Chapter 12
Theo
I’d give Audrey a million dollars, and it still wouldn’t be enough to thank her. I’d upset her earlier and yet she continued to help and stay at my childhood home for hours. Em—my angsty teenage sister—had hugged her. Daniel had a crush on her, and Penny loved anyone who gave her attention.
She fit in here, and the realization made my chest feel heavy. I had no friends willing to stick this out with me. It was hard being friends with someone who always bailed, and most dudes my age? They weren’t worried about their families or home life. They were partying and living the dream.
Audrey understood. She’d lived it herself. I wanted to shower her with gifts, hugs, squeezes. There wasn’t anything I could do to thank her, and it caused an unreachable itch deep in my core. She sat at our counter, laughing as Daniel told her a story about their school gopher wreaking havoc on class. He was serious too. The school had a gopher problem, and it was hilarious.
“Have you named him yet?” Audrey asked, crossing one leg over the other. Her whole demeanor changed when she laughed, and I froze in my spot. Audrey’s smile lit up the whole fucking room. Pure joy.
My heart fluttered like a damn hummingbird.
“We named him Manders. Our teacher is named Amanda, so we named him after her because she’s scared of him.”
“I can’t tell if that’s cute or scary.” She snorted. “Have you seen the gopher?”
“Oh yeah, we watch for him all recess. We sit there and wait. Some kids try to touch the holes.”
“Wild. Your school mascot should be a gopher.” Audrey yawned, and it shook me out of my trance.
She was tired. It was late. She’d changed her plans for me, and I’d begged her to stay. She was still in her damn scrubs.
“Auds, let me take you home.”
“Oh.” She blinked as a blush covered her cheeks. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I stayed too long.”
“What? No, you didn’t.” Was she fucking serious? “You’re tired. We still gotta drive to your car.”
She licked the side of her lip before hopping off the stool and straightening her scrubs. “Thank you for letting me hang out with you. Glad you’re okay, Em, and I can’t wait to hear more about Manders!”
“You have to leave?” Daniel asked, his sad, pathetic voice echoing in the kitchen. “Are you sure?”
“She probably has other plans. Come on, don’t guilt her.”
“I don’t, but yeah, I should head back.”
“What if we do a movie and popcorn night?” Daniel begged. It was a Thursday night, a school night, and I wanted to say no.
“That sounds awesome,” Em said.
Em never wanted to hang with us. Ever.
“Yes!” Daniel jumped off the stool. “You have to stay now, Audrey. We make the best popcorn ever.”
“Oh, uh.” She glanced at me. “I’m not…sure?”
“Do you want to stay?” Something like hope bloomed in my chest. If she wanted to stay and hang with my siblings, fuck. There was no saying what I was gonna do. No one did this. No one was that kind.
She pressed her lips together and played with her fingers. “If you don’t want me to go, yeah.”
“Do you think I want you to leave?” I asked, laughing at the end. She was brilliant. Why would she possibly think that? “I begged you to come here, Auds.”
Her eyes widened before the blush returned. Then she gazed at me, her expression softening. “You did. Yeah.”
“Come on. I’ll grab you a sweatshirt so you don’t have to stay in your scrubs.”
She slid off the stool and followed me up the stairs. She walked quietly, and I waited for her at the top. She wouldn’t look at me and kept cracking her knuckles like she was nervous.
“Are you alright? Are you uncomfortable here?”
She shook her head. “I’m okay, really.”
“Audrey.” I waited for her to get into my room and then I shut the door. She leaned against it, and I had the strongest urge to toss her on my bed and kiss the hell out of her. I wanted to suck the attitude out of her mouth and bite her lips until she panted. I did none of those things, but I wanted to. Badly.
“I need you to talk to me. You keep saying you’re fine and okay, but you’re keeping something from me. You know all my shit. You’re in my childhood bedroom, for fuck’s sake. You know my secrets. I want to know yours.”
She swallowed loudly, the click of her throat like a gunshot in my room. “They’re stupid.”
“Your feelings?” I huffed. “Your feelings matter, and I care about them.”
She closed her eyes as she took a shaky breath, and when she met my gaze, there was a new glint to her eyes. One I sure as hell couldn’t figure out. “I’m not used to being put first or included or hugged. I’m struggling with how to feel right now.”
“Put first? Hugged?”
“It doesn’t?—”
“If you say it doesn’t matter, I will be fucking angry, Audrey.” Did this beautiful, kind woman not get hugged? Why did that make me want to cry?
“I’m sure that kiss didn’t mean anything to you. I know I’m one of many and that I’m not unique or special, but for a moment, I might’ve thought I was. And that’s foolish and on me. So, when you didn’t show up for the break, it solidified I was right in not being at the top of your mind. I’m not mad at you or upset, so please don’t take it that way. We’re still friends, Theo. I promise. I love your siblings.”
I paced my room as she leaned against the door.
One of many.
Not unique.
Not being at the top of my mind.
“I upset you. I’m sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll leave.”
“If you open that door, I will wrestle you to the ground. Stay. Give me a goddamn second to respond.”
She paled, and I instantly regretted my tone. “Auds, honey, I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m not upset with you at all. I’m upset with me. My mind isn’t as brilliant as yours, so I need a second to formulate my response. Can you wait for me?”
She nodded.
“Here.” I went to my dresser and pulled out an old crewneck sweatshirt that had faded hockey sticks on it. My mom found it thrifting for me years ago, and it was my favorite piece of clothing I owned. “You can put this on.”
I also tossed her an old pair of gray shorts.
I meant to offer her to go to the bathroom to change, but Audrey immediately whipped off her scrubs and stood there in a sports bra. She slid on my sweatshirt, which reached her thighs. Then she stripped out of her pants so fast I didn’t notice anything and put on my shorts.
Words escaped me. Thoughts did too. The ability to breathe was shortly behind.
“Fuck, Audrey.” My voice was raspy as hell. She looked sexy.
“What?”
She had no idea. I laughed and ran a hand over my face. My thoughts were a damn mess and probably out of line. I knew, deep down, that lusting over a teammates sister was against the rules, but she was in my room, in my clothes, and I didn’t care.
“You look fucking good.”
Her eyes widened. “But you say that to everyone.”
I smiled and shook my head, taking a step closer to her. “No, I don’t. I also don’t have everyone come to my house, my childhood bedroom, or wear my clothes either. I certainly don’t let everyone meet my siblings.”
Her pulse raced at the base of her neck as her eyes darted from my face to my mouth. “Oh.”
“You are special to me. And unique. And I’ve thought about that kiss every single second since it happened.”
She sucked in a breath. “Oh.”
I approached her slowly, pushing her stray hairs behind her ears and cupping her face. My heart pounded against my ribcage, and I was desperate to be nearer to her. She was intoxicating. Her skin was so warm and soft, and I trailed my thumbs over her cheeks, loving how she leaned into me. Like she, too, wanted me closer.
“Theo!”
I jumped. Penny’s voice intruded on the moment, causing my pulse to spike in worry. She had nightmares and sometimes wandered out of bed five, six, seven times. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I want?—”
“I know.” She cupped my hands and smiled at me. It was pure understanding and a hint of flirty, and she could’ve asked me for anything, and I’d agree. I loved this smile. It was my favorite one I’d ever seen.
“Take care of your sister.”
I kissed her forehead, lingering a beat before leaving her in my room. Maybe things happened for a reason. There was no time to explore this whatever between us. Throw in the Quentin angle, and it’d sober me up fast. Yet she wore my clothes, made my siblings laugh, and that shit mattered.
“Should I just go downstairs?”
“Yeah. Penny could be a while.” I intertwined our fingers, wishing like hell my life wasn’t what it was, and shoved it all down. Penny needed me. “Em can get the movie started. I’ll join you when I can.”
She nodded. “You are an amazing brother.”
Her compliment ballooned inside me, filling me with pride and validation that yeah, I was doing the right thing. No one thanked me. My dad didn’t even thank me for taking on the role of parent. He expected it because we put family first and made me feel like shit if I didn’t.
My mom was the gentle parent, with words of affirmations for all of us all the time. When we lost that, my dad became a ghost, and we wandered around without someone fulfilling our innate need. I tried for my siblings.
And Audrey had just done that for me.
I added it to my mental list of all the reasons I needed to thank her. Maybe a nice dinner would work? It could be a date, but that meant I had to find time. As I grabbed Penny and cradled her to my chest, I made the plan.
Maybe my dad could stay the hell home and be a father. That meant—I’d have a whole night to myself. A whole night with Audrey.
Excitement buzzed through me. I usually only felt that zapping sensation before a game, right as the puck dropped onto the ice. Yeah. I’d take her somewhere nice to eat. Maybe get dessert after.
It’d totally be a date. But if she didn’t want to call it that, then it could just be dinner? Fuck. I hadn’t thought about this shit in years. I hummed Pen’s favorite nursery rhyme until she settled down and tucked her back in bed. In these moments, with my sister drooling and feeling so safe with me, I knew I’d made the right choice to be here this year. It was hard as fuck, but I’d remember these moments the rest of my life.
I grew up with mom and dad as their best selves. My siblings wouldn’t. So, it was only right that I could help provide them with what I had while I was still here. Damn, the thought about leaving next year for Minnesota felt like a knife in the chest. Of course I had to go. This wasn’t up for debate. My dad needed the financial help for my mom, and I’d do anything to ease her comfort. But leaving my siblings? Would my dad take care of them? I wasn’t sure, and it killed me.
My phone buzzed with a message from an unknown number, and I checked it.
Unknown: The whole team is hanging minus you. Tell me again how they’re gonna choose you over me? Fuck that, Sanders. You’re over.
Ah. Lovely. Quentin. The thorn in my side who continued to ruin every pleasant moment. Of course I’d been invited to the hangout tonight. I was actually fun and cool.
But my responsibilities held me back, not that Quentin understood what that meant. I stood at the base of the stairs, not quite entering the living room and instead watching. Em and Daniel had pulled out all the stops for Audrey. Em made her our mom’s old stove popcorn recipe. Daniel showed her how our Apple TV worked, which, come on. She already knew that.
Audrey gave nothing away. She thanked them and had the best poker face of surprise when they went through ten options for movies. Em sat right by her, Daniel on the other side as they put on Toy Story 4. It was a family fav and would make us all cry. Cool.
Just what I wanted. To cry in front of the girl I had very deep and complicated feelings for. Neat. As my brother rested his head on Audrey’s arm, Quentin’s text left my mind.
This mattered more.
“You two trying to embarrass me in front of a girl?” I said, jumping over the back of the couch so I was in between Em and Audrey. “You know I cry in this one!”
“We didn’t do it on purpose, Theo!” Daniel yelled as I tickled his side. That meant putting my arm around Audrey, and yeah, I liked it.
“Yes, you did, you rascal!” I leaned closer onto Audrey to tickle him more, making him howl with laughter. Audrey giggled before intervening.
“Boys, boys, settle down. I’m not a part of this war.”
“You are now.” I put my other arm around her waist, holding her against me as I messed with my brother. It was honestly fucking perfect. This moment. It hit me hard, like a check to the chest. I wanted more of this.
“I’m a sneaky tickler though. I always win,” she challenged. Without warning, she pinched my side, and I yelped, a high-pitched sound that rivaled a chihuahua.
“Oh my God, Theo, that was embarrassing.” Em chose to look up from her phone then. Of course.
Audrey snorted and leaned onto me, her deep laughter vibrating against my chest, and the urge to kiss her overwhelmed me. How could this girl think no one would choose her? She was incredible.
“Enough, enough you animals. Daniel needs sleep so we gotta start the movie.” It was already eight, so we were pushing it, but I wasn’t the parent. My dad could leave his work and come home to do something any time he wanted.
Daniel was happy and Em was here, so yeah, this was a fucking win. The movie started, and Daniel settled down. Audrey snuggled next to me, and I about gasped when she rested her head on my shoulder.
I cuddled against her, breathing in her shampoo, and tried not to overthink anything. She wore my clothes, was at my house, and had the softest lips ever. Once the movie was over, I’d ask her out properly.
Only thing—we all fell asleep on the couch.