Chapter 19
Mary paced up and down the hall. The exercise was beginning to make her uncomfortably warm, for she was dressed for a drive on a cold November day, not for pacing in the relative warmth of the house.
She knew her discomfort was of her own making.
Alan had promised to arrive at two in the afternoon, and he had yet to be more than a couple minutes late for any of their outings.
She was the one who had been ready fifteen minutes early, and she was the one who had chosen to pace rather than sit patiently in the parlor with Mama.
The reason for her nervousness was not entirely clear to Mary, but it was a feeling that had grown stronger with each of Alan’s visits.
The closest she could come to giving a name to such a feeling was to call it anticipation. She looked forward to being in Alan’s company without the distractions of her family or neighbors. She looked forward to being the only recipient of his attention.
She looked forward to the lighter feeling she always had in his presence.
Mary was naturally serious. Though both her father and Elizabeth often spoke of their neighbors’ foibles with humor, Mary had never found such comments remotely funny.
Alan, however, did not mock people or poke fun at human nature. His good humor took the form of simply being naturally happy. He did not require jokes or cleverness to make him smile or even to laugh. He just did.
And his pleasant, good nature rubbed off on Mary. When she was with him, the world seemed less serious and far more enjoyable than when she was at home.
She had to admit that, today, her nervousness was compounded by the fact that Jane had been gone for three days now, and Elizabeth had been gone for two. Without her two calmer sisters, Longbourn was somehow more chaotic even with fewer people.
At dinner the last few nights, there wasn’t a single word spoken that wasn’t about either clothing or gossip. The same held true any time Mary had joined her sisters and mother in the drawing room or parlor.
Fortunately, she had a ready excuse to leave such gatherings any time she wished. Her piano practice and her studies often kept her away from the others for most of the day.
Still, escaping Longbourn was a significant part of what Mary was looking forward to in going for a drive with Alan.
Mary was just beginning to think that she should settle down and wait in the parlor like any sensible lady would have done all along, when she heard the sound of carriage wheels on the gravel drive.
She dashed out the front door and watched Alan Goulding approach in his curricle. She had never seen a more pleasant sight. Alan was as handsome and eye-catching as ever, and he seemed to have dressed with a little more care than usual.
He was wearing her favorite dark green waistcoat with a cream-colored coat. His black overcoat, with its multiple capes flapping slightly behind him, contrasted and enhanced the ensemble.
He pulled the horses to a stop directly in front of her and said, “Good afternoon, Mary.”
It was such a simple thing, a greeting that was uttered millions of times a day all across England. Still, Mary could not help but feel warm and comforted by the gentle expression in his eyes as he said it.
She knew she should return his greeting, but even that simple phrase was beyond her at the moment, so she simply smiled.
Once the stable boy was holding the horses, Alan hopped down from the carriage. “Are you ready for a drive? I have somewhere special I would like to take you, today, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind,” she said. “I am ready to go wherever you take me,” said Mary.
As she heard the words come out of her mouth, she was certain she meant them on a far deeper level than they seemed. The very idea caused her to blush. Fortunately, Alan didn’t seem to hear any deeper meaning in her words. He just smiled and helped her into the curricle.
Once they were in motion, Mary asked, “Where are we going today?”
The corner of Alan’s mouth tipped up in a half-smile. “You’ll see,” he said. “In the meantime, will you tell me of your studies? Have you learned anything interesting?”
She told him the story of how Archimedes had figured out how to measure the volume of a crown by submerging it in water and measuring the displaced water. She then went on to describe some of the other things the ancient Greek philosopher had discovered or invented.
Alan didn’t respond much, just enough to keep her talking. Still, it was nice to have someone listen to her talk about her studies. While Elizabeth and Jane did so with more patience than anyone else at home, they were not interested in the slightest, which tended to repress the conversation.
Alan, however, had some knowledge of what she was learning from his time at school, so he was able to keep the discussion going far longer than anyone at home had done.
After about twenty minutes, Mary realized they were approaching Haye Park. “Are we to visit your mother, today?”
“I hope not,” said Alan quickly, which made Mary smile a bit. “We are, however, visiting a place on the grounds of Haye Park.”
He wouldn’t tell her more, but in just a few minutes, he pulled the carriage to a stop just outside the dower house.
Mary had passed by the little house many times, since it was directly on the only road that led to the main house at Haye Park.
Over the years, with no one living in it, the dower house had become more rundown.
The last time she had seen it, the paint was peeling, and it was partially covered in ivy.
Even some of the windows had ivy blocking them.
Now, however, the ivy had been cleared away.
The house had been painted, and new shutters had been put up.
She was fairly certain the thatch had been replaced as well.
The garden was also spruced up. Though it was difficult to tell what it would look like in the spring, at the very least the weeds and unwanted growth had been trimmed back, and a path to the house had been cleared.
“It’s lovely,” she said. “I had no idea your father was working on this house.”
“He is not,” said Alan. “I am. In fact, I did much of this with my own hands, though I needed some help with painting and some of the more structural problems.”
“You did this?” asked Mary.
Alan looked straight into Mary’s eyes. The warm tenderness that she had often seen there was blazing into something that made her feel hot all over. “I did,” he said. “I wanted to prepare a home for you with my own two hands. All it waits for now, is for you to be willing to accept me.”
All at once, Mary was certain of her course.
She had been leaning towards accepting Alan’s offer before this, but she was uncertain if it was truly the correct thing to do.
Now, after seeing the results of Alan’s industriousness and determination, she knew that their life together would be exactly what she had always wanted.
She hesitated to say anything, however, not knowing how to speak directly without forgoing her modesty. The heat in his gaze and the warmth of the knowledge that Alan was truly a grown man forced her to say something.
“I am willing,” she said.
His eyes widened briefly in his surprise, but a grin quickly replaced that expression.
“Mary Bennet, are you saying that you will marry me, that we will spend our lives together in this little house until our family grows big enough that we must move into the main house? Are you saying that you will let me love you and give you all the attention you deserve and that you will love me in return?”
Mary smiled. It sounded perfect. “I love you, Alan. You make me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. I would love to make a life with you in whatever home you choose. I will bear and raise however many children God blesses us with, and I will choose to rely on your love and support to do so.”
Alan’s grin vanished in a flash, but Mary was unable to discern what his new expression was, for in an instant, he had bent towards her and their lips met.
The world around Mary disappeared, as did the thoughts in Mary’s head. She was caught up in the moment, the feeling of Alan’s lips on hers. Her hands gripped his arms simply to steady herself, but she was suddenly aware of how very strong his arms were.
She felt closer to him than ever before, but within moments, she felt as if he wasn’t close enough.
The kiss ended before Mary was ready for it. She gazed into Alan’s eyes. She thought she was very familiar with their color and shape, but there was an expression there that was like nothing she had ever seen or imagined before. It set her ablaze.
The new feelings, the new sensations, had reached a point where she was frightened instead of intrigued. Mary was a person who thought things through. She did not act on strong feelings or impulse, and she did not like feeling out of control.
She looked away.
Fortunately, Alan did not take her actions as rejection.
She heard the smile in his voice as he said, “Since you don’t have a chaperone today, we shall have to wait for another day to tour the house.
There are a couple of rooms that I have left unimproved, because I want you to decide how they will be decorated. ”
He set the curricle in motion before Mary could say anything. After a minute or two, she was able to speak. “Which rooms still need to be done?”
“The main bedroom and the drawing room,” he said.
“Not the mistress’ suite?” she asked. She had expected that was the room he would leave for her if anything.
“The house was meant for a widow,” he said.
“It does not have separate master and mistress bedrooms. In fact, there are only three bedrooms, not counting two small servant bedrooms, which is why I said we might have to move to the main house if our family grows too large. Still, I thought you would be happier living separate from my parents at first.”
Mary felt suddenly embarrassed…for two reasons.
First, she felt foolish for not realizing that a small house would not have separate rooms for a married couple.
Secondly, she was very embarrassed indeed by the thought that she would be sleeping in the same bed as Alan for many years to come… once they were married.
As she felt a deep blush spread over her cheeks and even down her neck, Mary felt Alan gently grasp her hand.
“I realize that there will be many new things for you to get used to, Mary,” he said gently.
“Please do tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable. Truly, my primary wish is for you to be happy.”
“I will,” promised Mary sincerely. “At the moment, I couldn’t be happier. Though I admit to a little embarrassment as well. Still, I am very much looking forward to the future.”
Alan let go of her hand, but he quickly moved it around her shoulders and squeezed in a little side hug. “As am I, Mary,” he said. “As am I.”