smirking, smug, self-righteous looks from Mara and her confused as fuck father.
Mara crossed her arms and smiled, “I told you that day, when you got on the elevator, I’d get you back. I just never believed I’d get to witness it.”
I lunged for her, but Walker stepped in between us as Heidi and Linc restrained me.
“Little girl, you best leave,” Walker said, his tone calm and deadly, not unlike Hayden’s had been moments before.
Marcel Cagot cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Walker, but we have a contract.”
It was a contract we spent all day renegotiating, but I didn’t care. He could stuff it. I shoved Walker out of the way and stepped up to Cagot, bumping his chest with mine as I snarled down at his ugly mug.
“Fuck you. And fuck your contract. I’d say fuck your cunt bitch of a daughter, but everyone in a hundred-mile radius has already done that. And how was it, you put it, Linc?”
“I don’t do sloppy seconds unless I help make the mess to begin with.”
“Jesus,” Walker groaned.
Marcel sputtered, but I said, “Nope, that’s not the one.”
“Oh! Right, I wouldn’t even fuck her with someone else’s dick.”
“That’s the one! Now, get the fuck out.”
“I’ll sue you.”
Walker grinned and stepped next to me. “Yes, Marcel. You could, but I’d pit my attorneys against yours any day. But you won’t say a goddamn word.”
“Why? Because you said so?”
“No, because if you do, I’ll ruin you. You don’t fuck with my family, and that’s what you’ve done. See, there’s a difference between you and me that you’ve failed to realize,” Walker said. His mouth turned up in a smug smirk. “You think you have power., but I know I do. And what’s more, I have a network of people who respect me. Who would kill for me. And you don’t. So, gather up the piece of trash child you’ve raised, and get the fuck outta my goddamn house.”
Mara screamed like the spoiled brat she’d been raised to be as her father herded the fucking cow out of the house. The whole time, I stared at the wall above my family members’ heads. I couldn’t meet their eyes. I was barely holding my shit together as it was.
The moment the door closed, Heidi and Linc left the room, but not before stopping to offer a small measure of comfort. Linc gave a quick, firm squeeze of my shoulder, and Heidi a similar squeeze to my forearm.
A single unbidden tear rolled down my face. Followed quickly by another, each of them cutting tracks through the salty crust left behind from the earlier deluge. Clenching my teeth against the tidal wave bearing down on me, I tried to hold it together. I really did, but how do you fight annihilation?
Walker approached me slowly like you would a cornered animal. My tears flooded my eyes, distorting my vision and clogging my throat. My nose burned and itched until it started running.
“Don’t,” I sniffled. “Please, don’t.”
“It’s gonna be okay, kid.”
The wail I’d been fighting forced its way up and out, past my clenched teeth. The sound… it echoed through the room, reverberating on itself. It ricocheted off the walls, battering me with the realization of all I’d lost.
Walker’s arms came around me, and I fell into him as I lost the battle to remain upright. He lowered us to the ground, cradling me as my world came crashing down around me.