24. Hayden
24
HAYDEN
A phone ringing pierced the fog of sleep, and I jolted awake. Looking toward the annoying racket, I noticed Jackson Holt standing nearby, a cup of coffee in front of his smug, smirking face and another in his opposite hand.
“You gonna get that?” he asked, laughing.
I grunted and scrubbed my hand over my face before pulling my arm from under Declan’s head and sitting up. Marcie’s turtle toppled into my lap. Declan and I had fallen asleep on the couch with that damn stuffed animal still perched on my chest.
I picked it up and said, “It’s Declan’s,” before reaching for my phone, but the ringing stopped, so I wiped the sleep from my face and popped my neck.
“What’s mine?” Declan asked from behind me. His voice muffled as he pressed against my back.
Jackson cracked up. “Deckie-weckie, did you need your stuffie-wuffie?”
“Fuck off, Jackie boy. It’s Marcie’s. And you know it because you were with Katie when she carried it down here last night.”
“Dude, if you think I was looking at my girl’s hands with the way she dressed last night, you need to talk with Liam about getting your head examined.”
I chuckled and said, “He’s gotcha there, vato.”
“Fuck you both, very much.”
Declan climbed off the couch, kissed me on the jaw, and flipped Jackson off as he stood up. When he walked out of the room, he called over his shoulder.
“There best be some coffee left you little asshole.”
Jackson gave me a winky smirk, toasted me with the mug he was drinking from, leaving the room with two coffee mugs in hand.
“You little shit!”
Guess coffee would be a bit.
I swiped open my phone to see who called and swore. I pressed the call button and set the phone on the table in front of me. It didn’t even get through the first ring when Cameron answered.
“It’s bad.”
Fuck!
“How bad?”
“He’s on life support. He needs surgery, but he’s not strong enough to make it off the table, so they’re waiting. Oh, and the hospital didn’t know he had a DNR, so they’re leaving it up to her.”
“Motherfucker.”
“Yep. That about covers it. By the way, did you send her something to the rental house?”
“It arrived already?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking if you sent something or if Priest needs to take it outside to check it for stalker craziness.”
“Yeah, we sent something. She left her stuffed turtle. We sent a replacement since the original is nearly as old as she is and came from her dad.”
“The bestie calls her Squirt. So I’m guessing the turtle is from the movie?”
“Look at you being a smartie.”
Declan came back holding a steaming mug of java juice in each hand, and if I didn’t love the man already, I’d fall to my knees and worship him, which wasn’t a bad idea. A blow job or two could relieve some of the stress.
“Thanks, carino. Did you send the package to Jackson and Katie’s rental?”
“Yes. Did it get there?”
“Still waiting on confirmation,” Cameron grunted through the speakerphone.
I rolled my eyes and told Declan, “Cameron says one came in, but he was worried it wasn’t something she should open.”
“Did the box have the store logo?” Declan asked as he flipped through his phone.
“Yes, but this asshole that’s stalking Katie is a fucking chameleon. He could have paid one of the delivery drivers off to make it look like the package came from the store.”
As much as I wanted to argue with him, he was right. The slippery fucker had gotten through security checkpoints and into the inner sanctum of a music tour. Who knew what kinda skills and connections this creep had.
“The delivery notification says the driver handed it to the resident. So, it should be safe, but maybe Priest could open it from the bottom and tape it back up so she doesn’t know you checked it?”
“Did you hear that, Cameron?”
“No. I went deaf.”
God save me from sarcastic assholes.
Unfortunately, I surrounded myself with them and one of them was my damn husband who laughed so hard coffee shot out of his noise.
“I hope that burned,” I said to the asshole beside me, and to the asshole on the phone I said, “Have Priest do as Declan suggested. The last thing Marcie needs is to get some fucked up package while she’s dealing with her dad.”
“Will do.”
The phone went dead, and I sighed, falling back on the couch, my coffee held aloft so as not to spill. Fucking white couches in a family room had to be the stupidest idea ever. I didn’t care if you didn’t have little kids. But I bit my tongue. The doc and his wife could afford to replace the furniture if it was stained.
“Shit.”
I turned to Declan, who’d hopped up from the sofa and was swiping at the couch, muttering under his breath the whole time.
“No one needs fucking white furniture. It’s fucking flaunty, overblown, pretentiousness.”
I tried. I really did, but there was no way I was holding the laughter in. “Fuck, I missed you.”
“You’ve said that. What triggered it this time?”
“Flaunty, overblown, pretentiousness? Doesn’t that all mean the same thing?”
He rolled his eyes and turned toward the kitchen. When he didn’t return, I found him at the island whisking eggs. I hugged him from behind.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
I wasn’t for sure I had, but I wanted him to know that it hadn’t been my intent. We both walked on eggshells still, trying our damnedest to not fuck up any progress we made.
He turned, his hands cupping my face. He pressed his lips to mine, pulling away before I wanted. “You didn’t. I guess I didn’t realize I did that.”
I laughed, pressing my lips to his, whispering, “You do. And I didn’t realize you did it either until I had to look up one of the words after you did it once, and found out all the words in your mini tirade were synonyms.”
“Would it hurt your feelings if I said, I wish Marcie were here?”
“No. I wish the same. When things settle down, I’d love to get away, just the three of us, if she’s willing, and get to know each other.”
“I agree. A getaway would be nice. The last few days haven’t been enough for me to say anything other than I’m insanely attracted to her.”
“Can you see more than attraction?”
“Yeah. I can. I saw it plainly when she stepped into the kitchen with us the other morning, but it’s different than it was with you. You came into my life like a tornado. You dropped from the sky and took me by storm. She’s like…”
“A mist?
I smiled. “Yeah. Exactly that. She’s rolled in slowly, filling all the nooks and crannies and softening everything around her.”
“That explains it perfectly. Do you think…”
Our phones buzzed, cutting off Declan’s words. I cursed the interruption but pulled my phone out. My face broke, turning the scowl into a wide grin at who the notification came from.
“She messaged.”
The wonder in Declan’s voice reminded me of a kid at Christmas, but mine wouldn’t have been any different if I opened my mouth at that moment.
Marcie
I don’t know what to do.
“Should we call her?”
“Yeah. Let’s video call.”
“What if she can’t answer?” he asked, the worry in his voice clear as a bell.
“Then she won’t answer, but you ripped my ass for making decisions that weren’t mine to make.”
“Look at you growing up, Papi.”
I rolled my eyes. He wasn’t wrong, but it also wasn’t a done deal. I would probably screw up more times than I could count on both hands.
Declan placed the call, and we huddled in together, leaning back against the sink.
“I’m sorry,” were the first words out of her mouth, and I scowled. She had nothing to be sorry for.
“Sweetness, I’m instilling a rule. You’re not allowed to apologize. Ever. Not unless Hayden or I tell you to. Do you understand?”
My breath caught. Her eyes opened so wide I thought her eyeballs would pop out of their sockets, but she nodded.
“Words, colibrí. That’s a rule now, too.”
“I understand.”
“Good girl. Now, you said you didn’t know what to do. What did you mean?”
“He signed a DNR years ago, but the hospital here didn’t know about it until after the fact. Now, they want me to make a decision, and I don’t know what I want to do.”
“Oh, sweetness. That’s gotta be rough. Hayden and I can’t decide for you, but we can listen as you talk through the options.”
She took a shuddery breath. “I feel like I need to turn the machines off.”
When she didn’t continue, I asked, “Do I hear a but you didn’t say?”
She nodded, her eyes widening slightly before continuing, “Yeah. I don’t know if I can do it.”
“What are the doctors saying?”
“That he could recover, but the stroke robbed his brain of oxygen for a while. He already has issues due to Alzheimer’s. If he’s suffered a brain injury from the lack of oxygen, it could further diminish his quality of life.”
What a shitty situation to be in. I felt for her.
“I wish we could be there, colibrí.”
“There’s no need. There’s nothing you could do but sit here and watch me wring my hands. I much prefer you keep Katie safe so I don’t have to worry about that on top of all this.”
“We can do that, sweetness, and we’ll be in Nashville in a few days.”
“I think I’m gonna go. Thank you for calling.”
“If you need to talk, call us. Understood? And if you need us there, let us know, and we’ll figure something out.”
She nodded. “I will.”
Declan hung up, and I stormed out of the house. Fuck this shit. She needed us, and we weren’t there. I’d failed her already. Same as I failed myself and Declan, and our relationship.
What did I have to give either of them?
Not a damn thing.
I was a broken-down, washed-out Marine with a disability pension. I didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. They deserved the best of everything that hadn’t ever been me.
The patio door and footsteps sounded behind me, and I swore as a soft breeze alerted me to the tears of anger, frustration, and worthlessness that fell without permission on my face.
“Go back inside, Declan.”
“Not Declan.”
“Fuck…”
The Colonel was the last person I wanted to see me lose my shit. The man was a legend in the Raiders. He took care of his family. Provided for them in a way I’d never be able to.
I scrubbed my hands over my face, hoping to disguise my tears, dashing the self-hatred from my face. I shoved my hands into my hair and stalked away from Walker. I wasn’t in the mood for pep talks.
“Thank you for staying.”
My brow pinched at his words. Why the fuck was he thanking me for doing the job I’d been hired to do?
“I know it’s your job, and from all accounts you’re an honorable man, one I’m proud to claim as family, but like any family man who’s been a service member knows doing your job when your family needs you makes you feel like you’re being drawn and quartered.”
“You know someone drawn and quartered who survived to make that comparison?”
“Point.”
I laughed ruefully. “At this juncture, I think I’d take having my guts scraped out over this.”
“I know the feeling. Livvy and Jackson were born early, and then Jackson tried to up and die on us. He hadn’t made it out of the woods before I got spun up. If I couldn’t keep my baby safe, how was I going to lead my men into battle and make sure they made it home in one piece? I had a gunny tell me to pull my head outta my ass and suck it up. That Lillian was a capable woman and could handle her shit and mine, too.”
“But I’m not active duty, and this is completely different.”
“You telling me you don’t feel the same sense of duty and honor to this job as you did the missions you went out on as a Marine?”
I stared at him. He knew what buttons to push. Like every other fucking officer and senior NCO I’d ever met. When I didn’t respond, he did.
“If you don’t, let me know and I’ll shut down talks with Lucia about y’all becoming a subsidiary of Holt, then release you from the contract you signed.”
“That won’t be necessary. I couldn’t walk away if I wanted.”
“I didn’t think so.” He took a drink of his coffee. “I hate that Liam found this house before I did. I love how tranquil it is here.”
“I do as well. It’s the exact opposite of being at sea, but I get the same feeling standing out here first thing in the morning that I did when I stood on the weather deck.”
“Finally, someone who knows what I’m talking about. Even with the smell of the boat and the fumes from the jet fuel and diesel and all the other shit that stunk to high heaven, you could smell the ocean and the sun. At night, it was just the moon and the sounds of the water hitting the hull.”
“I’d drink to that, well, I would if I had a drink.”
He laughed but turned somber before giving the house the side-eye.
“If you’re about to tell me something you think I should know, don’t. It’s not your place, but just so you know, I know. He told me.”
He nodded, and when he looked at me, his eyes were glassy. “Good. I love him like a brother. My old man and I butted heads, but I love his dad. He and the ranch were my solace, which meant I watched Declan grow up. I only want what’s best for him.”
I scoffed, unable to keep my self-loathing to myself. “Then you should tell him to divorce my broke ass.”
“Sergeant, there’s something you need to learn about us Holts in general, but the men in particular.”
“What’s that?”
“When we fall, we fall hard, fast, and there ain’t no shaking us. He loves you. He’d walk through the fires of hell for you and if you’d get your damn head out of your ass you’d realize he doesn’t care how much money you have or don’t. He doesn’t care if you’re a king or the lowest-ranked Marine there is. He doesn’t care if you live in a mansion, a penthouse, or a rundown shack. All he cares about is you. You’re his other half. The other half of his heart. The other half of his soul. You’re worried about providing him the life he deserves, same with the girl?”
Shock rattled through me as I stared at him, and he smirked. “That’s something you and Declan share with the rest of us lucky assholes who’ve found our person. You can’t hide how you feel when they’re around. It was plain to see that first day. Despite you and Jackie going at each other.”
“I don’t know how it’s gonna work.”
“The three of you will figure it out.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, but I wanted it like nothing else on this planet.