Chapter 5
Audrey
We had orientation today.Our weekly schedule would be Tuesdays and Thursdays, but the head nurse planned for us to do the orientation the Friday before so she could also pass on some studies she wanted us to familiarize ourselves with. There was no reason for the firework of nerves exploding deep in my gut, at least not for meeting with Marcy Rumble. I’d asked other students who worked with her at this ICU, and she was known for being blunt, to the point, safe, and exceptional.
It was the fact Theo stood in his scrubs, a half-smile on his face, leaning on the wall outside the hospital as I approached. The afternoon sun hit his hair just right, the shades of blond and brown combining together. He had thick hair, messy, but kept professional, and it was unfair how good it looked on him.
It was hard to accept Theo Sanders, an asshole on the ice, aggressive, and a shit-talker, was the same guy who cared for his siblings. He obviously loved them, and it annoyed me that I found it admirable. I didn’t want to think anything kind about the dude. We could stick to being professional at clinicals, and that was it. Nothing more.
The scrubs clung to his arms and chest, his muscles defined and chiseled in a way that made my pulse elevate slightly. I swallowed and hoped he wouldn’t see me, but I didn’t get another two steps before he glanced up from his phone and smiled.
“Hey, Auds.” He waved and pocketed his phone.
Auds. He wasn’t my brother or my friend. I frowned, hating the catch in my throat at hearing him say that nickname.
“I hoped I’d catch you so we could walk in together. Hey, we should exchange numbers.”
I pressed my lips together, determined to dislike him. “I don’t know if we need to do that.”
His jaw flexed before he shrugged. “Okay.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and jutted his jaw toward the entrance. “Ready? I almost couldn’t sleep last night I was so anxious. Heard horror stories about working the ICU.”
“It’s a great way to prepare us for life post-graduation,” I said, cringing at how robotic I sounded. Why couldn’t I just say I felt the same? Nerves hit me too, but admitting any weaknesses to him could be used later.
He rolled his eyes, his lips quirking up. “Oh, I didn’t realize that. Thank you. Geez, that’s such good information to learn.”
Damn it. I fought a smile. “You’re sarcastic.”
He covered his chest with a hand and grinned. “Me? No.”
A snort escaped before I could stop it. Theo’s eyes lit up as he walked close enough for our arms to brush together. With one small touch of his elbow grazing mine, my skin burned with awareness. His freshly showered scent also hit me, a pleasant clean smell.
“Ah, you do have a sense of humor. I wasn’t sure at first, but I’m glad it’s there. I liked the sound of that weird little snort.”
“It wasn’t weird,” I quipped, mentally scolding myself. “Okay, yeah, it was. Sorry.”
“Nah, I liked it. It’s no cackle, but I’ll get you to cackle someday. I’m sure of it. Operation Auds Laughter is underway.”
My lips parted, and my stomach swooped in an unfamiliar, dangerous way. He was being too nice to me. Why? I didn’t deserve it or understand it. His genuine demeanor freaked me out because everything was a contradiction with him.
“Why are you—” I started, about to ask the very question but stopped when we approached the nurses’ station. Marcy stood there in her purple scrubs and her hair pulled back tight in a ponytail. She didn’t smile, but her body shifted as she greeted us.
“Ms. Hawthorne, Mr. Sanders, welcome.” She shook my hand, then Theo’s. “Let’s not waste time. Today I’m going to give you a tour to learn where to find our essential equipment, patient rooms, emergency exits, and restocking areas. Memorize it. I need you both understanding the physical layout in the event of an emergency.”
She handed both Theo and I a folder. “In there, you’ll find our protocols and procedures. There’s nothing too crazy, but please familiarize yourself with our infection control practices, patient privacy laws, and emergency response procedures. Once your shift starts with me, there are moments where we won’t have time to discuss procedures. Seconds matter here. They could be the difference between life and death.”
I gulped down the rush of adrenaline. My grandpa died in an ICU after a car crash when I was eight, and I never forgot the sounds and smells of the hospital. They said the crash did all the damage, but what if someone could’ve stopped the bleeding five seconds earlier? Would it have mattered?
I’d never know, but I took Marcy very seriously. I refused to be the reason someone didn’t make it out of the ICU. Theo’s gaze landed on me, his eyes solemn and serious. No evidence of the goofy guy who was there five minutes earlier. Something warm landed on my pinky finger, and I sucked in a breath when I traced the reason.
Theo locked our pinkies together and squeezed for two seconds and let go. That touch sent flurries of emotions in my chest to the point it ached. That one little gesture reassured me and flustered me within seconds.
What the hell was that?
I swallowed hard and jerked my hand away from him. His jaw flexed, but that was the only sign he reacted to my quick movements.
“Any questions yet?” Marcy asked, her tone brisk.
We shook our heads. My questions had nothing to do with the orientation and everything to do with the giant next to me.
“Okay, after we do the layout tour and protocols, we’ll get into safety procedures and an equipment overview. You need to know how to handle disposal of sharp items and hazardous substances.”
Marcy didn’t wait a beat before moving into the tour. She pointed out the essential locations, only pausing every ten minutes or so to see if we had a question. The hour went by in a blur. It was pure adrenaline and excitement but a blur, nonetheless.
This place would be my second home this semester. It smelled like chemicals and the memories of losing people I cared about, but it fueled me to be here. If I could somehow learn all the tricks, I could keep Quentin safe. Or help others return home to their families.
In the sixty minutes we were there, there had been one code blue and one critical response team. Everyone understood their role and responsibility during that time, and it was fascinating to see everyone remain under control. There had been no loss of life in that moment, and I knew that wasn’t always the case.
My pulse raced the entire time, and my body went into survival mode. I’d been through so much loss I could shut out the worry and focus on the task.
“Okay, Theo, Audrey,” Marcy said after we told her to use our first names. “I have a few things for you to read this weekend. This semester isn’t just about observing. You must learn. I want you prepared enough to take the job after month one. That means reading, discussing, and applying. The studies I referenced in your folder are about pharmacology and pathophysiology. You need to deeply understand the medications commonly used here and how they interact with other medicines, as well as conditions commonly seen here. Learn and understand the disease process, potential complications, and rationale around treatments. Also, communication is essential in a code blue. You’ll need to anticipate needs before they’re said. I’ll see you both Tuesday morning.”
With that, she left us as the station where we entered, and she was out of sight within a few seconds.
Theo nodded twice before whistling. “This is going to be an experience, that’s for damn sure.”
Out of nowhere, a ball of emotion caught in my throat. I hated showing feelings. They were exhausting, and I didn’t have time for them, but shit. My hands shook, probably from adrenaline, and I sniffed to avoid letting my stress show. It had to be an adrenaline crash of sorts. There was no reason to be sad or stressed. I’d found an extra session to tutor and sent my mom a hundred bucks. Sure, she’d call again, but my racing heart had no place right now. I cleared my throat, scolding myself for having any weaknesses. “I’ll see you Tuesday.”
With my head down, I marched out the automatic doors. It was only five pm, so I could grab some food and start reading whatever Marcy laid out. I had a ton of other assignments to work on, but this had to come first. I could busy myself with tasks.
“Audrey, hey, wait up.”
“What do you want, Theo?” My voice was scratchy. “Don’t you have hockey to play?”
“It’s a Friday night, so no. I already worked out with the team.” He caught up to me and gently touched my upper arm, stopping me.
The same unfamiliar and intoxicating heat spread through me from having his bare fingers on my skin. He let go the second I tensed and held his hands in the air. “Why are you upset?”
“I’m not.” I crossed my arms and prayed he wouldn’t call me on my lie.
“You are.”
Okay, that didn’t work. He arched a brow in challenge before his expression softened in understanding. I hated that his face was so readable, so kind.
“I have an idea, and I’m gonna need you to say yes to it.”
“That’s a terrible way of asking.”
“I’m not asking a thing.” He flashed a quick grin. “It’s been pissing me off all week that I’m in debt to you?—”
“For what? No, you’re not.”
“You watched my siblings for a bit, which you didn’t have to do at all. So yeah, I owe you.” He shook his head. “I never got to thank you properly for that?—”
“No need.”
“Would you stop talking for one second?” He laughed and put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it for one long heartbeat. “Are you always such a pain in the ass, or is this special for me?”
“Don’t take too much credit, I’m generally like this.”
“Noted.” His eyes danced with amusement. “Now, if you keep quiet for one minute and let me propose my idea, I think you’ll agree.”
I opened my mouth, but he held up a finger, stopping me.
“Ah, no, shh.” He smirked. “I’m taking you for ice cream. You’re not getting out of it for two reasons. Three, actually!” He held up his massive hands and counted down. “You’re upset, and I’d be a shitty classmate to let you walk off by yourself without checking on you. We’re gonna experience some wild shit in there, and I’d rather we have each other’s backs. Secondly, I owe you for helping me out the other day. I’m a gentleman most of the time, so it’s the least I can do. And thirdly, I looked up one of those studies we have to read, and what the fuck? They are hard, and I want us to buddy read. I read one, you the other, then we share notes. I don’t have time to read both this weekend, so yeah, that’s my proposal.”
If it weren’t Theo Sanders the hockey guy, I’d agree to all of this instantly. Yet, it was him, and I needed to make sure that wall was up before saying yes. “We still don’t like each other though.”
“Oh, yeah, no way. You’re the worst.” He made a goofy face, clearly joking, but the sentiment landed with me.
“Okay. As long as we don’t become friends.”
“You’ve made it clear that would never happen, Audi 5000. Now, let me buy you some dessert and then we can cry about how intense Marcy is.”
“Audi 5000?”
Theo chuckled. “It’s super fitting for you. You’re always trying to leave a conversation, and your name is Audrey. It’s perfect. So, Auds, you an ice cream kinda gal or a cake kind of lady?”
“Uh, whatever you want.” I swallowed, nerves prickling along my skin from how near he stood by me. Heat radiated from him, and he smelled way too good for being on shift all day.
“I’m asking you though.” He ran a hand over his jaw, the movement causing the ripples in his forearm to clench.
Clinically speaking, he had wonderful forearms.
“Whatever is near us.”
“Audrey.” His tone changed. He was more serious.
I frowned but met his penetrating stare. The colors of his eyes clashed with the sky around us, but they were easy to get lost in. Way too easy. “What?”
“When was the last time you went on a date? Did you pick a spot or just say whatever is near?”
“I don’t date, Theo.” My face heated, and my insides tightened. He was super experienced, obviously. With his looks and hockey status, he probably dated all the time.
I just never had time. It was always working, saving money, helping Quentin, keeping my academic scholarship. Dating didn’t fit that mold, and yeah, I’d missed out on a lot of moments. I never had the big kiss-in the-rain scene or the hot date to prom or losing my virginity or falling in love. But I took care of my family the best I could. Even if I didn’t like them much right now.
I was too busy, too focused on surviving, that any relationship, or attraction, fell to the wayside. “No time.”
“Hm, I call?—”
“Ice cream. I want ice cream,” I blurted out. I couldn’t be sure if I wanted to stop the dating conversation or if I really craved ice cream. It had been so long since someone asked what I wanted that I’d forgotten how to answer. How pathetic. “Mint chocolate chip. In a waffle bowl with sprinkles.”
“Whoa, settle down there, party animal. Sprinkles? Don’t go too wild.”
He was teasing me, but by the warmth and kindness in his voice, I didn’t mind. If anything, my lips quirked slightly as I glanced at him.
“Saw that, Audi. Saw your little smile. That’s a point to me.”