Chapter 9
Audrey
Theo changed. The charming, quick-witted guy I was growing annoyingly smitten with was gone. As we shadowed Rachel around the acute stroke recovery rooms, Theo paled and didn’t say a word.
His chest moved up and down at a faster rate. He kept wiping his brow as sweat dripped on it, and my chest ached for him. Was seeing stroke victims hard because of his mom? Was this too much for him?
I wish I knew how to help, but there wasn’t the right moment. By the time we checked in on the three patients with varying degrees of strokes, we split up. I helped take vitals and update charts for patients on the south wing with another head nurse, Jennifer. I assisted with monitoring infection sites, and there were some gnarly ones, damn. My favorite part of the entire day was talking to them though, putting the patients at ease.
Jennifer had the coolest quote to one of them that would stick with me forever. She said, “You can be scared, but I’m not. I know how to handle this.”
The relief in the patient’s eyes was immediate. There was an art of showing confidence and kindness that I wanted to emulate. But Theo’s words to me at our break? About being beautiful and lighting up? Best compliment I’d ever received in my life. How was this the guy who battered Quentin’s dreams? He was so kind.
He remained on my mind until the end of our first clinical shift, and an unwanted breath of relief escaped when our gazes met in the hallway. The pale-yellow walls clashed with dark navy scrubs he wore, and maybe it was the fluorescent lights or exhaustion, but Theo was gorgeous. From the thick eyebrows to the cut of his jawline, and the half-smile his lips naturally did… my stomach swooped in a way I hadn’t felt in years.
“You both survived your first day.” Marcy smiled and nodded in greeting at two doctors who walked by. “I’ll see you both Thursday, where we’ll do the same thing. Morning is shadowing, then afternoon you’ll be leading. Nice work.”
She left us, and both Theo and I signed the paper required of us to document hours. It was three in the afternoon, a few hours before I had to be at the library for a study group, and I wished I didn’t have to go. My classmates were dry and not warm like Theo. The truth hit me. I wanted to keep hanging out with him. It weirded me out because there were so many reasons I shouldn’t want to.
“That was a day.” Theo flashed a grin as we walked outside into the sunlight, but it wasn’t his usual demeanor. The tension in his shoulders was evident. I wanted to ask why, but it wasn’t exactly normal to jump into the topic with someone who was barely a friend. He could shut me down or laugh it off or worse, ignore me. I only kept my interactions with people to classwork, small talk, or hockey. Anything more required getting involved with people.
Yet, a shadow had crossed Theo’s face. The least I could do was make sure he was alright. I should ask if he was okay or tired or if he wanted to hang out. Oh God. I couldn’t ask that!
“Was seeing the stroke patients hard for you because of your mom?” I blurted out, my words choppy and too close together. My question wasn’t delicate. I smacked myself in the forehead. “I’m sorry, Theo, I meant to be casual and ease into it but then I got in my head, and the worst thing came out.”
He twisted his lips before meeting my gaze. His eyes lit up with amusement. “I mean, you’re not wrong. Sometimes, the bluntness is appreciated.” He gripped the back of his neck as we walked toward the parking lot. I didn’t see his truck near us, and how silly was it that I was glad we had to keep walking?
“Are you alright? Your whole body changed, and I thought about you all afternoon.” There. That wasn’t too much.
“Sweet of you, Hawthorne.” He ran a hand up and down his forearm, his strong fingers digging into the thickest part of his skin. The urge to feel how thick he was had me stepping back.
“It brought me back to when the stroke happened and how she’s not progressing. We thought, maybe, she’d get her ability to communicate back, but it’s barely there.” He gritted his teeth, and his jaw flexed. “She can talk, but her memory is gone, and she repeats herself a lot.”
He reminded me of me in the time between my dad getting sick and passing. What would’ve helped me would’ve been an opportunity to not feel any of it. Just, be someone else for a few hours without the weight of everything. “I know what you need.”
His beautiful eyes landed on me, curiosity and hope swirling in them. The fact he thought I could actually help him, that he trusted me enough, caused a small flutter in my gut. This was an unfamiliar feeling, and I wanted to bottle it up.
“Mmm, what are you thinking, Auds?”
“Come to a rage room with me.” I crossed my arms, preparing to be rejected. Sweat pooled in between my boobs as I squished them together, and my heart skipped a beat. Asking someone to hang out was horrible. Did friends do this all the time? It was way easier to be alone.
“A rage room?” He arched a brow. “Okay, I’m intrigued. Tell me more.”
“Before my dad died, there were two months of unknowns, and all of it became too much. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin, and I didn’t have any outlet. You have hockey, so now I feel silly for suggesting this. You don’t need an outlet.” I deflated. “I just knew I wanted to not be me for a few hours?—”
“I’m in.” He waited until I looked at him, then he continued, “I’m so in. I just need to shower off today. There was a moment this afternoon.” He cringed. “I live about thirty minutes away?—”
“You can shower at my place. If you have clothes. I’m five minutes from here.”
His brows about disappeared into his hairline. “You sure? That’d be great actually. I have to be home by five so that way we can spend more time in the rage room.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed down the flock of nerves. It wasn’t just a flutter anymore. “Cool.”
“Can you text me your address?” He had his phone out, his face hopeful, and I couldn’t disappoint him. I rattled off my number, and he sent me a text. I now had Theo’s number.
This seemed like a big deal to me. I hadn’t made a new friend in years, and now we were going to hang. He planned to use my shower. Wild. “You can park on the side of the dorm. It’s free there.”
He frowned but nodded. “I’ll see you there, Auds.”
It took all my willpower to not sprint to my car and fly home. I had no idea if I’d left a pair of underwear on the floor or a sports bra on a chair. I didn’t think how embarrassing it was that I lived in a dorm as a senior! It was so much cheaper, and they had meal options that were helpful with my scholarship. He could judge me, or—no. He wouldn’t. Theo had proved numerous times he was such a nice guy that he’d never be cruel.
And that was the niggling thought that wouldn’t go away. He wasn’t mean, so why had he slammed into Quentin so hard it broke his ankle? No. That was a different part of him. Not the Theo I knew.
I parked in my assigned spot and hustled to the dorm door, but Theo parked right freaking there. I have no time to clean. My face heated as I leaned against the entrance and watched Theo stroll up with a bag over his shoulder. He ran a hand through his hair as he approached me, his face always a second away from laughing. Damn. My skin prickled with awareness as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“Been a while since I’ve been in a girl’s dorm room. This is kinda fun.” He chuckled, and the sound wiggled its way all the way to my core.
I huffed out a laugh, trying not to feel jealous of all the girls who had Theo come into their dorm. But the thought of my jealousy was something to explore later, alone. Just because I was a virgin didn’t mean I didn’t have fantasies, because I definitely did. I just didn’t have time to act on anything or spend time exploring that part of my life.
“You gonna let me in or what?”
“Oh. Yeah.” I ducked my head and let us in. My room was on the ground floor, straight to the right. “Uh, I have no idea what state my room is in. I didn’t clean.”
“I’m living with my parents, Auds. I don’t care.”
“It could be embarrassing.” I clicked the lock and snuck a glance at him. His entire expression was soft and kind. He placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. The warmth exploded all the way to my toes.
“Quit stalling, girl. I want to experience the rage room.”
“Right.” I pushed the door open and whipped my head around to check for anything mortifying. It was a large single-dorm room with a bathroom. I was lucky. Nothing stood out as embarrassing, and I relaxed. “Welcome.”
He grinned as he spun in a circle. “This is so you. It’s crazy.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Organized, color-coded, comfortable.” He walked toward my succulents on the windowsill. “Very Audrey of you.”
Another compliment I’d save in my heart. Anyone who actually knew me, knew I loved succulents, yet no one cared. Quentin knew, so did my mom, but they were too involved with their own lives that any of my interests besides financials weren’t talked about. It wasn’t a complaint; it was just my life.
“I’m just glad I didn’t have panties on the ground.” I forced a chuckle as I set my keys on the desk and leaned against it. “Or a bra.”
“I disagree.” His eyes twinkled. “I think that would’ve been very fun for me.”
“Shut up.” I snorted again. “Go shower. The bathroom is right through that door.” I walked by him, trying not to breathe him in. He smelled wonderful even though he’d worked all day. Goose bumps formed on my arms when our forearms brushed by accident. “Let me get you a fresh towel.”
“Thank you.”
There was a small closet across from the bathroom, and I stood on my tiptoes, hoping to grab a clean towel on the top shelf. It was just an inch out of my reach, not enough to get a chair to help. I was about to jump when a large presence came behind me. Theo’s chest pressed into my back as he reached over me to grab the towel. “I got it. No reason for you to strain yourself.”
I couldn’t even speak. My skin flushed at his nearness. His deep voice was right by my ear, and his breath hit my neck, causing a flurry of feelings to wind and weave through me. My heart beat so hard it was incredible he couldn’t physically hear it. “Uh?—”
He twisted the handle to the bathroom, the handle emitting a familiar squeak, when he barked out a laugh. “Goddamn, Audrey. Wouldn’t have expected that.”
What?
I spun around so fast, my ponytail hit my face. One of my bright pink bras sat on the sink. Shit. It was sheer and lacy and one of my secret bras that no one ever saw. It was just for me, and now Theo Sanders had seen it.
“Fuck. I’m—that—sorry.” I shoved by him and clutched it to my chest, my face on fire. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Humiliating.”
“Audrey, hey,” he said, his voice soft. “This isn’t a big deal at all. I mean, now that I know you wear sexy bras under those scrubs, I’ll have to force myself to not think about it.”
“Why would you think about it?”
“Uh, because I’m a dude, and you have boobs.” He laughed, but when I didn’t, he frowned. “Hey, seriously. This isn’t a big deal.”
“Because you see bras all the time?”
“No.” He fought a grin but made sure to hold my eyes. “Do you want me to make it even?”
“Even?” God, why was I using one-word answers? Why did Theo mention my boobs? Why was I burning up everywhere?
“Yeah. Here.” He set his bag down and shoved fabric around until he pulled out black briefs. “These are mine. See? I’m not embarrassed.”
“Oh.”
His dimple appeared as he set his stuff in my bathroom. “Do you need anything in here before I shower? I’d hate to be in the way.”
I shook my head.
“Alright, I’ll be quick.” He shut the door, and I fell onto my bed. Shit.
My scrubs!
I didn’t recall touching any weird fluids, but I needed to get in the habit of removing them before touching anything. I stripped out of them immediately, standing in my black underwear and matching bra. This one wasn’t as lacy, but it held my breasts tight to my chest and kept them out of the way. I had the same boobs my mom did, which meant they were big for my body and often caused me back pain. I needed thick straps to hold them down.
“Hey, do you—” Theo poked his head out of the bathroom, his gaze moving down my body. It started at my face, then my chest, down my stomach to between my thighs and legs. His lips parted, and his tongue went the side of his mouth, and that little gesture sent moisture between my thighs.
“Shit. I’m sorry.” He jerked back and smacked his head against the door. “Fuck. Damnit.” Then the door shut.
Holy shit.
I couldn’t breathe. I panted for breath, absolutely frozen. Theo Sanders checked me out, that I knew, but me? What? I exhaled and took a few seconds to settle down. My body was out of control. My limbs didn’t know what to do with that much attention. Everything went into overdrive. My nipples tightened, the beaded points almost poking through the fabric. My pulse raced, and my mouth watered.
Was this lust? Attraction?
It had been so long I forgot. It wasn’t that I’d avoided guys the last five years, but I just didn’t have time. I’d made out with my sophomore boyfriend a lot, and he’d grabbed my boobs a few times, but we never did anything more. I was a twenty-one-year-old virgin who decided to have a sexual awakening with Theo Sanders in my dorm room.
This was a terrible moment to suddenly be wondering what it’d feel like to have someone touch me. And Theo Sanders of all people. Fuck. I needed to get dressed. Fast.
I found an old pair of ripped jeans and shoved my legs through them, buttoning them before finding a black tank top. It landed an inch above my waistline and showed an inch of skin. It would have to do because the water had shut off.
Did Theo take the fastest shower to mankind? How long had I sat there, thinking about him touching me?
I added a pair of earrings—topaz, the birthstone of my dad—and applied one layer of mascara because…I wanted to. It had nothing to do with Theo being here. Nothing like that.
The door opened, and I braced myself. For what? I wasn’t sure, but I gripped the side of my desk and waited. He stepped out, and his wet hair had curls. Fuck.
I was doomed. I was wildly attracted to Theo Sanders.