Chapter 6
Theo
Audrey sucked the spoon in her mouth, her round, full lips covering the utensil like she was on some OnlyFans account. The thing was, she wasn’t trying to be sexy. She had some ice cream on her chin and a trail of drops on the table, yet watching her relax was intoxicating to the point I wondered if I was all right myself.
She was makeup-less, wore scrubs, had her hair pulled back tight and yet she looked good. Good enough to question why I was so adamant about keeping her at a distance. Besides the whole brother thing. That was clear. I didn’t need a reminder about that because when I thought about her punk ass brother for more than a second, I wanted to walk away from any friendship with her.
“I can’t believe you convinced me to do this. It’s been years since I’ve eaten here and had this.” She held up her large waffle cone as her large jade eyes softened. Her entire face shifted from that gesture, and I liked it.
Audrey was tough, but when her gaze went all warm like that, she was stunning. Her button nose scrunched a bit, and her almost too large green eyes stood out even more. Her face was smooth, and I had the weirdest urge to run a finger down it. My chest warmed as I stared at her, and I took a small bite from my one-scoop cone. She called me basic getting vanilla, but I argued it was a classic. A staple. Dependable.
“Well, what I think I hear you saying is thank you. So, you’re welcome.” I held up my spoon, and she clinked her spoon. Holy shit, that was the cutest thing.
She smiled. It was brief, like a flash of lightning, but shit. Audrey had a killer grin. I’d only seen it twice, ever, but it was memorable. “Thank you,” she said, her voice dropping an octave. “For the ice cream and for pulling me out of my head.”
“Care to share where you went?” I took another bite and ignored the urge to not enjoy the sweets. With training and the season starting in a month, I shouldn’t go off the meal plan, but I was weak when it came to desserts. I had no restraint. They were the way to my heart and soul. I could decline any other vice, but ice cream was the worst. I’d eat an entire pint in one sitting if I had the option. Probably two of them.
Audrey stared off toward the window of the ice cream shop, her gaze unfocused. “I’ve always wanted to be a nurse to help others, but it hit me today how dangerous it could be. How much our choices, and our decisions matter. We have to know every routine and step and make tough calls within half a second.” She gulped.
I understood that look. My stomach twisted with worry that there was more to her than met the eye. No one carried the weight of the world on their shoulders without a reason. Audrey and I might have that in common.
“I can’t be the reason someone doesn’t go home to their family.” She took another bite, her eyes returning to normal. “I don’t feel prepared enough. I need to study more, read more. I could call previous students?—”
“Hey.” I covered her hand with my free one. She sucked in a breath and stared at our connection with wide eyes. She’d reacted that way every time we’d touched. “We’re not going to be the reason. Not right now, not our first year. These places have protocols in place so new and inexperienced staff are never on their own.”
“I can’t mess up. I refuse to. I had a bad experience when I was a kid.” She let the words trail before her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “I’ve worked so hard for this, to fulfill my dream, and I’m worried. Isn’t that stupid?” She rubbed her fingers over her forehead so hard there were little indents there.
“Then do it nervous.” I kept my palm on the top of her hand, enjoying the softness of her skin. It was nice holding someone else, even if the person hated me and was pricklier than a cactus. “I’m sorry about whatever you went through. I want to ask questions but also respect your wishes. Someday, I might tell you about my family too.”
“Like why you care for your siblings?”
I nodded. “But that would require us being friends, and you told me that won’t happen.”
She chewed her lip, a frown line appearing between her brows, and I regretted my dry joke. I nudged her knee with mine, getting her to look at me again. “That was a joke, Auds. We can form a truce even without being friends.”
“Why do you watch your siblings though? How are you going to handle that and hockey and these clinicals? Do you have other help?”
And pop. There went the nice bubble I was enjoying. My life outside of this moment was nothing but stress. She was a distraction, a fun, unexpected one, but I didn’t want to think about all waiting for me. Like the fact my dad needed a night away for the third time this week, so I had to be home with my family on a Friday night. Instead of answering her question and having her derail the evening, I spun the question around on her. Bantering with her was slowly becoming my own form of amusement. “It sounds like you might care about my health and sanity a little bit.”
“What?” She shook her head. “No, of course not. You could have the shits right now, and I wouldn’t care at all.”
I barked out a laugh. Her answer was so unexpected I wanted another one from her. “Okay, then why ask about how I’m balancing three very stressful things if you don’t care?”
She sucked her teeth and shrugged. “Don’t want to have to carry the team at the ICU.”
“You wouldn’t. Lie better.”
She rolled her eyes, her lips quirking for half a second before she stared at me. “That’s a lot to take on. I wouldn’t wish all that on my worst enemy.”
“And am I your worst enemy, Audrey?” Damn, my voice dropped low, almost like I was flirting with her. Which I sure as hell wasn’t. Did I need to list the reasons why that would be foolishly stupid? Unforgivably stupid?
Brother. Teammate. Captain. Clinicals. Injury. No time.
There, that stopped me.
“No, my enemy’s name is Penelope Bloomsberry.”
Another unexpected answer. I fought a grin. “And who is she?”
“My nemesis. Enough questions. Your ice cream is melting, and we have things to read this weekend.”
I took her cue and stopped teasing her about hating me. It was obvious she didn’t, and she struggled with it. I wanted her to struggle with judging me, but I was also not na?ve enough to think we’d ever be real friends. While I wasn’t ready to share my story with her, it was clear she wasn’t prepared either because Reiner’s question remained in the back of my head the last few days. She’d raised her brother. How? Why?
It made me think of my siblings and if anyone injured them, preventing them from doing the thing they loved for a year… I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to move on. Even if they deserved what happened to them.
If she’d raised Quentin, then she’d truly never forgive or understand why he got injured that game. Disappointment clouded my entire mood, the reality of the situation hitting me. I wanted to be friends with her. I didn’t want her to hate me. I’d always been able to get along with everyone, but I hadn’t found a real friend here at Central State yet, and it sucked. It took a lot to anger me, and life generally had so many bright sides. But I’d seen the looks she’d given me. She’d never accept me as anything but the guy who injured her brother.
Defeat didn’t sit well with me. When I’d lose a game, it’d take days to recover from, so after spending time with her and realizing I wanted to be friends, it hurt to know we couldn’t be. With such limited time I had, it was wasteful to put energy into a one-sided relationship.
“You seem stressed.” She took another long lick of her spoon. “Is it clinicals or all the other stuff I mentioned?”
“Doesn’t matter.” I sighed and took a bite. “Thanks for letting me treat you to ice cream, but I think I’m heading out.”
“Wait, already?” She frowned, her lips pouting on her heart-shaped face. It was almost like she didn’t want me to leave, but the momentary display of emotion zapped from her face the next second. “Of course, yeah. I’ll see you Tuesday.”
“We’re doing the buddy-reading, right?”
“I’ll read both anyway.” She didn’t look at me. She stared at the center of the white table, where a bunch of sprinkles had fallen over. “I can share notes with you. What’s your email?”
I wrote down my email on a napkin. Not my number, because she refused, but my stupid email so she could share her detailed notes. If that didn’t scream never-friends, nothing else did. “I’ll ask around to see if anyone else got assigned those studies so I can buddy ready with them.”
“I don’t mind sharing with you.” That frown line appeared between her brows again. “I said that, right?”
“Sure, but the point is for us to save time, and if you’re going to do it anyway, it’s not the same.” I waved a hand in the air, itching to get out. I had an hour left of free time before my dad needed me at the house. I’d be a good partner during clinicals, but that was it. Being a solid teammate made all the difference, so I’d focus on that next week instead of trying to form a friendship with someone so reluctant. “Have a good weekend, Audrey.”
“Yeah, you too.” Her voice seemed distant, off even, but I didn’t let myself stress about it. I didn’t have the capacity to worry about her. Sure, she seemed sad as we walked out of the hospital, and I wasn’t a jerk. But my investment in her had to stop now. I was one papercut away from having losing it, and Audrey was nothing but stress.
Em wasin her room with the windows locked. Daniel had fallen asleep, and Penny went out like a like an hour ago. My dad was in another town again so that left me alone. Finally.
Exhaustion wore me like an accessory, and the season hadn’t even started yet. That would happen in four weeks, which would add another layer to the stress-meter that was ready to blow. Man, I missed my mom so much. The facility she stayed at was about twenty minutes from here, and I hadn’t gone to see her in a while. Guilt ate at me, but it was so damn hard to see her now. She wasn’t the same mom who raised me, and fuck, it gutted me. Being the only one awake in my childhood home had nostalgia hitting me left and right, and I needed to do something to distract myself. Make lists. I had so damn much to do, and it would push away the horrible thoughts.
Lists helped me stay on track and not spiral out of control too much. So, I wrote down everything I needed accomplish and tried not to have a freak-out. The studies Marcy assigned would take hours, time I didn’t have. It was already eleven, and I had practice in the morning, a shit-ton of homework, a team event with Coach, then back home. I had three hours on Sunday, if that, to do it.
Fuck. I slid into bed and fired up my laptop, determined to read half of the first one about pharmacology. It focused on the effects and management of vasopressors in septic shock patients. It had a detailed analysis of the use of drugs and indications for use, dosages, and titration, and side effects. Then we had to answer the question: In a patient with septic shock, what are the main focuses of the nurse during the early stages of treatment?
My brain melted into my pillow. I’d vowed to get my degree and not assume that hockey would provide the life we all needed. Hell, if I wasn’t focused on getting my degree, I could get my signing bonus now and hire a full-time nurse for my mom to move home and a nanny for my siblings. But I’d promised my mom I’d finish. It was her dream for me to become a nurse and have a backup plan.
I had to finish for her in the event she became herself again. She’d always loved me and was proud of me, but this felt like more. I had to make her proud, and that meant powering through this regardless of how hard it was.
Just thinking about my mom motivated me in a way that was hard to describe. She knew why I couldn’t visit her, or at least I hoped she did. It gave me the boost I needed to get some work done, but before I got started, an email popped open from AHawthorne.
I clicked.
Hi, Theo,
I read the first study and found it fascinating. The challenge question at the end really had me thinking, so I found a few books at the library, and wow, we have so much to learn! It was honestly fun exploring the stacks for it. I included a detailed synopsis for you below, along with a few scaffolded explanations to the challenge question. I hope it helps you somehow.
I’ve been thinking about Penny and Daniel. If you have to choose between hanging out with them or reading, pick them. I’ll read all the stuff for both of us.
I’m going to the library tomorrow afternoon for the pathophysiology study. I’ll send more notes for you then.
Thank you again for the ice cream. I can’t recall the last time I did that with anyone. I’m sure my face didn’t show it, but I really enjoyed it.
Best wishes,
Audrey Hawthorne
I scannedthe notes she sent and exhaled so hard I choked on my own breath. Her notes were so detailed, so helpful. She’d scanned her own handwritten notes, and my god, her handwriting was beautiful. Was that weird? Did people think that about handwriting? I did though. It was her own font. Hawthorne. That sounded like a font people would choose. It was better than Comic Sans by a landslide.
Her comment about my siblings made me think she was lonely and then guilt hit me for not even trying to win her over. “Fuck.” I rubbed my face with my hands, an itchy, unpleasant feeling dancing down my spine.
This was the second time she’d done something unexpected and nice for me after claiming to hate me. It didn’t add up. It sent mixed signals, and I didn’t know what to do.
I could at least respond.
Hi,Audi 5000,
Thank you for the notes. You’re a lifesaver.
I’ll owe you more ice cream then.
T
There.That was quick.
Oh shit. She responded instantly.
You don’t oweme anything.
Yes,I do. These are the best notes I’ve ever seen, and I’m exhausted. I read that challenge question, and my brain almost fell out of my skull.
Theo,that’s not possible. And you’re dramatic for a hockey guy.
For a hockey guy?I smiled as I emailed back. Her responses were so unpredictable I honestly enjoyed it. My life was chaos, but each day was like dropping a deck of cards. My issues would be one of the fifty-two options, but it would follow a pattern. Her though?
Wild card.
Yes, for a hockey guy. You should know better being a nursing student.
You’re no fun.
Theo,
I hope you get some rest this weekend. See you Tuesday.
Audrey
Damn.Her email had a finality to it. I read it again, and my shoulders tensed at the formality of it again. Had my comment upset her? I was teasing her via email. Sure, not the best route, but she didn’t think I meant anything negative about being no fun, yeah?
Audrey,
I was joking with my last email. What time are you going to the library tomorrow? I’ll join you and help.
I could picture her frown and her eyebrows drawing together, and that didn’t sit well. From what I knew about her, she was all studies and work. She didn’t have a lot of friends, and hell, if she was like me, she wanted to have fun but couldn’t. An idea struck, but it required my dad to actually help out. Unease flowed in my gut as I typed out a text to him. I hated the relationship we had now, where it was all stress and anger. I knew he was struggling, but so was I. He escaped the feelings and left me here to pick up the mess. Chewing my hangnail, I typed out my text.
Theo: Something came up at school, and I have to study. Can you be home?
Dad: Can’t you study at home? Plus, you’re drafted. Who cares about the grades?
Theo: Dad. I can’t watch your children tomorrow.
Dad: Your siblings need you, Theo. I’m not sure I can be home.
Theo: I’m leaving the house at noon. Find someone else then.
Damn. It felt good to send those words to him. We’d argued once after my mom had her stroke, where he told me to drop out and move home until we figured things out, and I refused. He didn’t think my schooling was important anymore, not when I could go straight to the Acorns and receive money—even though that would mean he would have to parent. He was delusional. He wanted me to skip class and handle everything at home so he could work.
I refused.
I silenced my phone after Audrey responded with I’m there all day, mostly.
Audrey was becoming an interesting distraction from my shitshow of a life at home. I’d find her, convince her she was fun, and complete my half of the project. It was the least I could do. The girl who swore she hated me kept doing kind things for me, and I wanted to do something nice for her.