Chapter 25
Audrey
Quentin was trying.
It had been a few weeks since the home opener where we hugged, and he promised to be a better brother. A real friend to me. I wanted to trust him because I missed my brother. But time would tell the truth.
Today was the day we were meeting up at a diner to hang. He wanted to hear about my clinicals with Theo and my plans for next year. And he offered to pay and insisted I’d never pay for another one of our meals. My stomach still squirmed with anticipation, but us talking again was worth giving it a try. Em really hit me in my feels talking about how she felt about her brother. Her older brother. I never gave much thought to sibling dynamics, but hearing her, a wonderful upbeat innocent girl who went through a lot, talk about the hurt she’d feel if she and Theo fought, it woke me up.
Quentin wasn’t innocent in this, but he didn’t have to be guilty forever. I played with my straw wrapper when the door to the diner chimed. Not Quentin.
Theo: Let me know if you need me, okay? You got this, Auds.
Audrey: I can do this.
Theo: Call me after. I don’t have to be at the rink for another few hours.
They had another home game tonight, and Theo’s dad was joining. It felt big. Massive, even. They hadn’t really spoken since that night at his house, and just like I was opening up with my brother, Theo was doing the same with his dad.
People were complicated. People weren’t all good, nor all bad, but talking out feelings fucking sucked. No one wanted to do it, and the cycle of resentment grew. Some things were able to be repaired. Not everything.
Like the texts from my mom I never answered.
Mom: send me money or I’ll starve
Mom: you think Dad would be proud of you? You were so selfish, Audrey
Mom: please, I’ll miss my bills
Mom: honey, I was hungry. I’m okay now, please help me?
Mom: DID YOU TURN QUENTIN AGAINST ME? HOW DARE YOU?
Mom: I’m calling your brOTHER.
The last one was sent yesterday. It hurt, but I blocked her. She had Quentin’s number and my email and address. If she wanted to make an effort, she could.
The remaining guilt stabbed me, picturing what my dad would say if he saw us now. He’d want me to try, but I had been. I could only take so much before I had to let her go.
Theo’s struggles reminded me that it wasn’t our job to emotionally babysit our parents. We could help, be supportive, but the relationship had to be reciprocal and genuine. Maybe I’d be ready to talk to my mom again, but I could decide that later. For now? I was better off without her.
My brother and I? Theo and his dad?
They were repairable if both parties were honest and willing. And they were.
I planned to meet his dad after the game, and the three of us would grab a drink somewhere. Em volunteered to watch her siblings so the two of them could make up. Again, I adored Em. She was so mature for her age.
The same bell chimed, and my brother walked in. He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it before giving me a small smile. He held a green bag in one hand. His jaw flexed, and he waved, kinda awkwardly.
It was endearing.
“Hi, Auds.” He slid into the booth across from me. “How are you? You look great. Happy!”
I rolled my eyes at his overeagerness. “Thanks, but no need to come on that strong.”
He winced. “I’m-I didn’t mean to. I brought you something.”
“What? You didn’t have to do that.” Surprise colored my tone. He wasn’t a gift giver, at all. “I’m happy to see you.”
“I bought you books and coffee. I realize now you probably don’t have a grinder in your dorm. I can buy you one though, to make freshly ground coffee.” He ran a hand over his neck and glanced out the window. “I’ve been talking to Theo.” He paused, stared at me, and cleared his throat.
My stomach swooped. They’d talked about me? Did my brother know? Did I want him to? Theo and I hadn’t talked about this.
“I know you two are friends and have clinicals together. Anyway.” He waved his hand in the air. “I realized that I’ve been a shit brother for a while. I took advantage of your kindness and heart, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You held us together and shielded me from so much pain, I know that. I hate knowing I hurt you.”
I blinked, completely unsure how to feel about his confession. The knots in my gut untwisted as he said the words I’d dreamed of hearing. He seemed different. He didn’t carry the same egotistical aura I was accustomed to. There was no smug gleam in his eyes or bounce to his step. “Thanks for saying that.”
“I didn’t see it, and I think… this injury and our fight, it really taught me a lot. I’m nothing without hockey, and that’s fucked. I lashed out at people who care about my well-being and you.”
“What about your girlfriend or whatever?” I managed to ask without disdain. I was hiding Theo from him, so him keeping her secret wasn’t that scandalous. It hurt less knowing he might have reasons for the secrecy.
He closed his eyes. “We’re not really together. Mom… she sometimes comes to visit and always expects me to be dating. I don’t know why. It’s weird, but Kelly always pretends to be my date. I like her, but we’ve just been pals.”
The mention of our mom hurt. It was foolish to think Quentin would cut her off just cause I did, but hearing him say it so casually caused pain in my chest. “Mom comes to visit you? When? How often?”
He swallowed, and his attention flicked away from me.
“Quentin, we agreed to be honest if we’re going to try being friends instead of siblings.” I took a sip of my iced tea. “Answer me, please.”
He nodded, and a dark, sad look crossed his face. “I’ve seen her probably four times a year. At first, I asked if we should invite you, but she always said you were too busy and to leave you alone. I believed her.”
I chewed my lip. I’d never had my mom visit for anything the last four years. It was always, always about money. I’d ask her to come see us on campus, and she’d ask me to pay for her trip or if I could go see her instead. Every conversation made me feel insignificant. It hurt, so badly, because I remembered who she used to be, but grief changed people. I sniffed, a prickle forming in my eyes. “So you two have a good relationship.”
“I’m so fucking sorry, Auds. I don’t know why she did this. She’s made comments about not wanting to bother you, but she’s also said she’s ashamed that you’re a better parent. I think with what happened to dad, she took on the role of a sister and you the parent. She’s embarrassed.”
“And using me for money every week, even though I’m in school? Making me feel like shit? Telling me I had to pay for her if I wanted to see her? Demanding I send her checks to pay for bills or Dad would hate me?” Damn. I didn’t want to cry, but here I was, tears and all. I dabbed them with a napkin, and I thought about running. I could avoid this and run to Theo, who would hold me.
But I had to do this. I owed it to my brother. We’d hash this out and then, only then, I’d decide if it was worth it to work on our relationship.
“Don’t cry, I hate this. I didn’t know about the money. I had no idea. That is fucking horrible. I just… liked being her favorite, okay? You were Dad’s. And then you held it all together and were so good during everything. I was jealous, and knowing Mom liked me more, even for stupid reasons, felt good. I regret it?—”
“Held it all together?” I whispered. “Quentin, I’ve been a fucking mess. I don’t have friends. I study all the time and work my ass off to earn every penny to support you and Mom. If I don’t, then we don’t have food. This is?—”
“I fucking know.” Quentin squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to fix this, but I want to. I’ll do whatever you want. Please. I’ll cut Mom out. I won’t see her. I refuse to take a penny from you now, forever.”
Hearing him say those words was enough for me. The last knot in my chest loosened, and I found myself smiling. I could feel my dad’s approval as I said, “No, that’s not what I’m asking, Q. Mom needs you. She loves you. Don’t cut her off. She might lose her will to live.”
“But she’s been so horrible to you.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, but not to you.”
I rubbed my temples and noted my brother’s misery. He really seemed sad, sadder than I had seen before. “Why do you even want to fix this? Seriously.”
“Why?” He tilted his head.
“Yes.” I thought of Em and all the things she said about Theo. My younger brother, who I supported, told me he was jealous. “Why do you even want to be friends?”
“Audrey.” He laughed. “You’re funny as hell, wicked smart, and creative. I remember all the games you’d invent when dad was dying or how you’d make recipes from nothing or how you found out Mom and Dad couldn’t make it to my final home game, and you did everything to make sure my senior night was special. You’ve always been there for me. And now it’s my turn to be there for you.”
My stomach twisted with hope, and more tears fell. “That was nice.”
“I love you, you buffoon.” He kicked my knee under the table. “I’m sorry I was an ass. I’ve been learning from the guys on the team I was pretty unbearable. Them and you calling me out, it kinda woke me up.”
Nodding, I took another drink just to have something to do with my hands. They trembled. “So you’re gonna be less annoying now?”
“Eh, don’t go that far.” He handed me the bag. “This is a ‘forgive me’ gift but really because I know you love reading. You used to read fantasy before life got crazy, so I looked up the hottest ones right now with good reviews.”
Oh. “That’s thoughtful.” I pulled out each book and smiled. “I’ve been wanting this author, thank you.”
“And I think you should call out mom like you did with me. It’ll be hard, but?—”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I will. I love her, and yeah, she’s struggling, but she’s not someone I want a relationship with anymore. Maybe she’ll change one day, but it’s not worth it right now.”
“She always asks about you.” He frowned. “Fuck, enough about her, tell me about your clinicals. What’s the weirdest part?”
We talked. We talked for over an hour where he asked me more questions than I to him. First time ever. I learned about Theo mentoring him. That I had no idea. I also learned he respected Theo. The dude he swore revenge on and to hate forever. It was fascinating, but I understood it. Theo was a loveable, wonderful guy who won over his worst enemy.
Quentin had to leave for the game but left me more than enough money to cover the check. As I paid, someone familiar caught my eye. Theo’s father.
My breath caught in my throat at the scene in front of me. He sat with another woman. Their heads were close together, and oh no. Theo literally told me yesterday how happy he was that his dad was a changed man.
And now he was here with another woman. Unacceptable. No. Anger gripped me, but Quentin popped the door open with a grin. “Come on, I’ll drive you back, sis.”
I didn’t want to bring Theo’s family drama to my brother, now that we’d just mended our conflict. I trusted him but not with Theo’s secrets. I bit my tongue, my hands clenching into a fist at my sides as I stared at his dad. He never looked up from the woman, his gaze entirely on her, and I wanted to chuck a glass at him.
He lied. He fucking promised Theo that he wouldn’t step out again.
I can’t tell Theo.
That was clear. It would kill him. So as Quentin drove me back to campus, since Theo dropped me off, I vowed to keep it quiet. I’d confront Theo’s dad at the game tonight to knock it off. That way, Theo would never find out.
I just had to keep it together enough for Theo to not find out.
Meetme outside the side door. I need to see your face.
Those were Theo’s words in a text, an hour before the game. Butterflies exploded in my stomach at the urgency of the message. I’d never had the whole boyfriend experience, so flutters and swarms of nerves danced down my body as I stood outside the hockey rink side door.
He’d never sent anything like this, so a part of me wondered if he’d learned about his dad and wanted to talk. Or maybe something happened with his mom? I wasn’t sure, but as the door creaked open, I held my breath.
“Hi, baby,” he said, smiling. He wore his hockey uniform minus the skates. His hair was messy, like he’d run his hand through it a hundred times, but his eyes made me melt.
They were soft and warm. “Hi,” I replied, unable to stop a smile myself. A part of me hated knowing I kept a secret from him, but what kind of person would I be to upset him? Right before a game?
“I missed you today, and Reiner said we had ten minutes before pre-game shit started. Figured I’d shoot my shot. How are you? God, I love your face.” He cupped my collarbone, then neck and face, his gaze caressing me as his smile grew. “And you in this jersey? A dream.”
I blushed and focused on the dent in the door. “I’m good, ready to see you play.”
“My dad is meeting you right? You gonna sit together? He texted me he might be late because he was caught up at work.”
At the mention of his dad, my body turned to ice. A rock. Frozen. My throat seized, and it took all my effort to remain neutral. Clearing my throat, I nodded and avoided his gaze. “We might, yeah.”
“Whoa, what’s wrong?” Theo frowned and grabbed my hands. “You’re tense.”
“No, I’m fine.” I forced a smile as my heart raced. I wanted to confront his dad first, not tell Theo. The anger slithered like an angry snake, weaving its way through my chest. How dare his dad do this again?
Theo’s frown deepened. “Fine isn’t the most reassuring word. I can read you like my favorite book. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”
I shook my head before I could get any words out. “Nothing. I’m good. Ready to see you play.”
Theo studied my face as his jaw tightened. “You promise? You’d tell me if something was wrong? It’s not your mom or brother?”
I shook my head. “Not them, I swear.” This was where I had to make the right call. He knew something was off, somehow, because he paid so much attention to me, and my poker face was trash. I had to distract because he had a game in an hour. I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He melted against me as I kissed his jaw. “I promise. Now, I need my boyfriend ready to kick ass on the ice.”
He let out a small laugh and kissed below my ear. His blue eyes warmed as he pushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “Love knowing you’re here, Auds. Love it a fucking lot.”
“Play hard, be safe.” I kissed his mouth, ignoring the race of my heart at his use of the term love. I loved him with everything I had, and that meant making sacrifices sometimes.
“See you later, baby.” He kissed me one more time before winking and heading back into the rink. I exhaled and rubbed my temples for a minute, hoping that’d ease the tension.
Maybe I’d tell him after the game. Yeah, I didn’t want to keep anything from him this big, but at the same time, if I could speak to his dad, I could get him to stop. All I knew was I refused to let Theo get hurt, and I’d do anything to prevent it.
Two hours later, I sat in the seats Theo gave us, and his dad wasn’t there. I stood with an empty seat next to me, and Theo was having a rough game. First period flew by without a single goal. There had only been a few shots attempted, and they weren’t pretty. Hannigan, our goalie, blocked a ton, but it was already 0 and 3.
The opposition had possession most of the time, and their defense was strong. Better than ours. Theo was off. I could tell. He was playing with less attitude and slower. He didn’t have his usual swagger, and I hoped with all my being it had nothing to do with our chat.
My chest ached with worry. Where was his damn father? He told Theo and me he’d be there to hang with me and see Theo play, yet as the second period finished, his seat was very empty. Fuck, the nerves and anxiety around this were paralyzing.
I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination, but I swore Theo knew I sat here and hadn’t once looked my way. I’d be hard to miss. It was front row.
At the start of the third period, it was 1-4. The other team kept slamming into Theo, roughing him up. The crowd roared at him, rallying behind him since he’d become a crowd favorite. It was so easy to root for him with his easy smiles and obvious teamwork. He received the loudest cheers the last month, scoring twice most games. He made the other guys look good while he played too. But tonight, he was off. Still.
“Let’s go, Sanders! Score!”
“Come on, Theo!”
He was checked into the wall, his face a few feet from mine, and I held my breath until he pushed off and skated past the opponent. Phew. This game was rough, and while Theo was large and fast, he could still get hurt.
He passed to Liam and shot the puck right into the net.
The sirens blared. We were only down two now. Their coach yelled orders at them, and Theo nodded. The other team had minor penalties back-to-back, and the Wolves operated a power play with ease.
Liam to Peter, Peter to Theo, Theo to Blaze, back to Theo, then Peter and goal! I jumped up and down, screaming with the crowd next to me. It hit me how much I loved watching the game. I’d avoided it with Quentin, but with him and I working on us and Theo? I needed to watch more. It was fun.
The third period flew by. The Wolves were still down one with the last few minutes. The Wolves had been undefeated at home, but with the final seconds, Theo blitzed down the ice, his stick work unparalleled. He pulled back, shot the puck, and?—
He missed. The game ended with a loud blast, and the Wolves lost.
The hushed silence of the crowd was so loud. A collective sigh overtook the rink as the guys left the ice. Theo hung his head as he disappeared into the locker room, and my stomach hurt for him.
He took every game seriously, and every win mattered. But the guys were human, and shit happened. I’d reassure him everything would be fine.
My nerves twistedas I made my way toward the family area. I’d avoided thinking about his dad most of the game, but now that I saw him standing against the wall, the rush of anger returned full force. He’d ditched me at the game for work and made me lie to Theo. He smiled when he saw me approaching.
How dare he look happy when he was cheating on Theo’s mom again? Confrontation was so hard for me. My body rebelled against it, but I’d do this for Theo.
“Audrey, hi.” He waved and offered a small smile as I approached him. “Sorry I didn’t make my way to your seats. I got here late and hung out in the standing room area with a buddy from work.”
I nodded, words escaping me. How did I bring this up? What was the right protocol here? Theo hated liars. He made that clear, and keeping something from him felt like being choked. “You?—”
“Next time, we should sit together, Audrey. I want to get to know my son’s girlfriend. Is that… would you like to for next home game?” he asked, his expression tight, like he was nervous.
I nodded again, annoyed that I felt bad for him. No. He was lying. He could’ve sat with me today but chose not to. “Listen, Mr. Sanders.”
Commotion started behind me, and I knew the players were exiting now. I had seconds. Theo never came out first, so I rushed. “You need to stop the affair. You promised Theo you wouldn’t do that again. Yet you lied. After everything you did, your lies will crush him, Mr. Sanders. You need to end it now. He’s been so happy. He deserves better,” I said, my teeth gritted as my eyes watered.
My stomach twisted in knots, and I wanted to throw up, but I’d do this for Theo. He needed someone looking out for him, and I volunteered.
“Audrey.” He frowned, his face paling. “I did. I-I stopped.” He glanced around, his face red.
“No. I saw you with a someone.” My throat felt like I swallowed an entire pillow. There was no saliva in my mouth, and I could barely get my words out. “You were huddled with some woman at the diner today. You held her hand. You told Theo you were caught up at work!” I whispered. “You weren’t. You were caught up with her.”
He blinked and held up his hands, shaking his head hard. “What? No, that… please, don’t?—.”
“I won’t tell him, if that’s what you’re worried about. I won’t do that to him. Not your selfless, incredible son.” I sniffed as angry tears welled up. “You can’t do that to your wife or your son. Please. Stop the affair.”
“It’s not what you think—” He shook his head furiously. “No, Theo, it’s not true! Audrey’s misunderstanding, I promise. She doesn’t know.”
“What?” It took my brain a second to realize he wasn’t speaking to me. Instead, his gaze was over my shoulder. Theo. No, I didn’t want him finding out about this. A spike of panic clawed at my throat. It would kill him. I spun around, but Theo wasn’t glaring at his dad. He stared at me with accusation all over his face.
My stomach heaved. Why would Theo be mad at me? I blinked, tears prickling at the angry gaze aimed at me. “Wh-what—what’s wrong?”
“You weren’t going to tell me?” He pressed his lips together as his jaw ticked. “That’s what you just said. You had no plans to tell me my dad was cheating again? That’s what you lied about earlier.”
“I’m not cheating, Theo! I swear. She saw me with another woman today?—”
“So when I asked you what was wrong before the game, that’s why you were acting weird? Because you knew this and didn’t want to tell me?”
There was an icy coating to his words, and they felt like little icicles stabbing my chest. I’d never heard this directed at me before, and my knees shook. “I-I wanted?—”
“No.” He shook his head, his nostrils flaring. “You kept it from me. I asked you if something was wrong, and you lied. The one thing… so what? You were hoping to confront my dear old dad and keep it from me?”
I nodded as the ground swallowed me up. “I didn’t want to upset you before?—”
“There’s nothing to be upset about,” his dad butted in. “She misunderstood. The woman she saw me with wasn’t?—”
“So she did see you with someone?” Theo arched a brow. “Unbelievable. I have a shit game and then this… I need some space. I just… gotta go.”
He marched by us without another word and disappeared through the exit. My chest ached as a horrible pang took hold. A part of me knew we wouldn’t last, that this had an end date. We didn’t make sense on paper, but my god, it hurt. The look on his face. The coldness to his words.
I was gonna lose it.
My chest heaved as a warm hand landed on my shoulder. Theo’s dad.
“Audrey.”
I flinched and jerked away from him. I didn’t want him to yell at me too. “I’m s-sorry. I was trying to protect Theo because I love him, and he doesn’t need any more pain. But I lied to him after he asked me not to.” Fuck. My jaw trembled, and tears fell now.
“I know. I understand why you did what you did. Theo will too. Just give him some time. It’s important for you to know that the woman was my new therapist.”
“Therapist?”
He nodded as a sad look crossed his face. “She specializes in helping partners whose spouses go through life-changing injury. Today was our first meeting face-to-face. It wasn’t an affair. I stopped that night I told Theo.”
“You’re seeing a therapist?” My stomach bottomed out. “Oh god. I was wrong. I’m so sorry. I messed this up. All of it.”
“Hey, it’s alright.” He patted my shoulder again. “I’m glad Theo has someone looking out for him.”
I had to get out of here. I assumed my plans with Theo were done. “I should go, yeah. Bye.”
“Auds,” a familiar voice said my name. “I’ll walk you home.”
My brother joined me as I left the stadium, and I didn’t have the energy to worry over what he saw or heard. I was just glad to not be alone. We walked in silence back to my dorm, and once I was inside, alone, I broke down.
I’d remember my time with Theo in the future and smile, but right now? It felt like dying. Each breath hurt as I crawled into bed and cried.