31. Bishop #2
I let her go in front of me to grab food.
Even if she didn’t feel the same, I was still a gentleman.
She grabbed things here and there but didn’t fill her plate as much as I expected her to.
When we reached the end of the line, I opened my mouth to ask her to sit with me, but she bounced off toward her sisters before I could.
Lincoln clapped me on the shoulder. “Come on, boss man. You’re coming with me.”
It went against every urge screaming at me to follow Lennox, but I fought it, letting Lincoln steer me toward one of the few empty tables left. Neither of us spoke at first, content to listen to the surrounding chatter.
From where we sat, I could just make out Lennox talking to Josie. She pushed her food around on her plate, sighing as she finally pushed it away. My own meal turned to ash on my tongue, and I did the same.
“Trouble in paradise?” Lincoln asked, shoveling a spoonful of beans into his mouth.
“Stay out of it,” I muttered.
“I guess you still don’t wanna talk about it,” he laughed. “I’d always wondered what happened that night, but true to my word… I kept my mouth shut and never asked.”
I remembered it well. It was the morning after Lennox had stormed out. Lincoln was walking up to the house for breakfast and saw the showdown on my lawn in real-time. I’d told him I hadn’t wanted to talk about it, and he hadn’t brought it up until today.
“Not even to your better half?” I asked, glancing back toward Lennox and Josie. Lennox wrapped her food up, setting it down on Keith’s truck before they headed into the barn.
He shook his head. “Naw. If Lennox wanted Josie to know, that’s on her to tell her. I don’t get involved in anything happening between the sisters.”
“That’s the first smart thing I’ve ever heard come outta your mouth.”
“Aw, I knew you liked me,” he said, butting into my shoulder with his own. “My point is… Same offer stands as be fore. If you need to talk about anything, or anyone , I’m here.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, letting his offer hang between us. This was strange for me. Sure, I might’ve had friends over the course of my life, but none that I wanted to sit and talk about this shit with.
But I wanted to make this work with Lennox, which meant I should probably open up a little bit. He’d done the same to me. After all… If everything worked out between us, Lincoln and I would be like family, right?
“I dunno what the fuck I’m doing with her,” I whispered. “I feel so out of my depth. It’s not even funny. She says jump, and I say how high. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way, but I also don’t want to stop? I’m in over my head! I’m—oh god, I can’t even say it.”
“What’s wrong?” Lincoln asked, a hint of worry in his tone. “You’re what?”
I sat my hand down on the table, scrubbing my face with my hands until the skin felt raw.
“I’m just like you! I’m a lovesick fool that she’s got wrapped around that dainty, infuriating finger of hers, and I don’t know what to do with that.
I’m terrified of fucking everything up with her, and—are you seriously laughing right now? ”
Lincoln was beet red from trying to hold in his laughter, but the shake in his shoulders told me he was losing the battle. “I’m sorry,” he said, waving me off. “Oh man, this is great.”
“It is not!” I said, lowering my voice the moment I realized how loud I was being. “I’m so fucking gone for her.”
He wiped beneath his eyes. “Have you told her?”
I looked down at my hands. “I may have said something before lunch?”
“Just now?” he asked, brows furrowing.
“Maybe.”
“You just dropped the L bomb and ran? ”
I blew out a breath. “This was a terrible idea. I don’t know why I thought talking about it would help.”
“No, stop. Sit your grumpy ass down, grandpa, and let’s talk about your feelings,” he said, pushing me back into my seat.
“I’m only four years older than you.”
“Yeah, but most of the time, you act like a sixty-year-old who yells at kids to get off his lawn, so it fits,” Lincoln said, shrugging.
“Listen, I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know, but I can say you aren’t fucking anything up.
Relationships are hard. Putting yourself out there is hard.
Giving someone that kind of control when you’re used to holding the reins is fucking hard. But goddamn, is it worth it.”
“Of course, you’re gonna say that. Everything worked out for you.”
“And who said things weren’t gonna work out for you? I may not have known everyone as long, but Bishop… You’ve gotta be the dumbest son-of-a-bitch I’ve ever met if you don’t think that woman is head over heels in love with you. There are literal hearts in her eyes when she glances your way.”
“What? No. I mean, I know she cares, but?—”
“Has she done anything that’d suggest otherwise?” he asked, cutting me off.
I closed my eyes, feeling every bit as stupid as Lincoln claimed I was being. I thought back, wondering if I’d missed any red flags, but came up empty-handed. Lennox always followed my lead. She may have pushed my buttons and smarted off, but if I said to pump the brakes, she did a hard stop.
“I’m gonna take your silence as confirmation that you’re just being a dumbass,” Lincoln said, finishing off the last of his lunch.
“Fuck off. I didn’t expect you to make sense,” I grumbled.
“It has nothing to do with making sense and everything to do with opening your eyes.” Lincoln adjusted his chair so that he was facing my direction.
“Listen, I don’t know much about your history other than what you told me on my first day here.
I get that opening up and trusting others isn’t easy, but if you want to have a good life, then you’re gonna have to.
Look at Josie and me… Neither one of us had a reason to trust the other.
After a year, I showed up out of the blue, and she was with someone else.
Tell me, what would you have done if you’d been in my boots? ”
“Well, I wouldn’t have waited a goddamn year like an idiot.”
He waved me off. “Yeah, Yeah. I’m stupid. I’ve had this fight with Josie a thousand times, but unlike the others, I’m not gonna get make-up sex after you and I are done talkin’. Just answer the question.”
What would I have done? For starters, I probably wouldn’t have even been in the position.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love after a five-night stand, and I damn sure wouldn’t have pined after that person for a year after no contact and showed up randomly to get them back.
Every decision I made was cautious. Careful.
There was nothing I wanted to risk this life for.
Until now.
Until her .
Until I’d done something reckless, entirely out of character, and selfish.
Kissing Lennox Hayes for the first time had been life-altering. It made me want things I’d only dreamed about. It’d given me hope for a future—a better one where I could move away from my past and do something for myself.
My whole life has been spent taking care of others. I worked myself to the bone, earning enough to cover the bills my mom couldn’t—the ones my father should’ve been there to take care of. I never participated in any sports or activities, barely passing high school enough to graduate.
Even after she kicked me out, I immediately jumped in head first here at the ranch. I was grateful for the work. It gave me a purpose—a way to move past the shitty hand I’d been dealt and make something of myself.
But over the years, I grew jaded and reclusive. I’d become so laser-focused on being important to the people around me that I’d forgotten any dreams of my own. Maybe that’s why I’d given Lennox so much grief over the years.
I’d never felt dislike or even distrust toward her.
No, I envied her.
She was the opposite of me in so many ways and the embodiment of everything I wanted to be.
I’d never met anyone with a wilder spirit or a harder worker.
Her stubborn streak rivaled my own, but it was never out of selfishness.
At the end of the day, she knew how good she had it, even if it took her a minute to realize it sometimes.
She knew what she wanted. If she didn’t, then she faked it until she made it. I could do that, worry less about others’ thoughts and take what I wanted.
And what I want is her.
There was no denying it. I wanted her snark, her bite, her unimaginable wit. I wanted to work beside her, to cheer her on, and vice versa. I wanted a relationship like Doug and Ruby, one filled with love and laughter and enough memories to last us a lifetime.
Goddammit, I wanted it all. And there wasn’t anything stopping me from having it except for me.
I was my own worst enemy.
“Ah,” Lincoln said, dragging my attention back to him. “There it is.”
“There what is?” I asked.
“You found your answer,” he said, pushing to his feet. He jerked his chin toward the barn and grabbed our plates, tossing them into the trash. “Go get your girl, Bishop.”
“We’ve got the branding. I can’t just take off.”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, dumbass. You’ll have to come back, but we have,” he looked down at his phone, “about twenty minutes before break ends. I think that’s enough time to tell the girl you love her, eh?”
I stood, tucking the chair away. “It didn’t go so well the first time.”
Lincoln held up his hands in surrender. “Listen, if you don’t wanna do this now, I’ll trade lines so you can both get some space, but I think you both need to squash this shit before it gets outta hand.
” He began walking away but paused. “I waited a year before I got the nerve to seek Josie out, and it was almost too late. That’s my advice. Take it or leave it.”