Chapter 8
I f Heim’s phone hadn’t started vibrating, I never would’ve unraveled my body from his. His breath tickling my neck was a sensation I wanted to feel for the rest of my life. The way he held on to me made me feel so secure and safe. Like, he really wanted all of me. And his warmth… It had to be my favorite part about being up underneath him.
The first call went to voicemail, but the caller immediately called back. I shook him because he was still in a coma.
“Heim …” I shook a little harder. “Your phone keeps ringing. Someone’s trying to get in touch with you. It could be about Shy Shy.”
Of course, his daughter’s name was enough to do the trick. He reached for his phone and answered without checking the caller ID. His body froze as he listened. In one swift motion, he tossed the covers off his legs and placed his feet on the floor.
“Okay. I’m on the way.”
I lifted on my knees watching him end the call. His eyebrows were tightly knit together, and his posture was stiff as a board.
“What is it, baby?” My voice seemed to startle him.
He glanced up at me and briefly stopped moving.
“Aww, you called me baby.” Coming closer, he cuffed my cheek. “There was a chemical spill at one of the plants. I have to go set up incident command.”
My heart began to race. I gulped a mouthful of air. Crawling to the edge of the bed I tried not to let my worry paint my features.
“Okay…”
He stepped closer and placed a kiss on my forehead.
“Go back to sleep. I’ll be back with breakfast by the time you wake up.”
I nibbled on my bottom lip unsure how I was feeling about this.
“Island…”
“Hm?” My head popped up as I came back into the present with him.
“Breathe. I’m going to be okay.”
I nodded slowly. I decided to trust his words. If I was going to commit to this, I had to trust he could do his job.
I placed a hand on his cheek. “Be safe.”
“Always.”
He kissed me quickly, trying his best to savor the feel of my lips before stuffing his phone in his pocket.
“Come lock the door behind me.”
I accepted his extended hand and followed him to the foyer where he put on his heavy-duty boots and jacket.
I stood at the door watching him rush to his truck. He was speeding down my street within a minute, and it took everything in me to close the door. I pressed my back against it. My chest heaved up and down as I started to overthink.
Shaking my head, I decided I wasn’t going to worry unless I had a reason to. It was a simple call that required his leadership, and once he handled everything, he’d be back. He was going to owe me all the snuggles I could handle, though. Once I felt levelheaded, I went back to my bedroom and climbed in bed. It was 3:00 a.m., which left plenty of time to get some sleep before it was time for breakfast.
* * *
Hours had passed. I woke up long after the rising sun only to check my phone to see I had no updates from Shyheim. I convinced myself to relax, but it only lasted a little while. Once I turned on the news and saw that the chemical spill he was called away for became an explosion that was still razing the skies, my heart sank to my toes.
I couldn’t move from the couch. My arms were locked around my knees, and my eyes were glued to the television. Little words slid across the screen announcing my worst fear to the world. One firefighter’s life was lost in a chemical explosion. The thought of losing Shyheim immediately after opening myself up to him had me in shambles. What I thought was bravery was obviously stupidity as it wasn’t even twenty-four hours since we explored one another intimately, and he was already affected by my curse. He had a daughter depending on him, and my selfish desires were going to take him away from her.
I squeezed my eyes shut trying not to entertain those thoughts, but it was difficult. I don’t know why I thought I could be with someone who had such a dangerous job. Every time he went to work, there was a risk that he wouldn’t make it home. Could I really handle that pressure? The stream of tears that splashed on my arms answered that question for me.
With my eyes still glued to the TV, I slid down into the fetal position on the sofa. This reminded me of the days after Rydell’s accident. The tragedy was on the news every hour on the hour. Breaking News! Breaking News! Breaking News! I hated those words, and now they were the only thing keeping me tethered to my sanity.
Dread filled every vein in my body, cementing me in place. I stayed there praying for relief from the pain, but it never came. I could feel Dell’s hands on my body the same as Shyheim. It was becoming more difficult to separate the two I had no choice but to consider ending things now.
I was falling apart at the thought of losing Shyheim. Actually, losing him would ruin me. I had to accept love was not in the cards for me in this lifetime. I tried living out my lover girl fantasies, but they inevitably kept coming back to kick me in the stomach. I was done feeling that kind of pain.
My phone chimed with a text message. I snatched it up desperately to find out if it was Shyheim. It was.
Lieutenant Troy: I’m okay, Izzy. I’ll be by once things calm down.
While I was happy to know he was okay, I realized my mind was already made up. I had to walk away to protect myself. The last restructure of my heart was done messily. I couldn’t survive a third hammer to my core. I thought I could be strong, but it turned out I was only good at doing so when I wasn’t being tested. This close call hit a little too close to home, and I was right. Loving someone with a dangerous job was too risky.