Epilogue
DECLAN
Fence line stretched out before me. The barbed wire cut across the plains of the family ranch, splitting the land into pastures with cattle and grass as far as the eye could see. Instead of a four-wheeler or a UTV, which we typically used for this job, I’d saddled my favorite mount and headed out before the sun rose above the horizon.
Mama tried making me food, but I just shook my head and left. If I had to sit around and listen to her cluck at me like a mother hen, I would lose my shit and the massive amounts of liquor that still filled my belly. She was worried. I got it. The whole fucking family was concerned. Hell, I was fucking worried, but there was shit all any of us could do about the situation.
Most days, I wasn’t fit for human consumption, and this was one of those days. When my eyes popped open this morning, a foul mood greeted me. I’d say it was out of character, and once it had been, but not anymore. Lately, it was the norm. Foul moods fueled by whiskey and a broken heart were my default since…
“Fuck,” I sighed, continuing to ride the fence.
This was what I did nowadays. Well, this, drink, and work on the house I broke ground on because Mama and Daddy were driving me bonkers. I should’ve stayed in Washington with Walker and his family, but he lived near a naval base, and no matter how hard I tried, I kept running into Marines. Besides, I’d been there for so long I’d started feeling like a moocher, so I came home.
Big mistake.
Colossal, really.
Here on the ranch, surrounded by family who eyed me like I should be on suicide watch, I found myself wanting to off something on several occasions, but it wasn’t myself.
It wasn’t even him.
It was the well-meaning fuckers I shared a last name with.
Sighing, I pulled the Stetson from my head and wiped the sweat from my brow. It wasn’t even spring, but the numbers on the thermometer said it was hotter than hell under the midday sun. Especially out here where there wasn’t a shade tree for miles. Pushing the hair that had fallen onto my forehead from my brow, I settled the hat onto my head.
Up ahead, I spotted a gaping hole in the fence, so I nudged the horse into a canter. I hopped off and turned for the tools, only to stop when I caught sight of a heifer down.
“Shit!” I cursed. We were a few weeks out from the start of the calving season, and all the mamas had been moved to the maternity barn. Or so we thought.
I hitched the horse to one of the fence posts and dropped to the ground to watch the cow. She’d been at this for a while from the looks of things, but I didn’t want to intervene.
I sat picking at the grass, waiting for her to get on with things. Leaning back on my elbows, I stared up at the sky. I loved it out here. Away from the crowds, the expectations, and the pitying looks of worry. I sighed, dropping my hat onto my knee and scrubbing my hands over my face and head.
My head throbbed dully with the remnants of the bottle of whiskey I’d put away the night before. That was always the worst part of the day. That and mornings. Hell, it all fucking sucked.
I missed Hayden to the marrow. I felt his loss at my side like a visceral thing. I closed my eyes and laid back on the ground, clutching my head with both hands, emotions swirling through my body, churning up all the shit I drank so much to forget.
The color of his eyes.
The way they sparkled when he laughed.
The gorgeous color of his skin.
The dark, throaty sound of his voice when he fucked me.
Dear God, his dick and hands and mouth.
The way he called me vato and carin?.
How I responded to him when he demanded submission.
How it felt as I fucked him.
How he made me feel about myself and him and just everything.
I missed it all.
And I wanted it back.
I wanted to go back in time and unfuck the mess I made.
The cow thrashed around, mooing and moaning. Sighing, I got to my feet and approached her, stopping when my phone rang. I didn’t bother checking it before silencing the call.
My family were going to make me take a very long vacation to the pouting shack Papaw had up north. It was so fucking far from anything there wasn’t cell service, and until recently, there hadn’t even been electricity. My dad and his brothers finally convinced the old guy to let them install solar panels.
When the phone rang a second time, I groaned.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Mr. Holt?”
What the fuck? I pulled the phone down to check the number. BLOCKED showed on the screen.
“Mr. Holt?” The woman called again.
I put the phone to my ear. “Depends on which Mr. Holt you’re looking for?”
“Are you Declan Holt?”
Not even a smidgen of emotion or frustration.
“Got it in one, darlin’,” I said absently, focused on the cow again.
She was trying and, from the looks of it, failing to calve. “C’mon, old girl, don’t make me pull that baby. Neither one of us wants that.”
“Excuse me, sir?”
I ignored her, walking back to my horse. I grabbed my earbuds and slipped one in my ear, then dropped the phone in the chest pocket of my denim pearl-button shirt. I dug the chains out of the saddlebags.
“Goddammit,” I growled when the heifer struggled to get on her feet, only to collapse back to the ground.
“Sir?”
The lady asked, but I ignored her as I moved into place behind the cow to check her.
“Are you still there?”
Breech. “Fuck.”
“Mr. Holt?”
“Darlin’, you got one of two choices. You can sit quietly while I pull this calf, or I can call you back, but right now, you’re not my priority.”
The cow grunted and kicked, clearly in distress. I squatted, slipping the chains over the hind legs of the calf, ignoring the woman sputtering on the phone.
Moving back, I sat on my haunches and tugged the chains. The cow mooed, and I pulled. Muscles I’d not used in ages because I’d been on the West Coast protecting starlets caught fire, but still, I pulled. And then I pulled some more and kept pulling until I felt a pop. The mama pushed, and fucking finally, the calf slipped from her body, and I sighed.
“Mr. Holt?”
“Jesus, sugar, you don’t give up, do you?”
“Sir, I need to speak with you about…”
“I promise. Just gimme a moment to check the mama and baby, and then you can yammer on all you what.”
I pulled the chains over the calf’s hooves, and the mama nudged me out of the way, doing what nature intended. I walked to the pond with the chains to clean up.
“Alright, now it’s your turn.”
“Was that a cow?”
“Yes,” I said, swishing my hands and chains in the water to get rid of the yuck. “But I doubt that’s why you called.”
“You’re right. Sorry, sir. I’ve never seen a cow in real life, and here you are delivering cow babies.”
“Calves.” I laughed, shaking my hands dry. “Not cow babies. Calves. And I’m a rancher, darlin’, that’s kinda what we do.”
It wasn’t a lie. I was a rancher; I hadn’t lived or worked here for years, but the ranch was the only place I had that didn’t constantly remind me of Hayden. The place in Vegas, the beach house in California, Walker’s… they all reminded me of what I lost.
“What didya need to talk to me about?”
“Right. Sorry, sir. I’m Talia. I’m a nurse. Are you the next of kin for Hayden Marin?”
To be continued…